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Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured

Hi guys! I'm actually doing pretty well lately but this obsession is sticking, and I don't like it. It's kind of sexual and disgusting so be warned. Basically, when I was 14, I was sitting next to my 7 sister and adjusting my pants. My hand accidentally slipped and pressed between my legs. It felt good, obviously. I knew then that doing sexual things around others was not okay, but for whatever reason, I subtly pushed my hand there again. I didn't do it again, and nobody saw, but it's so disgusting. I was next to my sister. And I was 14—that's a high schooler, a ninth grader. I should have known better by then. I know people always say there's no age to stop making mistakes, but this is about hard boundaries. It's incredibly inappropriate. I feel really bad about it and I genuinely think what I did was wrong, and that I deserve to—not go to jail, I don't think I'm a criminal or anything, but I deserve to be treated with disgust at least. I don't think this is forgivable. Am I overreacting? Please help me out, guys. Thank you!

Hey, So I was supposed to finish school in 2020 but Covid kinda messed that up so I graduated in 2021. I always had the plan to study nursing but with my OCD and the pandemic I opted to wait and take a sort of gap year. Fast forward to the present day with exception to a job or two here and there I have no career. I’m 21 unemployed and feel completely lost and isolated. I have no direction in life. OCD caused me to ghost all my friends in 2022, I have nobody except my dogs. Leaving the house to go to the shop gets more intense and scary each time I do it, my ocd is only getting worse

I am not educated that well with the different types of OCD. But being here opened me up to it all. I am struggling with intrusive thoughts and i can’t stop thinking of those thoughts until i physically feel ill or nauseous. I struggle with getting over things that has hurt me especially when I see the people who have hurt me the flashbacks always come. I am not sure if this is a form of OCD. I just can’t stop thinking of the certain thing and I feel as if I am self sabotaging myself when I have good things in-front of me because my intrusive overthinking thoughts will not stop.

I hate this I hate this I hate this..I just finished therapy and I couldn't even say the story right. Along with that my thoughts switch to my boyfriend being the intrusive thoughts and the ex being "the partner" LIKE NOOOOOO I want my boyfriend and I want to get rid of this girl in my head. I don't want to be gay, I don't want this ex..I don't ever want this ex I want my boyfriend I always wanted my boyfriend. Please I just want my boyfriend I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't want to be a cheater I don't want this ex. I was 13... JUST 13 WHEN I DID THAT MISTAKE THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WAMT THE EX. I blame my head it's so unfair.. first it told me I was gonna cheat on my boyfriend because of this friend of his...after spiraling and telling myself I would never do such thing to my lover, I was feeling great and oki knowing I would never EVER do that to my boyfriend..it made me remembered what I did when I was 13 thinking I was a cheater all along and quickly said "do you feel bad for the ex? Do you want the ex then? Should you go back? You should" like bro I just GOT OUT OF A HELL HOLE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. I only was feeling bad for my past mistakes that doesn't mean I want the person back. I don't want them back I was just scared of how that would change my now relationship slightly knowing what I did when I was a PRE TEEN. Now this person has become my intrusive thoughts and it has been worse than ever. I really don't want this ex ik I don't. It's just making me feel bad for this other person and telling me what to do. I don't want this ex. I just had a thought because I saw the ex account and it triggered me then a thought said "I wish I was with the ex like all the time" | felt panicked and it felt real. I just want my boyfriend Ryan he's better way better.

I don't think about other people a lot, and when I do it's usually OCD bad stuff. Gift giving times are the worst because I'm expected to go out and get people things, which is a really nice thing to do, but what if I get the gift wrong? I could ask, and that's ok, but why am I so against this gift giving? I find it so hard to give anything. Giving attention, giving love, feeling love. I'm so empty, and in this time I need to get people things to show that there's something in here when I'm just so selfish and nothing. I'm lonely, but I just want to keep to myself. I want to care and feel love but everything hurts and I'd rather go the full day not talking to anyone. This sucks. What's wrong with me. Why do people expect so much of me. Or is it just me? My mom pisses me off so much because she always makes me feel guilty for not being the perfect happy person so I can be pleasant for others and not a rude inconvenience. I'm tired of thinking. The only reason this is happening right now is because my life long friend that I'm not so close with now thanked me for a gift I never bought him. My mom probably gave it to him with my name on it, how nice. I feel bad for not gifting him anything for two occasions, and he gifted me something really nice, but we're so different now. Times have changed, we're far apart, I have other friends, sometimes he says things that makes me uncomfortable. He's going through it, so I stick around to give him someone to talk to, but we just aren't close anymore and I don't know if I can be close. What am I? What is this? Why is this happening?

Has anyone else been in therapy for over a year and still struggling?

i don’t want to be gay as i’ve always imagined life with a husband and have been attracted to guys since elementary. i don’t think i had any ocd tendencies before this. i just woke up one day and was like what if im not straight. i just want to know for sure if i am. does this sound like ocd

Does anyone else have mental rituals to check whether your friends still have u on social media and if they don’t then they hate you? I have to check multiple times a day that they still follow me , even people I haven’t spoke to in years . Today one unadded me from a private story even though I haven’t spoke in over 2 years but now it’s triggered me and made me feel like they hate me and I’ve done something wrong. Could anyone offer advice on how to feel in a situation like this. Like should I be panicked and concerned? Thanks

This is my first time on here, and I’m just hoping to find a community that understand what I’m going through. I struggle with severe existential thoughts that cause me to dissociate near daily. Does anyone else go through this?

Do anyone else’s intrusive thoughts sometimes take up entire days where you feel completely dissociated and detached from reality? Lately my thoughts have been so scattered and intrusive that it’s like I don’t think about anything BUT my obsession. and unfortunately because i suffer from retroactive jealousy, my obsession is my boyfriends most recent ex. i feel like a creep that i’m always thinking about this person, whether they had sex, whether they held hands, etc. no matter how many times he tells me that it wasn’t a good relationship and they had no connection, it still eats me alive. I feel consumed by my thoughts and like I can’t even hold a conversation with him or be present in the moment. I want relief. 😢

So like all of you guys, I get intrusive thoughts. I’ve gotten them to a point where they aren’t super debilitating but they still occur. The thing is, I don’t ever want to tell a partner about these thoughts as I don’t even want them myself. However, A part of me feels wrong for not telling them. I fear they may judge me or not want to be with me if they knew as they are sexual and inappropriate although they aren’t pedephellic. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation.

why me why me that’s the question I ask myself every day every moment every minute every second of my life, my sexual orientation, obsessive compulsive disorder has been driving me crazy, I don’t know what to do no OCD for session is $170 and I live in UK. I am living in on benefits I can’t pay $170 for each session and I really need my OCD therapy like that way. I don’t like girls that way I don’t like girls that as the question I asked or rather say to myself every day every minute every second every second I get I only love love boys love men why is it so hard for my OCD to understand that? I don’t have a clue. Please can you help me I’m not asking for reassurance but I like to put everything in a writing message, so I can be with the unwanted thoughts I get about my sexuality, generally hate girls in that way my urges, my images and my unwanted thoughts are killing me right now

OCD and anxiety are back in full swing due to something I have absolutely no control over. My brother has been a drug addict for a long time. He’s been able to get sober a couple times but this time is the worst I’ve ever seen him. I know there isn’t much I can do. You just basically sit and watch the demise of the person you used to know and love. He tells us he wants help but he just needs to get high one last time then he’s done, of course, neither I or the rest of my family help him with that request. We don’t give him cash, we will get him food and that’s it, maybe my dad will buy him cigarettes. I don’t sleep well, I am constantly over thinking, I have images going through my head constantly, I’m planning events that haven’t even happened yet. The OCD thoughts are terrible, and although knowing what the thoughts are helps, it brings me extreme guilt. Today I feel like I’ve just been floating through the day, I can’t remember the last time I’ve dissociated this hard for this long without being able to snap out of it. It was easy to ignore his situation but this time he asked me for help, good help. Help to get him out of his situation, what do you do in that situation? Of course I’m gonna help him. Of course he wanted to seek help then after saying he wanted to stay at my house till he went, but now it’s been 2-3 weeks, he still would’ve been at my house if I had said yes cause he clearly isn’t ready to leave this chapter behind. I’m so tired of dealing with this. I’m 23 in 3 days. He is gonna be 27 in March, our parents are no better than he is at this point, and no help to me or him. My brother won’t talk to my mom cause he’s angry with her for kicking his gf out, he talks to my dad but my dad doesn’t think he’s in any position to tell him anything (which is true, he really isn’t but he can try at the bare minimum) so it’s basically on me to figure this out, our sister offered to help with the charges up against him, but he didn’t ask for a PD so he needs to do that too. I’m stuck, I’m tired of dealing with this, and I don’t want the anxiety that comes with it. Thanks for listening to my rant :)

For as long as i can remember i have always been boy crazy. I have always had crushes on men, had sexual interactions with them, etc. I’ve never thought about a woman in that way. I remember around 2021 I had a “what if I were gay?” thought but after around a week it went away. Now the thought is back but 100x worse. Mid December 2023 i suddenly got the thoughts again. I can’t really pinpoint what triggered it, but it may have been the TV show I was watching. In the show a woman around her 30’s dated men and even married one but then all the sudden ended up marrying a woman later on. I starting to think “what if that happens to me?” I couldn’t fall asleep for days and would cry throughout the day. I eventually told my mom about this as I kept having anxiety attacks and she said well if you don’t only like men then that’s ok. But the thing is that I want to like men. I’ve always imagined my life with a husband and kids. I don’t understand how something like this could happen basically overnight. I used started therapy for my anxiety but how do I bring this topic up? Does anyone who has soocd/hocd think this sounds like ocd or could I really just be in denial. My days now consist of these persistent thoughts. I’m always on here or reddit/quora looking up my symptoms to see if anyone else feels the same. i don’t wanna feel like this anymore. i wanna go back to november when i didn’t have these thoughts. I’m still having the thoughts about a month later but the anxiety isn’t as bad which is making me feel worse. i feel like i should be more anxious considering i want to be straight. this isn’t me.

Hey, so my therapist missed our session yesterday and isn't answering any of my messages, could she be in holidays and forgot to tell me, or do you think I should contact someone in case something happened?

Hii! I hesitated before posting this but here I am.. Ocd are a living hell rn to me. I barely eat or sleep anymore because of it, I’m just scared of everything, ruminations are here every night leading to panic attacks, sh, psychosis,.. it’s like « what if I’m/or do something bad, what if I did something wrong and I don’t remember,.. I store my studies because of all of this..I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired of compulsions and everything I have more ocd but rn it’s the most debilitating for me, if someone have experienced the same things or just have tips I take it!

i’m so caught up in figuring out my obsessions because i don’t want them to come true. i have been obsessing over the devil and whether or not he can possess or control me and it won’t go away. i don’t know what to do. i’m so tired all the time and i don’t feel like myself anymore. i can’t keep up with my schoolwork and can barely take care of myself. i’m also in college so it’s hard being on my own.

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

Hoping to find others that suffer with similar issues.