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Everyone around me says I look ill and that I’m a shell of what I used to be, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs OCD has completely sucked the life force out of me

i got broken up with right before going back to college and i was dating him for 6 years. he was my crutch and my go to comfort person. and now i feel so lost and sad and im like getting suicidal ocd again like im scared im gonna die from this like something is gonna take over because i feel so terrible right now its only been 4 days

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with OCD that’s very existential and focused on suicide. A few days ago I was convinced my life with my family was good and I felt calm and grounded. Then a disturbing shift came over me: a quiet, reflective feeling that felt almost omniscient, like nothing matters anymore and that love and the reasons we live are superficial and have no real value. Since that feeling arrived, my conviction that life is worth living has disappeared. The current state feels more like the ultimate truth because it is so intense and deep. It even feels, and I hold this as a kind of sacred conviction, that what I’m experiencing, feeling, and “knowing” is unique and has never happened to anyone else. When I don’t have this feeling, normal life — living my life and loving my family — doesn’t feel as vivid or important, and that makes my head tell me the normal reality must be fake. I try to draw strength from my love for my wife and children, but the more I think about it the more I get the sense that I don’t truly love them enough or that their love might not be a strong enough reason to stay alive. I’m constantly stuck in my head wondering whether this is depression or some unshakable knowledge or obsession I can’t get rid of. I also get intrusive thoughts that if I ever felt better and no longer had suicidal or depressive impulses, I would just be burying my head in the sand and pretending everything is fine. It feels hyper-important and overshadows other OCD, depression and anxiety worries. Has anyone else experienced existential or suicide-centered OCD like this, especially the sudden omniscient feeling that everything is meaningless and which then feels more real than ordinary life, or the conviction that your experience is totally unique? How do you cope when your love for family feels insufficient because of the obsession? Any strategies, therapies, or ways of thinking that have helped would be really appreciated. Thank you.

tw: mention of SA & suicide 18+ I’ve been experiencing different themes & today I was going thru fitness goals for petite women on reddit & seeing their hard work. I thought to myself, “if they can, so can I” & well I have more thought abt me going back to a healthy weight & it made me feel good. it’s like I can’t wait to finally be freed of this obesity. anyway, a couple days ago I went to the store with my baby brother & while shopping, there were two men towards the back of the store. some lady came up to me & asked where condensed milk was at bc she couldn’t find it. I didn’t know either but went looking with her. she told me one of the men in the back was following her, so I stood close to her. eventually she went another way to look for the item. I thought to give it another try and as I was walking thru the aisles, I noticed the two men who had finished talking with an older woman. I don’t make eye contact with anyone at the store, ever. unless I’m greeted by the employees, but that’s it & I do a quick glance. so I’m abt to enter into another aisle and the men pass by & I’m pretty sure I was being verbally harassed bc he was calling me names and cursing. nobody else was nearby. I didn’t even do anything to this guy. inside I wanted to clap back, but remembering the youtube videos I watched of women coming across hostile/insecure men, I realized that it was best to stay quiet. as much as I talked abt deleting myself in the past, I did not wanna put my brother and I at risk and die at the hands of a man lmao. I wanted to make it home alive. now that may seem extreme, but u never know. the reason I mention this is bc while I envisioned myself in my ‘dream body’ (just healthy), I began to have thoughts of, “what if I start to get verbally harassed by men?” I have bought clothes that I found were beautiful and thought it would fit my theme. I’m just worried men will try to SA me and they’ll say something like “she was asking for it” bc of the way I dress. and the types of clothes I have are cute/beautiful tops to go with jeans. literally halter/blouse tops. it’s bad enough for women but I feel like it can be even worse for me as a petite woman. even worse if they think I’m underage & still go for it. unfortunately, I’ve been approached by grown ass men as a minor in the past & each time it felt disgusting. this was when I had a healthy weight too. hopefully in a year or two I can make myself appear older bc I do have a somewhat youthful face. my height doesn’t help either lmao. I hope the clothes I have and some others that I’m planning to get will help me achieve an ‘older’ look. I’m pretty confident I can do it. just need to lose the weight and do some styling. soooo, to conclude, I’m just worried men will try to have their way with me. idk if this is ocd or a true worry of mine. bc it is a genuine issue for women. shit is real.

I CAN'T STOP THOUGHTS. I think about meaning of life, time, afterlife and other shit. I can't stop thinking. I cannot distract myself. When my thoughts are the worst I'm thinking about su*cide, and it scares me because I'm not suicidal and I don't want to die. But what if I do something with myself? Please I want any advice what to do, I can't afford therapy at the moment

i figured it’s better to reach out than to keep this buried. if you have anything—resources, insights, advice—that could help me, please send it my way. anything that might bring clarity, support, or even the smallest sense of direction would mean a lot. diagnosed Borderline w/ OCD July 29th i haven’t written in quite some time. journaling, once a refuge, became a mirror i no longer wished to face—each entry echoing the same obsessions, amplifying them, feeding their rhythm. i lost the spontaneity, the irregular cadence that once made expression feel free. instead, it became a ritual of rumination. recently, i’ve begun making small, deliberate changes—adjustments wherever i feel the pull. i’m starting to understand that who i am is an ever-shifting convergence of thought and temperament. my personality isn’t fixed; it’s a reflection of my internal weather. tracking my moods has helped illuminate certain patterns, revealing how my triggers unfold—but pinpointing those triggers remains elusive. the inconsistency, that quiet turbulence within, makes it difficult. there’s always a friction between my need for comfort and my hunger for transformation. i’ve always judged that contradiction in others—yet here i am, mirroring it. i’ve slowly dismantled many of my defenses, not out of strength, but out of exhaustion. in surrendering control, i’ve made room for meaning. for once, i’m not chasing perfection—I’m chasing something that feels true. psychology is calling to me. it feels like a path that might finally align with the way i think and feel. i’m changing schools, moving in with my father for a while. i need distance from this space that has become both a sanctuary and a cell. my environment dictates so much of my being. that’s how i know: if i can shift the world around me, i can begin to reshape the world within. i’m tired of this ache, this heaviness that keeps finding me no matter where i go. there’s still a part of me that longs to disappear into it—to wrap myself in the numbness, to retreat into that dark shell i’ve outgrown but never quite left behind. but i know now that denying my humanity only deepens my suffering. this endless attempt to regulate every thought, every impulse—it’s tearing me apart in slow, invisible ways. each obsession is a tiny collapse. i pray for the still moments, the ones where i’m not paying for the chaos inside me. i want to take responsibility, i truly do, but none of this feels like something i chose. i didn’t ask for this. i never would have. nothing so far has brought me the fulfillment i crave. i need to rebuild—to design a life rooted in stability, in truth. but it’s hard when i wake up feeling like a different version of myself every day, like i’m holding court with a rotating cast of souls, each demanding a different truth. i hope therapy can help me unburden all of this. i want more than survival. i want peace. i want joy. i want to be loved in a way that doesn’t feel conditional, and i want to love back without the fear that i’m incapable of giving what i receive. i want to be able to hold my instability in my hands and say: i am not afraid of you anymore. but that courage flickers. depending on my mood, my willingness to change rises and falls like a tide. i remain, at my core, a frightened child—haunted by the same small, inconsequential fears. i don’t know why i want to live, and that unsettles me. i don’t know why i long for connection, and that unsettles me too. i just want to emerge from this with something real, something that belongs wholly to me. i’m tired of being fragmented. i’m tired of being stuck in this cycle of becoming and unraveling. i want to belong to myself. i just don’t know what that truly means.

*PLEASE READ* *any help appreciated* So I work with kids and it’s a lightning rod for triggering my POCD. I work with a mental health org that supports kids with autism and other intellectual development disorders. And so I’ve grown really close with one kid since I started since I was his first ever staff and he was the first ever kid I worked with. I’ve grown really protective of him and we’ve become really close and our relationship truly means the world to me. But before I get into my little incident, I have to provide context: so I am hypersexual and struggle with compulsive masturbation and my urges are almost uncontrollable sometimes. I have a lot of trauma from foot fetish stuff/pornography as a kid and it’s carried on into my adult life unfortunately. And so as I was waking up my kid and trying to get him out of bed to get him into the shower (I usually give him a few extra minutes but if he’s uncooperative I have to pull him out of bed gently) and so I just shift him by his legs bc it’s easiest. And my urges and thoughts have been so bad lately and when he wasn’t cooperating, as I was shifting his legs today, his foot touched my private area and I carried on normally but now I feel like a monster and everything I fear. I need some advice bc I’m scared to even talk to my therapist about this bc I think I will go to jail. I don’t want to be like this and I hate POCD so much and I rlly care so much for this kid and would actually die for him to protect him. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy bc idk if that contact between us was intentional or not and I have not spiraled like this for so long. I truly am losing my mind and want to give up bc I know I am not the person my POCD tells me I am but now I feel like I am everything it calls me. I feel so ashamed and repulsed and disgusted in myself and wish I didn’t exist. I feel like I’ve exploited my kid and taken advantage of him and that I don’t deserve to have him in my life and that I don’t even deserve to life and would be better off in jail or dead. im so broken and I’m sorry if what im saying is confusing

If you’re sensetive to the topic of divorce, needles, or self harm don’t read this. I’m really sorry for how long this is going to be I promise it has a point. So this morning I woke up. It was around 11 when I woke up. I had to get in the shower for a dentist appointment I had to get a cavity filled, which is literally horrible. I can’t describe how much I fucking hate getting my teeth filled the pain of the needle is so bad and the dentist is awful for me because I always think about how many other mouths might’ve touch the equipment. I got a shower and just went with my hair wet and I noticed a huge bruise on my leg from my bf accidentally kneeling on me and I thought about how much it hurt and I worried that the bruise might become something else because I read up on how sometimes small bruises can lead to really horrible blood pooling and internal bleeding. I got in the car and me and my dad left to go to my dentist appointment. When I was sitting waiting I was sitting alone with no distractions so I thought a lot. I thought about how this is the second dentist appointment I’ve been to in a month that my hair was wet for and how my dentist probably thinks my hair is greasy and that im gross. When my dentist gave me the needle to freeze me my vision went a bit wonky and I remember worrying that he sent the freezing to my nervous system and how this was just gonna be how my vision gets stuck forever. They finished the filling and I worried that my invisiline treatment would stop working because of the slight change from the filling and how I’d waste thousands of my parents dollars from one filling. When I was coming from the dentist my mom texted that she was taking me somewhere to eat so I went home with my dad and waited for her to come get me. We went to eat and it was amazing. And for context me and my mom usually can’t get through a car ride without being at each others throats. She even bought me a slice of cheese cake to take home. We got home and I was talking to my parents about whatever. I went into my kitchen to snack on something and my dad told me to get out of the cupboards. He told me to come here and sit down. I thought he was gonna tell me that I need to diet. I asked worriedly what they wanted to talk about. My dad said “oh just life and stuff” I figured they were gonna tell me some type of advice. That they were gonna give me the talk (I’m a teenager in a teenage relationship so this makes sense) I remember the hot feeling of the anxiety in my body. Of what he might tell me. Up until this point my life was all those worries I talk about in my so far day. My life was wake up worry about crazy impossible shit, worry about everything, the worst thing in my life to this point was my self harm that I ended up falling into around 2 years ago (I’m clean for the most part now). Up until this point my parents were together for 18 years. But today my parents sat me down and told me they’re separating. Right when my life finally felt so right. When the only issue was my ocd. When that was my complaint. There’s no one to blame for it. It’s just how life ended up happening. I’m so utterly confused. I don’t even know what to think. For the first time in my entire life I have no idea what to think. It is impossible for my brain to muster up something, anything. I just can’t. And the last time I felt like I couldn’t think I cut myself. And I can’t do that. I just feel so freaking lost. My life is about to begin. I’m about to graduate high school this coming year. And my senior year. My last year. It about to be so hard in so many ways. I just can’t. And I feel so alone in this because their separation is gonna go so smoothly with no issues they have it all figured out and they still love eachother. So I can’t complain that it’s gonna be messy. My brothers still very young so he’ll deal with it differently. And any of my friends who have divorced parents their parents divorces were messy and horrible and they were all so young when it happened. But I’ll be a legal adult next year. So I feel like I’m not supposed to be upset about it because it happen to me later in life. I just really don’t know.

i think i might be struggling with depression. can depression make ocd worse? because lately, my intrusive thoughts have become so intense that even trying to sit with them doesn’t help. i hate that i can’t even go one full day without giving in to a compulsion. the horrible, blasphemous thoughts are so overwhelming that i sometimes feel like giving up and just believing them—not because i actually want to, but because I’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted. what scares me most is that my feelings feel so twisted now… like i’m starting to like or want these cruel thoughts. it’s terrifying because i feel like i’m becoming the kind of person I never wanted to be—a cruel person, even an enemy of God. and i don’t want that at all. i'm just scared i’m changing into someone i’m not.

i haven’t talked to anyone about this, not my therapist, not my girlfriend, not my parents, but these days i find myself thinking about just ending it all. i wouldn’t actually do it, i’m too scared to, but sometimes it feels like that’s the only way out, the only solution. i feel so wrong, like everything about me is wrong, and i can’t find it in myself to believe i’m worth living. i need to know if it gets better. i’m 20 years old and have spent the vast majority of my teenage years in therapy. i can’t stop feeling like i need to confess everything, especially to my girlfriend. obviously i try to resist the urge to but the mental battles are exhausting. every time something is even slightly wrong, i feel like i can’t i breathe. whenever i’m trying to distract myself, whenever i’m busy, all i can think about is everything i’m doing wrong. how can i possibly live life to the fullest if this is how i am?

Hi, i’m new to this app, i’ve had it for a couple days but finally just built up the courage to make a post… I think i might have OCD, but im not sure what type, or if i even have it, & i would like your guys opinions on it. I want to talk about some of my obsessions, some are physical where i get obsessed with physical objects, & others are where i get obsessed with my thoughts & actions, or other things people do. As well as my compulsions. Some thoughts i have everyday that im constantly worried about is accidentally killing myself, epically with my self-harm, & accidentally killing someone else although ive never had the urge or impulse to hurt someone like that before. I’m also worried about the quality of my car ALWAYS, & worried that someone will break into it, or steal it, or damage it - like hitting it, or doing a hit & run, or getting into an accident. I have constant thoughts about driving into a wall & killing myself. I also have to have the volume in my car at an even number otherwise it feels like i’m going to die, or i’m going to get into an accident. I’m also worried about my house burning down, & i even have to call my mom or text to her to make sure everything’s okay… i’m also constantly worried about people leaving/abandoning me, im worried that something in my past will come up, & someone will perceive me in a certain way that will make them leave me. Or im always worried that ive done something wrong although theres actually nothing i’ve done wrong, which could also make them leave me. I have a really hard time with uncertainty, & i need reassurance constantly. I have a lot of paranoid thoughts like “my family is out to get me” & “everyone’s hates me” & “you’re a horrible person” & images & more, even though i know they’re not real & they have no actual meaning to them. With the physical objects, i get obsessed with ideas or things, like bands, collectibles, keychains, posters, stuffed animals, & basically anthing you can think of, & i feel the need to get things or buy things pertaining to it, to make myself happy or feel fulfilled. at this point im becoming a hoarder. Another thing that i deal with is having things on a special or specific order. i need things to be decorated in my room in a very specific way for me to be happy, & if somethings off it triggers me & makes me really upset. I need to have things facing me, & in order & arrange them in a certain way. I get obsessed with the order of my room & how things look, & need constant approval from others to make sure it looks okay. To calm down i often have to repeat to myself that I am okay, until i actually feel okay again, & i definitely avoid places & situations that trigger me. i also constantly have to fidget with my hands, & my clothes to calm down, & am constantly worried about what other people thing of me, & because of that i have to go to the bathroom especially at work to check how i look & fix my clothes constantly to make sure i look okay. I also have a lot of brain chatter, so no matter what the time of day im always thinking things in the back of my mind, my brain remembers things throughout the day, like music, or people talking, or phrases they say, & sometimes i have to say it out loud to feel okay. Is this OCD? & if so, what type?

i'm scared of my life right now. yesterday, i really had very dark and blasphemous thoughts about Jesus, and i think i believed and agree with them. as i think about it right now, i think i smiled or felt proud of it yesterday. i wasn't even sure if i laughed, felt proud, agree, or believed it—but i think i did believe and agree with it. yesterday, i felt sick too because of a cold, and i think i'm going through depression for days, so i felt so exhausted. as i'm typing right now the phrase that i'm going through depression and felt sick yesterday, my brain says that maybe i'm just using those as an excuse to not look horrible. today, i feel so horrible because what happened yesterday is very wrong. i shouldn't believe or agree in that. Jesus is very kind and loving, so why would i agree with those blasphemous thoughts? i hate what is happening to me right now. i feel like i'm not sorry enough for the blasphemous thoughts i had about Jesus. i feel so terrible. i feel like i'm starting to get cruel. even with random people, i'm having cruel thoughts and feel like i agree with them. i'm not like this before. i don't know why i feel this way—like i will just fully believe and agree in every cruel thought i have. i feel like i have no energy to really feel bad, even though i know how terrible those thoughts are. i don't want to be a cruel person. i feel so sorry and bad for the thoughts i had about Jesus and those people, and it doesn't help that i keep thinking about whether i really believed and agree with them. i'm also scared because i'm thinking i'm developing psychosis. i've been analyzing my behavior before and earlier, and i'm scared that too much thinking will lead me there. i'm scared because i also have urges to laugh sometimes, and i have random thoughts and phrases that comes on my mouth that are unrelated to what i'm doing. my emotions also don’t match the situation sometimes. i'm also talking to myself out loud—i’m doing it to answer back to my ocd and explain things, but sometimes i'm doing it randomly or out of nowhere but i'm aware of it. i'm so scared of developing psychosis. i'm 17, and i can't see the purpose of living like this. i hate my brain. i hate myself. i feel so cruel. if i die, i'm thinking i’ll go to hell because i believed and agree on the blasphemous thoughts i had about Jesus, even though i cry, hurt myself, and acknowledge how horrible and wrong they are already. i feel like i'm still believing and agreeing on those blasphemous thoughts, like they have a point—and i hate that. it is so horrible. i even scared how my feelings are not aligned, like i really like it. i don't know why i feel this way. i'm so cruel. when i think about healing myself, i feel so undeserving of it—because why would a cruel person like me deserve that? why would someone who might commit blasphemy against Jesus heal? i just want to d!e. i'm so tired. i don't care about myself anymore, but i'm so scared and worried about what i've done to Jesus. can you help me? i badly need help. i don't know what to do anymore. i feel so condemned. i feel like i'm about to develop psychosis because of this. please help me. i feel so cruel.

I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was really bad. There was this guy saying he was pro extinction and he said we should accept extinction to stop suffering. I commented. “Alright, buddy. You go first.” I remembered it and was like, “That’s wasn’t very good what I said.” I went back and deleted it. I still feel bad though. I mean, I basically told a person to kill themself. I mean, a lot of other people were saying the same thing but I don’t give me the right to say that. I often do this. Words come out of my mouth that I shouldn’t say and I regret them later. I’m gonna commit to not saying this again and ensure that I don’t say something as inappropriate as that and try to respectful from here on out.

I had a compulsion to look up “child nudity” on google to see people’s opinions on whether nudity in children is sexualized or not. This came from a whole other obsession that I’m not going to get into right now. I had another compulsion to click on images and I told myself I didn’t want to I had a compulsion to look up “child nudity” on google to see people’s opinions on whether nudity in children is sexualized or not. This came from a whole other obsession that I’m not going to get into right now. I had another compulsion to click on images and I told myself I didn’t want to do that but still did it anyway. I saw one boy naked from the front. I immediately closed the tab but then got another compulsion to look again to confirm what I saw. I searched again and looked on images this time seeing a toddler girl nude from the back. I closed the tab and got a compulsion to look at the first image again to confirm the approximate age of the boy in the first picture and this time saw a girl toddler nude from the front. Doing all of this I yelled at myself to stop and when I saw the last picture of the girl I started crying. I’m still in tears and I’m so scared. I have another urge to look at the source of that photo with the boy again to confirm he wasn’t getting sexually exploited in that image. It was from 1920 and he had a straight face so I’m worried I actually saw something really bad. These images weren’t sexualized I think but are they still considered CP? Did I just see illegal material? Either way I just looked at photos of nude children 3 separate times and now I hate myself more than I ever had before. I feel like I shouldn’t be alive right now. I’m a disgusting human being l don’t deserve to live what is wrong with me. I don’t care if this is ocd I gave into a really inappropriate compulsion and didn’t stop myself. I’m not afraid I’m going to harm children I know for a fact I would never do that but this is a step too far. How do I continue living with myself. I messaged my therapist for the first time and she said we can have a session tomorrow but I’m an absolute mess right now. I’m crying so hard I gave myself a headache and it’s getting hard to breathe correctly.

Hey guys, recently I’ve been struggling with always checking in with my emotions. And it gets very tiring right now I’m dealing with some suicidal OCD and I constantly check for negative emotions or depression. I’ve noticed it’s very hard for me to stop checking my emotions cause it’s something I’m used to doing because I have mental illness. Any advice on how to stop checking. Thanks 🙏

I started using chatgpt for mental health advices and at first it was really helpful, I learned alot but then it made me drown in my emotions. I asked alot about acceptance, what is it how I do it and always it made me sit and stay with my emotions which made me hyper aware of them which made them stronger. But if i told him that he said I should focus on something else. But then I was avoiding it... not sure if its me or its really not helpful. Also I made that bad decision that I started asking about my suicidal ocd and be told me i might want to escape from the pain, not with death but my mind jumps to suicide cause it wants an escape, and this really scared me to a point that I was lying on the floor crying... Since im doing what it tells me i keep feeling bad. This whole week was a disaster, I know the "its normal to feel worse when you start to accept" well this is not like that, if it is then I wont recover cause this is brutal... the physical symptoms were worse then when i was fighting... so overall maybe it helped me but Im thinking of stopping talking with it cause it made my mental health worse. I rely on myself.

I have been nervous about flying since I am going on a trip tomorrow and the thought of turbulence has unnerved me but I have been doing ok with that thought and slowly getting used to it. I have been looking at videos and articles explaining turbulence and what it is and why it happens and I have been feeling better about it. I go to bed and I am definitely tired. I am at that stage where I am falling asleep but still awake and all of a sudden I get a random anxiety hit feeling and a accompanying thought of "I wanna die!". I immediately wake up like I was just fighting for my life and I keep repeating the thoughts over and over wondering if that's what I want or something. I sort of calm down and try to sleep but now I am getting random thoughts from tv shows, music lyrics, and scenes from said shows playing in a random order. Feels like I am losing it and I can't focus. I am afraid I am having some psychosis or something which increases my anxiety. Any help or insight would be appreciated. I have had Suicidal OCD thoughts before but this one sort of hit different since I was partially asleep.

This is my first week back to work after being off for 6 months to grapple with my OCD as it became extremely debilitating. I made mistakes when my OCD returned and self medicated with alcohol. Partly due to the OCD but also due to severe back pain from working the California fires in January. Long story short I was pulled over and arrested for DUI and although I was a low BAC it was still enough to be taken in and since then I have hired a lawyer to handle it as I dealt with my OCD treatment. I also returned to work and at which point they had been aware of the dui due to a license information pull by the dmv. Even though I have already had the DMV side dismissed as it was proven I wasn’t over the limit while driving, I am still trying to beat the court side. Either way I am now dealing with a ton of fallout at work for this even if I’m proven to be innocent. It has really put me into a dark place and it makes me fantasize about ending it. I know that, that isn’t the way and that’s not the way to win at this. I’m really digging in to sitting with the uncomfortable and what ifs and trying not to solve for problems that have not happened yet.

Hello. I joined this app because I realised my experiences might be due to OCD. I often have these really disgusting and terrible pictures of me becoming someone horrible, doing horrible things to others. These ideas really disturb me, and often in my mind, and physically sometimes, I literally scream quitely to myself, "Shut up!" Over and over until the image goes away, but unless I distract myself with something else immediately after, it comes back and gets worse. I also end up looking back on these thoughts, and being terrified that maybe I am thinking of this because it is what I truly want, so I end up desperately trying to filter my thoughts, and this ends up carrying into something like SO-OCD, even though I am confident that I am a straight male, and there is no evidence that I am not, I keep trying to prove to myself that I am straight to make the thought go away. I also get the fear that after I maybe do something and say something I know I maybe shouldn't have to someone, that when they leave, or I can't find them for a bit, they have gone to commit suicide. Likewise, I also get intrusive thoughts of me killing myself, even though I have no desire to, and this scares me a lot as well. I used to occasionally get these thoughts in chunks like maybe for 2 weeks and then I wouldn't for another few weeks, but they have gotten worse and more frequent this past semester. They are still not bad enough to actively effect my daily life and routine, but they definitely come frequently enough to distract me, disrupt what I'm doing and make me take a break, and it has dramatically effected my mood and mental state lately. Do you guys recommend any ways to deal with this, is this really severe enough to even call OCD? Would love to hear, thanks! ❤️

Hi everyone. I need someone to talk to right now. My parents won’t like to what I have to say and it is making me feel hopeless. I really want to have a life this year if examples in person school, doing a job, or doing something that will make friends. I don’t have anything. For the past 15 months I have been all alone in my room. My parents forced me to do online because I had ocd. And I have gotten a lot better over this past year. And I feel 100% confident to go to in person school. My parents said that I can’t. And that you can do a program and online school again. I said to myself that I will have a life this year. And I am trying to make that happen. I am begging my parents to let me have a life, but I just feel trapped in my room and in my head. I want to go out and live. I don’t know if I should leave or stay. But at the same token I want to be able to have a life and not be in my room, but then I don’t know if my parents are right or not. Someone please say something cause I think I am about to give up