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Any tips for guilt in ocd having the need to tell your partner or parents on something you did or saw because you think they will be upset about it but it’s not that big of a deal

I really need to know if this is ocd or a sign I should end my relationship so please let me know So my girlfriend has been struggling a lot over the last few months and specifically these last 3 weeks. And I think that’s what caused this because I kept getting slot of harm thoughts and just anxiety over how she was feeling. But basically over the last probably 2 or 3 weeks all day I feel so anxious over the thought of her but not her it’s more a fraction of who she is but mixed with so much anxiety and distortion. I’m constantly waiting for her reply back or constantly thinking about what she’s doing but not in a cute in love way in an obsession needing way. I feel so anxiously obsessed with everything about her. For example if she doesn’t tell me something she did that day but tells me later I get anxious wondering why she didn’t tell me. I feel like the genuine love I have for her is so distorted because all she is in my head right now is a source of anxiety. When I’m not with her it feels like my world is going to end. I love her so much but the relationship is getitng so hard it be in and I know both of us don’t have the energy to be in it in the way we should which she has admitted. Today we tried getting rid of the label of girlfriends and becoming casual and having an open relationship because I thought of the idea because the idea of that helped me a lot. And I felt good about this for about 30 minutes to an hour… until all the anxiety came bskc and I was frantically messaging her and waiting for a response. When I think of breaking up I feel violently sick and petrified, but I don’t know what to do because this isn’t healthy. Also when I think of out relationshuo even just a few weeks ago it feels like an eternity ago like that is an ul ternate reality for some reason, I can’t imagine feeling so happy and things and so calm and secure in her. I just want this bakc because I know it’s still there, I know if we haven’t lost any love and it truly is all pretty much the same deep down I think. I don’t want to just be told to break up, I want you guys to tell me how to get my obsession bakc at bay and for me to feel like I used to in the relationship because there is nothing truly wrong with the relationship or our love for one and other in itself. Thank you!!!!

Good afternoon, Background: I am a 34 year old male who has a wife and two kids, four and one. I have had anxiety since I was in elementary school. In the third grade, I would go to the nurse every school day because I thought I was sick. I also struggled with thoughts about burglars entering the house, my family getting hurt, etc. I got "passed this" (not really), but then I became obsessed with rituals when I played sports or was in high tense situations and felt tremendous anxiety when I didn't do them. I graduated high school and moved to college. While at college, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. What brought this on was I couldn't walk past a certain crack in the sidewalk without thinking an intrusive thought. This repeating helped take away the pain and sadness of the thought. After talking with the licensed school counselor, I started taking Sertraline and continued to deal with repeating. However, I was able to live my life and came to the understanding that repeating would just be part of it. At that time, I thought "I would much rather have anxious thoughts, repeat, and move on then try to face them." What Led Me Here: I had ups and downs regarding my mental health in adulthood, but I never really put much thought into it. COVID 19 happened and my son was born in 2020. I found an OCD therapist that helped me deal with intrusive thoughts about my newborn son. I would ruminate and think about whether my son would get hurt or die. I didn't feel bodily anxiety in this situation, because I would just repeat and the thought would go away. I worked with my therapist until the negative feelings went away. It seemed like everything was fine, until 2024. This past winter, I began to feel bodily sensations related to anxiety. I reached back out to my OCD therapist in January and started working with her again. At the end of February, I had an anxiety attack for the first time in my life. The feeling of anxiety I had never felt before lasted for a week and a half and it was extremely difficult. I was always proud of myself when I told people, "My OCD has never affected my ability to complete tasks or do important things." This wasn't the case anymore. I had to take a mental health day for the first time ever. I was able to get through that experience. Two weeks later, it came back. It lasted for about two weeks and my therapist helped me get passed those feelings. Instead of working with her every week, we moved to every other week. Fast forward to my current situation. I had not felt that bodily anxiety sensation for a while, but it came back when I got home from a five-day golf trip. Intrusive thoughts about not wanting to be a father or husband filled my body when I got home. The anxiety feeling returned and now I am here. **If you have read this far, thank you. I feel like it is important to know my story. These three encounters with anxiety and OCD has shown me that I have not been doing my part in getting myself better. I am always looking for short cuts and ways to barter with my anxiety and mental health. Now, I am attempting to not argue with my OCD and let intrusive thoughts in. My therapist and I are working on I-CBT (Inference Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and I wasn't following through with the plan my therapist and I came up with together. Why I Am Writing this Novel I am trying to be positive and believe my core values (wanting to be happy, be a dad, be a husband, etc.), but I no longer have repeating to fall back on. Now, it is just rumination, obsession, and assurance seeking - the battle within. These past couple days, I have struggled mightily with my happiness. It is constant negativity in my head: - "Why bother? You will never be happy" - "You are a horrible parent. You would rather watch TV then be with your kids." - "You are a horrible husband. You are putting your wife through all of this." - "OCD will always win and dictate the life you have." - "See! You are feeling anxiety, so all of your work is worthless." I know the answers to my obsessions. I know the tools I need to use. I am just very afraid that I will not get better. My son, daughter, and wife deserve a present family member. I simply cannot live life like this. It is not a life full of happiness. It is just a life of continuous worry. I mean, I am already feeling dread about my kids growing up and graduating and they are four and one! Again, thank you for reading this. I just want to be better.

I have a question. I feel like im convinced now that i do not need any treatment or visit a psychologist/therapist. I do have thoughts like : 1.) i just manipulated people around me into believing that i have HOCD and in reality I do not have it??? 2.) I even manipulated myself and made myself believe that i do have OCD, but in reality i do not. 3.) That i do not need any treatment, because RIGHT NOW i feel okay. That im not OCD enough. Not sick enough. Not anxious enough. Not feeling bad enough. Thoughts that therapist would be unnecessary for me. Or that therapist wouldnt even believe me that i have an issue. And sometimes it even makes me laugh when i think about it. Like why the fuck do I laugh? Ive been trough a hard times, so why this response?? My question is : Is this another OCD trick to not get any better? Or am I creating another reality for myself that this whole time this was just a whole big lie and i do not have OCD? Even though my diary is full of my repetitive thoughts. Again and again the same ones. So I HAVE LITERALLY AN EVIDENCE THAT THIS IS OCD CYCLE. Whats going on with me? Am I crazy?

I'm afraid that I'm just in denial. It seems to be the most reasonable and obvious answer. I tried to rationalise these previous triggering episodes, what happened july 5th. I'm afraid that I might have felt attraction. Did I even get triggered? I know I ruminated about it, but I might have ruminated because I'm in denial and I was trying to justifying myself. I'm practicing ERP but I feel guilty.

does anyone know if its normal to get to a point in ur spiral where ur not only 100% numb and disconnected feeling nothing but also reassurance isn't working anymore? it makes me think this isn't ocd anymore but it still makes me feel like shit so idk. constantly testing for attraction to my partner, testing to see if i miss him, questioning why i'm ok w not seeing him at times when usually i'd be jumping at the chance to see him every day, questioning if choosing to text him or say i love you or goodnight or anything is becoming a compulsion bcs i can't "feel the feeling of wanting to do it naturally". any of this normal??

My biggest trigger that started my soocd was how it took me time to get into the mood when having intimacy with a partner.. I feel like I always had really severe performance anxiety and if I wasn’t aroused quick enough I’d freak out. I believe soocd was maybe underlying but I’ve been like this since I started being sexual. I feel like I’m the only one that has worried about if they’re aroused or not and how quickly they are even before ocd. Can anyone relate ?

Votes just happened in the uk, and my boyfriend used vote and lent it to a very bad party, unfortunately that is against human rights, racist and all stuff like that. His intentions weren’t bad at all, he didn’t vote because he SUPPORTS the party, he voted because he was lending a vote/tactically voting and KNEW that the party he chose wouldn’t win and didn’t want them to. At no point as he “supported” the party, he just wanted to take votes away from the main 2 (conservative and labour) and vote for the next one down to show those 2 parties that seats weren’t safe and they need to improve if they won. My friend of 4 years has possibly decided to stop talking to me because of my partners decision. I tried to explain that they misunderstood my bf and he doesn’t support the party he voted, but they weren’t willing to listen and accused my partner of all sorts. It hurts so much. My boyfriend KNOWS the party he voted is bad and very much dislikes them, and after talking to him he realised he made a bad choice and there was a better, less problematic option that he wishes he had voted. He explained why he voted to some other people, who were open minded and willing to listen to his explanation. It just really hurts how my friend was closed minded and wasn’t willing to listen to how they misunderstood my boyfriend. My ocd is going crazy about if he’s a bad person, wether I made the right decision, when actually his values are similar to mine and my friends, but because as soon as my friend heard the name of the party my bf voted, they were rude and not willing to listen to anything. My friend mistakenly believed my partner voted for the party because those are his values when they aren’t and think he supports the party. He just wanted to take away a vote from the main 2 parties at the top. Am I right for stopping talking to the friend? I’m an open minded person who is willing to understand why people make certain decisions. My boyfriend has stated he regrets voting the party he did and he has realised how bad they really are. He dislikes people who vote the party and WANT them to win, he thinks they are bad people. In so upset about this and I’m feeling like a terrible person, my friend made me feel like I’m a bad person when it wasn’t even my view/vote and I can’t stop feeling guilty. Is my partner bad???

i rlly need some people to relate to and feel normal bcs i cant tell if this is my ocd or if ive just lost feelings for my bf. which i do not want at all. at first i realized i cant tell if texting him updates of my day and telling him about my life was becoming a compulsion bcs i felt myself losing the urge to do it which already made me feel guilty and bad. so i started texting less and then i basically gave into my ocd i think bcs now i text him less and we havent hung out in a while and i don't feel the feeling that i miss him even tho i want to and i don't feel anything lovey dovey over text like how i used to. i genuinely feel numb like nothing and completely disconnected and disassociated. and i hate this feeling idk if it means ive completely lost feelings bcs just last week i was doing great with him and we have been together for a while now. idk how this happens but it feels awful and im struggling to tell if its my ocd or not or if its even normal to feel this numb bcs even i cycle through disconnection a lot but i don't think it's ever gotten this bad. is it because i gave into my ocd or is it not my ocd at all? can someone give advice/relate

The fear: I’m not good enough The obsession: my pastors righteousness The compulsion: trying to prove his unrighteousness The story: my wife and I got kicked off the worship team because we were arguing a lot, it’s a lot better now but it’s still not where I’d like it… the pastor who kicked us off is guilty of adultery and in my state that’s even a felony. I’m feeling not good enough because I’m not righteous enough to serve but I haven’t committed adultery… there’s a major conflict here. To make matters worse, my wife picked sides with the pastor, even after I begged him to at least let her serve on the worship team as I self deprecated to prove that she is blameless and that I should be the only one to suffer this punishment. This all happened in January, now it’s July and I’m having a hard time still… Help! I just want these thoughts to go away and leave me alone… I can’t prove his unrighteousness, everyone knows about it and they like him more than me because I’m some sort of OCD freak to them, or maybe that’s just the OCD talking… help!

When I was 12 I made one of the biggest mistake in my entire life. Last night, my brain decided to replay that feeling over and over again to the point of starting to hate myself for it. Now I can't stop thinking that I need to be punished for it, I should never be forgiven and that I am a bad person. My partner should break up with me because I am a bad person and they don't know about it so I don't deserve to be loved at all. I know, however, that I made that mistake a long time ago, that I am a completely different person and that I am a good person now, and that's what matters. But I can't get myself to forgive my past self because if I forgive him, that means I'm a bad person for condoning what I did. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this? Thank you in advance

I just woke up out of nowhere with a terrible belly ache, accompanied with the overwhelming fear that I’m going to lose control and that there’s something more wrong with me aside from OCD. I’ve been doing very well the past week or 2, I haven’t felt anxious as much and typically if I’m not feeling very anxious I’m not having a lot of ocd flare ups. Yesterday however my boyfriend and I got into it over me not wanting to go on the boat for the 4th of July for 6 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy I went now. I stayed sober, we got home late but I felt okay in the morning and had a decent time but at the time I wanted nothing more than to just stay at home and snuggle with my dog. My reasonings for not wanting to go were 1. I didn’t wanna drink and be out late because 2. I had to work tomorrow. The last reason was kind of a fluke, I was hoping for the icing on the cake reason, but I didn’t wanna go with the crew we were going with. I have nothing against the people we went with but they’re quite a bit younger than us and I just didn’t wanna go overall so I was grabbing at straws. Long story short, my boyfriend told his brother the reason I didn’t wanna go was cause of the other people going. This sent me over the edge, I was already irritated about us arguing, and now I was worried about everyone thinking I’m a stuck up person that didn’t like any of them. I felt backed into a corner, like now I had to go, and I ran through so many emotions at once and ended up just bursting into tears. That alone had me worried I was gonna lose control because of how many emotions I had just run through and how overwhelmed I was. It’s not a normal occurrence for me to explode into emotions like that, however I know it wasn’t a normal situation for us to be in. I just started my monthly cycle today too which could explain being a little “over emotional.” Although, I know my boyfriend shouldn’t have said that as it put me in a bad spot and he apologized for that. I have therapy tomorrow thankfully and I’ll be able to talk to my therapist about this. I’d say that my biggest ick with OCD is the fear of losing control of my mental health. It fluctuates and I feel confident in my ability to handle my lows, I feel like I get better at dealing with them every time they come. I get so worried that I’m gonna snap into something scarier, something I can’t handle, but I don’t even know what that would be. I get so anxious about getting on medication because I don’t want SSRI’s, I don’t wanna be backed into a corner to take them. I take ketamine before bed for anxiety and ocd which has helped quite a bit with day to day life I believe. I guess this is the end of my rant, I just hate feeling like I’m gonna lose myself :(

im having a lot of trouble even realizing what's distressing me rn. i just started feeling a lot of anxiety and i worry that when my anxiety flares up i often cause arguments and put too mcuh dependency on my partner and that creates problems which has led us to be toxic before. and also my ocd has gotten rlly bad bcs i constantly question if ive lost feelings or not and i always feel so disconnected. this week its about the fact that idk if i want to text him updates abt my life or even text him i love u goodnight or anything which i want to have the desire to do but idk if i do. and then i do it anyway but i worry now that thats just a compulsion and nowit has me overthinking the desire between every single one of my texts and i noticed it made me text him less this week. and we have heen hanging out a little bit less and i was okay with it but now i'm worried why am i okay with that? why don't i feel like i miss him? why don't i want to say i love you and goodnight?? its all a mess i am begging for advice please!!!

Not good. My mom and I used to have like a mental link but now she can’t really figure out what’s on my mind after my blow up. I had a choice, to regulate and do my best to figure things out it may have been difficult but it was technically the easier way since nothing bad would happen to anybody. But I chose to just let it all loose and tell my entire family everything on my mind. All thoughts anything really. Not true thoughts thou not really me I think I just let anything that disturbed me come into the light which was most likely not even true not me just a thought or stuff I already knew the answer to and so my thoughts were also untrue. I put myself in a space where I could just be comforted to let loose and I did. I didn’t take it or life seriously and now I am living the consequences with really tattered relationship with my sister and odd dynamics of mom and dad. Why did I do that? Because I kept on feeding the beast of my negative thoughts I didn’t pull through I didn’t take it seriously even though I was scared. I think my mom can’t read my mind because all I am really thinking about is how I could have done things differently in the past and how even after I kept on making mistakes and now my sister is pulling even more away not just boundaries but pulling away. I don’t feel real but that’s not fair to others in theory I get it but I just feel dead on the inside like my beautiful soul died and won’t come back. I don’t know what I want from this post. What I really want is someone to tell me I can go to the past and change all this. This is literally the worst most horrific thing I have ever experienced or done. Pls someone idk anybody help. Idk if I want reassurance or not because I’ve heard so many people say it I just want something that speaks to me hopefully something that sparks something in me to keep on living and doing my best to mend all of this. Pick up the pieces I broke and not feel so broken 😞which I am not but something like shattered

I am in the uk and voting just happened. My friend of 4 years voted for the party that has the opposite values of what my partner voted. Most people who vote the party my partner voted ARE bad people, but I am an open minded person and willing to know why instead of just assuming someone is bad straight away. My friend saw what my bf voted and was mortified and called him all sorts like racist and sexist etc. yet they haven’t ever had a proper conversation with my boyfriend or really known him. I know that my boyfriend didn’t vote for the reason my friend thought. He explained that he didn’t want the party he voted to win and dislikes them like me. The whole reason he voted is because he knew they WOULDNT win, not because he agreed with them and wanted them to win, he just wanted to lend his vote away and not vote for the same 2 main parties like most people, he didn’t want to vote for the 2 main parties as both of them have failed the country and with the uk you vote for your local politician and in his local area the 2 main parties were close and neither were more likely to win than the other, and he didn’t want to vote for either so he voted for a party that was predicted to be 3rd place and they wouldn’t win which they didn’t, and by voting for the party who were predicted to be 3rd it would show the 2 main local politicians that their seat was not safe and wasn’t a guarantee in the next general election so the vote was a tactical vote for the future as every seat matters to political parties so they would put more effort into making a positive change to secure their seat in the next general election.(sorry for long explanation) I got him to message my friend to have a civil discussion and try and get them to understand that they misunderstood my partner, but they just were not having it and didn’t want to listen and called us all sorts of stuff that we are not and I’ve had to drop them as a friend :( I feel like such a shit person I want to make everyone happy but I can’t and I feel like an awful person because I couldn’t talk to 2 people who disagreed on political party choices. They believe my boyfriend voted the party he did because he is racist etc when actually he tactically voted and DOES NOT support the party he voted, just wanted to take away from the main 2. He has stated that he would be UNHAPPY if the party he voted won, he only voted because he knew there was no chance of them winning. I know that my boyfriend actually has similar views to me and my friend. But he just wanted to try something different and ended up seeming like the main bad people who vote that particular party when he isn’t. Am I worrying about this too much and am I right for dropping my friend who wasn’t willing to have a discussion and has a sort of radicalised view and was rude to us and not willing to listen to my partner explain that they misunderstood?

I've recently started dating someone. I like him very much, and I know he feels the same about me. I have always been unlucky in relationships, so this is something brand new for me. I haven't told him I have OCD. It feels like a rock in my chest. I feel like I'm keeping something big from him and I feel so guilty. I don't know what to do. I don't want to drag him into my mess, but I don't want to break his heart and mine. I have a chance of happiness for maybe the first time and I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I'll ruin everything. What should I do? Please I'm desperate.

Hi, I am over 30 years with my partner. And I am obsessivly doubting my love for him the last 8 months. My psychiatrist says itcis ROCD, but I feel anxiety around him and tense in my stomach. He is a very good man. And I love him. But I don't feel my heart open with him anymore. I don't feel the life-energy anymore. But I am depressed, a lot of anxiety and my thoughts go 80% of the time, about: Do I follow my heart/ selflove when I stay with him? Why don't I feel free? Why can't I give him love? I am doubting al the time, but I don't want to leave him. And I dont know if this is out of fear. Do I stay out of fear with him? Or cant I feel the love because of my thoughts? Anyone recognize this?

How likely is it that the cause of my OCD is how I have been negatively treated by virtually all of my family since I was a child and still continue to be treated this way. I can give examples if anybody wants them but basically I have always been made to feel like the least important by my parents right through to my uncle and cousins. I have learnt over the years that they have a lot of there own issues and I think that is in part why they have treated me this way. Thanks in advance for any replies

Hello all! I am new to this support group/community mental health thing. I’ve tried (online) therapy before for past mental health struggles, and always found it to be a money and time sink, and unfortunately, I can't financially swing giving NOCD a shot. However, I am at the end of my rope. This past year has been REALLY rough mentally, even though it seems like exactly the time that my brain should be starting to settle down. I’m finding it hard to cope with a lot of stuff that’s been buried deep down in my brain, and I’m starting to lose hope as I feel my most valued relationships starting to unravel and my ability to function in the day to day becoming weaker and weaker. I’m usually pretty introverted, and reaching out to people, even online, is something I never really would have considered before. But I’m hurting physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and I know that I have hurt the people closest to me as I’ve been trying to undergo an actual healing process. All of this to say, it’s extremely unlike me to reach out to a community like this. I suppose I’m just wondering how effective any of you all have found this group in trying to heal and grow? Looking forward to hearing back from any of you, and I appreciate if you’ve made it to the end of this post in advance. Sincerely, Wanting to Rewire

I've been having recurring thoughts of wanting to break up with my boyfriend. And this is the first time I've ever experienced these thoughts, a while back I also experienced thinking I didn't love him anymore. And I do love him a lot, but these thoughts and urges are so scary and I don't know what to do. I've also started picking out flaws and things I don't like about him and I don't know why because I feel so guilty about it and especially since he is the sweetest person ever. And it feels like these thoughts won't go away and I'm just so scared I'm gonna lose him because of this.