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i know i’m spamming on here and i want to die i don’t wanna be a boy it feels like i have to be i can’t keep living like this. i don’t feel like my anymore its true 😭😭

tw: su1cide. i feel so bad that i could easily choose death if it were painless. i'm a little afraid of dying, of stopping breathing.. life has no meaning for me for a while now, i feel apathy and a strong discouragement. now, with this problem, i really see myself as a despicable human being and impossible to "get it right". i feel bad about this, because it was a problem that i "hunted" with my own hands. i feel this. i can't stand the doubt, the pain, the thoughts against and the thoughts in favor anymore. it drives me crazy, takes away my peace and my happiness. i didn't have many good feelings before this problem, as far as i can remember..my memory is cloudy and i can't say anything about myself anymore. but i have the desire and the will to be a good person, to be kind, to be normal, to mean something good and to have a positive impact on the lives of the people around me. it seems like i discovered i was a horrible, paraphilic human being.. i am not invalidating the struggle of criminal paraphiliacs who fight against their desires, i am just reinforcing that if i were a person like that, i wouldn't be able to handle it and i wouldn't have the same strength. i hate my body, my appearance, my mind and the way i behave. being born was a big mistake, even though I'm not to blame. i wanted to try something that would take me out of that world, idk..but i still worry about my family members because i will die with them having a good view of me, and that makes me uncomfortable. because i don't feel like a good person. i'm just tired.

i’ve had this theme over and over throughout the years but everytime i spiral i get so scared. I keep asking myself if i think im having ocd if if im being fr. I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

OCD brings so much unnecessary guilt and shame, and I understand we need to accept the uncertainty and be able to find forgiveness within ourselves if we are dealing with past issues, but is it really possible to eliminate these negative feelings and be able to focus on the present? I'm always looking back and wishing things had ended up differently. "Maybe if I didn't do this, maybe if these things didn't occur... Maybe." It wasn't always like this for me, and that's how I've been holding onto hope that things will improve if I continue to march forward, seeking help from professionals and people around me. But, I still have those thoughts... That life would be much easier if I didn't have to deal with any of this, and these thoughts act as a weight that tugs me down and keeps me from progression. How do people do it? I flip-flop between this multiple times a day. I'll be hopeful, and then the next second, I don't even want to be here. I'm going to be seeing my psychiatrist in a little over a week from now, but I've picked up so many new fears since my last appointment (a month ago). There's always something... It feels impossible. I know it technically isn't, but still. I've seen people that have more extreme cases than my own, and they've been able to recover. But if it isn't my exact situation, the doubt always finds a way to sneak in, and it makes me feel like I don't deserve a future where I'm not constantly being bombarded by intrusive thoughts and things. Before this, I had intrusive thoughts. It's normal, but I didn't remember each and every one, if any. It's hard to move forward with all of this, coupled with the loads of trauma I have to unravel. I don't feel like a "normal" life is even possible for me. I miss who I was a year ago. I've lost all confidence in myself in the span of seven months. I feel like I have whiplash from how quickly things changed. This post started out with a genuine question, but it turned into a mini vent. I'm sorry😭 I'm genuinely curious if life will ever go back to how it was, or if people just live with this constant voice in their heads shouting at them every day.

does anyone else suffer from this?! 🔞 tw: p0rn and possible POCD. all i want is to be happy, in all aspects of my life, both personally and professionally. i'm so afraid that i discovered a paraphilia and ruined all my dreams forever...(i haven't been diagnosed yet). i'm afraid of "pretending" to be a good person and having this big dark secret behind it, like pedophilia. of being a troubled and unhealthy person. if i am diagnosed with something related, my life is over. i don't even know what I would do..plans like running away or checking into a clinic are on my mind, and, in the extreme, killing myself. i'm terrified of becoming a consumer of this, of only being arroused by it for the rest of my life.. when i'm with my girlfriend, our intimacy flows quite well. we love each other, i feel safe and happy with her.. i am overcome by an inexplicable euphoria, but these thoughts keep coming to my mind..again and again. so tiring. a few days ago when i relapsed into pornography (on X, old twitter), i ended up seeing a small frame from a video where a woman was intimately touching another woman, and this other woman had braces and had small 🍒(but, you know, we should never trust on porn industries. the problem behind fetishisms is so big that there are big porn companies involved in serious and extremely cruel processes). i know that this doesn't exactly mean being a minor, but these characteristics alone made me panic and then i had thoughts about it, which come in the form of bizarre stories of abuse, but i managed to control them and i was happy! i turned it into a good and safe story. like, why?! why does it seem like i'm repressing this?! why do i seem so hypocritical and lost?! i want my "normal" life back. without anything harmful. i'm sorry if i was too direct or if i triggered anyone! i needed to vent..

(please read if you have advice :( ) I wanted to start this thread off by saying, I am trying my hardest to not ask for reassurance. Anyways, ever since a kid I’ve been very hyper sexual, I don’t really remember the first memory or incident that caused this, but I do remember growing up , having unrestricted Internet, access, and other kids doing things to me, whether it was a cousin, family, friend, or friend at school, and also walking in on family members doing things that children should not be seeing(sometimes the family didn’t care to not let me see :( )I would self pleasure all the time, even in inappropriate areas. Whether it was at school, around family, and I even would go on Omegle at the young age of nine and talk to old men. Throughout my whole life I have just been very hyper sexual, which is hard to deal with ever since I got diagnosed with OCD, as my brain sexualizes, even my intrusive thoughts. The thoughts revolve around my family, my pets, and kids. Self Pleasure has become a compulsion, something that has become extremely repetitive, as I use it to ease the intrusive thoughts and groinal responses, but it doesn’t work therefore it just puts me in a loop. I do not want to harm anybody and I sure as hell do not want to be attracted to these things. But in the moment, the sensations and thoughts feel like this is something I actually want. It’s hard for me to feel content with this being OCD given the history of my childhood and even growing up while being a teenager. I really just want all of this to go away as it is mental torture for me. This has been going on for years, specifically the OCD as I got diagnosed with it when I was 15. I don’t know what was going on before I got diagnosed, I can only assume it was OCD also. I really just don’t know what to do, I’m scared to talk to therapist, even though I have talked to one before, it’s just that therapist with someone I was extremely comfortable with, but unfortunately had to stop speaking with them. This OCD stuff just feels so real, it comes with feelings, sensations, thoughts, urges, that feel extremely real. I would rather take myself off this earth than hurt anybody in any of those ways. I feel like I’m lying to you, as if I am a fraud, hiding behind OCD. Any advice is welcome thank you for reading if you have.

Hi there, I hope you’re all well. Sorry for the long post, however, I would appreciate any advice. I also appreciate it if you want to stop reading at some point as this will be a long, and brutal post. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD however, as we all know, the diagnosis can take a long time and I feel like it’s 100% a given that I have OCD. When I was 10 I was experiencing extreme intrusive thoughts about me doing bad things I.e killing someone, or robbing a shop etc. I practically forgot about this part of my life until 3 years ago when I developed some form of stomach bug which was making me want to be sick, although I was never sick, I just thought I wanted to be sick. I went to the doctors and they prescribed me anti sickness meds, which didn’t help, and soon after this I realised I was just anxious about something (which I’m unsure about), and then realised I never needed to be sick after all. When I realised it was my anxiety, it reminded me of my intrusive thought I use to have as a kid, and then this just re triggered my OCD and I was having horrible thoughts about other people, my wife etc which gave me a lot of anxiety. A lot of it was ROCD about not loving her etc. It took me a long time to get back to some form of normality, but I did. I would never say I was my usual self, but I got back to appoint where I came off meds, and felt relatively normal again without as many intrusive thoughts - and I thought I was ‘over it’. About 6 months ago, for whatever reason, I had a thought that ‘what if I’ve had an affair’, and it’s spiralled since then. I have no idea why I had that thought, and why it caught me so hard as I have never had an affair, but it did. And what I’m going through now is nothing like last time, it’s 100x worse. I tried to manage it by sitting with the thoughts etc, as that’s what I thought i use to do, but it just got worse and worse and worse. I feel all I ever use to do, was thinking about what I use to do to manage it, but it literally transformed into me only thinking about controlling/managing my OCD and never really on anything else. It got to a point where all I could think about was compulsions, and thinking if I didn’t do certain movements, thoughts etc my life would return to normality. I would feel a sense of satisfaction after not doing certain things, as I thought that was me resisting compulsions, but really, it was me just making it worse. At one point I would resist the urge to move my legs, or check my phone as I thought I just need to literally ‘sit with it’, but I took everything so literally. I’m now at a point, where I’m heavily depressed and can absolutely not see a way out, in fact, I have in my mind, that I’m going to EML, and i can’t shift this thought or feeling. I feel immense guilt and sadness in everything I do now as I’m just lying to everyone, and it’s un bearable being around my wife. Last week, I had 2 days where I even thought to myself, that I had turned a corner, and I think I actually believed it. But I feel that could have been because I was doing everything at 1000 miles per hour, and would constantly tell myself ‘I’ve got a great life’ and just reassuring myself constantly. I tried ERP, but I think this is too severe and when I was speaking to my therapist I couldn’t even concentrate because of all of the negative thoughts whirlwinding in my brain. I can’t remember what I use to think when I was normal, and I currently get enjoyment out of nothing. The thoughts are so constant, and I feel like because all I was doing was thinking back to how I dealt with it last time, my mind is now giving me constant images and thoughts of the past which just make me depressed, no matter what the thought is. I tell myself ‘to be in the present’, but I feel likes it’s even a compulsion me telling myself to do that because that just gives me a sigh of relief when I tell myself to do it. I’m so sorry for the long post, I just feel like OCD has completely transformed me into someone else, and I want to get back to the old me but I can’t even remember who that was and if it’s possible. That hardest thing to get over now is the fact that I can’t shift the feeling/thought of EML. Due to this, everything I do is unbearable. So sorry for the long post however, if there is any advice out there, that would be hugely appreciated.

I've had a recent traumatic event in my family intensify my OCD as of a little over a month ago, and I think I've had it for most of my life and was able to get by, but now it's lowkey been consuming my life. The shape-shifting it's doing is wild too. It feels like a slot machine of subtypes and my OCD picking what it feels like ruminating about. Like I feel like I'm going insane sometimes ngl. It started out with like harm ocd, and it's shifted to suicidal ocd, existential ocd, schizophrenic ocd, psychosis ocd, then somatic ocd, religion ocd, and health concern ocd and probably others too tbh And as of tonight I'm having depersonalization/derealization symptoms to where I feel like things aren't real which I haven't really experienced before. I started Paxil a few days ago, so who knows if that is causing part of it. I'm kind of just trying to laugh it off, like idk if that makes me insane or not, but just like laughing at all of the shape shifting anxiety and ocd is doing to me and my thoughts. Like in the back of my head I'm like am I manic, or like why am I laughing at this feeling but I'm just going to try and accept these feelings and emotions as they are. I just thought I'd share my thoughts and feelings - and if anyone has experienced the shape shifting that ocd can cause lmk. I'm gonna try and sleep this off lol

i had my therapy session i did an exposure but lit my fear of death has been sticking with me for the past few days.. it’s so hard bc i have this constant “what if i die?” or “what if i wanna hurt myself?” with my sucidial ocd… and i’m like doing my exposure trying not to do a compulsion… bc this is my MAIN MAIN theme that bothers me… and my fear of depression comes along and says “what if ur depressed and don’t care and u wanna die? or ur gonna die?” especially it’s my last year of high school and i lost my best friend last year from her dying and i’m so scared bc i have this thought “what if something bad happens on the day she passed away or what if u die at the end of the school year…” or “what if u die before graduation?” because my graduation is on her birthday… and like my ocd is just making me feel down and it’s just ugh i want it to go away i’m so scared i’m gonna feel miserable like this i don’t wanna think of death and i’m so scared of it

Hi! (I always turn on a trigger warning in case there was an accidental trigger for someone) I’ve been slowly coming out of a ocd relapse and had an amazing weekend with an incredible guy. Last week I’ve been bad about compulsions and handling random triggers. I feel bad even today for looking up internalized homophobia and trying to see if I relate. I’ve never been homophobic it’s just for me being gay is not who I am. I know I’ve been getting better because the thoughts don’t bother me as much but then it’s “but why don’t they bother me” kind of thing which is annoying. I’m a straight woman who struggles with SOOCD, ROCD, with hints of Suicidal ocd in the mix. I struggle with a lot of themes but SOOCD and ROCD are prominent and have been the most difficult for me personally. I have always been with and fallen in love with men. My dream has always been to marry like Bruce Wayne or have always imagined myself being with the leading guy in a movie that I thought was attractive. I was even married to a guy. We are getting divorced and I’m realizing that I went through a lot of mental abuse and ignored a lot of red flags. My confidence and self esteem have never been so low. Until I met this guy. I was on the verge of a breakdown with the relapse I had been having. Before I left to see this guy, my mom had a talk with me. She told me that the reason I was relapsing was because of my period being late (which it still is) and that I’m still carrying the hurt and shame I experienced from my marriage failing. From feeling ugly and not being good enough for my ex husband who was emotionally cheating on me. She said “OCD is making decisions for you before you even get the chance to. OCD is going to attack what makes you happy”. And this new guy really does. I don’t know how to explain it but when I saw him this weekend, I felt peace. OCD still crept in but it was easier to manage especially when he was there with me. I honestly have feelings for him but am not use to feeling so calm. He knows how to talk to me and he pays attention to me. We have a deep connection and I honestly see myself having a future with him. OCD has been attacking me here and there with worry that I’m lying to him about who I am or seeing him leave with another woman. I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to get hurt again and scared about all the uncertainty again. I’ve never once questioned these things about myself until November of 2023. I’ve been doing better but I’ve been feeling so many different things and now I value this man so man. I’m scared I’m going to hurt him because of my ocd and the thoughts I have. I keep having thoughts about lying and it’s just awful. I caught a glimpse of the old me when I was with this guy. I could feel my feelings and that connection that I always use to have with myself before ocd. I didn’t realize how much stress has really destroyed my sense of self. My self trust and always being confident in who I am. I could feel whenever I looked into his eyes and how he melted my heart. It felt amazing to be me again even if it’s for a short amount of time. I recently listened to Zach Westerbecks podcast called you’re not alone and he said to take recovery seriously. I want to. I need to. I wanna be me again and I can feel her in there. I also really want to be with this man. So if you read this much, thank you! My message is find your reason and take recovery seriously. You are not alone.

TW: suicidal Constantly fixated on the fact of helping people. I’m always doing compulsions like checking social medias to see if people need help etc, it’s exhausting cause I’m so sad I’m unable to help everyone. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m being entirely honest it’s making me not wanna be here anymore. I’m afraid that if i walk away from my phone for even 5 minutes someone will be in need and in danger and I want be there to help therefore it’s my fault etc. how can i cope with this? Obviously I want to help people but I wanna do it in different ways

i’m having sm anxiety rn bc i had a choir christmas party yesterday at school and we had snacks and sugar and i think sm sugar can make ur ocd rise bc it’s technically caffeine but also since i’m a senior in high school we had this thing for seniors and i got 2 cookies i ate that so i think it generally messed with my anxiety and ocd but when i got home i was so tired and felt bleh but i was anxious bc my fear of death ofc was like “what if ur dying?” and i’m having trouble breathing bc i woke up from a nap yesterday and i was panicking bc i thought i was gonna puke… but i woke up from a morning headache and i was anxious this morning but i’m like ugh it’s so hard bc my head feels weird and my body feels weird like almost like a burn out after anxiety?? but like i took a tylenol idk if it helped… but my head feels weird and body feels weird like almost light headed but not? and tired feeling but then my health, sucidial, and fear of death in general has been going back to back

I’m just so tired of OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’m at the point where I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. I feel like all I can think about is bad thoughts that aren’t true, and it’s wearing my soul down. I love my family and friends but my mind keeps telling me I hate them or that I want to hurt them or leave them. I don’t want to die but I can’t keep living like this anymore. I’m in so much pain some days that I just want it to end. I don’t understand why God would make me suffer so much when I’m so blessed with everything I have. I keep hearing that God is merciful and that he has a plan for us, a good plan, but how I can believe that when my soul hurts so bad. Everything in my life is perfect except me. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy. I used to be so anxious that I believed I would never make it to adulthood, but now that I’m an adult I don’t know what to do. I never dreamed of the future because I believed I never had one. I still feel the same way. I’m just going through the motions every day because I feel I have no purpose. Sometimes it feels like I’m only alive because my family loves me and I don’t want to hurt them with my death. Sometimes I crave the thought of alcohol and drugs because I wish I could numb myself. Sometimes I wonder if my family would let me go if they knew how much my mind haunts me. I don’t know what I’m living for except my family and the hope it’ll get better, but I’m running out of hope. I just wish it would stop, that I could have some peace. I want peace so damn bad. I sleep as much as I can because it’s the only time my mind is quiet. I’m missing out on my life because sleeping is one of my only sources of peace. I’m missing out on time with my family because my mind won’t leave me alone. I know it can get better but I don’t know if I can wait any longer. I’m losing my mind and sometimes I wish I could go to another world to escape it, but it wouldn’t matter. No matter where I go, my mind will never give me peace. It will always fight me. What should I do? Should I tell my family about this? I don’t want to bother them because the holidays are close and maybe this is just another depressive episode. Idk. I just need some advice.

The last 5 months of my life have left me heartbroken, battered and bruised from the inside out 💔 5 months ago; I ended my 14 year relationship with my former partner. Someone who I was in a relationship with from 18-32 years old. The relationship was tragically ended after the first 5 months of the year had been the demise of us. Initially, my ex had been terminated from his employment due to being accused of embezzling money from his company for the past 2 years. At first, he claimed his innocence, but eventually had confessed his guilt to me. From there and despite me standing by his side after having been made aware of his wrongdoings; it was the beginning of the end of us. Our entire lives had started to cave in as each month passed and the pressure from the situation caved in on us in all different areas and aspects of our lives. Eventually, it had caused such a strain on our relationship; that I decided to make the executive decision to end our relationship in June. It was 2 weeks after having broken up, but still remaining under the same roof; that we had gotten into our worst domestic dispute to date. The police were called, an arrest was made against him, a restraining order/order of protection were put in place for my safety and he was removed from our then home indefinitely. From there, I was solely responsible for the upkeep of our home, taking care of our 5 dogs (children), two large size fish tanks, snake and axolotl. In addition to being solely responsible for taking care of myself financially, etc. from that point forward. I had to put our home up for sale (what the domestic dispute was over), start to pay my own car payment, insurance, etc. The list of responsibilities was endless. Aside from the financial aspect of the breakup; I also had to conduct all open houses, private showings, etc. all the while managing our 5 dogs by myself, entirely. We’d lived in that home for what would have been 5 years together; a home that I put the security deposit down on all by myself at the age of 27 years young. A 5-figure down payment I ultimately had to sacrifice in the selling of our home because he refused to reimburse me at closing. For 5 months; I stood imprisoned in that home by myself living in purgatory while it withered away from the inside out. I literally physically saw the demise of it break down with my own two eyes and had to endure what that did to me mentally, emotionally and physically over the last 5 months. All the while; might I add, that I’d been a “House Husband (homemaker)” our entire relationship. Until, ultimately being forced to change that in an emergency situation that unfortunately presented itself due to his illegal activities. As of last week; I had 3 days to find a new place to live, hire a moving company, pack up an entire home and all that was mentioned in it above, move to my new residence and now ultimately unpack, settle in, etc. Again, all by myself; while having been mentally, emotionally and physically unstable at this point. I’ve been forthcoming about all of the details within my story, but it’s all that I have left out (you can only imagine); that truly, eats away at me. All the while, I hadn’t seen, spoken to, etc. my ex for the last 5 months, but decides to contact me within the 3 days mentioned for the first time since June for his “Closure.” Meanwhile, earlier in the week; last week, I had unfortunately crossed paths with him (unknowingly) and witnessed him on what was confirmed to be a “Date,” at a restaurant I introduced him to that I frequented at. As if witnessing that in-person wasn’t gut-wrenching enough; he had the audacity to contact me by text message, phone call and multiple e-mails (against court orders, mind you); for his, “Closure.” Adding insult to injury; the holiday’s/Christmas are my favorite time of year since childhood and they’re extremely sentimental to me as well. Details of which he’s obviously been aware of over the past 14 years. Needless to say; my entire holiday season this year has been entirely sabotaged by both him and all of the above circumstances mentioned above. To say that I lack the “Holiday Spirit,” this year; would be an understatement and I was once suicidal during the holiday season/Christmas in 2020 due to my Harm, etc. OCD. But this holiday season; after these past 5 months and the havoc they’ve caused to my life as I once knew it, the lives of my 5 dogs (children), etc. I am truly shaken to the core in a devastatingly catastrophic way. However, I’d like to state that I am safe now. I have since relocated successfully and I intend on putting my best foot forward (despite all odds stacked against me); for not only myself, but my 5 dogs (children), etc. because they all both depend and rely on me and are ultimately what give me the strength, courage, etc. to be motivated to keep going! And so, I wrap this story up by stating that I am truly concerned (scared) for a negative relapse on my mental health. I have been in both recovery and remission for ex amount of time now from my chronic OCD, major depressive disorder and severe anxiety disorder. With all of the above being said; I ask, I beg and I plead with anyone/everyone was has taken the time to read this post in its entirety (thank you, wholeheartedly); to keep me, my 5 dogs (children), etc. in your thoughts and prayers this holiday season and into the new year ahead of us. Again, thank you to anyone/everyone whohas taken the time to read my post and gain a glimpse of my story/into our lives as of the year and especially these past 5 months. I wholeheartedly; thank you all and am both grateful and appreciative! Sending love, compassion and support to all those suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌 Happy Holiday’s 🎅🎄🎁

since i want to become a teacher and i am in my last year of university, i just feel like pocd makes it so hard for me to be passionate about being a teacher again because the intrusive thoughts have convinced me that i’m a p and i shouldn’t be working with children and i’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve anything . i’m so scared to even work with children because of the intrusive thoughts and how it would just make me disgusted with myself so i just avoid children. The thoughts make me feel like i want to unalive myself and somehow they convinced me i am a p and i just want to throw up because why is this in my head i just want to rip it out and just run away from everything. I’ve been through sexual abuse as child and i would never want to harm a child and i don’t want to do anything with a child. i don’t know what to do for the future. I don’t want reassurance i just want to know how to deal with these thoughts . Also since i’m on my period i heard that ocd is more amplified on intrusive thoughts so it’s probably why i feel like this and it’s so much more intense than usual.

Hi everyone, I’m reaching out here because I know this community understands the daily battles of living with OCD. Recently, I hit a really dark place and tried to take my own life. It’s been hard to admit, but I’m still here, and I’m trying to find a way forward. OCD feels relentless sometimes—the intrusive thoughts, the constant doubt, the cycles that never seem to end. It became so overwhelming that I didn’t see a way out. I know I need help, and I’m working on reaching out to professionals, but I also wanted to connect here. To those who’ve been in a similar place: What helped you keep going? How do you manage the darkest moments when OCD takes over? I feel like I’m holding on by a thread, but I’m holding on. Any advice, words of encouragement, or personal experiences would mean so much to me right now. Thank you for reading this, and for being part of a space where we can be honest about our struggles.

So I've had OCD since I was a child. Like really young. The first intrusive thought I can remember was when I was 5. It just keeps getting worse and lately they've been making me physically ill or throwing me into extreme panic attacks again ( ones where I can't move my body ) the other night I thought God was trying to kill me because I was thinking about ending myself from OCD+ life issues but in reality I was just having a panic attack😭😭it affects me daily. It gets a little better with therapy but I don't see therapy coming into my life any time soon and I'm not even sure if I would want to go (for multiple reasons). To wrap this up if you have severe ocd can you tell me what it's like?? I don't want to label anything without proper research and hearing others perspectives. Thank you!! <3 (My profile says all of my subtypes if that helps any)

does anyone else feel this dread?! i don't have a diagnosis, and with each passing day it seems like the symptoms get stronger and stronger. It seems SO real, the sensations, the thoughts, the "urges"..i don't know if i have compulsions. something tells me that i only suffer because i don't accept this. but these thoughts sadden and distress me, that's a fact. i've seen some documentaries about anti-contact p3d0s, or p3d0s who are abusers..i "identify" with these symptoms only on "impulse", like, when i feel like committing acts, but i clearly don't do them because they make me very scared and terrified. and the "desire", because i really it seems like i want this.. this makes me want to die.