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TW/ sexual ocd This post and how chat gpt responded (saying it’s extreme and harmful and i crossed moral and ethical boundaries is now making me depressed. I’ve been non stop crying. I feel undeserving of life. Here is the post

Suicid-l thoughts because of this. Chat gpt told me I morally failed me and my cat and this is extreme and i need help now before i cause harm. And that I violated my cat. I don’t deserve to live

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

Whenever I am near attractive women, I’m afraid I’m going to snap and do something evil ! Sometimes I’ve felt my hips move when they’re near me and I start to freak out worried I was trying to do a hump (lol I sound nuts). My hips have literally moved and it scares me now anytime. Also sometimes when a thought of them pops up my finger randomly moves or sometimes if I’m touching my lips and they pop up in my head I start to worry that I was trying to touch my lips sexually when I thought of them. This has ruined my life I’m scared of myself it feels like I’m not in control of my body I do not wanna be alive anymore I wanna protect the world from me

Hi everyone, I’ve been going through a divorce and dealing with all kinds of life changes. I’m living at home and have been talking to this great guy. Yesterday during therapy I broke down in tears because my ocd has been feeling real and because of all these emotions and changes I’m experiencing, I’m struggling severely with depression and now I see graphic images of me taking my own life (suicidal ocd). I have no intention of doing that and I’m terrified. I’m suppose to be on medication soon but I just didn’t realize how much my divorce is still affecting me. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Will I ever be married to a guy again and have a family? This is all I ever wanted but right now feel absolutely hopeless. I’m missing work today so I can just relax because I work with the public and don’t want to break down. I’m not trying to avoid anything, I’m just not ready to face people due to the fear of just sobbing in front of them. Any advice would be appreciated.

I had same Sex fantasies, sought that out in 🌽 before I knew what sexuality was, it’s related to a specific fetish and I used to talk to strangers online including men and I’m scared now what all of this means, I have HOCD, POCD, all sorts of thoughts but I don’t know if it’s my thoughts or my past which is reality. Why did I have those thoughts as a young boy? Why why why? Who am I? Do I even have OCD? What monster am I? I just want to end it all sometimes in all honesty. Not really but sure feels like it. I’m dying inside .

i... dunno if i should share this but i have moments where my intrusive thoughts feel so strong and if im upset at someone, the thoughts of harming feel so strong like its my thoughts, then.i dont know if its a compulsion or im slowing snapping but i may grab object that can be made dangerous,ie pillow, knife, etc and slowly walk to my parents room and even if i want to stop it feels like my body is moving on its own, like i have to do it, its not till im almost there or halfway in i find a way to stop myself from moving that cut it out but then hate myself so fucking much for....trying to kill? i dont know anymore, i used to think it was ocd but it keeps getting worse and my anger amplifies it and i just hate myself rn and i get these thoughts of hurting myself so im not a danger to anyone else. no i dont have a plan, i dont know if this is ocd or im suicidal from my self hate. maybe im asking for reassurance but please just give me some kind of answer, im losing my fucking mind and i wish i know whats going on with me..

Hi, I've struggling with R-OCD for 6 months now. I love my beautiful boyfriend so much, but this constant anxiety in my stomach is so tiring, I also have mood disorder and dissociative syndrome. I would never break up with him, I just don't want to. But I'm slowly relapsing in sh and dark thoughts... Anyway please help me 🙏

Recently, my brother moved back in after losing his job. I now share my bathroom, which used to be mine and mine alone, with him and his constant company. All I ask is that he close the toilet lid before he flushes, and leave it down when it’s not in use. Just in case it’s difficult to remember— I have a decal on the inside of the toilet that says to put the lid down. I also have various signs in every single direction in the bathroom that ask to put the lid down. I do not feel like it is a difficult or crazy request. But whenever I calmly ask him and his many, many guests (he is always inviting his friends and girlfriend over— and they also refuse to follow this rule) to please be mindful of this, they just laugh at me or outright ignore me. My whole family thinks my OCD is just a joke. Even though I have been professionally diagnosed and dealing with the symptoms since I was in elementary school, I didn’t find out I had this diagnosis until my 20s. My whole life, they constantly tell me I’m dramatic and use OCD as an insult for me. They think OCD is not real and that it’s just my excuse to be a burden to other people. I learned not to ever talk about my symptoms so that they won’t humiliate me. Every time I enter the bathroom and see the lid open, I get severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts about contamination that keep me from sleeping sometimes all night because I'm just thinking about how everything is contaminated. Every single surface and even my skin. And then I start getting intrusive thoughts and compulsions about cutting my skin off or worse because the air in the bathroom contaminated me and even if I take a shower it won't be clean because the shower is also contaminated by the same air. Just now, he used the bathroom with the door open and flushed with the lid open. My bedroom door, which is right next to the bathroom, was open. Now I can’t stop thinking about how the air is contaminated and I need to cut my lungs out to be clean. I’m not going to do it. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so sick of living like this. I understand I can’t control others. I don’t ask others to make accommodations for me ever. For example, at work in the work bathroom. I just quietly suffer with my thoughts. But. This is my home. This bathroom used to be mine only. And yet even at home, I am powerless and nobody respects me or follows my one rule. I can’t take it anymore. Why can’t they just listen? Why do they do this to me?

as the title says. i am trying, i really am but i cant help but think that i have been gay this whole time. it feels like i can never be happy again unless i come out. i cant do it anymore. everyday is hard. there are not easy days. i just want to love my partner and i cant. i look at him and i get this wave of anxiety and guilt. why can i just be me again? i miss the days there this was just a past thing. i feel alone and i feel stuck like this forever. my heart hurts all the time. i am trying to sit with uncertainty but i cant because it feels certain and that i know i am gay but i dont want to be. its really really sad. i hate my life and i need it to end. bye.

hello, guys! since may of last year, i have been facing intrusive thoughts that have been punishments from hell in my life. i have been in therapy since september, and my therapist says she sees a lot of OCD in me. i have actually been suffering from this type of intrusive thinking, since 2021, involving children, and before i did the exposure without even knowing anything about OCD or related issues, because for me, they were intrusive thoughts and nothing more than that. the problem was that in may of last year, i think i actually had a trauma, and i started to feel groin sensations..i don't remember if i felt them before, i assume not. these feelings and this tightness in my chest is what drives me crazy about this! i read so much about POCD and pedophilic disorder, many of the things, i know..the ones i don't know, i try not to know, because my mind would not tolerate one more coincidence. i will not be a hypocrite, i know that what i'm going through sounds a lot like OCD (although i don't have a diagnosis), but i'm afraid it's not. most of my thoughts are in the third person, i think because of the traumas i've had, and that bothers me a lot, because it seems like a fantasy or something that i desire. i'd rather be burned to death than hurt anyone, especially children or teenagers who are easily influenced. i have my morals, my empiricism and i will never exchange that for this primitive "will" inside me, i don't want it! the fact is: a few months ago, i went to a barbecue, and there was a little baby and a little child, i played with them, they hugged me and had a lot of physical contact. i was careful with my hands and my body, but the problem was the groin sensations! i am a woman, so i was very afraid of being lubricated or that feeling being really pleasurable..i was always in agony, and at times i avoided contact. i went to the bathroom and saw that i had actually stayed, and it left me devastated. what i do now?! do i commit suicide?! i check myself into a hospital ?! i know that anxiety may have contributed to this factor, but i could never bear to live with this for the rest of my life. i have avoided contact with children ever since, even looking at them is uncomfortable for me.

i’m so hard on myself. it’s hard for me to walk in the forgiveness of the Lord. like whenever i mess up, the enemy sends suicidal thoughts. it’s awful. i stressed myself out to the point i didnt eat for over a month really and i lost almost 20 pounds (i was 138 originally, and ended up being 118 in a couple month’s time). i get soooo hard on myself and i believe the Lord is so hard on me i always wonder if He’s disappointed in me. if He’s mad at me. if He’s angry with me. it freaks me out and makes me question and overthink every move i make. it’s awful. i’ve really been staying inside the house for the past 2 weeks because outside makes me feel anxious and sad. i just feel overwhelmed and i stop talking to Him because He scares me. AND IT’S NOT EVEN HIM SAYING ALL THOSE THINGS, IT’S THE ENEMY LYING TO ME. he (the enemy) speaks of his own nature so when the thoughts of “you’re not good enough” or “you’re a disappointment” or “you’re always messing up and God is so angry with you”, are his own because he thinks that about himself. trying to take these thoughts captive and not self sabotage and be so hard on myself, but it’s tough.

I couldn't stop ruminating and I googled trans ocd vs denial and It feels like both, I don't know what to do. I keep asking myself do I want to be a man but I'm avoiding it/am scared of what would happen? I do get envious of how feminine men look. But even when I tried being feminine like a man or seeing myself as a feminine man it always felt like I was forcing it but I'm wondering if that's also denial. And if so then why do I get envious of how feminine men look. I feel like I'm hiding behind being nonbinary. or I'm in denial. I started looking up masculine women to see if I'd get envy and I got envious from women who looked like pretty men but were still women. I keep saying 'I'm a trans man' to see if it feels right and it doesn't feel right or wrong it feels neutral. Also since I tried seeing myself as a feminine man and kind of liked it even though it felt forced/not fully right it feels like that's also proof. I like masculine and neutral terms but I like feminine terms too but my ocd is telling me anything girl-like/related I like or think I like is just my denial. And I don't use feminine terms for myself a lot because I'm nonbinary anyway and don't want to be misgendered. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking I see a feminine man and I don't see myself as a girl but like obviously I wouldn't because I'm nonbinary? But I keep seeing a feminine man. Also when I was a kid I liked dressing masculine but I never saw myself as a boy I just liked being masculine/tomboy but I think that's proof I wanted to be a boy all along and didn't realize. I feel like I should just admit to myself that I'm a trans man but what if I'm wrong? I can't tell if I have desire to be a man, I can't tell what's ocd and what's not. And I don't feel like a man when I'm living my life but what if that's just social dysphoria because I'm not treated like a man and I want to be one? Or because I'm not thinking about my gender? Or those stories of people who are OK being their gender but wanted to be the opposite gender the entire time. Like I'm happy with my body I just want a flat chest. But now when I speak I think 'does my voice make my dysphoric?' It never has before or 'do I hate my curves?' I read a trans woman say she never felt like a woman just wanted to be one so she transitioned and she was happier. People say think about if you were born a boy would you still be nonbinary? If not then you're a trans man. I've always said yes I'd still be nonbinary I never doubted it. I think if I was born a man I'd be transfeminine or something but I'd still be nonbinary or like a mix of boy and girl but I don't know. I can't tell if i like imagining myself as a feminine man I just feel anxious when I do, i liked masc terms but still didnt feel 'right', but when I don't imagine myself that way my brain says I'm in denial. Maybe I just like being feminine but called masculine terms does that mean I'm a boy?? Or I'm not a boy I just want to look feminine like one? But doesn't that mean I'm basically a boy? I'm scared I'll never figure it out and be anxious forever or I'll never admit to myself I'm a trans man because I'm in denial. Or what if I come out as a trans man and I'm wrong? I thought I was afraid of being abandoned for being a trans man but my mom reassured me she wouldn't abandon me if I was a trans man and I only felt relief for about a hour before I started feeling anxious again and idk what is making me anxious anymore. Nobody else is going through anything like me either so maybe it is denial and ocd together or something I don't know. I'm scared I feel like my only way out is to die but I don't want to but the rumination is so bad and I feel like I don't know myself and I can't think of anything involving myself without ruminating. I just want it to be over

For as long as I can remember I've struggled with ocd, diagnosed when I was 6 or 7. And my family and friends have always helped me. So I want to share some things they have said to me that maybe could help some of you too. "Do you think bad people worry about being people? No. Bad people don't feel remorse, and they don't learn from mistakes. They don't care, that's the thing. So if your sick with guilt and worry about being a bad person, and your here worrying and thinking of any bad thing ya ever did. Your not a bad person." "Your ocd isn't very nice but it kinda means well, it think it's keeping you safe. Your intrussive thoughts get stuck and your brain mail room machines get clogged, so your brain thinks those messages are actual threats and real things ro worry about. It trys to come up with solutions. Don't hate your mind, tell it you hear it but it's not real, it's okay" "What would you say if it wasn't you? What if I told this worry to you? Would it still make sense? Would you be telling me that fear is real? Would it be just as convincing?" "Even the sun has to set. And sometimes the sun's out but it's raining, or even when it's cloudy, the sun is still there you just can't see it. You don't need to be happy all the time to be our sunshine, even the sun needs breaks and needs rest" "People don't care. Everyone is busy worrying about them selves, nobody has time to be paying that much attention to you. Don't worry about people making assumptions, most of em are worried about that or not even, they are probably more worried about what they are having for dinner tonight!" "You don't have to feel guilty for that. You didn't do it nor could you have known or stopped it. Not your barrel not your monkeys. You can't control other people and your not expected to puck up the pieces. You don't have to feel guilty because a friend does something bad, that's them not your." " Your one of the best people I know. Ofc I would care if anything happens to you. Nobody wants you to feel bad, nobody wants you to die. We all need you and are proud of you for doing everything you can" "I'll tell you what I think, but I wanna know what you think first. Okay? Do you think this is a reasonable worry? Do you really think this is true? Does this really seem likely?" " Some people just think more then others, doesn't mean your crazy. I find the people who think the most tend to care the most" "-although your ocd did give you a mind wise enough to look deeper into people's situations and think more about why they do what they do. That's why you see good and feel empathy towards most." "It will all be okay. It's not real, it's just ocd. I promise. I got you it's okay. That won't happen, you know I wouldn't let that happen anyways" "You can do it. Common you got this. By doing it you'd be proving ocd wrong!" "I want to make you feel better. So bad. But I know if I want to help you in the long run I should try to not give you as much reassurance"

I've found myself writhing on the ground from intrusive thoughts of my past. I have bruises all over from me hitting myself. Every waking moment is a nightmare, I can't do anything. Can't let people be mean. But standing up for myself turns into cruelty. Cruelty turns into a loathing, and then I fear that everyone hates me. I wish I could die, and live again. I don't want to lose my life, but I can't live like this.

I have developed some obsessive thoughts about death/ dying since my aunt passed in early November - she was old and had a lot of severe health issues. A few other people knew passed away also recently from drugs and accidents. I am 23 and pretty healthy and I can't stop what iffing every possible death thinking it could happen any second and hearing about other people dying is extremely triggering for me. I am a Christian so I believe I will go to heaven but I am constantly panicked that something bad will happen to me and I am so terrified of dying young. I look stuff up all day trying to calm down and kind of soothe this feeling. Idk if its OCD, then sometimes I am ok then the cycle repeats or I get triggered hearing about death. I literally have lived on reddit the past like 2 months trying to make myself chill. I have developed something where I gag almost everyday from anxiety and stress, so i went on Zoloft and I'm about a week in. I just want to live my life and I know death is inevitable and theres nothing I can do but IDK how to stop ruminating and stop wasting my 20s worrying about this its truly torment. Everyday I am like what if this is it and then I panic and ruminate in bed all day. I also get freaked out on hearing OCD voice in my head saying the most random things like am I gonna die soon or am I just OCD/anxious depressed. I also had the same issue in 2022 but I was obsessed with the thought of suicide and was so so scared I would lose control of myself and hurt myself, and I had NO desire to do that it was just so strange. Eventually with meds it went away and I got so much better. This time it feels so much worse bc obv no one escapes death.Side note also when turning to God for help I recently have had like a huge fear of God like not a normal one but just thinking he's gonna kill me early or whatnot and struggled to pray or read bible because it triggers the anxiety. I've envisioned dark stuff about me dying and been terrified to drive or be in big crowds as a kind of control to avoid dying. I am starting therapy soon, but appreciate any words of wisdom.

Can we talk about how recovery feels “fake” or like you’re faking it? Realizing that when I stop ruminating and go do things I value before this big flare - it almost feels like I’m being a fraud or faking it because I feel compelled and pulled back to either ruminate, compulse, or act on my intrusive thoughts (which in this case is unfortunately) self harm/ SI theme ocd. On week 2 of 100 mg of Zoloft so hoping as time passes I can move past this roadblock and not feeling like my head is exploding all day Anyone else ?

(Sorry for the fault english is not my first language) Three months ago my gf left me, and it was my fault (i cheated on her) so i enter in a loop of introspection, I was constantly watching what I was doing I was doing well, even though I was sad I could go to work and continue my studies, to see my family every weekend, I was rather proud But exactly 1 month ago, I started to spin around on a topic and make big panic attacks It happened suddenly, on a Saturday night after work I realized that I was watching pornography that did not correspond at all to my real practices And hell began I spent my days in anguish in bed (sometimes 8 or 10 hours per day), telling myself that I was horrible, that I deserved to die, that if my entourage found out they would hate me. I made an appointment with my therapist who reassured me, but it was not enough for me The next week, I hosted my little brother at home because I found him an internship in my city He stayed for a week, it went pretty well until one night my brain said "what if you were actually attracted to him?" , I didn’t really react and it went pretty fast I thought it would stop there, but on my way to work a few days ago my brain said to me "What if you were attracted to children?" (I work in a bike shop, and I spend a lot of time with kids" It horrified me, I had a feeling that my head was going to explode, I was crying and my colleagues did not understand why I started antidepressant treatment a week ago (Effexor) and I double the dosage today My thoughts are mainly directed at my family, I wondered if I was attracted or in love with almost all members of my family It is also in relation to children and animals Sometimes my thoughts are so present that I have trouble knowing if they are true or false, I can’t concentrate anymore, I don’t go to work and I failed my exams at university I feel sorry for myself, I had a lot of confidence before, I loved spending time with my family, I liked my job, going to university, spending time alone I feel like I would never get away, every day I wonder "Why me", I look at others and I’m jealous, every day I remember how I was before and it makes me sad I wish I was someone else, anyone I shared everything with my mother, she also has psychological problems (chronic depression), so she always listened to me and accompanied me in my steps I was diagnosed with bpd 3 years ago, And she always helped me and loved me It hurts me not to be able to tell her, I love her very much and it drives me mad that my thoughts sometimes get to her Every night I pray to wake up in someone else’s body, or in mine but without my brain And every morning I realize that I have no choice but to live with the hell in my head My life before I miss it so much, and that’s one of the reasons why I stay alive but it’s starting to get too long, and I’m really starting to lose hope and think that the only solution in all this is to die I just want to be normal, why me?

*TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of adult content and suicidal thoughts* I am in pieces right now and I’m struggling to see a way through this nightmare. I’ve never posted on forums before but I see a lot of people sharing similar experiences on here and I feel like I need some advice. So around 4 months ago I was in a bit of a depressive state and I ended up looking at some NSFW content on Reddit, which I now regret more than anything I’ve ever done in my life. I was on a specific page that I’d used a few times in the past, but I found myself spending a much longer session on there than usual- I think because of the stress I was going through at the time, and I wasn’t looking for ANYTHING illegal whatsoever. I can remember scrolling past a few things that I found unpleasant, and I WISH this was the sign that I took to leave the site immediately. However, like an idiot, I continued scrolling through because I hadn’t found anything I liked. As soon as I left the page, I had an awful, awful feeling build up inside of me. The next morning I woke up with the realisation that one of the posts that flashed up had a very ambiguous sounding title and I got that horrible gut-drop feeling. Whilst there wasn’t anything visually alarming, the title that I remembered spoke about “waiting for their mum to get home” and I felt absolutely sick. Even just writing this is making me want to throw up. I started panicking and I even called my mum because I was in shock. Ever since that happened, I have had numerous visits to hospital because of it and I’ve been put on medication. I made a little bit of progress until I was hit with another dreadful realisation that I had seen something else with a worrying title on there in the past, and this time it felt like there were no excuses. I started spiralling into a pit of self-hatred and despair which is where I am currently at now. Even though I knew I just forgot about it, it doesn’t make me feel any different the situation, and I cannot forgive myself no matter how hard I try. I’ve had dozens of health professionals tell me that I haven’t done anything wrong, yet it just feels so catastrophic. I have since reported the subreddit and I haven’t looked at any kind of adult content since, because I personally find it the single most terrifying thing now. I just wish there was a way to settle my uncertainty and make sure that the people in the images were safe, but there is no way to prove that. Things have just got worse and worse and by brain is bringing up all kinds of gross/disturbing things I’ve seen on the internet from years back, and it’s taken over my life at this point. I don’t want to sound narcissistic but I’ve always considered myself to a person with strong morals, and this feels like it’s violated every single one of them. It’s made me feel like I don’t deserve to heal or grow from this and the only thing that is keeping me going is not wanting to upset my family and friends. I’m sorry for the long post, I’m just terrified with what’s happened and I’m starting to lose faith in ever recovering. If anyone has struggled with anything similar and has come out on the other side I’d love to hear how you overcame it because I genuinely cannot see the wood for the trees. Thank you for reading.

I am really worried that I may have SA'ed my little sister. When we were very young, and I mean, really, really young, I was 5 I think. I used to kiss my sister, because I was curious and my mom caught us and she told me not to do it again and I didn't. But when I was about 11 she felt on my lap and I liked the sensation so I tried to rub myself against her. I tried to take my life because of this, I did therapy and everyone, including my sister, told me that I was just a child, and my sister admitted to having done similar things and she said "Would you blame me?" and I said no because she was a child and barely understood what was happening. My therapist said that I mimicked adult behaviors when I kissed her but she was so young, like barely 4 years old and I feel sick to my stomach and I just want to die.