Kickstart your recovery journey with a caring community of others
working to conquer OCD
Sleep is becoming my biggest issue. I think being on fluoxetine has definitely helped but since the dose is high rn (80 mg) I think its definitely exacerbating my sleep issues. Ironically, I am so tired of being tired š„²
Has anyone else ever feared being bipolar? My postpartum was smooth until I hit 4 months pp and then it quickly went left. I woke up one morning and had a panic attack which changed everything. I started thinking I had cancer, my heart was going to stop at any second, had a DVT, literally every physical illness. I was constantly googling my symptoms, etc. I was fine for a month and then I feared going crazy and losing my mind. I believe I had DP/DR which didnāt help. I couldnāt eat, lost so much weight and etc. Iām now 16 months pp and I fear that it all stemmed from being bipolar? Not sure why I think this but maybe because when Iām really anxious I get irritated and then Iām ok when Iām distracted. When Iām not tired or canāt sleep I fear itās mania, when Iām happy I fear itās mania, when Iām not anxious I fear itās mania, etc. everyday Iām anxious about sleeping and if ill be able to sleep and if not then it could mean mania, etc. has anyone else had this experience?
Hi everyone, this is my first post here so sorry if the format is off. Iāve been working with my therapist for about a year and a half. Iām not clinically diagnosed, but based on everything Iāve shared, she believes I have OCD. My obsessions shift over time, and for the past six months it has focused on relationship OCD around friendships. I constantly analyze whether the people I feel close to actually feel the same way about me. If I donāt get the exact kind of reassurance Iām hoping for, I spiral. Therapy hasnāt helped this specific issue much yet, and honestly it feels like itās getting worse. I keep convincing myself that I have no friends, that Iām a loser, and that Iām basically a social reject in my town. Iāve even gotten into this pattern where I obsessively Snapchat people every single day because Iām terrified that if I donāt, theyāll forget about me or think I donāt care. Then I end up feeling like Iāve annoyed them. And when thereās a group outing with the girls in my town and Iām not invited, I get devastated for weeks. I donāt know if thatās normal or not, but it feels like confirmation that Iām rejected and donāt belong. I talk to a lot of people on Snapchat and I have several male friends (Iām female), but my OCD tells me that male friends donāt count and that having a big female friend group is the only ānormalā way to be. That thought really eats at me. I want to put myself out there, but I get too scared. Iāve tried apps like Bumble BFF but never follow through. Iāve messaged old friends to hang out, but I get anxious about going to the things they do. The strange part is that Iām not even sure what Iām looking for anymore. I just know Iāve had good and bad friendships, and I can tell there are people Iād genuinely love to be friends with and others I donāt really want in my life. Iām not sure what to do next or how to break out of this loop. Any insight or similar experiences would mean a lot.
I feel like I don't see much about the type of OCD I'm experiencing, so maybe others can relate? I got engaged in April and have the most incredible fiancƩ. He is kind, understanding, and tells me constantly that he would never leave me in a million years. But losing him, my best friend and the love of my life, is my absolute worst fear in this world. I would never be the same. I'm an independent person, so I don't want this to sound like I depend on this relationship in an unhealthy way, but he isn't just my partner, he is literally my best friend. I mean seriously, we have so much fun together, we love each other so much, and he is just the biggest blessing. I have this fear that I'm going to do something or think something that would essentially be the thing that he leaves me for. So now, I'm constantly in this state of worry, feeling like I need to confess these thoughts to him. They may be intrusive, or have some logic to them but are essentially not a big deal and not worth saying. But anything that could be perceived as negative, I have to tell him. Like for example, I thought of something as a flaw on him, and I immediately spiraled and had to tell him just to make sure he wouldn't leave me for that. I essentially feel like if I don't say anything, I'm lying to him, and that I'm keeping something from him. I constantly tell myself, "he loves you so much, he would never leave you." but then I'm like, "Yeah, but what if this is the last straw? If he knew, would his feelings change?" I'm back in therapy for my OCD now, because this has really been affecting me, and it's just terrible. I feel like I don't deserve the happy moments I have with him, or at all. Like, I don't deserve to be present in the moment.
Do you have personal experience with OCD medication, and do you would recommend one over another? Up until 2.5 years ago, I thought I had general anxiety with OCD thrown in. Then I determined that it's actually OCPD and OCD calling the shots, and they cause me general anxiety. I've been taking Citalopram for GAD the past 11 years, and I don't think it's as effective anymore. I would also like to try something that's prescribed for OCD. I've done my research and have come across a couple I want to talk to my doctor about, but it's always good to hear others' experiences too.
I'm 20, but I feel so behind my peers. My mental health has caused many roadblocks, and sometimes, I'm afraid of never getting to a point where I actually feel content with where I am. For the past couple of years, life has been stagnant. I don't have a job (due to high anxiety and possibly procrastination), I haven't pursued higher education, even though I do want to, and I don't have a single friend I'm in active communication with. My best friend and I grew apart in high school (I switched to online), and although we keep in touch, we're not as close as we once were. She's across the country in another state attending college, so I only see her in-person once in a blue moon when she returns during breaks. Besides that, we respond to each other's stories, send happy birthdays and such, etc... Realistically, I know I haven't "failed" in life. I try to remind myself that there isn't just one path in life to take and that things are going to be okay, but... I don't think I fully believe it. I want to, but I often feel hopeless. OCD is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I'm constantly stuck in the past while trying to live in the present. I feel like I'll never be able to TRULY move on from anything. It will always find some way to reel me back into obsessing. I miss the peace and quiet when my brain wasn't constantly harassing me with horrible intrusive thoughts. I miss it so much. There's so much I want to do in life, but I feel like I'm nerfed or something lmao š I genuinely experience a lot of embarrassment due to everything I talked about above... Any advice or just support would be very much appreciated. I'm just having a rough day.
i am just so frustrated. i keep doing research on the difference between pocd and an actual P, and it just seems the exact same. and everyone keeps telling me āno thereās actually a big differenceā but in research thereās literally not. iāve tried so hard to find more but the only difference i can find is the actual attraction part, but when u dont know what real attraction is because you generally have no experience in it and have natural low attraction itās like how can you even figure it out for yourself and see if youāre attracted or not??? im just so stuck. its making me angry because i want to figure it out so badly but i just canāt because all the research to me just seems like āyeah real Pās can actually experience and feel the exact same as someone with pocdā and the only difference seems to be real attraction, but when POCD makes you believe you are attracted and have thoughts that people who are attracted can also experience, and even with pocd you feel all negative emotions about the thoughts that also real Pās can feel its like OH MY GOSH HOW DO I FIGURE THIS OUT!!!!!!!! then people are like āif you were a real P you would just knowā BUT WHAT IF I DONT???? its possible for a real P to be confused and not really know for sure so like!!?!?!?. i just wish i had a machine where you could type in a question about yourself and it would give you a real definite answer cause then i would know the real cause to all these things im going through.
In January this year i found myself quite attracted to a colleague would go as far to say it was a crush, i never flirted or was inappropriate with them but i did have thoughts about whether being in a relationship with them would maybe be better or if we felt strongly towards each-other i would potentially leave my boyfriend (at the time) But i soon got over this crush and my relationship with my partner got stronger and stronger Now were engaged i feel as though i betrayed him by having that thought and i donāt deserve love and happiness Im not sure if those were the exact thoughts but i definitely did have a bit of a crush What do i do, am i a cheater? Or basically as bad as oneš
Ever since 2 days ago I have been so anxious thinking that Iām losing feelings for my boyfriend, I know it canāt be true cause I still feel attracted to him, but itās just the little things like for example, whenever I say āI love youā it feels like I canāt feel any emotions, or when I look at pictures of him, it feels like I donāt have any emotions, like before we hung out 2 days ago, I would just admire and think about how handsome he looks in the photos and now I just feel nothing, but sometimes Iāll feel emotions. Idk. My mind is so confusing. And itās been putting so much anxiety on me cause like he is the most sweetest, most caring man Iāve ever been with. I canāt let him go. Can anyone give advice on how I can get rid of this feeling?
18+ please I saw art of Marvel Rivals skins and one of them was Peni Parker, nothing weird official art of a skin they'll be releasing, I didn't realise who it was at first so zoomed in, my OCD convinced me it was with sinister intentions (Even if it was, they've confirmed she's 18 but I still don't like the idea of her being sexualised because she's not in every other continuity). I then kept getting intrusive images of the other version of her from Spider-Verse that were incredibly disgusting and disturbing and I'm struggling with the what if I saw something terrible involving her and didn't do anything or worse, even though it makes no sense as when I saw something like that, I freaked out for an entire day and the other time was just under some random tweet that again, freaked me out for a while. Those were both this year though and I have this nagging in the back of my head of "What if it was earlier than that and you forgot?". I know I have to just sit with the uncertainty and stop ruminating but it's really really hard. Does anyone have any techniques they use to do it that help?
This theme just keeps coming back again and again. I just feel like my evidence is TOO good yknow? I remember all the ways I sought attention, how my self esteem has always been terrible, how I never fit in to friend groups, how I coped by imagining I was special in some way, how I'm so judgemental. I love to yap about my interests, and am finding it increasingly hard to listen to others. I feel like I always have to put on a mask around others, it's like my brain shuts off and I go into "blank person" mode. I feel like nothing ever makes me happy, I always find a problem. I feel very empty inside. My mother is very smothering, and still wants to do everything for me. And you know the worst part? It's hard for me to say no! It is really convenient. However, I fight her a lot about this, I tell her I'm an adult with 2 legs, but she insists. This fills me with constant guilt and shame. My Dad seems to be a classic narc. And while I vowed to never use the tactics he does like guilt tripping, lying, ruining every big event, threats, etc, I do find in myself similarities that I worry about constantly (such as temper, impatience, lecturing, etc). Okay. So with all this said, here's why I might NOT be one: I feel guilt and remorse, like, all the time. When I upset someone, even if I initially thought I was justified, I pretty much always apologize after reflection and cool down. Another thing is, I DO have affective and cognitive empathy. However, I've been finding it harder to access it as of late, I often feel numb, maybe from checking my feelings all the time? I often put on a show of compassion that I dont feel in the moment, because I care about the other person. Also, I often catch myself judging someone and try to correct the thought. I'm hyperaware of all of my faults and failings, and I've prayed to God over and over again to make me humble. Finally, numerous therapists, as well as people close to me, have all told me I donāt have it. They often say people who have NPD don't think their behavior is a problem. But how true is that, especially with vulnerable narcissists?
iām putting a TW just in case anyone is having a similar issue to meāiām having a mixed battle of SOOCD and ROCD and i am looking for some advice. does anyone else feel this way? i have for as long as i can remember. whenever i find out someone has a crush on me and tries to execute their feelings towards me, i instantly get a pit in my chest and i want to avoid them as much as possible. usually if i find out they have a crush on me iām like āokay whatever thatās fineā, but the moment they try to do something about it is when i feel as though iām being suffocated. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that A. iām hyper independent and usually prefer to be on my own, B. i recently discovered i have an avoidant attachment style, and i have never been an affectionate person really at all, whether it be with family or friends. and C. most of the time, i barely know the people who crush on me and i get uncomfortable at the idea of someone thinking about or perceiving me in a way that is not reciprocated. it feels like a bunch of eyes are on me, and being independent and shy i hate that. iāve only had about 5 real crushes in my life and i donāt think iāve ever actually been in loveāi think part of that is because i donāt really let myself form relationships often. iāve always chalked it up to me being independent and shy and telling myself it will change one day and that itāll happen if/when it happens, but iām worried it wonāt. iāve never been the type to actively seek out relationships, just let time do its thing, which i usually would be doing right now but ocd decided to swing onto this vine like tarzan. i try to give myself slack because iām only 18 and i have so much life ahead of me HAHA but who knows. weirdly enough iām kind of a hopeless romantic because i love to daydream and fantasize about finding love, i love romantic situations and i often have dreams about finding someone, but then when it actually happens my body goes into self protection mode and i self sabotage in the end. worst part is once itās all over iāll feel like an idiot that blew a chance, and then the cycle repeats. iām meeting with my therapist soon so i can hopefully resolve this because i miss how my life was before ocd started attacking this hahah anyone else this way and have any possible tips for me? thanks (:
(I do not expect any diagnosis, but I just want to know if this is abnormal or if this is just a weird but fairly normal thing) I've been having odd symptoms for years, and really drastic mood switches to where I just brushed off aside for a long time but recently it's just been a bit too much for me. (And it isn't just being happy for a day then next day I'm sad) and it also affects my OCD symptoms as well . For example, one day I'm really in a good mood, I am extremely hopeful for myself and future and I am really well at finishing my tasks and I work towards my goals. I spend time on my hobbies and interests. And etc. (Aka this is usually my overall self/where I feel most normal) but then sometimes it elevates a bit and I also begin to feel extremely euphoric and important, my confidence is over the top, I feel almost unstoppable. (OCD and my dark intrusive thoughts/compulsions are poking at me at times still, but I fall for it less. But now that I'm happy, Health OCD hits me hard at times and I start to worry about my own health and scared if I'll die when I feel like I have so much left to accomplish and do.) Then the next I could either be extremely impulsive and I start doing whatever comes to mind, sometimes I end up regretting it later on and it doesn't help with my OCD at all. I feel like my thoughts are so quick and it gives me headaches, I start feeling really restless and like I can't do anything else. (My intrusive thoughts/compulsions elevate EXTREMELY and I start doing nonstop compulsions and I start panicking and feeling like my life is over, this is where I usually start having major urges on confessions over the smallest things.) And then not even an hour later sometimes, I suddenly stop and now I'm extremely numb and quiet- I don't talk to anyone and become nonverbal. I avoid everyone and everything. Even the TINIEST inconvenience could drive me into becoming extremely depressed and start insulting myself and I become to cynical towards everything. I start lashing out on everything and feel like the worst person ever. I start to say things like "I should give up why bother.", "I'm a failure", etc. Or I just feel extremely guilty and I feel like a major burden to everyone I love, I start seeing myself in an awful light and my goals fade. I dissociate a lot during these moods. (My intrusive thoughts become more dark and my compulsions take up more energy, I start worrying whether if this is permanent and if I'm an awful person. harm OCD becomes extra strong here and it sucks.) (Luckily, I have some self-awareness to at least let out my emotions when I'm alone, so I don't upset someone else. I also mask all of these emotions during school and normally only at that place. OCD still stays at the back of my head, and my mood is always just meh since I just don't like being in classes. But that also worries me into thinking "what if I'm just a liar ?") Sometimes I can feel one way for weeks and it suddenly switches to another, then it switches through every few days, sometimes I can go from the happy/manic to extremely despressed and hopeless in only a span of a few hours. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, also since I can have 10 fully different OCD themes play out depending on how I'm feeling : ( this also leads to me ruminating and worrying about myself and identity And it still affects my OCD symptoms, these mood swings triggers my mind to start having intrusive thoughts such as "Your impulsiveness only affects you right now, but one day it will lead you into doing something extremely horrible", "You are a monster", "You don't have OCD, you're just a mess", etc. I start freaking out worrying that's true or that I don't have OCD at all and I was just lying to myself all my life . So my overall question is does anyone else with OCD feel this way ? Or is this something I should look more into . Again, I know I can't have an overall diagnosis, (although I wish I could .) but I'm only looking for some insight "<:^)
TW MENTION OF MEDICATION AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT IT. Hi everyone. So basically as the title says, Iām scared of taking medication. Iāve been prescribed 10mg of fluoxetine (Prozac) and Iām just scared of taking it. Well any medication to be exact but this is the one I need to take. Iāve been on it before and it worked wonders for me even before my ocd got bad but I went off it about 3 years ago and since then itās been pretty bad. I first was prescribed fluoxetine at 11 years old and switched around a few times since but I always came back to fluoxetine. Since then I have taken genesite testing which said fluoxetine is my perfect match. Even with all that Iām still scared. Maybe itās because I did try it again January of 2024 but one night I was struggling to sleep on day 3 and it felt like I stopped breathing when I was half asleep half awake but that has happened since and it was like a half asleep half awake thing where I was breathing just it slowed to sleep Yk. so I stopped taking it immediately and Iāve been scared to since and since then Iāve been scared it taking all medication even tums or Tylenol. A few new reasons came along as well. Hereās the reasons with my logical side featured so you understand my thought process, What if Iām suddenly allergic? Super unlikely but still a fear. What if itās drugged/poisoned? Super unlikely again. As far as I know itās never happened with medication you get from a pharmacy. What if the side effects make me really bad again? This one I have no come back for tbh. What if they donāt help? Thatās literally what theyāre made for. They can always up my dose or change medication. What if it takes me years of struggle to find the perfect medication? Yet again no come back. What if it doesnāt help my ocd at all? ITS WHAT ITS MADE FOR. What if it makes my ears ring worse? I have ear ringing currently and had it one other time and that guy went away but this one isnāt for some odd reason but itās only been 3 weeks and I think itās because of the tubes swelling because of the weather. But I did read about it one time making peoples ringing worse so that scares me. So thereās my reasons. Some illogical some with some research I would know the actual facts. Thankfully Iāve gotten to a point where I can touch the medication without freaking out. Mainly because my husband got prescribed the same exact thing and he graciously allows me to hand it to him everyday so I can get comfortable with touching it. Iām just looking for some advice on how to work through this and get to where I can take my medication.
I am having a really hard day. I am so overwhelmed about so many things. I lost an earring and canāt find it. It is stuck on my mind. About a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me and the weekends are so hard. That was my first relationship and I miss him dearly. I have no friends to support me and my Mom is tried of me being sad. I also have a math exam Tuesday and need to review a ton. It feels like I have so much to do and so little time. I just want to hangout with a friend/ my ex boyfriend. I feel very depressed and anxious.
Some background, I have religious OCD or scrupulosity and after sinning my compulsion is to repeatedly ask God for forgiveness but the Bible warns against praying in vain repetitions in Matthew 6:7 and Iām afraid Iām sinning upon having already sinned because I know God hears my first prayer but I have a compulsion to repeat it multiple times usually 4 times 4 and if I donāt do it I canāt move on to something else and it is extremely distressing I donāt want to be sinning on top of confessing my prior sin what should I do guys?
I just need somebody to talk to please
I'm going to a concert tonight in a really intimidating area of the city I'm near. I say intimidating cause I never know what's gonna happen. But mind you I'm 19. And I really don't wanna screw this up or get screwed up. My parents are being very trusting of me and society rn. They never usually are. Especially me going to a show by myself no matter the venue. I'm going early but by the time I leave people could be drunk. And I'm scared this is a christan music artist and it's supposed to be really positive vibes but I swear I'm going to have a panic attack I did last time in the area even when I was with my parents. Well more of anxiety attack but still I'll be by myself. I'm not vulnerable but I look like I am. I also don't wanna ruin the night for the musican or anybody. Should I like ask the staff or musican he's small enough that I can probably talk to. And I'm one of the regular fans like regular customers. So... Idk... How would I ask if I can wait inside the venue after. I'm actually so scared rn. I'm having anxiety rnš I'm for sure I'm gonna have a panic attack. I mean I have my imaginary friends for a reason but they're not physically real. I also have a fear of the government and stuff related so how would I even ask security if I can stay and wait with them. I hope I can make some new friends so I won't have to go out alone again. I'm pretty sure the musican seems nice enough to let me wait by stage if I really feel uncomfortable in the crowd by myself. Idk I just feel like I'm begging for attention so I'm probably gonna end up making myself suffer.
Could really use help and all my posts are getting hidden and I don't know why, even though there's nothing bad I don't think so I think I'm just going to leave this post here to talk about it instead of repeatedly making the same posts
Iāve recently hit a very big milestone with my boyfriend. The problem is my fear happened again, I didnāt enjoy it, and couldnāt feel anything because Iām always subconsciously monitoring everything I feel/donāt feel. TMI but Itās really REALLY hard for me to get turned on and the last time I was FULLY in the mood was a couple years ago when I met up with my ex. But after that Itās never happened again. Extra TMI but I canāt even get aroused to things I used to be aroused by before this theme bc I feel like Iām watching for my reaction. But when itās things I donāt want to feel any arousal towards I get aroused. Moving on, when I first noticed I had a crush on my current boyfriend 4 months ago, my mind was clear and I wasnāt really checking as much. But, when I noticed my feelings and attraction for him my body went into a āscanningā mode and I felt myself going numb. I would start to check if I found him attractive every time I saw him, if I still felt the same way the day I realized I thought he was cute, or if I was still excited about calling him. Thereās times where him and I kiss and Iām fully present and enjoy it. But when I notice I start to focus on it again and I start to feel nothing. The best way I can describe it is there is a mini me in the back of my head watching everything I feel. Everything I think, feel, and dont feel is always being āwatchedā and I donāt know how to stop it. I miss being fully present when Iām with him because I finally felt the things that have been āshut offā ever since this theme started when I was 15. The more I subconsciously monitor the less I feel for him and I hate it.Im trying really hard not to ruminate on my lack of strong feelings, attraction, and libido when I come back from dates with him now. It really sucks because in the beginning of the relationship I was so happy about finally feeling attraction and emotions again. This is so annoying and I really hope someone can relate š. I need tips please.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
