Welcome to
the NOCD Community

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe2gL8Gu/ Why do I feel like i'm attracred to her??? She isnt even masculine

I have no official diagnosis for OCD but I have recently expected I have it. My whole life I’ve had people tell me I have OCD but I thought they were joking or making fun of me and I’m not a person to self diagnose but then I realized how obsessive I am over my thoughts and started researching. I do constantly ask myself pretty much everyday why I am the way I am, I constantly think I’m hurting someone emotionally then I have to check for reassurance, I beat myself down consistently. I’m always worried I’m going to hurt myself therefore hurting the people who love me. I obsess over the way my body looks and managed to get to the point I only eat once a day. I have never admitted this but I have violent sexual thoughts but they’re directed towards me not other people, these thoughts are completely against what I believe are my morals. I do have a need for organization and functionality within that organization, if someone touches the way I’ve organized those things it gives me high anxiety and I either have to fix it right then or I end up avoiding it altogether until I can find time to fix it cause I know I’ll take hours. If I write notes and I make one mistake, I have to rewrite the whole thing.. this caused a lot of overdue homework in high school and would take up hours of my time. Ive been married for a year but started dating 7 years ago but for some reason I still have thoughts if we’re the right match or not, etc. I relive conversations in my head daily, about 4 months ago I was in a car accident cause I ran a stop sign and t-boned somebody, I was dazed out because I was reliving an argument with my mother in my head and once I realized I crashed I instantly thought I killed the other person, my husband had to reassure me multiple times that the other driver was okay. I’ve read up on rumination and that seems to be a big check mark for me… I could go on but based off the examples I provided do you guys believe I possibly have OCD and should seek treatment for it? I don’t want to offend anyone because I understand this is a very hard disorder to live with and there’s obviously different severity levels but I’ve wondered since I was child “what’s wrong with me” and I want to know if I’m finally figuring it out?

Not sure if I should be doing this cause at this point idk what’s real and what’s not. But I keep asking myself the same questions and imagining the same scenarios as a regular person who’s questioning their sexuality would, and it’s starting to feel like I really am lesbian :( I’ve asked myself “could I go my whole life without being w a woman (romantic or sexual)” or “if there were no men left and I was surrounded by women for the rest of my life would I be content” I either can’t confidently answer the question or it feels like I’m just leaning towards women :( the scenarios I play in my head now feel like I want them. not sure if it’s just because I’ve been thinking about it sooo much that my mind is everywhere, but I feel nothing for men anymore .. I don’t know who I am anymore. Before the ocd I was perfectly happy with my bf. Sexual and everything, everything was great. I hadn’t even thought of being with a woman :( I don’t understand and the thought of leaving my bf makes me want to cry. But now it feels like I’m going ti be forced to be with a girl, or if I stay with my bf and recover then I’ll actually realize I am lesbian.

I have to put my cat down soon, I can't even really put into words what this cat means to me. I adopted him just under 2 years ago and in that time weve had a ton of fun together. My girlfriend and I treated him as a son and he absolutely adored attention. He would follow me into the shower and just vibrate because he was purring so much. He sleeps in between us every night and every morning he headbutts me awake so ill feed him. He's always hungry all the time and will begin meowing like crazy if he hears the rustling of a bag or the tap of a can. He waits for me by the door when I get home and meows at me when I'm about to leave. Everyone that's met him tells me he's quite abnormal for a cat he's overly trusting allows belly pets and will hop into your lap immediately. He meows directly at strangers and rubs on them and prefers the company of people to other animals. He's highly unique I'm told and that's what makes this all the more painful. I'm no longer going to wake up to his beautiful green eyes or his headbutts but instead an empty space in my bed. I've always hated cats since I was young I thought they were inherently mean. Owning one has shown me how wrong I was and how much I wish I met my cat sooner in life and how much more fun we could of had. I love you with all my heart BB and I'm dreading the inevitability of having to say goodbye to my family. Thank you for loving me and guiding me through the darkness of my mental illness and making me feel loved even when I hated myself.

Hi guys, i struggle with ROCD and i’ve been in a relationship for the past 3 and half years with my bf. Me and my bf had an incident about 2 years ago? where he was watching some *videos*, it wasn’t p*rn, it was just like tik tok videos, and he was open about it, and told me some stuff about his past relationships and how it was normalized, he hasn’t done anything like that since we talked about it, but yesterday i seen that he had looked at this girls page, it was just work out videos, and i asked him about it and he said yes that he did click but immediately clicked off and wasn’t looking for arousal, or anything of that sort, we talked, and he expressed about how he was feeling and i told him how i felt, and we worked on it. But our relationship is perfect and he never makes me doubt his love for me, he’s always so sweet, compassionate and caring, and our relationship is healthy, other than the occasional picture he looks at, but my ROCD is gone nuts. I know guys are gonna look, women do as well, we’re human, but like my ROCD is freaking out

Does the feeling of love comes back in? Does clarity and “certainty ( the certainty we all actually want during the rough days of suffering) ” comes eventually? Does it. ?

Surprisingly I went to sleep mostly well even after my slips from last night. Last night made me realize that I'm not ready for a relationship yet even though I like someone. I like this person, yet sexual content is still a problem for me. I caught myself slipping from time to time and I was about 170 days away from it all. My mental health was pretty bad. The worst that it was in a while because of so much stress and worrying. That was the only thing NOT making my feel like that and actually made my mind feel different. But I don't want to keep this up. It feels like such a huge burden on my body. I woke up today feeling rested but I instantly remembered what I had did last night. I've been struggling with this for years and I would prefer not to keep it up even if urges and temptations keep saying otherwise. I feel like a bad person for doing this because it feels wrong to still have this problem while I have a crush on someone. I don't know if it's OCD or not but it feels like I'm already not being faithful to this person even though we don't really know each other and we aren't exclusive. My body keeps shivering because of all this due to the fact that it's cold and that this came up.

Hi there, I am looking to get some support and advice, I recently started to suffer from SO-OCD due to tiktok. My feed started to have videos " if you did this or thought this you are gay" or videos of girls coming out later in life. I have never questioned my sexuality and have always been with men, I find it triggering as some of the things mentioned in the videos, I agree with but never thought it could mean I was gay. It had made me question everything and made me try to look back on the past to see if there were any evidence of this. I am nowhere near homophobic, but this is not the life I want for myself, so why is my mind so fixate on these thoughts if this is not who I identify nor want. I also struggle with ROCD Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated! xx

Why am I noticing alot more handsome men? Is it my insecurities? I've noticed I have no desire to have sex and I've asked my girlfriend what she thinks and she said it's normal because she finds her friends pretty and beautiful but even then finding another man handsome is extremely uncomfortable and makes me feel bisexual. it's causing me alot of anxiety and discomfort right now ):

How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person

For the past 3 months, I’ve been dealing with a sort of forced exposure in my life that has involved two of my themes (relationship and moral scrupulosity) in a very real way. A mixture of real relationship struggles, world events and conflicts have forced me to really address the top of my fear hierarchy, ready or not. I’m not gonna lie. It has SUCKED and there have been MANY days when I could not function normally. I had lots of insomnia, trouble eating, not being able to be productive or feel enjoyment. My mind felt so dark and scary. It felt like hell, mentally and physically. But I’m slowly getting better at accepting uncertainty. (There’s a lot of it in my life right now!) I went on Luvox after being off of meds for a year and at the moment it seems to be helping! My intrusive thoughts are still there just…less intrusive. The problems triggering my anxiety aren’t gone. Things might resolve. They might get worse. My relationship could progress positively. It could end badly. These are all real possibilities and I would obviously be deeply upset by a negative outcome. But right now I’m choosing to just 🤷🏻‍♀️ and live in the moment. That’s a big deal for me because my whole life I’ve been so bad at that. I’m focusing on developing good habits and self-care. One of the best tools my therapist taught me was “Do I really need to know this to _____?” Do I need to know how this conflict is going to turn out in order to wake up, go to work, play my music or hang out with my friends? Nope! I’m just taking it moment by moment and task by task. The thoughts are still there and they still suck, but they sting less. I’ve been taking baby steps that might seem insignificant to some ERP pros, but I think it’s working! I could totally feel panicked tomorrow and start ruminating again. But right now I’m OK, and I’m OK with right now. This super long message is to say that even after what feels like hell, there can be hope and you CAN improve. Your baby steps—even just increased awareness—make a difference. It’s not gonna be linear but there will be moments of respite! Just keep going even if you feel like you can’t! Every tiny step is a huge victory and really makes a difference❤️✨

I have had bits of OCD and anxiety as long as I can remember but never in this way. I am in a 3+ year relationship with my now fiance. About 8-9 months ago I started heavily doubting our relationship.. doubting his love for and intentions with me and that we'd inevitably split up. That turned into me questioning my love for him. Questioning if my amount of sexual desire was "normal", if it's "normal" to find other men attractive if youre with the "right" one and that would go in and on. Then came the SO-OCD. These worries, fears, and doubts made me questioning EVER bit of my sexuality and that being the reason why I've felt a lack of contentment in my very healthy, stable, consistent relationship. I feel as though this is my body going full on protector mode!! I've had my share of trauma growing up and in adult relationships that have left me with tons of relational wounds and then pile on a lifetime of fantasizing about what it would be like to find "the one" (thanks Hollywood and social media lol). All of this to wonder if anyone can relate to all of this and how you've been working through layered traumas and OCD

I have a exam in 9 days or so and for the last month I haven't been able to focus on revising for it cause my real memmory ocd keeps making me go over a incident that happened when I was 12 or 13 between me and my sister I keep shutting my family out and avoiding my sister like the plague cause I feel terrible I've always seen her as my own daughter because of our 11 year age gap and I just feel terrible.

Finally OCD free after struggling with HOCD for a little while. Just posting this to show that freedom is possible if you keep doing ERP.

Note: Im typing this at 8am and have gotten no sleep so I apologize for all the spelling errors and grammar mistakes. A little over 3 years ago I started work at this new job and while working there I met a guy who was kind of goofy, really cute and funny and played all kinds of instruments. He was just my type. I often gave him rides home from work and during those rides we’d exchange banter over random things. I really liked him and he really liked me. He even offered me piano lessons but for some reason I declined. After a couple weeks my job offered me a position at a different location for a huge pay raise and I decided to take it. I have no idea why but I never thought to get his phone number or instagram or anything like that before I left(maybe I wanted him to make the first move?). He has since left that store and I have no way of reaching out to him. I can’t help but shake the feeling that he’s the one who got away. After about one year in my new position I started daydreaming about me and him. what I had (possibly) missed out on. Sometimes I would even confide in him as an imaginary friend. I’d even think about him laying by my side as I’d go to sleep. I’m aware of how pathetic this sounds now but for some reason I thought nothing of it back then. At first I would only think of him once a month but over time as my depression and anxiety got worse it became more and more. Ive now become deeply concerned with how often I think about him which I think has only made my obsession with him worse. Obviously the problem is my loneliness but I have no idea how to fix that. I have zero social skills and any bonds I do start building I put no effort into keeping them going(as exampled by me not getting this man’s personal information before I left the store) It stresses me out how often I think about him and I have no idea what to do. I just want to stop thinking about him. I’ve also become concerned with what I would do if I actually ran into him again. Would I go ballistic and lose my mind? Would I hurt him? Would I keep it cool? Would my obsessiveness cause me to do something stupid or dangerous? Does anybody have any experience with this type of feeling?

I was practicing an instrument and I was annoyed by my mum because she gave me unwarranted advices about my playing, so after she noticed that I was a little bit upset she wanted to give me a hug to make up but I repeatedly said no because I wasn't in the mood; she tried to do it again so I did a little push to her arms but she weighs much less than me so it looked like I pushed her hard. Did I commit assault?

Has anyone else experienced a huge fear of being cheated on & then obsessing over if it is a gut feeling or that little voice in your head that comes along with OCD that just won’t shut up?? Something as simple as finding one of my in-laws shirts that has been used as a rag & covered in oil/ grease in my partners vehicle has sent me spiraling down a hole of “what if” it belongs to another girl, or a girl he’s slept with in the past? Did he cheat on me? Is he lying to me? Although I know the logical answer I still can’t stop asking for reassurance. He’s treated me well and there hasn’t been any indication of him even wanting to cheat. In return I just get mad at the reassurance because “what if” he is lying? I’m frustrated with myself and struggling. This is causing such a strain on my life and in my relationship. Any advice would help.

My partner, has been struggling with ocd for about 2 years. How do i help them and know what to say back to them? they are currently seeing a ocd therapist but they still find it hard not to tell me. i was told to not acknowledge them but it’s hard when it’s constant every day. they struggle with ROCD, intrusive thoughts, contamination, and number ocd. i want to help them but it’s hard as someone who dosent have these. Like for example they won’t wear clothes that have touched the door frame, door, wall etc or will tell me their intrusive thoughts and if i ignore they get upset and i just feel bad. i dont want to be a bad partner for not understanding but i am trying and i know it’s hard for them and everyone who struggles with any type of ocd.

My ocd was already kinda bad today, then I saw my bf and he started talking to me about us moving out (which I wanted at some point…I think 😞) and I’ve never been so anxious. I know I love him, I know he feels like home. But I feel so uncomfortable now and now idek if I truly want to have a future w him. Like I do. When I think about it, I do I know I do. But when I’m with him and the anxiety starts it really feels like I don’t 😭 and then after those feelings started I started having images of being w a girl instead and now i feel like I’m just fighting it and I’m in denial.

i had some control over my obsessions in 2023 but as new year came, everything just got more ruined. ive been obsessing over a guy 4 years ago and since then i feel like ive been living in 2020 only. ive a bf and its making me question my feelings. i also feel 2020 has become my comfort as im scared of future. i find it really hard to get out of 2020 and just being present at the moment. my partner was my comfort but now 2020 has become my comfort and its horrific.