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I accidentally deleted thus, so I'm reposting it. My OCD usually focuses on my past actions and thoughts. The guilt and shame is valid and isn't just OCD, but OCD probably definitely effects how I respond and relate to my guilt. I have been incredibly fucked up over the course of my 10 year relationship (to the point where I'm going to be assessed for a personality disorder soon- probably BPD, NPD, or both). I ruminate over memories of how I used to think and act, and my compulsions are researching, ruminating, and confessing. If I don't confess something to my girlfriend, it makes me feel like she doesn't know the real me and can't actually decide if she wants to be with me. I have confessed some truly horrible, fucked up things to her. For the first half of our relationship, I was a manipulative, unfaithful, self-serving user. I know now that what I saw as love wasn't really love, because you don't treat someone you love the way I treated her. I loved the way she made me feel and I loved being with her, but I also sacrificed nothing and felt like I was entitled to do whatever the fuck I wanted. About 5 years into our relationship, I started to gain some self awareness. I started coming clean to her about all of this. She has forgiven me over and over, because she sees change in me. She sees remorse, and that I truly don't want to be that person. We've talked about how if she was the person she is now back then, that she would have left me. Which I 100% understand and agree with. But somehow, she still wants me. I have been spiraling for about two weeks now. Constant, unrelenting anxiety. I have been so focused on the past for years, that I don't spend time evaluating my negative thought patterns in the present. I feel so sick, and the urge to confess all of the negative thoughts I have/have had about her is so strong. I confessed to her a little over a week ago that my physical attraction to her fluctuates and always has. That sometimes I'm not attracted to her, but other times I look at her and just think about how beautiful she is. I struggle with checking behaviors and hyperfocusing on perceived flaws. This obviously hurt her and it's what prompted me to reach out to a therapist that specializes in OCD as well as personality disorders. I almost always feel anxious before sex, but I almost always have a great time during. I worry that my level of physical attraction factors into this (I don't usually get the urge to have sex with her), but it's difficult to analyze right now because I think there are multiple other factors at play (shame and self hatred, addiction to masturbation and sexual maladaptive daydreaming, checking during sex, difficulty reaching orgasm unless masturbating alone, severe anxiety, etc.). I also feel I am addicted to seeking male attention outside of our relationship, and I often try to look hot in front of people I have a "crush" on. I have confessed this to her, and she doesn't care about that part (and she says she does the same thing). But I feel like it takes my attention away from her and our relationship. I feel like I have done a horrible job fostering my attraction toward her, and I've outsourced my sexual feelings to fantasy and crushes on others. Sometimes I feel horrible about these behaviors, other times I don't because they're just "thoughts" and I justified it to myself. But as of a few days ago, I've ceased these behaviors to put more of my sexual focus and energy into our relationship. I feel like my libido has gotten a little better, but still, it's been incredibly difficult because I've been drowning in anxiety and self hatred for two weeks. Today, a new confession urge came up. Something that would break her heart. Here goes: throughout our relationship, I've gotten a sense of unease or nervousness when introducing her to people I know because I have fucked up "what if they judge her looks/they're going to think she's not attractive enough" thoughts. In the past, I have compared our attractiveness and disgustingly thought of myself as better looking. It's disgusting, narcissistic, and a complete distortion. Even though I absolutely love her and she's my person, I get so obsessive about looks. I'm that way about myself as well. I have a hard time being seen by others when I don't "look good". I think I project this onto her and see her as an extension of myself, so I get uneasy if others don't find her attractive (and my own fluctuating attraction and checking fuels this). My stepmom used to judge my stepsister's boyfriends and talk about how they weren't good enough for her, and sometimes I think this line of thinking buried itself in my psyche. I get a huge boost (and sometimes jealousy) when people compliment her or she gets hit on. Like it confirms her hotness in some fucked up way. Another fucked up thing is that I worry what others think of her being trans and I have fucked up thoughts about her not passing (even though she does). I don't know how I could think like this, especially because I may be genderfluid myself. These thoughts make me feel like a monster. Sometimes they feel intrusive, and sometimes they don't. I don't know why this didn't cause me anxiety before. I don't know why I haven't had the urge to confess this way of thinking until now. I guess I justified it as "just thoughts". I thought everyone had fucked up thoughts like this, even if they don't cause anxiety. But these thoughts would hurt me deeply if my loved ones had them about me. They would crush her. I feel like she can't know me unless she knows I think like this sometimes. I'm so afraid. My girlfriend is my best friend in the world. We've literally grown up together, and nobody knows me and accepts me the way she does. I feel so lucky to wake up with her every day, to go to bed with her every evening. I love snuggling and kissing her. I love doing everything with her. I want to do everything I can to make her happy. I want to grow old with her. She is the kindest, smartest, most selfless person I've ever known. She is so strong, so firm in her beliefs and passions. She's fucking gorgeous. A genuine, one of a kind angel. She makes me want to be a better me. Regardless of unsteady attraction or addiction to attention from others, I want her for her. I'm in love with her soul. With her everything. That other shit matters so little. But she deserves someone who doesn't have these fucked up thoughts and insecurities. She deserves someone who ALWAYS sees her physical beauty and wants to jump her bones. I've spent years self reflecting on the past, just wanting to become someone that finally deserves her. I neglected my disgusting thought patterns of the present. I don't think I ever will deserve her. I still have thoughts that would hurt her. She probably wouldn't love me if she knew how fucked up I still am in my head. If she could read my mind. She would definitely be hurt. I don't know why in all these years, these thoughts and mindsets have never caused me anxiety until now. I justified them as just thoughts. But the way I am isn't normal. I'm so afraid of losing the one person I actually care about. I was so close to proposing to her in October, but I couldn't because of money problems. I feel like I can never propose unless she knows every ugly nook and cranny of my soul. Every horrible thought I've had about her. I feel like a fraud and a liar. I would do anything to start over. I feel sick with the urge to confess. I know I need to resist and speak to my new therapist. I don't know how to wait until then. I'm trying my best. I'm so sad. Every time I cuddle her and kiss her, I just can't stop thinking about how it's all going to be over soon once she knows the real me. How it's all my fault. How I'll think about her for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm already mourning. I want her so so bad. I feel like I've ruined everything 1000 times. And now I'm afraid I've made this all real by putting it out into the world. Like I have to confess even more. Like she would hate me if she read this. But I feel so sick, and I could really really use someone to talk to. Some people have blocked me on this app and I feel like they think that I don't have OCD, that I'm just a monster. And I do think I'm a monster, but a monster that also has OCD. I don't want to hurt my gf anymore. I've put her through so much. I love her. I want help.

Let’s say you have a worry that you did something bad, like harm or something with false memory OCD. What if you get through one worry and feel OK, then all of a sudden a new worry comes up and it’s just a repeating cycle. Mine has been like this about consent, I have felt OK with my worries today and then a new worry came up with sort of false memory OCD and now I don’t feel ok. It’s like I get through one worry and if I even feel slightly relieved a new one comes up but more distorted

This isn't necessarily a "help need advice" post, more so I just sort of need to just let it all out- and possibly would hear some opinions for you guys. I'm also open to you guys sharing similar experiences, give any sort of advice despite it not being mandatory, or even asking questions ! All is okay. This was originally going to just be an ROCD (friendship wise) post, but while I was halfway typing this post, I got into a conversation with my family that sort of changed my entire mood. Now I need to talk about that too. I was originally going to talk about both the current topic/ROCD all into one post- but it was extremely long and felt like an essay, lol! So I'll post this as part 1 and maybe talk about the ROCD in a later post today. -- So basically let's just start of with the conversation, I was basically having discussions about me and my older siblings future life and finance (boring I'll skip that part) basically it was a whole lecture yadda yadda there's more to it this isn't the point of this post, It did sort of give me some stress even though I'm still young. But then we started talking about life in general and suddenly I heard: "Next year, we may even move to _ and live there and start a new chapter. We can be closer to family and (then more was said.)" But that stopped me because I then asked "will I finish school there?" And was told most likely. I both felt like crying out of happiness then and there and at the same time felt awfully hurt. By their perspectives, I had no emotion and I sorta just smiled slightly, the entire conversation I just pretended I didn't care and that this was just a casual possibility. I always try my best not to show emotions during things because I feel as if I'm either too dramatic or passionate I may say something wrong, but even then doing nothing makes me feel awful too because they probably now think I just don't care. (Not the point but I just wanted to mention that.) The reason why I felt these emotions.. was because of the idea that I could possibly finally start a new life? I get to be near family? I get to finish school there? I can possibly make new friends and people who know me at my current school won't ever see me again? My real event OCD will STILL be there, and by that I more so specificy on real events that happened during middle school and certain friendships.. but it'll be more far away now. I get all of this? I can finally be ME? I was estactic thinking about it. I've been dreaming about this moment so bad and I felt like I was already planning so many things and what I can do when I finally live in that area. Inside my mind in contrast to my physical expression, I was jumping all over the place- I even had to ask twice which they said yes. Most likely thought "Is this girl okay???" "Why would you feel hurt then?" Maybe you're thinking of that, maybe not, but I also feel that way because in my mind, I also say "Now this is finally happening? After this long?" When I say I get to finish school there- I mean I only have ONE year left after this current year. So going to live there and possibly finishing the last year will feel so quick that it'll probably go by in a blink of an eye.. After THIS long of suffering during school, getting bullied, feeling like throwing up every night at the idea of going back to seeing certain people again, people who probably hate me, think I'm weird.. I get reminded of my real events and when I was with that kid/ex doing dumb decisions and acting inappropriate at wrong timings even though I was only a quiet girl that more well known classmates didn't like. (Mostly in fault of my ex. Which I don't even consider as an ex at this point, just someone who caused regret to younger me to where I still agreed in many things. So it's on me as well at certain points.) All of these moments, these bad situations, all of this school-related trauma, I finally may have a chance to finally be me at a different school and different setting but I say; what's the point now?! One year?! What am I going to do with that?! Hah, might as well just not talk to anyone nor say anything when I get there- what's the most they'll know about me anyways? About my awful past school experiences? The fact I have a weird disorder controlling me everyday that not even half of my family knows? No thanks. I also get scared that... what if it turns out the same there? Or similar? What if I mess up there and I ruin my life already even though I was given a fresh start? And NOT only that I have one year left of school, I also have one year left of being a true teenager before I "legally" become an adult. Great! All of this now just coming to me. Spent all my teenage years either trying to act "too grown up", being isolated, my mental health was so awful due to many reasons, none were my family's fault, all my friends sucked and I only had my ex, ocd flaring up everywhere- just awful! I finally leave all bad behind late freshman/near sophmore year, I finally get to be a teenager for a while more but everything STILL sucks. Now I MAY have the opportunity to be myself and free but it won't be long until the next chapter, now what?! And what about the good in where I currently live? What about this? What about that? What if all of this isn't even true, and they can't afford it for next year and I'll have to finish school here where I'm at.. and we'll move later on? That's worse for me and that gives me many more questions. (And that also means I can't have my hopes up TOO high right now.) But that's where I'll leave it for now. I have much more to say and have more worries in my head- but I've already taken too long typing this post out and this is already turning into an essay lol! :") But anyways bye for now guys, hope everyone is having a lovely day. 🫶💜

This isn't necessarily a "help need advice" post, more so I just sort of need to just let it all out- and possibly would hear some opinions for you guys. I'm also open to you guys sharing similar experiences, give any sort of advice despite it not being mandatory, or even asking questions ! All is okay. This was originally going to just be an ROCD (friendship wise) post, but while I was halfway typing this post, I got into a conversation with my family that sort of changed my entire mood. Now I need to talk about that too. I was originally going to talk about both the current topic/ROCD all into one post- but it was extremely long and felt like an essay, lol! So I'll post this as part 1 and maybe talk about the ROCD in a later post today. -- So basically let's just start of with the conversation, I was basically having discussions about me and my older siblings future life and finance (boring I'll skip that part) basically it was a whole lecture yadda yadda there's more to it this isn't the point of this post, It did sort of give me some stress even though I'm still young. But then we started talking about life in general and suddenly I heard: "Next year, we may even move to _ and live there and start a new chapter. We can be closer to family and (then more was said.)" But that stopped me because I then asked "will I finish school there?" And was told most likely. I both felt like crying out of happiness then and there and at the same time felt awfully hurt. By their perspectives, I had no emotion and I sorta just smiled slightly, the entire conversation I just pretended I didn't care and that this was just a casual possibility. I always try my best not to show emotions during things because I feel as if I'm either too dramatic or passionate I may say something wrong, but even then doing nothing makes me feel awful too because they probably now think I just don't care. (Not the point but I just wanted to mention that.) The reason why I felt these emotions.. was because of the idea that I could possibly finally start a new life? I get to be near family? I get to finish school there? I can possibly make new friends and people who know me at my current school won't ever see me again? My real event OCD will STILL be there, and by that I more so specificy on real events that happened during middle school and certain friendships.. but it'll be more far away now. I get all of this? I can finally be ME? I was estactic thinking about it. I've been dreaming about this moment so bad and I felt like I was already planning so many things and what I can do when I finally live in that area. Inside my mind in contrast to my physical expression, I was jumping all over the place- I even had to ask twice which they said yes. Most likely thought "Is this girl okay???" "Why would you feel hurt then?" Maybe you're thinking of that, maybe not, but I also feel that way because in my mind, I also say "Now this is finally happening? After this long?" When I say I get to finish school there- I mean I only have ONE year left after this current year. So going to live there and possibly finishing the last year will feel so quick that it'll probably go by in a blink of an eye.. After THIS long of suffering during school, getting bullied, feeling like throwing up every night at the idea of going back to seeing certain people again, people who probably hate me, think I'm weird.. I get reminded of my real events and when I was with that kid/ex doing dumb decisions and acting inappropriate at wrong timings even though I was only a quiet girl that more well known classmates didn't like. (Mostly in fault of my ex. Which I don't even consider as an ex at this point, just someone who caused regret to younger me to where I still agreed in many things. So it's on me as well at certain points.) All of these moments, these bad situations, all of this school-related trauma, I finally may have a chance to finally be me at a different school and different setting but I say; what's the point now?! One year?! What am I going to do with that?! Hah, might as well just not talk to anyone nor say anything when I get there- what's the most they'll know about me anyways? About my awful past school experiences? The fact I have a weird disorder controlling me everyday that not even half of my family knows? No thanks. I also get scared that... what if it turns out the same there? Or similar? What if I mess up there and I ruin my life already even though I was given a fresh start? And NOT only that I have one year left of school, I also have one year left of being a true teenager before I "legally" become an adult. Great! All of this now just coming to me. Spent all my teenage years either trying to act "too grown up", being isolated, my mental health was so awful due to many reasons, none were my family's fault, all my friends sucked and I only had my ex, ocd flaring up everywhere- just awful! I finally leave all bad behind late freshman/near sophmore year, I finally get to be a teenager for a while more but everything STILL sucks. Now I MAY have the opportunity to be myself and free but it won't be long until the next chapter, now what?! And what about the good in where I currently live? What about this? What about that? What if all of this isn't even true, and they can't afford it for next year and I'll have to finish school here where I'm at.. and we'll move later on? That's worse for me and that gives me many more questions. (And that also means I can't have my hopes up TOO high right now.) But that's where I'll leave it for now. I have much more to say and have more worries in my head- but I've already taken too long typing this post out and this is already turning into an essay lol! :") But anyways bye for now guys, hope everyone is having a lovely day. 🫶💜

So I met this guy at the gym and thought he was cute. A couple days later his mutual friend was working at a place my friend and I went too, and my friend said he knows the guy from the gym & he hooked it up between us. A couple days after that, that mutual friend became my friend, and I hung out with him and my girl friend one day & he brought a different friend (who is my now husband). The other guy (the one I met at the gym) I liked him a lot. I just got out of a bad relationship & I wanted the perfect looking guy & he fit all that & I was into him. My husband now, who was a stranger then, told my friend he was into me and wondered if I was too, my friend asked and I said no. AND THEY ARE ALL IN THE SAME FRIEND GROUP I didn’t think he was cute or was into him then. My brain saw him as “shrek.” He was a bit bigger, and not my type. The other guy had the perfect body and was my type. I thought since I had a bad relationship, I need the perfect looking spouse now! I am bothered because I never liked having that mindset , I used to be bigger, & lost weight after my ex and I broke up & then I hooked up with guys to fill a void , I guess?? So I became obsessive with this guy. He never liked me, I never knew that Forreal or really took it seriously until my husband and I talked more. And I just feel shitty because I liked this guy so much and more than my husband and I worry he was good at kissing and sex but had a terrible personality. And I worry what if my kisses with him flowed better. My husband and I are working on things. We have a very healthy relationship, I just deal with heavy ocd thoughts & depression. I love him so much. I was basically FWB with the other guy for 3 years, and then finally ended things. Then I started talking to my now husband who was my friend & became a closer friend over time. The beginning of our relationship was rocky because I was still stuck on the perfect looking partner , I got the ick, and all the terrible things. We worked through it, and we got engaged and married and I’m sooo happy. But also side note I never got treated from this guy. I was the one who gave him things. He completely used me and I was dumb. I was also stuck in a big compulsion, that I had to prove I was sexy and was good at hooking up because my ex (the bad relationship) left me once after I was terrible at hooking up. He never said that was why, but I built that thought after our first hook up was bad & then he changed up on me. We later got back together and he was over protective and a little controlling abusive. With my husband I don’t have these urges like I did with the other guy. I just think man if the other guy was better and when he was the first week because they always pretend the first week. That I was so into him. I don’t have that with my husband, the honeymoon , fire stage. I’m just bothered that the fact is , his friend kissed better and was better at sex. It makes me feel guilty because I love my husband and I want us to be the best and it makes me feel guilty because I don’t want it but I can’t change the fact. And it’s also a friend of his, like great! How annoying. And that I also think he’s cute too. I feel guilty because I don’t want to tell my husband but I feel like I’m lying if I don’t. And how unfair is it for him to hear that. He is so amazing and doesn’t think of past spouses. And he has ocd, so he gets it. But he’s much more healed than I am. I just feel guilty, I wish this guy never happened so I could only have my husband .

Anyone else have those delulu moments where you realize you haven’t had any OCD symptoms all day and you think “weird… maybe I don’t actually have OCD? Maybe it’s gone and I’m cured? Maybe that was all just an overreaction and I’m normal now?” And then something triggers you and you think “oh my god I will never NOT be obsessing, I’m trapped in this OCD spiral forever, I will never feel normal again”. It’s so hard for me to realize that my entire life has been a pendulum, swinging back and forth between feeling completely normal and living deep in the depths of my obsessions and fears. And that’s likely how it’ll always be, even after I’ve done all the ERP and have conquered my themes, the obsessions will still come sometimes. When I’m triggered and obsessing, I don’t feel like myself at all. I can’t hear my own voice in my head. And then when I’m having a symptom-free day, I’m just regular ol’ optimistic goofy fun-loving Vee. It’s like Jeckle and Hyde, and both sides of myself are convinced they are the only one.

My little brother and I got into a heated discussion because he argued that the mentality I have been approaching mental health with, under the guidance of several professionals, is doing me harm. I have always thought that we are working towards managing the disorder, not “curing” it. With the eventual goal being to make it so small you maybe barely notice it, but always maintaining an understanding that your brain is capable of engaging in these cyclical behaviors, so in case they ever pop up again, you can manage them. He said that mentality that I will “always have” ocd, means I will never get rid of it. That if I simply change my thinking, I can actually rid it forever. I told him I think it’s valid to keep awareness of it “forever” as a way to prevent from falling into the suffering again, similar to how alcoholics will always need to be aware of their feelings and behaviors around alcohol, or ED patients around food. He said that is a sad way to live.

A few months ago I suddenly had more severe symptoms of ocd and for the past month I have been experiencing what I hope are false memories. I have had issues with overthinking these past months over things I have said in the past but recently these false memories have been showing up when I think everything is fine. I experienced one earlier this month when I was finally at peace with everything. It was terrible because I didn’t know what a false memory even was and I was trying so hard to remember what really happened that it made school difficult to focus on. I went to the gym and life was alright, I stopped overthinking and came to peace with “this was very out of character and you have no concrete memory of what happened” (I typically have a good memory because of real event stuff, if this really happened then I would SURELY remember) but at Christmas Eve during service, i suddenly got this memory that had a similar thing to the first but at an entirely different setting and different people. This one was very very vague but the more I started thinking about it, the more my mind filled in blanks or remembered more things. Okay here’s where I ask questions (sorry for the long intro or exposition or whatever) Can your mind make up things to make a false memory seem more real? Is there anything about my experience that hints to false memories? Can false memories edit other memories to fit them? Why are these memories similar? Like is that a sign it isn’t real? Okay thank whoever is reading this to this point, I just want to live my life like how it was before and ocd or ocd symptoms have made me think this is my new normal. Just a question about ocd in general, does working out even help? My doctor told me I should but it didn’t for me so I am not sure. Seriously I need answers because no one else has posted about an experience like mine.

18 up pls Intimacy is very hard for me, especially with friends with benefits and in scenarios or situations where there is playfulness or teasing involved. I am very big on consent, which makes me overthink everything that I do. I have been in situations where me and someone else are teasing each other, playfully resisting, or making the other person wait while me or the other person might continue to ask or voice their interest: this automatically registers in my mind as pressure or forcing. Like I’ve had a guy recently during intimacy like continuously ask me to do something because I was making him wait/ take a break and he was just voicing how good it was and I didn’t feel uncomfortable. But when I did the same to him, I felt like I crossed a moral line??? I didn’t do it the same way I just voiced my needs or wants but also voiced how I understand if he wants to wait. How do I enjoy intimacy or certain dynamics in intimacy if I am anxious about everything and kinda kill the mood with my overthinking?? This sucks.

I got blackout drunk last night and feel the worst unexplainable guilt, dread and shame today. I’m worried I could have said or done something embarrassing while out at the bar towards the end of the night when my memory is absent. Worried I could have been judged for being drunk by all the people I ran into (lots of people home for the holidays). I just have an unshakable feeling of guilt and shame and the false memory “what ifs?” catastrophizing everything. Like I know drinking heavily isn’t healthy but outside of that, I feel like nothing inherently bad happened last night. Most people probably wouldn’t be dreading the “what if I said something embarrassing” aspect as much as me and would just say, whoa I overdid it last night. But to me it feels like rock bottom every time I’m hungover from drinking heavily lately. Didn’t used to be this way but it’s almost like the alcohol is pouring gasoline on my OCD catastrophizing. I don’t really know how normal this is but just wanted to see if anyone else deals with it or has advice for today. Because it’s so hard to get out of my head right now.

I always recommend seeking professional help because it’s safer and way more effective to do it with a professional since they know EXACTLY what to do. But if you can’t see a professional right now and you have no idea when you’ll be able to seek help from an OCD therapist due to money or where you live, here’s an extensive list of tools and resources to help you get better and/or stay recovered. -Look into OCD and Anxiety’s YouTube channel, aka Nathan Peterson! He also has an online OCD course you can do for a fee, -Download either the Calm app or Insight Timer app for guided meditations, -Read ALL the books by Lee Baer and Martin Seif on OCD and anxiety, -Look into Therapy in a Nutshell’s YouTube channel, -Start doing yoga! Because exercise is good for you. I suggest the YouTube channel Yoga with Adriene, -Start watching Thich Nhat Hanh’s guided meditations and talks on mindfulness. Also, buy his books on meditation and mindfulness, -Look into OCD International’s website if you’re international (or is the US but having issues finding help outside of NOCD) for help, -If you struggle with trauma/PTSD, I highly suggest Tim Fletcher on YouTube, -If you are looking for inpatient treatment for extreme OCD, look up Rogers Behavioral center’s website. You can even reach out to them for help, -What is OCD? Explained by Nathan Peterson: https://youtu.be/eeTFME9mOMc?feature=shared -What’s Pure O OCD? https://www.verywellmind.com/pure-o-primarily-obsessional-ocd-4159144 -Stopping Rumination’s Tough! Video by Nathan Peterson: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -What is an OCD backdoor spike? https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/ocd-stats-and-science/backdoor-spikes-how-to-deal-with-sudden-ocd-episodes -5 Things To Do Other Than Compulsions: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/five-things-to-do-instead-of-compulsions -How To Stop Rumination Video: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -Confessing compulsion vs. healthy sharing: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-compulsive-confession-vs-healthy-sharing -Somatic OCD & How To Treat It? https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-somatic-ocd -Intrusive Thoughts: Images, Sensations, and Stories by Dr. Martin Seif: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-with-a-sticky-mind/202305/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts-images-sensations-and-stories -Therapy in a Nutshell’s Playlist on Panic Attacks: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiUrrIiqidTWhubkHEJcr6iTLVRxXZmPE&feature=shared -ERP scripting: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ -What is Rumination? https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-rumination-trap -Forgiveness for Past Mistakes Video: https://youtu.be/2Lq1Su3mEHw?feature=shared -The Hidden Power of Swearing at Your OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-the-doubt/201711/the-hidden-power-of-swearing-at-your-ocd -Taking The Power Away From OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/taking-the-power-away-from-intrusive-thoughts -Worry Script: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/WorryScript.pdf -What is ERP therapy: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ -What’s An OCD Trigger? https://psychcentral.com/ocd/what-is-an-ocd-trigger -Differences Between OCD & GAD: https://ocdla.com/ocd-vs-gad-7071 -The Psychology of Seeking Reassurance: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle -Grounding Techniques: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques -OCD vs. Phobia Differences: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/related-symptoms-conditions/ocd-vs-phobia-how-to-tell-the-difference -ERP Techniques for Reassurance video: https://youtu.be/D1O3RGnLjRM?feature=shared

So, today in church I was seating in the seat and then the pastor says the classic, “Greet your neighbor.” So I avoid all eye contact and am just like, “Please no one come up to me.” And then a little kid comes up to me. And I tried to avoid him and I understand that’s rude but still. And then I put my hand out as a fist bump and was there with it like for a few seconds and then I just gave up. Then my parents lectured me and I said I don’t give good hugs and then they gave me a group hug which I did not want (we’re Mexican though) and then my sister came and I put my knees up, and then to the side and let her hug me and I’m worried what it means. Also I’m more friendly to my sister right now that my parents are gone for some reason. I called her sweetie, put her hood on when she was swinging because I saw her shoulders and I guess part of my thoughts was like, “She’s gonna feel really cold.” And also like, maybe I am looking a little too much into it.

Schizophrenia OCD. Has anyone ever had this fear, if so can you tell me how bad it got for you? I’ve been doing better these last few weeks. I stoped googling symptoms, stop my mental compulsions, how ever my mind is so worked up, i notice every little sound around me, i stopped checking to make sure what i hear is real (which is extremely hard and peaks my anxiety) also started obsessing over my eyes and what i see, noticing every little moment rather is leaves falling, lights flashing, eye floaters, EVERYTHING! Shit is so difficult at times but I keep pushing! I just want to know if anyone can relate to this.

I peed 4 times today and I feel like peeing again now too. I'm scared that it's diabetes because ik its a symptom. I'm very anxious

I went into my parents room without any clothes on to grab underwear and I accidentally saw a super young photo of me as a child and since I didn’t have any clothes on, it’s saying what if I did something bad or if I’m a bad person even though it’s me haha

With my OCD I have been struggling a lot with relationship OCD. I feel like anything that goes slightly wrong my mind makes me feel like I have to bring it to my bf and talk about it to make the worry go away. And I feel better after usually but it still lingers in the back of my mind telling me "he might not be the one" " maybe you should leave him" " maybe he will become abusive". These thoughts terrify me because I really love him and want this to work out. And so by the OCD saying things like this is makes me question my relationship. And I go through these phases of being like omg I'm so in love with him and then other times I'm like what if I don't love him because he did this or it could mean that. It's like a rollercoaster. Alongside that rollercoaster, I feel like I'm on another one of my OCD being fine for a few months then picking up like crazy, like right now. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with the bad phases to wait it out till the good phases that are much more manageable?

Hello My partner is getting mean because they are tired of my OCD. I am getting frustrated because they don’t understand that this is not a choice for me, it is just how I am…I have been doing ERP for 6 years with little to no progress. It is to hard and I can’t do it

m 17 years old, female, im diagnosed with ocd , and ive been struggling a lot these past several years, but these past several weeks specifically have been hell, because it’s bringing back real events that took place when I was younger ,, when I was 5-7 I used to choke the pet kitties we had, I’m not sure why I would and i know I’d never do that again, just seeing other people yell at any animal makes me feel angry at the person and I can’t stand aggression towards animals, so I know I’ve changed and I was just a stupid kid. But what’s bothering me more is something else I did, I’m not sure if I’m remembering correctly, I was a terribly impulsive child, exposed to inappropriate/scary/pornographic content too young, I’m not sure what lead me to this but I was with my sister who is 5 years younger than me (1-3) at the time in my room, and I think I made our tongues touch… I don’t think I tried kissing or anything like that. Im not even totally sure if I’m remembering correctly either, But god, if I am, I can’t stop thinking about it, I feel sick everytime I do, I feel so much guilt, and I feel like I should tell my parents, why would I even do that?? It’s making me not wanna be around my sister, I feel like crying everytime I see her now, and my ocd makes me feel even worse than I already do about all of it, I know a while after that when I was a bit older maybe still under/around 10? Me and my older cousin did a challenge where we had to kiss to guess the flavor of a lip gloss,again not sure what lead to that.. I feel so gross specifically about the sister thing, the thing is I don’t actually remember doing it, I just remember licking my thumb afterwards and thinking to myself that it felt the same???? But I have no memory of how or what happened with the tongue thing. Idk. I just feel sick, I know I was a really bad child, I was mean and I was inappropriate at too young an age, and my father was always a bad example. I didn’t grow up with the best home life, but I don’t know if that’s an excuse. And me being only 17 now, I feel like I don’t deserve to live if I did something like that as a kid to my own sister. I love her very dearly and she’s one of my best friends, but idk if I can be near her anymore with all this in mind. Idk what to do. I feel horrible, any advice is appreciated.. sorry for talking so much

This is my first time ever making a post or even talking about this in general, but I just want to vent i guess. For years ive been dealing with gerd/acid reflux, it has me constantly burping all day everyday and causes severe stomach pain at some points when it comes to my meal timings. Recently though, it’s like I can feel its effects more intensely. It’s been causing pressure in my chest, a racing heart, and other odd sensations within my body that Ive never had or noticed before. Earlier this year I literally had to call paramedics after a gerd flare up caused some weird pain in my chest. Of course my habit of searching up every little symptom ended up sending me into one of the most intense panic attacks I’ve ever had :( I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack and I made the call. Even after getting the all clear, my brain wouldn’t stop spiraling and I had my father contact many of his cardiologist friends and even got a second ekg because I was convinced something was wrong with my heart. There is nothing wrong with it, it’s just gerd! And nowadays, even though I KNOW that the odd sensations and feelings of discomfort that I feel are very likely caused by gerd, I can’t help but feel like something else and more serious is going on, and I enter this rabbit hole of looking up new conditions and diseases that I manage to convince myself that I have that I most definitely do not have. I zero in on normal bodily functions like breathing, heartbeat, the sensation of swallowing, etc and the more I focus on them the weirder it feels so I start to panic and am forced to do breathing exercises to calm myself down quite often. It has been so stressful to my mental health this past semester and the anxiety messes with my sleep! At times I find myself unable to sleep due to my body jolting awake as I fall asleep and feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline. Of course I searched this up too (I’ve really been trying to stop searching up symptoms, but I can’t help it sometimes) and found that my nervous system being stimulated due to my anxiety contributes to these jolts! So im essentially stuck in this loop of feeling slightly unwell, getting anxious about it, trying to figure out what’s wrong which then makes me more anxious, and then ruining my sleep which results in me feeling even more unwell. I’m so tired of this, I just want to be calm and worry free :( I will note that I have been seeing doctors and am working towards seeing a proper gastroenterologist! I just wanted to let out my frustrations about how I currently feel and see if maybe someone is going through something similar. Now im just rambling at this point but I also got all 4 of my wisdom teeth out last week. If you’ve ever had a tooth extracted, chances are you know about the risk of dry socket. This week has been so bad with me being paranoid about getting it, even while I’m already past the risk window! I keep checking my extraction sites and every little spike of pain causes me to worry. I’ve limited my diet to liquids and mush, and as a foodie it’s been so difficult to deal with. Im so hungry all the time now and I just can’t wait to be fully healed

My sexual OCD has reached a point that feels beyond control. It's strange I can go hours without thinking about it but as soon as a fragment of it comes into my mind it's almost like my brain won't let me test until I've looked or acknowledged the thing in some way. I'm truly so scared. It feels like I'm one bad thought away from losing my girlfriend who I love so much. I wish there was a button to make me forget any past sexual experiences I've had that weren't with her. It's aughul. I don't know how to make it stop. I feel like I have to constantly engage my brain in physical activities like drumming or talking to people or even doing something like this. It's strange but when I talk about it the images themselves stop. As soon as I try to relax or watch a show I'm genuinely invested in watching. It's like my mind wants to go someplace else. But I don't. It's weird I know I don't want to think about these things but some rogue part of my mind does. And I hate it. I have a therapist and he tells me about the conscious and unconscious mins. But why can't I make them go away once they enter my conscious mind. I hate it I want some peace. I feel like I'm Indulging or fantasising about these things which is silly because I'm not. I don't think about these things in a dwelling sense. But for seconds at a I have this frequent battles in my head. Like it's trying to force it's way in but I don't want it to be there. But my mind feels like it's going towards it. I want this to stop. Does anyone understand this feeling