Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m worried that because of all my comparisons between me liking my bf and fearing only being a lesbian instead of bi I actually want to date a woman and not a man. Like it feels convincing. I’m scared I’m gonna be unfulfilled in the future and have to live with my decision when I know I’d be happy with him. He is my best friend and a wonderful partner and I love him so why am I so scared. Maybe it’s cuz of my mom’s divorce. I’m worried we’re gonna build years of a life togteher just for me to regret my decision and leave him for a woman. I don’t wanna do that Help

I spiral so much its usually 1. Those mistakes aren't from someone who is not a p 2. But am I really attracted to children? 3. I might be.. but if I don't think about my mistakes then I wouldn't think if I'm attracted to children 4. Well then I'm not a p*do And repeat I'm scared if I'm not changed person now. It's pretty clear that I didn't found I was one? The scariest thing is that I still made questionable mistakes when I got pocd. This makes me worry if they weren't mistakes but genuine actions coming from being a p then it makes me worry because they're usually permanent Basically when I was immature I sometimes used to look up drawn NSFW involving minor characters and m*stur*aited to it. And when I dropped out and few years passed I thought I just want to talk with people that aren't adults(usually teachers. I wanted to talk with same aged people) and I'm lacking of social skills I know I won't do this anymore. I behaved sexually to groups of younger people to get their attention There's even more, like I used to play some game as 14(15?) and there's 9 year old character then when the character gets hit it would sound like moan and I somehow got surprised? And enjoyed? And I got some f*tish then I remembered childhood talk I had(it was some sort of sexual talk and about sexual action) and did that action from talk I had to fulfill f*tish I wasn't doing it for it being childhood talk.. but still scary. I somehow assume that I'm not attracted to children sexually. But it's odd if I'm not too as I explained those mistakes. I'm very clearly sure that there's more. This isn't pocd doubt. I'm sure there's more. I'm exhausted on trying to get help and think about figuring out if I'm p It almost sounds useless to do this since I sounds like one. I'm confused if I am since I'm confused if I'm attracted but there's past mistakes that sounds like I am then I assume if I'm holding myself to stop being a p or I was in better unrealistic case Of course I do not have sexual urge towards children currently but... what is going on I'm trying to stop thinking about mistakes to figure out clearly but it's hard. It felt like genuine actions back then.. so I'm not only offending one. Then I think if I'm attracted to children. Somehow I can't understand attraction towards children but I feel like I do.. I'm trying to not test myself Without past mistakes I wouldn't really think that I'm p*do maybe but I know that's not how it works so it's all confusing And when I got pocd then pocd got calmed down I've eventually found some hentai that have same features to the talk I had with groomer (was a talk about fictional character I created) it was even after I got pocd and then as I felt better and less anxious about pocd topic I Read that. I thought pocd will go away real fast. I think I was thought I decided to read it for PRIZE for feeling better now I feel so horrible. What even I was thinking. I don't want to live anymore. I wouldn't like to read them again. I just feel confused and bad I think I was 17. I don't know what is this called but it's like I can't exactly figure out when did things happened and when was when.. the odd thing is that I think I'm p*do for this and other disgusting mistakes but before pocd I haven't worried if I'm attracted to children (especially real ones. Never been my thing but I consumed drawn nsfw so...)

I am In a 3 year old relationship. I did bad things towards my relationship with another guy we'll call S. I told my boyfriend everything and for months I'd go back and find new details and tell them to my bf and keep going to exhaustion.This S guy also molested me and blackmailed me. With this said, now I have to talk about my current issue. I'm 17. In class I see S everyday and I get irritated by him. I have thoughts like " what if I don't love my boyfriend?what if I see him as a friend? What if I love S?what if I want S?" And " S I hot" or like when I get ready " would S find me pretty?". I just wanna be with my boyfriend in peace and I don't wanna have these doubts at all or be attracted to anyone that's not my boyfriend. These thoughts are ruining my life. I'm scared they are true, I'm scared I secretly want him, I'm scared I find him pretty or whatever it is. It's been months and when I had something else to analyze I said with confidence that I found S ugly, but now that I "solved" that I'm back at this, figuring out if I find S hot if I want him or anything and it gives me anxiety. Because of these thoughts that persist for months I had panic attacks and tried to take my life before several times. I'm gonna see a therapist in 5 days. Can this be ocd? I just really want this all to stop and never see S again ever. Does someone have the same thoughts or the same experiences?

Hello I’m 16 I have had soocd for about a year now I’m convinced I’m gay cuz of the intrusive thoughts or thoughts telling me that men are hot and the gay images and thoughts I have a girlfriend and we broke up and I cried a lot so does that make me gay I kinda have this issue we’re I don’t really feel anything toward her I feel blocked off I don’t know if it’s anxiety and doubt but I cried for her but I feel like I’m gay cuz my attraction is fully gone any opinions on this?

This is gonna be a lot about sex cuz idk what’s happening. I have a bf and sex is new as of mid august. But since I’ve been on birth control since end of august sex feels different? I’ve been on 2 types, a patch (forget the name rn) till October, now im on nexplanon. I have no period atm so that’s a nice bonus ig. But mental health is…. Uhhh not wonderful! I feel numb I feel like I’m not horny enough. Or I’m not feeling enough. I feel him inside me and everything but it’s not the same feeling as before And also: eye contact, I don’t get this intense sense of connection but it’s nice to look at him. It doesn’t turn me on more tho Neither does watching his head roll back. It’s hot but I don’t feel anything change down below and I don’t get butterflies anymore My mind wanders. I’m wondering if im enjoying it. If im playing an active part in the sex cuz im very…. Bad at it? I think is how I’d put it? I let him take control cuz it gives my brain a break but my brain is now saying that me not being able to be on top or don’t really like it means I don’t like him and/or im a lesbian depending on the day. Even before this I wasn’t a huge fan of being on top cuz I get embarrassed really easily and I don’t wanna ruin the moment ;-; Like it still feels good but it doesn’t feel as intimate as it used to when we first started dating/before ocd hit/in backdoor spikes (honestly we had some good times and I felt good). Is it just a “im used to his body” thing or am I just not feeling it? I don’t get turned on by seeing him shirtless or naked anymore. But don’t get me wrong he’s still hot I just don’t get aroused unless we start making out Also making out lately- no butterflies, I feel things in my groin but not my stomach or chest and my brain isn’t in it. It feels like im partially not present if that makes sense. I feel out tongues sliding around but it’s not as hot as it used to be and idk if that’s cuz im gay or if that’s cuz im in a depression hole cuz of my birth control and it’s made the ruminating worse and worse Also dirty talk isn’t doing much anymore, no butterflies as well. Maybe we need novelty? Maybe we need to be adventurous? Cuz rn all we really do is missionary lol. I should maybe communicate more as well 😅 Also: I find that when I’m waiting for him to either go to the washroom or get a condom or tie me up or smthn while we’re not touching or doing anything flirty, I start to lose steam and I start panicking which then makes it worse 💀💀 In summary: what am I meant to feel during sex? I know most women don’t orgasm from penetration, which is why a vibrator is always incorporated. What else am I meant to feel? I feel sweaty when he enters Idk it’s driving me nuts. After he and I finished up yesterday I found myself wondering if I liked it. It felt nice in the moment and I did finish. It was kinda uncomfy cuz I was laying on my own ponytail and it was being pulled by me lol😭😭

TW// sexual trauma, family ocd Please, anyone give this a read any advice helps. I’m going to try to keep the short. Basically, when I was younger, a family member of mine was very careless when they would engage in sexual act. For example, they would m/sturbate in the same room as me, not caring if I would see or not I guess. They also emotionally and verbally abused me a lot throughout childhood. I also went through other sexual trauma from other peers at school at a young age, and from a distant family member. I also was very hyper sexual as a kid. Throughout my growing up, I developed some sort of incest fantasy, but never really was fully comfortable with it. I am assuming my brain was sexualizing what I saw, as it has done that with quite literally everything. It was up until a certain age, around 14, when I realize these thoughts are bothersome, make me uncomfortable, and I do not want them to be there. I am around the family member I mentioned at the beginning 24/7, as they are an immediate family member. I love them dearly, but this is messing up my relationship with them. I’m very irritable around them, any sound, noise, or site, that suggest that they may be touching themselves again, triggers me very badly. Either with anger, groinal responses, or just uncomfortableness. We share the same bed and sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night or something and I’m just sitting there listening or glancing over to see if this family member is doing anything inappropriate. I mentioned before these groinal responses cause climax even without me touching myself. So then this leads me to feel like I violated this family member, or did something inappropriate to them. Which leads to false memeries also. This makes me feel so gross. I hate all of this. I probably sound like a freak . If you read this, thank you.

Nocd online has a good article on intrusive thoughts during sex. It recommends carrying on as usual and not neutralizing them. I tried neutralizing it, i tried carrying on as usual n not letting it have power. But jocd makes me feel guikty for engaging in sec whilr havng these thoughts. I t says im arousing over the pocd tintrusive thoughts. Ocd intrysively associates for example p0rnstars with people or kids i kniw based on similar physical characteristics like hair color, skin color, freckles etc. this particular situation i watched a pornvideo n the icd said the woman looks like a friend who i thought was sort of pretty but than it gets worse and says her child looks like her so if in n masterb@ting to the pornsttar and having intrysive associations than ocd says im arousing over them toonit just the porn video. N it tricks ne by saying since i think my friends prettythan it means i couldve been arousing over he. And then it gets worse and says if her kid looks like her than im arousing over them. I know its classic ocd ideations and it causes me great distress. I trued neutralizing n csrrying on as the theraoy says but now i feel extrene doubt guilt stress abd anxiety

Hello ;-; idk I feel crazy but now I’m anxious again. My bf came back with me last night after we had a club meeting and he went to love my bag that I had left on my bed and everything spilled out cuz it wasn’t fully zipped cuz I was in a rush and I got a little annoyed and now it’s sparking the question of Do I like sharing a space with him as my partner? It’s triggering both the soocd and ROCD. I’m nauseous. I’m worried I don’t love him as my partner and am just holding onto the relationship cuz we’re about to reach a milestone (1 year of dating) and not cuz I care. I feel like I’m lying. Or don’t love him enough to consider myself bi. Idk I wrote a long post on Reddit that I might repost here for insights cuz nothing is hitting there. I’m just numb. Idk why. It’s not him I don’t think. I laugh with him just fine but I also laugh with my friends. Does that mean he’s just a friend? I know partners are best friends but also more but my brain kept saying “see in this moment when you’re talking to your friend and laughing while your bf is here? You’re not cuddling him, you’re not lovey dovey, you’re laughing with him and leaning on him but no butterflies” to be fair. The reason I haven’t been feeling. Anything? Is cuz I’ve been so stressed and when my bf came over the other night it’s cuz my dog had died and he and my friend were tying to distract me so I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I don’t feel deep love for him when we cuddle or hang out lately. But when I look at him I do. Then I get nauseous. Then I get internally sad and worried I’m just faking my bisexuality. I keep seeing people leave relationships to figure themselves out then they figure out they’re gay. What if that’s me. What if I’ve deluded myself into loving this man when I never have? Like I’m questioning the crush I had on him, the love I felt for him when we first started dating. Was that excitement and joy fake? Did I even love him? Do I just like physical touch? Was my love deep enough? Is it even deep rn? When I feel love it’s usually in my chest and low stomach and my groin, not in a honry way, I don’t wanna jump his bones in that moment. I’m just admiring him. But what if tjays just anxiety? What if my past horniness is all comphet and I never wanted sex with him? I thought I enjoyed it but I haven’t lately cuz I’ve been so disconnected and when we do have it it’s a silent short session sometimes and I don’t get butterflies but I’m satisfied and happy. Not as happy and good feeling as when we first got together but that’s normal right? I’m just so worried I don’t like him, I don’t give a shit about other men tbh it’s him I care about. As long as I love him it’s fine. I’m so confused and annoyed with my brain I just want to throw up a little. What if my excitement about getting engaged one day is fake? And it’s just me wanting the attention of being a bride not cuz I love him and wanna be with him? I can’t even imagine living with him lately. When before sharing a space seemed exciting. Is it normal to feel like this? It’s not that I would hate living with him or find it meh, it’s just stressed cuz he’s a different person and I’ve never shared a space with a person besides my younger brother. Do I just not like him or men and that’s why I’m slightly annoyed about sharing a space with him? I live in a dorm so. Small space right now. Does it just seem meh or am I actually happy about it? Cuz some people I’ve talked to said sharing a space with their male partner is meh and then sharing it with a woman is WOOO. So I’m worried it’s that. I do enjoy sharing a space with him. It’s fun. Not meh. I’ve just been so in my head I can’t do this. I’ve never lasted this long in a relationship so I’m anxious. And worried. And my brain keeps saying “you’re staying cuz you’re too ashamed to leave cuz you’re GAY 🫵🫵you don’t love him you just don’t wanna be ridiculed or hurt him”

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

TW// NSFW and childhood So today, I am making some big changes. I am going to see a psychiatrist, as I already have found a therapist on here. I am very scared to speak with them, though. My OCD themes are very sexual and taboo. I also had a weird childhood, I was exposed to pornography at around age 4 to 5 I witnessed things, had other children do things to me , and also witness family members being careless with their sexual interactions around me. I was very hyper sexual as a kid, and even up until now. I was touching myself at those young ages as well, compulsively, 24/7 and inappropriate places like school, in front of family, etc. I developed weird fantasies as a kid and watched very weird things, but around age 14 is when I started becoming aware of how these things do not align with who I am deep down, and it began to make me very anxious and uncomfortable, eventually leading me to find out and get diagnosed with OCD. A bad compulsion I deal with, like I said, before is self pleasure, but it has become a compulsion that it worries me that I like the nature of my OCD. I also experimented in such disturbing ways as a child that it haunts me now. And some fantasies have stuck, as they revolve around something traumatic I’ve seen as a kid. For example, the main one, is when I was younger, there was a family member who would be careless with pornography on their phone, self pleasure around me, etc.. so my brain has sexualized this for such a long time. But I love that family member, dear to my heart, and I would never want to do anything sexual with them harmful to them. I know this is getting long, but I guess this is my story? I am a little nervous, well, actually very scared, that the psychiatrist is going to tell me that I am my biggest fear, someone who needs to be kept away from kids, pets, society. I just feel so not normal. It makes me super sad and drained. If anyone has any advice, or even something that they can relate on, anything helps. Thank you.

Has anyone ever felt like there arousal changed? I use to get aroused to women only. Now feels like it switched and I hate it. I feel numb to women and get aroused to men. Even had an erection. I have a beautiful fiancé and a son I love. I don’t want to be gay. Can someone help

I was sitting down and my child wanted me tl hug her. She extended her arms. I leaned in and hugged her but my pocd freaks out says “dont brush up lr do anything inappropriate. Dont thrust my hips”. I leaned in and hugged her. I had these intrusive thoughts and worries. I hugged her still and i think i did compulsions to avoid these pocd and intrusive thoughts. I moved on and now im habing doubts and false memories on the details. I know as i hugged her i worried about brushing up or hips thrusting and i was anxious and uncomfortable. I known its ocd. I still hugged my child. Despite ocd discomfort. I thought i felt my body react like a hip thrust twitch or maybe its just in my head. I dont want to hip thrust. Thats why my mind was freaking out worrying about it when she asked for anhug. My therapist said my ocd and anxiety and these intrusive thiughts can cause my body to involuntarily react and do those things my ocd is obssessing over like hip thrusting or twitches or groinals down there.

I hate my ocd so much every single time I get new hyperfixation or special interest it has to ruin it destroy shatter I cannot do this anymore it's so fucking annoying. I dont really have a theme of ocd, sometimes it's something sexual, sometimes it's values and morals, sometimes it's hyper responsibility, but the main part is that, it always attacks my current special interest. For example, when I get sexual intrusive thought it wont be an intrusive image of myself or someone I know, but it's going to be an image of my favorite characters, or when I'll get a thought about my morals, it's going to be "your favorite character is based on misogynistic stereotypes" or "your favorite male character is the way they're not because they're severely mentally ill and traumatized, as well as disabled, but because they're a man and every men acts this way" So ocd is basically trying to make me go either insane or dead, all I can do is just keep being interested in what Im interested in and hope for it to go away after some time. Tho my therapist that I was going to a year ago told me to stop being interested in what Im interested in or get interested in something else, when it doesnt make even the littlest bit of sense?? I mean, it wont make my ocd dissapear it's just going to latch onto other thing im interested in?? Maybe something even more important? At this point Im just tired, I never actually were that suicidal as I am now, I mean, I dont really think about it all the time but I feel like Im completly ready to take my own life whenever I feel like I cant take this anymore, my mother after a year and a half started to trust me with taking meds to my room, so I can do it whenever I want. It gives me some sort of comfort

Idk. It was slightly daunting before ocd but now it’s more daunting. Especially with the relationship thing. Like I cannot conceptualize forever. My parents got divorced. Most of the relationships I’ve seen have fallen apart. I’m worried about making a mistake and living in the wrong relationship with the wrong gender my whole life but I was so happy and confident before. Now I feel like. None of that. I’m wondering. Who do I want to do life with? Who do I wanna sleep next to my whole life? Have sex with? Have a family with? Am I holding back from my real soulmate cuz I didn’t feel that intense draw towards my bf? I had breakup thiughts and random intrusive thoughts about me dying or smthn random like that but they never bothered me at all so I worry about them. Idk. I’m so tired Being bisexual makes this more confusing. Cuz now I’m worried I’m a lesbian cuz I can’t feel anything lately towards my bf besides slight anxiety, overwhelm and nausea. Idk. I’m tired and about to head to bed but I wanted to rant. Idk if anyone else feels like that if you do pls Lmk, especially with the nausea. I feel nausea around anything sexual lately. And I feel horrible cuz I do wanna be intimate but I have no energy and don’t wanna do it much lately.

Up until 5 days or so ago I had this obsession about my classmate I was like "do I love him?what if I do? What if I want him? " ( I've been jn this state of doubting myself since last summer precisely may/start of june). I had a lot of panic attacks, last one was yesterday its was really strong and i couldn't control my body,could not breathe and the muscles in my face were burning.(it was about this POCD thing also I am not diagnosed with OCD I have an appointment with a therapist soon) Because of that I started testing my physical reaction to a sexual scenario I imagined and I felt my private area sensitive like not pleasure but not painful either, its lowkey uncomfortable. That sensation started then and I still have it to this day 24/7 sometimes it goes away like when I first wake up but when I think about it it comes. Then I was listening to some bad news about children sexual abuse while eating and I felt that sensation while they were describing everything. Before that day i just didnt care much about children like i was mostly neautral and i would say with no ill intention " look at how cute that baby is!" When i saw one while being out with my friends. Then I started spiraling because like a year ago or something like that so when I was 16, I felt the need to touch myself and I did when I heard some of those disturbing news and I don't remember exactly when but I searched up that content and after I thought "what am I doing " and stopped. Since that day 5 days ago I started being scared and constantly questioning " am I attracted to children" "What if I would harm them if left alone with me?" "*Instert random scenario* and I test my bodily reactions " " What would people think if they knew I'm such a bad person?" And I keep avoiding children and anything children related, but when I see a child I don't think much at first but then I'm like " did I think something bad? Do I feel attracted to that child?" And I have these thoughts from the moment I wake up. Sometimes I cry sometimes I feel numb. Can someone please tell me if this is OCD?

Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off

I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?

My OCD is getting better but i get random intrusive thoughts ranging from different subtypes, like i’ll be enjoying life and randomly get a rlly depressing thought that makes me afraid because i don’t want to believe the thought, and then the next second it’s a horrible harm ocd thought or a religious thought or pocd Please no reassurance, it’s just that i was wondering if anyone dealt else dealt with ocd that is rlly random and not just one theme I think this happens when you beat one big theme and OCD starts coming back in smaller ways? Either way, ik the solution, leave the thoughts, accept the uncertainty, don’t do compulsions 😌

I really want someone to tell me that even if I am really a pedo that they would still love me. Idk. I know it won't cure my distress but it does help a little knowing I would have unconditional love from somebody... I'm so scared that I won't.

Literally have been so confident in myself and my sexuality through recovery. Right now I literally feel like I changed from straight and in love with my boyfriend to either bisexual / lesbian with a “desire” to do sexual things with women in the last 2 hours. It feels like I’m attracted to every single woman on my tik tok and instagram. Whyyyyyyyy 😭😭😭