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I don’t want to break it off with him so why do I have this feeling in my gut that I need to and that it’s wrong for me

Due to the experience I’m having with SOOCD… The false attraction to same gender and loss of attraction to opposite gender gender, I havnt been intimate with my wife for a while. Really struggling and it makes me just want to end it to be honest. Last night my wife and I had a argument about not being intimate and she said ‘you might as well be gay’ Well that put me in a horrendous spiral. I havnt slept and my anxiety is so high my chest feels like it’s crushing in. I’ve sweat all night. She doesn’t know what she’s done as she doesn’t really know about all my issues.

The compulsive praying for harm on others is back. I know compulsions are a choice, but right now, it feels impossible not to do them. I was spiraling because I thought about losing my boyfriend, and that scared me so much. But then, my brain twisted it with thinking that I would feel liberated and find comfort and new love if my boyfriend were “out of the way” and to this I almost felt excited? I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want him to die or go away. I don’t want him to be gone. But then, that spiraled into these awful thoughts where I felt like I had to pray for harm or death on him. I don’t know why I feel the urge to do this. It doesn’t feel like it will make anything better; it just makes me feel like it’s more likely to happen. I feel trapped in them. I don’t understand why my brain keeps doing this, can anyone help? Please

I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.

If anyone’s willing to listen, I’m having a really tough day with Rocd and really need to vent but I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone I know because they don’t understand what it feels like

i am convinced im a psycho killer. everytime im around my mom or sister i get these intense thoughts of stabbing or hurting them. when they’re not around its not as intense but its still there. its literally on my mind 24/7. im so tense 24/7. were currently looking for a puppy for the family and when me and my sister were playing with them today the thought was still there. nothing distracts me from it. video games and EVERYTHING else doesn’t work. im starting to feel like i WANT to do these things. i was never like this until i had a marijuana induced panic attack in january. i feel like something happened to my brain and its not just ocd anymore. i dont even know if im faking it. i have suffered from relationship ocd, pedophile ocd, and health ocd. i got over those relatively quickly. this new theme came out of nowhere after a panic attack on a plane coming home from a horror convention in february. i dont see a way out of this one. its been months. i try to let them sit and i get a panic attack. all i do everyday is cry. i feel like my life is over. i talk to a therapist and i have tried two medications that didnf work work. i dont know how to live like this. im afraid im gonna lose my relationship and im afraid im gonna lose my whole life ahead of me. im just 22. i just want the old me back.

I have hold back my tears . I’m trying so hard to play it off. I can’t think about it anything without on the verge of falling apart . I have no self control over my mind . I’m scared. Is this a psychosis . I have barely eaten in days . My stomach is growling but I have no appetite. Idk what’s going on . Normally if I have a rough week I can fight it but I can’t fight it this time. My biggest fear is loosing my bf. I’m spending the day with him and all I can do it think about what’s gonna happen when I leave .

I feel super sad and depressed i'm tired of feeling so scared it's really changing me. My mom is a pretty difficult person she's a borderline narcissist. Over the years our relationship has changed a lot and recently i've been pretty hard on her because i feel so angry that she's not able to support me mentally in the ways that i need. I see now that she's mentally ill herself and i should be nicer and more understanding. she doesn't know better and she's trying her best. she was just a girl once and i feel bad that i said she lacks a motherly instinct. i love her a lot and i love seeing her laugh and be herself. she's super beautiful and unique and she deserved so much more out of life. I think my ocd makes me super angry towards the people in my life because i know i deserve the love i give. I would be so willing to have a really deep loving conversation with the people close to me yet i get such surface level support.

Hi - I’ve made a series of posts about my situation over the past few weeks. My bf asked to take a break from our relationship through text the first week of April. We haven’t spoken since. There’s a lot of outward details to this but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible. My ocd is telling me the worst of the worst. He left me with full uncertainty because he didn’t give me a reason, and his decision felt like it happened overnight and I’m still so confused. He’s never been in a relationship as serious as this before. I’m incredibly hurt and angry, and my emotions get worse on Saturday and Friday nights because that’s when his frat parties happen. I do ERP phrases but my stomach hurts and it’s churning so bad. I deactivated/deleted social media apps for now because it’s too much. I just wish this physical feeling would stop. Does anyone have tips?

I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.

My boyfriend keeps triggering my intrusive thoughts on purpose to mess with me. I've explained how bad they are to him before but i guess he just doesn't get it. He finds it funny when I have such a visceral reaction to him reminding me of them. I hope it doesn't sound too silly but body horror really freaks me out and this one image haunts me so bad when I remember it and he knows that, I trusted him with that knowledge but he loves to just yell out what it is to mess with my head. Now it'll flow in and out of my head for days and I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight. Usually distraction works but this one is particularly strong. Does anyone have any good coping skills or tips for going to sleep when it keeps haunting you?

I keep overthinking about the guy I go to church and stuff with and we have had talks about relationships and he’s aware of everything but I feel like I’m not being completely honest. He’s a great man but I doubt because of his looks. He’s not ugly but I’ll see another guy and find that guy super attractive. My heart is so heavy because of my anxiety. I looked on google if you should tell someone honestly that you don’t find them attractive. I don’t know what to do! I feel like crying because what if I’m leading him on. I see post that say looks don’t matter and I agree but I doubt this guy a lot. What if I’m not being completely honest with him. After church we held hands and we hugged. When I’m near him I want to be close and hug not too much touchy stuff though but when I’m at home I’m doubting everything. I feel like a horrible person. I feel like I’m just making excuses or not getting to the point I’ll call my mom when my anxiety and mind starts acting up and then I’ll be calm and now it’s up

Hi bear with me I don’t know how long this is going to be (coming back after writing it way longer than I expected I just needed to get this out) but I’ve beenn struggling with this. So basically me and my ex let’s call him Gus just started talking and hanging out again cuddling kissing yk and he broke up with me because he had feelings for another girl but I’m actually really glad we didn’t work out the first time I wasn’t ready for a relationship. my relationship with God wasn’t where I wanted it to be. He is also a Christian so I kept telling myself it would be good which maybe it would’ve been but I still should’ve haven it time but I still rushed into it. We had been friends for like 4 years before tho so it felt natural. I felt good when we broke up it hurt and I missed him. Fast forward 5 months and we hangout again for the first time we cuddle and he kissed me. he’s still confused about what he wants he says he doesn’t want to hurt me again and doesn’t want it to end like last time also doesn’t know if we should keep acting the way we have been as just friends. I was really mad at myself at first I had 5 whole months to get back to where I wanted to be with God but I didn’t and I just kept going back and trying to redo it in my head which is what happened the first time and is why I think I felt stuck for so long. I kept thinking only if it was good the first time and only if I blah blah blah just going in circles you guys know the drill. Now it’s gotten better I’ve forgiven myself because I know God has too and I just have been spiraling. first I convinced my self I should go no contact for two weeks but I realized that was me trying to go back and control the past which is not my call I’ve been feeling a lot better about giving the whole thing to God and not stressing about the past or future just trying to live in the present but every time I think of completely letting that feeling that this isn’t gonna work or that I’m ignoring God go I get stressed again. I’m scared that He is trying to tell me to get out before it goes wrong again but I’m not listening I’m just scared I’m having false peace because I’m getting what I want if it’s ok to figure things out with Gus. On the other hand sometimes God gives us things we want when we finally learn to let it go and I have I’m ok with being alone romantically it’s not a need but I do desire it and I know God puts desires in our heart according to His will. The break up and the whole situation taught me so many things that I need to learn and how to really just let it go and give it to God. I keep trying to picture both scenarios in my head 1 us not together me just growing in God alone and not worrying about Gus and letting him go and 2 us being together and me being happy which him while not feeling like I’m not listening to God and just be at peace. I’m trying to stop imagining them it’s taking to much out of me my brain is exhausting but I can’t helps but feel like I’m ignoring God. Like I know I shouldn’t worry about the future but what if God is trying to tell me something and then I go to what if Jesus comes back tomorrow and I’m still pursuing Gus even if I don’t know what that means but I really am ignoring God and I don’t get to go with Him to heaven. I feel so safe with Gus the ocd never bothers me when I’m with him I let him touch my face and be on me and it’s so relieving to have that I trust him so much and i really don’t trust people that way. I fell asleep on him and ifkyk id let him bring me food and I’d eat it I just feel so comfortable with him I can talk to him about anything and we’re doing a plan on the Bible app together and he has helped me grow in my faith which feels wrong for some reason too like talking to him did. He just feels so safe and that’s really rare for me which I think should mean something right? I don’t know if it’s conviction or condemnation or just the ocd it would be so easy to blame it on the 2nd two but that feels wrong. Sorry this got so long thank you if you stuck around for the whole thing I really appreciate it.💗

I’m new to treatment and only realized I have OCD a few months ago. I went through a tough and abusive marriage and ended up getting divorced. I had my first panic attack several years ago and ended up needing to go on Lexapro. This helped me significantly and allowed me to leave my partner. Several years later and I decided to stop Lexapro because I thought I was good to go. I’m in a very healthy relationship, have a great job, friends/family, go to the gym and have a wonderful life. It’s been about a year off the meds and I’ve had some panic, but I’ve been able to manage it. For some reason, the last three weeks has been really difficult for me. I have different spirals and different thought processes: what if I’m schizophrenic? What if I have a deeper mental disorder? What if I hurt someone? What if I need to leave my partner? What if I end up becoming so depressed that I end up hurting myself? My brain just goes from one what if to the next and once I conquer one, the next one pops up with even more intensity. I started taking NAC and inositol and I’m taking saffron during the day because I really don’t wanna go on back on medication but sometimes my thoughts scare me and I’m convinced that I’m not gonna get better and I know that’s just the OCD loop, but I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone else!

My girlfriend broke up with me And I am very hurt, just felt like telling y'all, it's been almost a month since we broke up but still hurts like it was yesterday I loved her so much and I'm pretty sure I loved her more. I don't think I will ever stop loving her 😭😭

My husband and I don’t argue too often but every time we do I always get worried that we are going to split. The issues that we have are not always big but not only has he given me trust issues he also just doesn’t listen. We will go in circles with our disagreements because he just doesn’t see the point and this turns into me getting fed up and freaking out. No matter how mad he makes me it is so hard for me to turn it off and stop being mad when I think about losing him and this creates an anxious attachment. I have started to become detached from our arguments and caring less each time. I don’t know what to do or think and because of our disagreements I get anxiety and always think that he hates me even when he’s being affectionate This is the disagreement we had today that is causing my flare up: I am originally from CA and moved to AZ when I had my baby. My husband doesn’t like being in California and that’s fine but I have to go to California to go get the babies birth certificate because he was born there. I told him 2 weeks ago that I have an opportunity to go because my cousins wanted to come visit and bring me back with them and my mom was going to drive me back to AZ because I wouldn’t have a car. I asked my husband if he wanted to go and I voiced that I would like him to go because I didn’t want to be stuck taking care of the baby by myself because he is a lot of work. He said he would go but he wouldn’t enjoy it. I said he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to and insisted that he would go to help. Today my cousin asked me if we were going for sure and I asked my husband on the spot he was still sleeping. He got upset that I asked him that first thing when he woke up told me that he didn’t want to go and that he didn’t have a choice but to go. I told him if he didn’t have a choice I wouldn’t ask him. He said that if he didn’t go that I would be upset and therefore he doesn’t have a choice. I told him I would be upset and reassured him that I would go alone if he didn’t want to go. (Side note- I have trust issues because of something he did while I was pregnant and I don’t like to leave him alone but I would never say that out loud) We are going in circles at this point and I can’t help but have the ugly thoughts even tho this is our first argument in over a month. I don’t know what to do.

actual attrcation. i’ve decided im gonna just let the false attraction happen, not try to stop it or question it. is it wrong for this erp to juts when i watch a video and get a false attraction just experience the false feelings and scroll? because i feel like the longer i sit with it the longer i begin to question whether its real or not.

I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.

I'm so confused on what's appropriate and not "pedo" "groomer" "gross" when it comes to age gaps. I'm also unsure if age gaps are inherently weird and wrong. People will say 2-5 year age gaps are so weird and disgusting, that the older is much more mature than the younger. Especially with 18-21-year-olds. But I don't see that at all?? 18-23 blur together for me, and I also think once you're 18, your peers are basically 3-5 years. Like, y'all are basically the same and everything. I see my older brother and his friends, and they all range 18-25, even up to thirties with older guys form our church. None of them seem out of place and seem to be equal levels of maturity and peers, especially the younger ones. But then people will also mention how my brother is "older" (he's one the oldest in the young adult friend group at 23) but he's only a year or two older than them?? Anyways, I just turned 18 and by bff is about to turn 19. I also don't think it'd be weird for my brothers or any of their friends to date her at all (not that they want to, I'm just saying if they did) When it comes to bigger age gaps, I also think that sometimes it's just two people who love each other, y'know? When I see age gaps, I usually don't pay much attention to it, especially if they seem happy. I just think, good for them. Even if the person is like 18/19. But on top of that, I feel like people freak out when someone like 3+ years finds younger people attractive and feels attracted, and y'know, views them sexually and everything. Like porn, sex, fantasies, etc. But again, I see up to 5 years as definitely peers. And even beyond that I see people as peers. My brother and his friends are young, but they are adults and I see them as peers to the older men they hang out with. But anyways, I think someone at any age being sexually/physically attracted to 18-25yos is fairly normal? They are adults and done with puberty unlike underaged teens. So, I don't find it wrong or odd for someone to be like 25+ and attracted to 18-21yos and also view them sexually or have casual sex. I try to find answers, and the most common thing I see is that above 2 years before 25 is extremely weird and too different, and how someone like 21/22+ dating an 18yo is a pedo and too mature. But then I also see occasionally some people not seeing these things as weird, even thinking that as long as two people are 18+ it doesn't matter. I find that I fit into that category more, not seeing it as weird and a problem if two people are adults. But am I am wrong? Is it disgusting? Pedo? Is more than 2 years "too much" and weird and predatory?

Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.