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It’s just a movie it’s just a movie… they’re just actors they’re just actors…

I had an incredible moment with god today and I was so happy and then I had an intrusive thought saying “what if that was the devil” and I immediately rebuked it and thinking “why would I say that” and now I’m freaking out. I need help

My mom and I are watching American horror story and before this, I knew Sarah Paulson was in it, I think she’s a wonderful actress but when I say her and pointed her out to my mom my brain said “yeah and she’s a known lesbian, you’d be happier like her” and I just got this entirely huge wave of anxiety and now I’m sweating. I’m so worried my bisexuality has been a farce this whole time and I don’t like men and even if I still do like men, why don’t I feel anything for my bf? We played terraria for a couple hours today and it was fun but it didn’t feel like we were more than friends. Maybe cuz I’m a bit stressed and obsessing. I found myself a bit bored while he was explaining( idk why, I’ve never played the game so I needed help lol. I can’t tell if I’ve actually fallen out of love with him or not. I’m so happy around him but I can’t tell if it’s as a friend. I’m scared about the future of our relationship and idk if it’s cuz I don’t want it or cuz I’m scared about having a family and worrying about blowing it up if I find out I’m a lesbian. I feel so awkward saying I love you to him and I’m worried it means I’ve realized it’s comphet. I’m still sweating. I’m wearing his sweater. I barely feel sad. I barely feel anxious. It feels like I’ve grieved the relationship and am just holding on. And part of me just wants to say I’m gay and end it but idk if that’s true. Pls help Idk what’s me or what’s ocd if it is even that help

**TW for POCD** I know intrusive thoughts can literally be anything but I’ve been dealing with thoughts that feel tied to curiosity, especially about anatomy, and it feels like they’re charged because of the subject matter. I’m not sure if they’re intrusive. For example, I might get a question about prepubescent anatomy or reproductive functions, and it feels like it could be intrusive or at least anxiety-inducing. Usually, I try to handle it by looking up neutral, educational resources like illustrative charts or articles, and that tends to calm the anxiety, and I feel fine. But afterward, I feel lingering guilt, even though I do my best to approach it with a want to learn instead of anxiety. **********TW********** The questions will be something like (these thoughts will pop into my head less formally): How testicles develop from childhood to adulthood? What do they look like before puberty? What does a condition like micropenis look like? (I know this one isn’t POCD related but unfortunately it brought up an image of a baby instead of an adult and triggered me terribly) Are erections something that is possible from birth? Is the vaginal canal fully developed at birth, is it as textured as it is as in adulthood? *********************** I’m unsure if this is part of my OCD, if I’m overanalyzing it, or if it’s something I should manage differently (not look up?). I think there’s a clear place my OCD does attach to and it’s where it tells me that I will look up something harmful or just worse if I looked up these ‘curiosities.’ It also fuels the thoughts that I’m a pervert, though I’ve always been interested in anatomy. It just feels more urgent now and anxiety inducing when it’s about children. I hope that makes sense. I saw a post made by another person on this app who had similar thoughts and I’m leaning towards it being OCD related. Any advice? Thank you in advance :)

So for background: bf is Muslim, I am Christian and bisexual, and we have slightly different beliefs on the topics of queer life. He’s not opposed to anything queer people do and is respectful and asks me questions when he doesn’t get something, like how I figured out I was bi (had a crush on a girl that felt the same as having a crush on guy). But my brain latching onto this slight difference is making it the be all end all of the relationship. I worry about kids and what would happen if they were queer even tho I know his answer, he’d love them and wouldn’t disown them but would know it’s a challenge from god, while me I’d be there for whatever choice they child makes, and he would be too. And I’m 19 so kids are a 10+ year out issue and another 15 years on that for identity stuff I just want my kids to be generally respectful human beings and if they need to talk about smthn I want us to be an open space. I know for Muslims it’s taboo and I’ve seen debate about what the Quran says about queerness. From what I’ve read online, not directly from a Quran: homosexuality isn’t mentioned at all, lut’s people were punished for rape, tho I’d have to read back. I’ve spoken to queer Muslims for advice, read what I can from both sides. And me growing up Christian I’ve seen the same ideas perpetuated And my bf ig is indifferent? To queerness that is. He’s not one to go to pride, which is fine I’m not a huge fan of parades myself, but he’s ok talking about it for him it’s a “not practicing” thing. He’s ok with people loving who they love and wouldn’t verbally abuse someone for being in love with someone of the same sex. Idk what he thinks tho when he does see a same sex couple or I mention smthn about a queer show I like. I mentioned this to the ROCD subreddit, bad idea. Someone said I clearly don’t feel safe and think this is the best I’m gonna get out of life or smthn and he’s hoping I change but we’ve agreed, no converting unless it’s of my own will, and we have our beliefs, I’d likely take on teaching stuff about pride doing my best to not cross a boundary. Which sayinf does feel weird to me but I hope my kids will know I’m a safe person to talk about it with cuz I am queer. I do feel safe and loved with him, I just wanna broaden his horizons to the struggles of queer people, especially in his community which is easier said than done and we don’t talk about queer stuff very often. I’m very outspoken during pride, he isn’t, which as a man, Muslim or not, I get. Now I feel numb and I’m crying a lot cuz idk if I can teach him anything from my pov or if I just have to end it. I don’t wanna do that. I did find myself a couple months ago when this topic started saying I hope nothing happens with our kids cuz I’m scared of divorce but I don’t think what happens with them would affect us, maybe some tension. Idk. I’ve seen people, Muslim and Christian, support their kids, so I’m hoping an overwhelming love for his child would maybe change his mind. I’m worried about every possibility of divorce not just this one part, I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m in the wrong relationship or that I’m gay and have to leave, the second I know is not true. I’m bi and always have been, always will be. Tho I’m really worried it’s just comphet and I’m only in this relationship cuz I have to have a husband not because I love the man. I do love him and feel genuine feelings towards him it’s just they’re really buried under all the anxiety. I feel like everyone is gonna say the same thing. No he doesn’t expect me to convert to Islam. No he doesn’t believe in forcing things on me. Yes thisbis a taboo topic and idk how to approach it. I’ve been reading from Muslims for progressive values, lgbt muslims on Reddit, and my friend who is also queer and an ex Muslim cuz she didn’t align with it, recommended a local queer Muslim association. I know in Islam the thoughts are acceptable but the actions are not but from what I’ve read, the actions of the prophet lut’s people was rape but I could be incorrect because I haven’t read the Quran itself. Islam is a beautiful religion and I have thought about converting but there’s that one caveat to it. I’ve seen reverts denounce their queerness and to each their own but my bisexuality will always be mine regardless of mine or my partner’s religion. There’s no guarantee of the future, things could change between now and then both better and worse. Idek if I can have kids, carry to term or even begin to carry them cuz of my figure (im underweight for my age and height and it doesn’t seem to improve lol) I just wanna grow with him, I’m learning what I can from him and I want him to do the same. We’ve made our compromises on holidays and stuff, neither of us will do much of the religious for the other but we will spend time together during Christmas and Ramadan cuz that’s what matters to me at least. And I know it’s hard to change hard instilled religious belief but I’d like to at least get him to be more open in talking about it. He’s watched good omens with me, very low queer exposure but still, it’s smtjn. I’d like to have him watch falsettos cuz it’s musical and it’s about smtjn that deeply impacted queer people in the 70s/80s and has religious tones (judaism) and it’s one of my favourites. He’s iffy on drag but I like explaining it’s fun for me to express smthn like this even if it’s a 0.0000001% chance of changing his mind. It’s at least educating him. He’ll sometimes respond with an ohh or a huh interesting which makes me happy that he wants to listen even if he doesn’t get it. Idk if anything will change in the future. But I wanna live through this with him and idk if it’s just a huge obsession or if it’s an actual concern. I need to stay off of this app and Reddit honestly.

I just can’t get my head around the doubt / anxiety feeling my in chest. I’m sitting here atm thinking omg what if I don’t have ocd and I actually have these thoughts etc? I haven’t been actually diagnosed. I have self diagnosed myself as obviously everything I’ve read and especially now being on this app I can see how I’m very similar to people on here. So that’s the first stress this morning and the second one is I’m thinking, how do I ACTUALLY know I don’t like girls until I try kiss one ( this gives me extreme anxiety because I’ve never wanted to kiss a girl ever! Nor even thought about it!!! ) but ever since I’ve been struggling with this soocd, I’m having all these thoughts and causing me such distress. I’m like omg I’d never even try and kiss a girl because what if I DO like it??? I don’t want to be a lesbian at all! I have a boyfriend of 5 years and love him to bits!!! I just think, this is ocd is written down to a T? It’s wants that 100% certainty and I won’t be fully happy until some magic man comes down from heaven and says, you’re straight 100%😂 I just wanted to get your guys thoughts on it? Does this sound like ocd? Or things you’ve experienced before ?? Thanks xxx

I can't sleep, anyone else here is up to chat? Ask me anything

For example, I kissed my dog’s lower back, above her tail affectionately. She looks like a potato, and absolutely adore her. I said “a kiss to your booty.” My sister said that was weird to say, but I’m not sure how serious she was. I tried my best to shrug it off because I don’t think my intentions were harmful. I do anxious when I get near my pets because my OCD attacks them badly. I see them like my children so I feel like it’s almost a variation of POCD. However, because I was anxious giving her affection, I feel like I did something I shouldn’t have especially with my sister’s comment. I know I am overthinking but I hate how often things like this happen and how they never seem to get easier. Anyone else? Any advice?

this summer i told my nail tech about my thoughts (i didnt know about rocd back then) she triggered me real bad telling me that maybe i dont love him anymore and i dint want to accept it beacuse i dont want to hurt him, that made a big impact on me. Today i did my nails and she asked me about my problem, i was very triggered, she asked me if i had something that i dont like about him, i told her that is a mental disorder that many people have but luckily she kinda understood and i left because i was done. It really triggered me, i dont know how to feel and what i feel. Today was my first time saying maybe i do maybe i dont to my thoughts, i dont know if it did something, i feel like a liar. I am affraid this is my truth. My mother tells me to pray, i am catholic, i pray every night but im just very scared. As im writing this i dont know what i feel. What do you suggest ?:(

I still feel fearful of cancer. No matter what I do Im scared that I still to much red meat or milk will make my Risk higher and there's no way to not get cancer. I'm not super active, I'm focused on being a streamer and I'm trying to improve to reduce the risk but I'm fighting my mind weather I will or not. I have has family die due to this my friends uncle has it. And I'm so scared and I don't know who to talk to, it's not like I can afford therapy at the moment either. I'm so scared it's been eating at me for the whole week. I'm a sit down for fore then 4 hours that's not good, or if I eat chicken noodle soup, or if I drink one soda because I'm out of water. Granted I was never a healthy person, and I neglected health concerns but now I regret not caring, and being ignorant. It worries me, I'm scared.

I feel like the thoughts are actually me now. Specifically the ones about my sexuality. I’m bisexual so yes I do like women but I’m worried I ONLY like women now and will lose my bf. Idk if I actually want to have sex with a woman. I’ve never had the desire to. Idk if I actually want to leave my boyfriend. Right now I feel indifferent when a few hours ago I actually felt normal feelings. I’m scared im never gonna enjoy sex with him again and I’m gonna be leading him on for years denying that I only like women when I do actually like men and enjoy sex with them it’s just when I have a lot on my plate (my thoughts, finals, other family stuff cuz yay holidays) I can’t actively enjoy it and want it to be over faster. I hate this. I just want to be normal. I’m getting Groinals over nothing and idk how to deal with them. Like I’m reading a story about lesbians coming out or I’m typing smtjn about my anxiety around the thoughts of my sexuality and I feel smthn down there. And I’m worried it’s true. I don’t feel actual anxiety in my stomach about it but I start ruminating but still feel confused. There’s no answer at the end. Is that normal? Idk what to do. My therapist and I took a break cuz Christmas so I’m out of therapy for 3 weeks. What can I do? What happens if I actually do enjoy the thoughts? I know it wouldn’t take away from me loving my boyfriend but I’m worried it’s gonna be stronger but again, doesn’t take away my love for him. Even if I’m slightly more attracted to women, I still like men. I can’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone anymore tho. Except my boyfriend when it’s actually happening but lately it feels like a mental block before we start but I go forward anyways. How do I know if it’s denial or if it’s just ocd? I’m scared that I’ll come out the other side of this a lesbian. My brain is already conjuring up thoughts of “aha I’ve solved it I’m a lesbian” when NO!! I LIKE MEN. I know I do. I just also like women. YOPPEE me for having options. CAN I PLEASE BE HAPPY WITH THE OPTION I CHOSE? THE TALL NERDY MAN J FELL IN LOVE WITH? FOR JUST A MINUTE? How do I know if I actually don’t have feelings for him and am just holding on cuz of denial? How do I know? I want a future with him and it seems so peaceful and beautiful but then my brain says “noooo you’re gonna break up with him cuz it’d be better being with a woman. Jordan wand is dating alistair and she’s happy” like good for her she has a gf but she’s also bi and likes men she’s just dating a woman. SHHH. Like my brain is convincing me that “ah yes this is the wrong person for you stupid.” No. I know I should stop fighting the thoughts but accepting uncertainty scares the shit out of me cuz what if I accept too much of it and actually end up hating my boyfriend. Even if I do remain bi what happens then? It’s 6 am I need to sleep I’ve been up all night. I’m supposed to study but I can’t.

I’m positive I have OCD I don’t think get too many compulsions but the obsessions are what mess with me. I’ve recently started medication for depression that is as a side effects supposed to treat ocd but I’m not noticing anything with the symptoms. Also who do I go to to try to get an actual diagnosis?

I just feel petrified and I don’t understand why. There aren’t even any thoughts right now. I just feel so scared.

Literally everything. I was talking to my friend, I have to confess that to my bf. I post on here, I have to confess that to my bf. I make a joke, I have to confess that to my bf. This is getting out of hand. I was doing better and I had stopped confessing but now it’s like on crack.

Idk if it’s ROCD rn. I don’t feel much anxiety but it could be habituation to the thoughts of breaking up and worrying about if I love him enough. It’s hard to see a future. I’m pretty sure I still want it. It’s just it’s hard to see cuz of the thoughts I’m having. But there’s no anxiety. Is it just me falling out of love? Idk anymore. I’m a bit stressed and sad. I do love him but I worry I don’t love him enough. We’re of different cultures and religions and reading comments online people say it just doesn’t work so maybe it’s getting in my head. I feel a bit numb and confused. I still respond to the thoughts so that doesn’t help. Before all this a future with him was so clear but now imagining it I feel slightly anxious. Maybe it’s cuz I’m worried the risk won’t work out. I do want it to work out but I’m finding it hard to pixture the future Maybe it’s cuz idk what’s in store cuz this isn’t the life I imagined for myself. I never imagined dating a sweet Muslim guy. I thought I’d date a mediocre white man lol or a woman(yay bisexual, but also really scared cuz of soocd which could also be impacting this) So it’s a huge culture shift for me. I can’t see the wedding. I can sorta see the apartment. That doesn’t really change much, just the decor. I can’t see a family even tho I really really want it. I want to be immersed in his family and culture. I’m worried I’m gonna get bored of him which is literally impossible. I’m worried I’m gonna cringe at his looks. I’m worried I’m gonna realize I’m gay in the future (I’m not I know that. I like men) idk. I’m scared and confused. Did anyone else struggle with being unable to picture the future but knew or sorta knew you still wanted it despite the thoughts you were having? I can’t tell if it’s just an ocd thought or a genuine concern because of our differences even tho we’ve discussed everything. I know there will be events we can’t expect but we talked about what we could and then my brain jumps to worst case scenarios about smthn that may not even happen I want to live my life with him I know that. Idk what to do or how to distinguish the thoughts. Usually if it’s a what if it’s a not me thoight is what my therapist says so I try that but a lot of the thoughts come as statements. What do I do?

I am starting to come to grips with intrusive thoughts, reading how your brain will think of the worst thing / or make you think of something that really distresses you. BUT, I’ve got something I need to get off my chest, not looking for reassurance but just to know I’m not alone I guess? I remember one time, I saw a girl I follow on Instagram go on a marathon, and then went straight out for dinner after without showering and I had the passing thought of, gosh she must smell, even worse, she must smell down there. That has got to be the worst intrusive thought EVER, and because it affected me so much, I have the urge to think of this horrible horrible thought most times I look at people. Wondering if they smell!!!! It’s disgusting!!!! :( I don’t know if this is because I also have contamination ocd and I do obsess about feeling and being clean.

Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings that I don’t love my boyfriend and that I don’t care about him. He shares his struggles, he tells me he’s feeling sad or stressed, and I feel like I’m just numb. I don’t feel the concern or compassion that I think I should feel, and it terrifies me. It makes me ask myself: Do I even love him? What if I truly don’t care? He even pointed out that I rarely ask how he’s doing or that it feels like I don’t care about his feelings, and that absolutely broke me. But the worst part is… sometimes, I don’t feel anything when he tells me these things. I feel like I’m empty inside, and I don’t know why. I’m scared that maybe this isn’t ROCD, and it’s just the truth. Maybe I really don’t love him anymore, and I’m just in denial. The lack of emotion feels so real, and it makes me spiral even more. I wonder, What if I’m just a bad person? What if I’m incapable of love or care? I feel like I used to be different. I used to be happy, excited to see him, and now I’m just anxious, irritable, or numb. It’s like I’m losing myself, and I hate it. I hate that I feel this way when he’s such a loving and kind partner who doesn’t deserve this. I’m exhausted from constantly analyzing my feelings, wondering if I’m lying to myself or if my thoughts are the real truth. The line between what’s anxiety and what’s reality feels so blurred. I don’t want to lose him, but these thoughts and feelings are consuming me. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it normal to feel this way with ROCD? How do I deal with this numbness and the fear that it’s all real?

hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗

I remembered something and it was awful. When I calmed down, I thought “I don’t think it actually went like that?” I feel like I’m making an excuse to make myself feel better. Like I’m lying to myself to feel okay? Like it’s not false memory ocd mixed in with real event. It’s just me being a monster and I just want to feel better. I feel like I made a big mistake, didn’t think twice back then but now I feel like crap and want an excuse to think I didn’t do that. I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I’m so scared.

i couldn't take this anymore. maybe i'll just let ocd win this time. it's too hard to not have a clear conscience everytime i'm with my bf cuz my mind is telling me i'm unfaithful and don't deserve to be happy. i feel like i'll never get better anymore. i already told myself many times to stop attracting attention from other people especially to people i'm having false attraction to. but i did it again yesterday, right after i smiled a little extra in front of that girl i might be attracted to i could feel the massive anxiety in my chest. already decided last week that i might be actually attracted to her so it's best to fully avoid her. i avoided her with the best i could, but we're in the same classroom and i saw her in my peripheral vision looking at us (my bf and i) whispered to myself not to make any mistake i'll regret, but then i felt like i lose control and laugh a little extra. i searched micro cheating and it says there "trying to impress someone you're attracted to" and now i want to break up with my bf. the guilt is too strong. i couldn't sleep at night.