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Are their any married people here in their 40s/50s and suffering from soocd? How has you experience been like? And how has it fluctuated through the years?

Hi :) it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here, but I’m having a little bit of a rough patch and wanted to seek advice. My so-ocd has always latched onto one of my best friends. Her and I are very close, and we’ve always confided in one another about how being single sucks (we’ve both never been in relationships) and how we both hope to meet someone special one day. She recently got a boyfriend, and it’s triggered my so-ocd immensely because while I mourn the possible change in dynamic between us, I’m also incredibly envious that she gets to experience all her relationship firsts while I remain single and mentally ill LOL. Not to mention I have a fear of abandonment. My so-ocd comes into play here by making me fully believe that I feel all of these negative and sad feelings (instead of being happy for her) because deep down I want to be with her. I feel no romantic feelings for her, but my brain just tells me that I’m deep in denial and just suppressing my true feelings. It feels really awful, because I don’t want to feel this way and I want to be happy for her but my ocd is really latching onto these negative feelings and using them as proof that I’ve secretly liked her. All that is to say, I guess I’m curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer any bit of advice. Thanks <3

I broke up recently with my LDR partner because I was so depressed, and it felt like I was losing feelings and I was suffering so much. I felt like I was having suicidal ideation, and I could not stop being in my head and my thoughts would spiral and be scattered everywhere. iv been having a lot of anxiety, fears and doubts majority of the relationship. we met on jan 25 ish 2024 and started dating around april 2024. I couldn't make sense and I didn't know how to feel anymore. I told him that I think it’s best for us to break up, and that since I still felt uncertain it wasn't fair for him, and that I didn't want to hurt him. before i broke up with him, i started to see a lot of narcissist posts on my social media and i felt that i related to it and i felt that maybe that’s my answer to everything and that i have been fake, lying, because im a covert narcissist. i couldn’t stop watching these reels about narcissism. and specifically covert narcissist because i took a quiz even payed for it and i felt that i answered honestly and it came to covert narcissist. i felt that my whole reality changed and myself and i would find signs that makes me believe that iv been a narcissist to him and been manipulating, lying, gaslighting etc. it has sent me to a really bad place within myself and i feel so horrible about myself and i had broke down crying whenever i looked at his face in my lock screen or pictures because i just have this overwhelming guilt and pain from having done what “iv done”. i do have now a ocd specialist and a general therapist. my general therapist didn’t think she was helping me, and i told her about feeling like im lying, manipulating my partner, if i remember i think i brought up the narcissism aswell. it hurts because of the results and the signs of myself in the relationship makes sense in that. i don’t know what to do, if its ocd it feels extremely real and if i am one which i have been believing i am then i dont know how i could live with myself you know. i payed for the results aswell and i felt that i answered honesty. i lacked feeling inlove, feeling like a liar, like iv been acting, feeling fake, feeling extreme anxiety, dread, feeling nothing towards him when i just wanted to feel love and love him, feeling in denial of my feelings that i don’t love him, fearing that i used him, fearing that my love was never real. i felt recently like i lost sense in myself and i don’t know what’s real or not. people say that love is a choice so i kept loving him and showing him loving actions throughout all those feelings, anxiety and distress and doubts but it felt like it never went away. what scares me is that, i plan things to say in my head, but i don’t feel in bad intention, or maybe it is, whenever he was vulnerable, or trying to help me, i felt like i wanted to smirk or smile and i felt evil as fuck, i don’t know why, i felt so horrible. i just been feeling like a bad person to him and i dont know what’s real anymore. we aren’t together and i feel that my obsessions, and all those feelings i still think about a lot, and i feel like i just don’t know what’s to think anymore. iv been in more pain because of that “discovery” of being a covert narcissist and i want to talk about it to my OCD specialist and see what she thinks professionally. my therapist recommended tapping different parts of body to help the brain, supplements, tips on confessing, and i feel like i took my supplements, but i struggled with the tapping i felt like i didn’t do it like i should have but felt like it wouldn’t help me. im just overwhelmed, tired, i haven’t ate much, dont feel like eating much, i still look at rocd stories and search things up, my mind has been focused on the whole covert narcissist. and if i am i will painfully accept that i am but i dont know how to live with myself !!! i just wanted to love him but it feels like i never did? and it was me forcing love. me forcing my actions and everything but i have been mentally struggling with the supposed ROCD. i feel like my only hope is my OCD specialist i recently found and will talk to soon. i hate my life and hate myself i dont know, i feel immense guilt, pain, and i cant describe it. i feel like im just a bad person. that iv been a bad person to my partner and i always feared to hurt him!! but who knows if that’s true i dont feel like i can even trust myself. someone please help. i feel like im losing my mind

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

My rocd is spiraling so bad i feel like I’m terrible and can’t recover 😓 idk wuts real anymore yet ik i never wanna leave my man😓whats wrong w me

Does anyone else feel that the feeling of anxiety that they associate with OCD is different from normal anxiety? For me, it’s like a distinct sense of dread and fear that starts in my stomach and makes me feel so dissociated from reality and trapped. I don’t know how else to explain it other than it’s very intense and distinct for me. Because of OCD I associate this feeling with feeling dangerous (like I will go crazy or hurt others). Occasionally (usually in moments of high anxiety due to personal relationships having difficulties), I get this feeling unrelated to OCD and it makes me completely spiral. I have intrusive thoughts, but I also just drown in the emotions of the feeling. I completely panic and break down and feel hopeless and powerless. It is so painful and it feels impossible to bear and like there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make this feeling go away and all I want to do is get it out. I will obsess over it and therefore always feel it which makes me horrible and completely relapse. I never know how to let it go even though I know there is nothing in particular “wrong”. It just makes me feel like me/the world is wrong, but in a vague way that just feels insurmountable and terrifying. Even once I start to feel the feeling less intensely I sometimes just remain trapped in thoughts and fears that don’t allow me to let it go. My girlfriend and I recently have had some tough conversations and I have been experience this anxious feeling recently as a result and I don’t know how to cope with it. It feels so overwhelming and insurmountable. When I feel like this I feel so hopeless. And it also makes me feel like I’m going “crazy” because there’s nothing I can do to make it better and I just want to get it to go OUT if that makes sense. Sorry for this ramble, but I’d really like to know if anyone has ever felt this way because I never hear people talk about an “OCD feeling” and I never feel like therapists understand. Of course, advice is welcome as well (please)!!!

Struggling with some ROCD and SOOCD today. Ive been having thoughts like do i even know my boyfriend? Do I even love him? How do I actually know if i love him? How do i know if i know him that well? Would I connect with him more if he was a girl? How do i know? Feeling so much confusion and kind of dissociating when i really just want to enjoy our night together :(

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.

I’ve been single for a very long time. I’ve always attached really heavily to people and highly prioritized being in a relationship. I know I can be happy on my own but sometimes all i can think about is how I wish someone loved me like that, it consumes my entire brain. For that reason Valentine’s day feels pretty sad to me. I’m gonna have to stay off social media so i don’t see people posting about how much they love their significant others because i know it’ll make me spiral. Also since it’s valentine’s day i keep having intrusive thoughts of my loved ones having sex and it feels really gross.

Really struggling today so far. I have partner-focused ROCD so I’m constantly picking apart my partner and looking for warning signs that he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t want to be with me or care for me. Valentine’s Day is really hard for me because it’s not a huge holiday for the two of us but of course my ROCD takes it and runs with it. It tells me that he doesn’t love me, things won’t get better, he doesn’t care, he’s lazy, he’s the worst boyfriend, etc. This sucks so much because I just want to accept the fact that my brain wants to tell me these things…it is just so hard!!! :(

I’ve been dealing with ocd for years when it first happened it tore me apart I completely convinced myself I was the worst person on earth and I could not continue after months my ocd jumped to different themes and each one usually distracted me from another. Fast forward I recently went through another bad episode constantly focusing on the past and how I’m a horrible disgusting person comparing my story to everything I could and coming to the conclusion mines the worst and therefore I’m X or Y then it went into somatic/idk if I actually have this incurable condition that terrifies me but now it’s both it’s the uncomfortable sensations and going back on certain memories that I can’t tell if are real/don’t want to be real/ don’t make complete sense but feel real and now I can’t get out of the idea that even ifs not real I’m always gonna think it might be idk it’s a lot I just know I don’t want to be these things and never will ever want to be. I want to confess again so bad but my bf is not understanding at all like these “memories” or thoughts genuinely traumatized me when I remembered them.

I found this, and it’s really triggering. Like because I don’t feel love as intensely, does that mean I’ve lost feelings? Is this relationship screwed because of my traumas, that I am currently trying to work on?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Is this ocd ? Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me ?because I'm really hopeless. I csnt afford any help sincr im a minor and I need support

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Is this ocd ? Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me ?because I'm really hopeless. I csnt afford any help sincr im a minor and I need support

we make 1 year and 10 months but my mind bacame a dark place when we had only 4 months and i doubt even loving him then. i hate my brain for thinking so badly of my boyfriend, i dont feel grateful and i feel soo strange guilty bc i think he is annoying and cringe when he is loving and caring and everything he does i think he is weird but my mind destroys everything good and i dont understand what is happending im scared i dont like him and that im in denial. he dosent deserve this. i havent been lovely to him in a long time bc of my state of mind im scared if i will get better i will realise my fears are true im ai scared i dont actually love him Lately, my boyfriend brought up that I don’t initiate or feel comfortable with anything sexual, and he admitted that it makes him feel insecure—like maybe he’s not enough for me or that I’m not truly attracted to him. This made me spiral even more, because now I keep thinking, “What if he’s right? What if the reason I don’t feel sexual attraction is because I don’t actually like him?” I know that stress and ROCD can completely shut down desire, but this fear feels so real. The worst part is that now I feel pressure to “prove” to myself that I am attracted to him, which only makes me feel more disconnected. I also feel incredibly guilty because he has done so much for me, and yet I feel like I’m constantly questioning my feelings instead of just enjoying our time together. I can’t help but feel like I’m losing my teenage years because of this disorder. I should be happy, enjoying my relationship, and focusing on my life—but instead, I spend every day obsessing over my thoughts, questioning if I love him, if I find him attractive, if I want a future with him. It feels like I can’t even experience my relationship normally because my brain won’t let me. I just want to stop overanalyzing everything and actually live my life. But ROCD makes it feel like there’s always something to doubt, always something to fix. I’m so tired of feeling like this.

PLEASE READ THIS. My bestfriend moved away to a different city to go to another school and we were in a friend group of 8 people. The relationships between me and the others in the friendgroup was complicated but i didnt like so many of them because i felt a bit left out. When we started high school all the 7 of us is now in the same class. On the school my bestfriend is going to now, someone k… themself and she was sad for it (she wasnt friends with him but all in their school is somehow close cause they live in a boat). On a halloweenparty w my friends i was a bit sad cause i felt a bit lonely. I texted my bff and told her that im tired of them being in that way (which we have talked about before). Than she replied by writing something like «its been a situation on my boat where someone took their own life, (dont remember exactly what else but she ended with writing this) dont do something stupid. (Dont kys) that sentence completely broke my heart cause that has never ever been a thought that has even crossed my mind, ive always loved life and i love my family, and the somehow complication w my friends has never bothered my that much. But since that message i have felt depressed and scared and my life suddenly felt so pointless. Im so mad that she is so fckin stupid and writes something fckd up like that. I hate her. And i know that its obviously becasue of what happend at her school. How the f do i get over this? Its like i suddenly dont like living anymore. How do i ever enjoy beeing alive again? Please come with something that actually can help me and not make me more depressed. Also does my ocd has any fault of me not getting over it?

I genuinely feel like such a horrible human being. I’m in this group server with 10-15 other people (including my partner) and I have a bit of a crush on one of them. I keep feeling like every time I stay up late talking on the server that I am cheating on my partner. I should note that I make a very conscious effort to NOT reply to the messages of this person on the server when we’re having a group discussion, I rarely ever address them directly, and I make sure to only ever talk to other people on there. I have replied to this person’s messages about 25-30% of the amount of times i’ve replied to other people’s messages in the server (I checked). I was also extremely active and staying up late in this server WELL BEFORE they joined it. I constantly feel like I am cheating because sometimes when we have deep discussions on the server, I feel a bit of excitement at reading their messages and getting to know more about them. But again, I have made it a HUGE POINT to rarely ever reply to their messages or to address them directly, to the point where I will never ever reply to or acknowledge a single “deep” message from them. I always make sure to only talk to other people and not engage directly in a conversation with them. However I feel like it’s still cheating because I get internally excited at reading their messages. This phenomenon has absolutely wrecked my psyche over the past few weeks. I have been having constant nonstop 24/7 anxiety, I am wrecked with guilt and regret, and I am just so insanely depressed. I’m going to bed late, barely getting any sleep, my eating habits are garbage, and my grades are dropping drastically because I’m just not doing my assignments. I’m having such a horrifically difficult time getting anything done. I just slog through every single day, doing the bare minimum, I don’t do my work, I don’t engage in fulfilling hobbies, I just kind of float there and get the bare minimum done while ruminating, constantly trying to figure out if i’m cheating. I am just constantly compulsively googling, “is limerence cheating,” “can you have a one sided affair,” “what is emotional cheating,” “is it cheating to talk to someone in a group chat,” I have googled the same exact things hundreds of times at this point and I don’t know what to do. I feel horrible. I am growing distant from my partner because i feel like I don’t deserve him and it’s really hard to enjoy time with him when I feel so guilty.

First time posting This recent election and all the news and the legislative changes have really flaired up my rocd (possibly, I’m not even sure exactly why I spun out of control recently, by the way I am a woman). My boyfriend isn’t extremely conservative but considers himself more towards the middle though he does have some more traditional values. He doesn’t hate Trump. I’m very liberal. I hate Trump, I can understand some of what he does to an extent but I’ve never liked him and I think he’s a terrible person and lately the political stuff I’m seeing is a lot: These past few weeks have been worse and days ago I tried to call him and tell him I wanted to talk about going on a break but instantly regretted it. I’m working on it with my therapist and I do think my bf could be more supportive of my emotions through this time but he just doesn’t get how this is as stressful to me as it is. Anyway my mind bounces from one thing to another all. The. Time. And I need to do something about it, I need to figure it out. It’s always about him something about him and I love him very much and he treats me so well and loves me, but I constantly analyze my relationship and him in general, I’m worried my cpstd exacerbates this more and makes it worse. I don’t use TikTok ever anymore bc of hiw political my feed is (I’m passionate about human rights,the lgbt, I guess things really viewed these days as left-leaning, he isn’t as into it as I am) Everytime I open TikTok I feel like I need to break up with my bf because he’s a fascist,sexist, etc. is what the videos tell me and make me think bc of how high political tensions are right now . a lot of the posts are talking about how sad they are that their guy doesn’t get them and the comments are like you need to dump him which makes me even more worried. Or they’re super black and white and extreme and then I get stuck. I hate black and white thinking and this online culture, I’m really freaked out. I’m planning on starting ERP soon as I can. I’ve had ocd since I was a child but wasn’t diagnosed till this year (21) and my biggest theme has been rocd the past 3 years since I met him. I didn’t know what was happening to me till I learned I had ocd. It feels so urgent and so scary and even if it’s something that isn’t actually happening or wouldn’t have a possibility of happening for many years (ex. Us arguing over reading a book about a dad accepting his son who likes traditionally girly things, and then this makes me think I need to break up with him to stop the possibility of this happening.) I hate the way ocd works. This isn’t the only thing my ocd makes me do and it’s not the only theme but it sure is the worst and most stressful to me right now. Any advice in the moment for when things become too much to handle? I’ll take anything. I wish my brain had more nuance, this is why I don’t use TikTok anymore. Too triggering. I didn’t use it until today, Today’s the first ok day I’ve had in weeks so thank god I didn’t open TikTok like 3 days ago.

So whenever I think of this one guy doing sexual things to me, I literally get a warmth feeling and lubrication down there. But when I think of my boyfriend in that way, I don’t get the same response down there. What’s wrong with me? I feel like I’m gonna act on these thoughts and that I want them to happen.

Back in October 13, 2017 which was a Friday to add I had an intrusive thought that I became obsessed with. I kept asking myself am I thinking about, if I am thinking about it so much then it must be true and I have to do the compulsion. Eventually I started taking medication and going to therapy to feel better and it worked, but I have a weird thing with the number 13 or even 31 because reverse that and that's 13 again. This has affected by love life with the amount of people I have been with, my thoughts tell me to be with someone else so it can be an even number. I do not want to do the compulsion because that means I would have to leave my current boyfriend who I love deeply. But I am scared as what if it is the only cure for my thought to go away and what if I am going crazy. I told a previous psychiatrist about the thought and they said they have never heard of that before which made me feel like more of a nut case. Also, my previous therapist got frustrated with me because I was not getting better. Makes me feel like a lost cause.