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Is it normal to feel like you may have acted on your thoughts in your sleep and can’t remember? This is torture, it’s been 2 yrs.

How do you handle real arousal to po** of the orientation you don’t want to identify with? Just sit and wait, don’t ruminate/Analyse?

I swear its like tiktok is actively trying to trigger me 😂

since i’m getting to be less afraid of being aroused, the feelings are starting to level out. this is really interesting

Success story and what I did regarding: Agoraphobia. I realized I was developing Agoraphobia because I noticed I was missing one too many college classes and didn’t want to go outside unless I was forced to. I was so fed up that I yanked open my back door, walked outside on the patio and said, “What are you going to do now, brain? Are you going to kill me where I stand?” Nothing happened expect a spike of anxiety. I didn’t die, I didn’t pass out, I didn’t self combust. For the next few months, if my anxiety/OCD said I shouldn’t go outside, I went outside. I did the OPPOSITE of what it was telling me to do every time I had an anxiety spike and intrusive thought. Even if it was in the middle of the night, I went outside and stood on my patio until the anxiety subsided. I am not my thoughts, images, or feelings. I decide what I do/don’t do. My mind doesn’t have control of my life. It knows better now because, honestly, I trolled it hard with ERP. But not in a negative way; I simply went outside when it was telling me not to.

Contamination ocd so bad I can barely leave my bed let alone my house. The floor in my whole house feels contaminated and I have to clean my feet with hand sanitizer every time I get into bed, even though I’m walking around in socks and slippers, so I really don’t have the will to get up and get myself food. I feel awful and hopeless.

I’ve struggled with ocd/anxiety/depression for years. Through therapy and and some other coping skills I really had a good handle for the past few years. A few months back I had Covid and it seemed to totally throw me off chemically. I’m always anxious, very sad, my brain never stops spinning. I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna go back on meds, but none of the cognitive skills that worked for years for me are working anymore. I just don’t feel like I’m never gonna recover this time.

Does anybody else have this, I’ve got to a stage where I feel no anxiety or disgust or shame surrounding my intrusive thoughts, this in turn gets me worried as for the past few weeks I have woken up and I have been convinced that I am the person that I have feared for the most part of a year. I used to hate having these thoughts but now my mind always says things like “that wouldn’t be so bad” or “other people have done why don’t you” but I don’t want to act on these thoughts but it’s like my mind has given up over time and said “I’m done just do it, you don’t see a problem anymore”. Even when I say to myself I wish I could go back, even before I had these intrusive thoughts I always wanted to go back to a time in which I didn’t have crippling anxiety, but now my mind says “you don’t want to go back” but I know I do. I thought I was getting better this week as I started reading a book which says to accept the thoughts are there but it’s hard to read as most pages say stuff like “you fear what you might become” or “ the anxiety is too much” but like I said it feels like I’ve moved past that stage and I feel as if I’m at my worst because I don’t fear the person that I think I am which is terrible 😞. I don’t understand how you can fear/disgusted/ashamed about something for a really long time, try to tell yourself everyday that your not that person (without succession) but then now barely feel any of that and feel as if your a completely different person. Whenever something controversial comes up in conversation with my friends/family I feel nothing, I feel as though if I say something it will be a lie. Whenever I talk about girls with my mates I feel as though if I say that I’m attracted or turned on by them I’m lying to them and I’m secretly this monster. Sorry for the long paragraph (to whoever reads this) but I just feel at my worst at the moment because of zero emotions towards anything, I feel like I’m the exception, I feel like I don’t really need to do my compulsions I’m just doing them for the sake of doing them, ultimately I feel as if I don’t have OCD, I made it up in my head as I didn’t know anything about it till I looked it up so my brain probably latched onto that like a crutch and said “yeah we’ll just say we have that”.

I see a great deal of pain and fear on here, and a lot of concern that the pain will never end. For me, it did. Here’s my explanation: ERP is a system for facing your fears. It really is that simple—that doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is simple. I have to believe that ancient societies practiced a form of this, because it is so intuitive, and once the system, the rules were explained, it felt to me as if I should have already known how to do it. Still, I needed someone to show me. My Harm-OCD made me fear I’d lose control and hurt people. I thought this way for years, even though I’ve been in only two altercations in my life: I was beat up in Elementary, and when I was 16 I fought a close friend cause of a girl. We were dumb; we each made contact once. In other words, no history of violence, but I truly didn’t trust myself. And my POCD, which came a little later in life, in my mid-20’s, it had me truly believing that while I knew I wouldn’t act on it, I was a pedophile. I had decided to never have children, and to avoid children at all costs. Now I trust myself completely, and assuming I find the right woman, I would very much like to have kids. I know I put no one in danger, and that I am a help to my family and friends. It feels so good to trust myself again. The OCD comes and goes. It seems that the focus of the intrusive thoughts change—the theme changes, but the OCD is the same. I had HOCD, then POCD, and now I ruminate… but the rumination is nothing compared to the others, and they are gone. So while it’s still there, it went from taking up 90% of my thought-space to maybe 5%. All that to say, to those of you still “hardcore struggling”, as I did for about half a decade, I want you to know that for many people including myself, while the theme changes and the OCD remains, the power of it fades. That’s the TLDR here: the power fades! it’s not an endless struggle… it might stick around, but it does get to the point that it’s not a big deal In the beginning, the notion of doing ERP with POCD was terrifying. So we started with HOCD. That was pretty easy—I had to cook and use knives and let the image-thoughts of murder pass by, as meaningless to me as they really are. Then I did POCD exposures. First, I just stopped looking away from kids on the street—and I was in NYC then, so you pass people all the time, meaning it’s a significant first exposure. Then I started watching Child Development videos on YouTube, which focus on human psychology and unsupervised group dynamics at different ages. Fascinating, and all about kids, which made for a great exposure. Finally, I went to the park to read and write, and there were kids playing all around me, and I learned to be at peace without avoiding them. I didn’t stare, cause it is easy to freak out a parent, but I just existed there. I did this ERP work for 6-8 hours a week, and within 6 weeks the intrusive thoughts decreased dramatically—I’m talking in the neighborhood of 99%. It was the most liberating experience I have ever had. Results, obviously, vary, but I have never met someone who put in the time and didn’t see results. For those of you trembling in fear, as I did for so long: I urge you to do ERP, and commit to doing it seriously for a long while. I want so badly for you all to find your way out. Love to you.

Anyone else just not know what day it is most the time or like can’t tell the difference between days. Like I feel like I’m not moving forward if that makes sense I’m going to sleep and waking up but it’s like a never ending loop like I can’t explain it. Like I feel as though I’m in one of those films were u wake up and repeat the same day and u can’t escape. Anyone else had this? Has it improved

Is ROCD definitely a real thing ?

I don't know why but the thoughts now don't bother me they don't get me anxious and am kinda afraid that I was denying all this time and am not anxious either when I have this in mind but when I have thoughts that I don't want I feel a pain on my chest And am not anxious, like I have being trying to solve this problem myself by ignoring the thoughts and don't know how this just didn't bother me anymore does it mean I get better ? Or am I in denial? And 2 days ago I was very sad and even cried and I think that it might helped. The thoughts feel that I like them but I don't my brain uses my defense to attack me. Am confused. My brain also overthinked what male and female are and was like being gay is not bad and answered it might be ok but I don't want too all I want is to have a family. Since I haven't had a girlfriend yet and I am 16 this made it worse. A lot of times also when I say something bad about a woman for example I don't like the type of a girl being a diva, it makes angry this also makes it worse. Am afraid that I might like the thoughts. But don't have the feeling of being afraid but still don't want too. Like I always wanted a family.

Being sexually inexperienced makes this so much worse

Tw I think i just had false hocd this whole time which turned into real sexual/gender issues. I dont know what to do

sometimes the compulsion is in my head I often think of certain colors or words to make my anxiety go away

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling with undiagnosed anxiety for years now, and started an incredibly healthy relationship about 7 months ago. I purchased a ton of books and listened to a ton of podcasts to teach me how to be the best partner I can be for my girlfriend and not let my trauma affect our relationship, but I’ve really been struggling with awful thoughts about self-sabotaging (imagining myself in a situation where I cheat, where I fall out of love, where I irreparably hurt her) even though I know I love her. I cannot get the thoughts out of the head, and they make me nauseous and dizzy with worry that I’m going to ruin something good, or that our relationship isn’t healthy despite all my efforts to be an absolute perfect girlfriend (which is exhausting in and of itself). Hit a breaking point today where I started frantically googling things (Google is my best friend whenever I’m stressed) and found this community. I don’t know if I have OCD (the more I learn the more I’m convinced I do) but I’m hoping this app can at least give me some resources to help manage my emotions. Thank you.

Anyone ever got stuck in a ocd loop about dissociation? If so, how were you able to pull yourself out of it? I tend to over analyze everything around me all the time to see if I’m back to normal reality but I can’t quite grasp that expectation. It’s been a decent amount of time, maybe little less than a year. The intensity varies a lot but doesn’t quite go away a 100%. Hoping someone has dealt with this and can offer some guidance since it can be quite debilitating, especially when it comes to having responsibilities like school, work, and a girlfriend to care for.

Haven't been on this app in awhile. Felt like I was doing relatively well for the last few months. Recently all the TOCD thoughts have come back full force. Have been feeling really uncomfortable about my appearance and body. I look at pictures of myself and feel like I don't recognize that person. Like that's not the person in my head. But also I don't want to transition or be a boy or anything. Even just typing that out feels silly. I just feel very confused and like my mind can't figure itself out. Any advice?

sometimes i wonder why i’m even hanging on but then my mom texts me abt how much she loved an edit that i made on tiktok and even tho ofc it’s a lil embarrassing cus she’s my mom it reminds me how lucky i am to have a supportive and encouraging mom. it’s stuff like that helps me rmr why i’m still here

Anyones derealization/depersonalization come with panic? Sometimes I’ll feel weird and start to feel like I’m coming out of my body and I start to panic. My heart drops and I get lightheaded and feel like I get tunnel vision. This tends to happen most when I’m driving too, which is alarming. Does anyone else experience this?

is there anyone here with ocd who is also the extremely jealous type?? i wish i wasn’t the jealous type and i don’t even want to be jealous i just am. this girl i’ve started liking and getting close with, i found her and some other girl flirting on each other’s post and it felt like a punch to the stomach. now i’m obsessively checking their accounts and posts to see if they comment/flirt more. just wondering if this has happened to anyone else who happens to have ocd. it also just hurts bc i feel like i’m no one’s first choice. i’m not exciting or interesting enough.

Does anybody else get frenzies of quickly passing fears? When things get really bad for me with one or two fears, sometimes old obsessions come back or new fears show up. They disappear when the frenzy is over. Example below. It might look something like this: I feel like something I did may have been morally wrong. Then I feel like I might be irrational and cognitively inferior to other people because I worry so much about it. Then I feel like I have know way to know what the truth is. Then I feel like there might not be any point to anything. Then I start experiencing graphic images of sex or violence. Then I feel like I’m going to hurt myself with the knife over there. Then I feel my chest is sensitive and like I have to scratch it. Then I feel like I’m attracted to my dog. Then I feel like I have this smell in my nose or taste in my mouth that I feel like I need to get rid of or else I will lose my attraction to my girlfriend. Then I feel like my body is unattractive and no one could love me. It goes on and on. Could be an hour, could be my whole day, but it usually happens when there are external stressors that make dealing with my obsessions harder, and then that’s like a gateway into these frenzied thoughts. I usually hear people here talk about their big fears, but I don’t encounter talk of this a lot.

People who have fully recovered or are very close, what does “recovered” look like? Asking cause I want some hope for the future

People who have fully recovered or are very close, what does “recovered” look like? Asking cause I want some hope for the future

The discussion with ocd is always something like that: OCD: What if this apple is rotten? me: But I've cut it open and checked, i think it's okay OCD: But what if it is? me: But the color seems okay? OCD: But what if this color is not okay but you think it is? me:Here, I've googled it, it's okay OCD: But look at this small patch, it's more creme than the rest of it, what if you just didn't find the specific explanation for it and it's actually rotten? me:But I'm sure it's not that serious....right? OCD: Wrong! It's very serious, you're just stupid and can't see it. Let me show another 10000 reasons why it's not like the normal apple you found on the internet to compare it with.

A question exists and your job is to do nothing about it- Dr. Michael Greenberg

I’m a straight female (I hope) is Anyone elses hocd fixiated on masculine women

Does any of you play games to cope with anxiety? If yes, what's your favorite one? Personally i love animal crossing and dead by daylight.

I am in a happy and generally successful relationship. Recently there have been bumps. I am having a harder time controlling my thoughts and anxiety and often time things pile on and I have these anxiety attacks that I can’t control at all and I fear I’m hurting him. He is so good to me and I can’t help but feel like he should be better with someone else who won’t cause him as much stress. We are engaged to be married and I’m afraid he’s gonna have enough of me one day and leave because he can’t physically take me anymore…

Anyone else with SOOCD/TOCD starting to feel like these thoughts are just them finally realizing/coming to terms with their true sexuality. I don’t want to be gay but based on everything I am feeling and the constant anxiety I feel around women and all of the memories of possible attraction to women that I’ve felt in the past and the inability to feel attractive to the men around me, I feel like I must be a lesbian. I have always identified as a straight female despite having these thoughts periodically throughout my life because they were never something I would actually act on, but now I feel as though my mind is telling me that I will act on them and that I am just going through changes that are making me realize I am actually a lesbian. I do not want to be gay at all. I want to feel how I felt last year and all the times before when I had crushes on guys and was happy in my past two relationships with men that I loved. I can’t do this, I feel like I am lying to myself and to everyone and my thoughts don’t even feel like OCD anymore. It just feels like I know I am gay because that’s the only thing that makes sense. How will I ever continue to live a straight life with these thoughts.

Does anyones ROCD spike in the morning when they wake up? And does it cause them to feel resistant in loving/desiring their spouse?

I feel like i’m drowning. I’m screaming on the inside and no one can hear me. No one I know understands the pain I go through every day. I feel like my OCD is making decisions for me that I don’t want. I feel it is ripping things away things that I love and care about. Its ripping away my identity from me. I honestly can’t tell whats real and whats not anymore. I feel so broken down. If ANYONE can offer any kind of support i’d be over the moon appreciative. I feel so unbelievably alone. I just want to feel heard from people who understand

OMG. Now even when I feel the anxiety fade cuz I’m attracted to an adult my brain just creams “NO NO STOP U DONT DESERVE THIS PEDOPHILE” Like actually it’s horrible

so i have been struggling with hocd for quite some time now and a little bit of pocd when i was younger. i got help and medication and things have been somewhat better however when i sometimes go through tik tok i still cant seem to not look at the ones that are like “how i knew i was gay” and such things like that and my brain will find all the ways i can relate or what really gets me in such a spiral is all the comphet stuff (if ur struggling with hocd, dont read that it did nothing for me but harm) i dont know how to avoid these things and i dont wanna avoid, i wanna learn to accept and let these things come and go but its so hard to not let them stay and engage with them because they feel like “signs” to me, and i HAVE to read them or im avoiding it or repressing something by not reading it. and while all this happens inside my head it makes me distance myself away from dating and doing anything of that sort because i just cant imagine it going well and it scares me that it’s always gonna be like that.

is anyone else literally not able to describe some of their intrusive thoughts?? like you know it’s an intrusive thought/related to ocd but can’t describe how like idkkkk idek how to describe this my mind feels so crazy

Please answer (unless too private or something) Do you ever get that thing where you rapidly switch between a thing being an exposure and being a compulsion? Like "My OCD says I must do X, so I must avoid X" to "If I do X, my OCD will get worse, so I must avoid X compulsively" and back and forth

Does anyone else have no idea what their intentions are and feel like you are the worst person in the world

Literally such bullshit. These thoughts make me feel absolutely terrible and I feel so alone because I’m too ashamed to share them with my loved ones. I know I am straight and want to be straight, but my mind keeps telling me I have to be and always have been gay. I can’t keep living like this. How did I go so many years without these thoughts/being able to easily dismiss them without freaking out. I now feel like they are so real and that I am just gay and need to admit it to everyone around me. I don’t want to live a gay life, so why do I feel like I am something that I don’t want to be? Why don’t I just get to choose my destiny. I’m so scared that I am too far gone and am just going to come out as gay and that will be it. I can’t live with that though.

ADVICE PLS: Although I’ve known about my OCD my whole life, I’ve developed depression in the past few years and have also recently started coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably on the autism spectrum. Does anyone here have experience with this combination? I want to hear about other people’s experiences and find some resources. Any advice appreciated

To start off I am a female, I have been dealing with HOCD since I was 14 years old in late 2015. My HOCD has been on and off the past few years but late December of 2021 it came back. I feel that the start of My HOCD came from childhood same-sex experimentation and p*rn*graphy. I occasionally watched porn but not all of the time. Sometimes I would watch lesbian p*rn and straight p*rn and I would be aroused to both. I stopped watching porn after I turned 14. Even though the experiences that I’ve had led me to having HOCD, I have always been a straight female. I am attracted to males, have feelings and have only been in relationships with males. I start therapy in two weeks I’m ready but I’m also afraid. I’m scared that it won’t help and I’ll feel like this for the rest of my life. Right now im scared because I feel that the same-sex childhood experimentation and p*rn*graphy makes me feel that I am lesbian, but I am not nor do I want to be.

I don’t think I will ever recover. The only way this will end is if I just accept that I’m a lesbian. Im crying in the bathroom. I can’t do this.

Has anyone dealt with derealisation/depersonalisation when dealing with existential ocd? All I can think about is death and how/why we are here and if we actually exist and I’m starting to feel like I’m watching my life from outside my body. It’s such a bizarre feeling, if anyone has experienced it, do you have any advise on how to cope?

I feel very distressed right now and haven't been able to find anyone who feel the same way i do. I've have SOCD for a while but the last couple of days i feel i have developed TOCD ( transgender ocd ). However i also feel like it may be depersonalisation, i feel disconnected from my body and specifically my female areas which is very scary as i do not want to be trans. It feels like they don't belong to me and feel foreign on my body. I've never experienced this before and feel scared as i like being a woman and don't want my life to change. I'm not looking for reassurance just for someone to share their experiences with depersonalisation and if they have ever felt the same.

Okay, if I actually have to say the bright side of suffering with OCD as we must see a silver lining somewhere so I can only say that it makes me even more non-judgmental, kind, and empathetic It gives me the perspective of how people can struggle in an unimaginable ways and our kindness, open-mindededness, awareness etc can make a difference in someone's life more than people realize and understand. I just want to spread kindness and a ray of hope, wherever I can There is already so much pain and suffering in this world so we shouldn't have time for ego,hatred etc

Why am I suddenly now wondering if I am transgender? Like I look in the mirror and do not feel pretty at all anymore and when I talk I feel like I worry about sounding masculine, as well as if people think I look masculine, etc. I am a straight woman and have been battling with intrusive thoughts about my sexuality for some time now, and I am now suddenly questioning my gender identity too. Has anyone else with SOOCD experienced this, where you develop TOCD as a result of endless rumination cycles surrounding your SOOCD? Like I look into the future and know that I want to be a wife and mother and I want to have a husband and kids, but my OCD is telling me that I will be and act like a man and that will never happen. This is literally 10000x more distressing to me than my SOOCD was because I have honestly never understood the concept of being transgender but now I fear that that is who I am and who I have to be. Please help I cannot be the only one suddenly feeling like this. I want to feel confident and pretty and feminine again and I feel like I am never going to be able to. How do I know that this isn’t gender dysphoria/that I really want to become a man

All ocd is horrible to go through but there’s something about hocd that’s really difficult. It feels like your lying to yourself when u know your not. I know I’m straight because when I don’t have these intrusive thoughts I feel myself again. Does anyone else with hocd like panic if they see like another woman in say like lingerie or something on say Instagram ? Sounds stupid but I’ll see a girl like that on Instagram and it’s like a part of my brain that I don’t want saying you are attracted to that you want a woman you are gay. I know it’s ocd but then does anyone else have moments were they panic and just think shall I just give up maybe I’m just in denial? But then if I say okay I’m by that’s fine I just feel like I’m lying to myself cause I know I’m not. It’s like you can’t win. If I see like a woman’s chest like I can appreciate that boobs are pretty which I do think they are but I’m not attracted to them the same way I am with male body parts if you get me. But it’s like a part of your brain that’s convincing you you do. Like I’m scared

Does anyone else feel like when they say their identity out loud it is a lie? Like I am a straight woman and have been straight my whole life and have been in two relationships—both with men who I was happily in love with. I can draw my intrusive thoughts back to childhood, but it was always a very brief experience where I would be like “oh I finally have nothing to worry about” and then my brain would be like “wait nevermind you have to worry about the fact that you are gay and in denial.” But every time, these thoughts would go away and I would never have them when I was actually in my relationships or talking to someone. These fears are now back and more real than ever, making me feel like I am actually physically attracted to women and losing my natural biological attitude to men. I do not want to be gay at all and the thought of being that has been making me physically I’ll because it is just now who I am and want to be. I think what makes this all worse is that it’s been awhile since I’ve been in a relationship, so having these thoughts and feelings feels like reality because I have no recent experience with being in a relationship with a man and because of that, my self esteem is extremely low. I now feel triggered by every little thing in life, from hearing the word “gay”/“lesbian”/“lgbt”/“coming out”, to seeing any women of literally any age or appearance out in public, thinking I must be attracted to them. I keep checking my attraction to both males and females and am fearful because I feel like I am losing my attraction to men, which is something that never happened when these thoughts appeared in my life before this most recent flare up. I don’t know if any other people who identify as straight have similar experiences to this, but I cannot help but feel like I am the exception because I did have these thoughts before now (even though they went away for years). I would appreciate any help/insight because the longer I struggle with these thoughts, the farther and farther I feel my old, true self drifting away. I was always able to hang onto the fact that I want a future with a man and want a husband and kids, but now it’s like even that is gone and even though I never want to be with a woman, it’s like these thoughts have convinced me that I will never be with a man. Please help.

I identify as straight. Throughout my life, a lot of my crushes have been pretty obsessive. I fixate on people for months at a time. I read somewhere that obsessive crushes aren’t genuine feelings and now I’m worried that I am actually gay.

Does anyone out there suffer from OCD Themes that are related to schizo, or psychosis? I have these intense fears of having a psychotic episode and hurting others, or destroying my life. I looked up the symptoms of schizophrenia (dumbest thing I could of done) and then I noticed my mind started to actively look for those symptoms. Which in turn cranked up the anxiety and my body’s stress response. Obviously I feel weird from the intense anxiety, which furthered my thinking that I could be going into the onset of schizophrenia. I realize that this is all OCD and it’s extremely likely that I don’t have a psychotic disorder. I also realize just accepting and living with the uncertainty. But when the anxiety comes on, it hits heavy. I’m wondering about techniques that others with this may have used to get over it and relax. I just want to enjoy and live life. Thanks homies :)

I am a very sensitive person and I have a hard time controlling my emotions which I’ve noticed my whole life but it’s seems to have gotten worse when I formed ocd. I was wondering what I could do to not be so sensitive or emotional all the time and if ocd could have something to do with it. I’m actually really tired of people telling me all the time “You’re overly emotional” or “you’re too sensitive”. Also was wondering if I were to have thicker skin would it be an advantage to helping with ocd and the things it makes me feel like anxiety or depression (which could maybe have something to do with it either). I’m not really asking for reassurance just kind of seeing if maybe anyone has gone through this too and if there’s anything I can do to work on it and get better 🙂

I’m scared about how these thoughts have become so real. I am starting to think I’m in denial and it’s a matter of time til I have to break up with my boyfriend. This is so hard but I’m trying to keep compassion toward myself. He keeps being the sweet, kind soul he always is and it makes me feel so terrible and guilty. I just want to know I like boys even a little bit so that I can stay with him. Whenever I want to enjoy the moment with him I get the reminder that I like girls so I can never really enjoy the moment. I have no feeling of excitement or anything and I just know I want to let myself be happy with him but there’s always something. Can anyone give me advice on what to do when the thoughts are present during a good moment or when I don’t feel anything/ feel disconnected. Or any advice at all. I don’t want to like girls it’ll change everything for me, my whole life will be completely turned around and I don’t want that.

Dose anyone ocd attack them when you barely waking up and your like wait a moment I barely just opened one eye

Has anyone with SOOCD managed to get their old life back?? My intrusive thoughts are constant and nothing I do seems to relieve them. My straight, feminine self feels so far away because these thoughts are telling me that I am gay/not who I have always identified as and they are honestly breaking me. I just want to go back to seeking a relationship with a guy who will love and care for me without having these thoughts tell me I’m faking my attraction to men or trying to convince me that I’m attracted to women. Anyone who has recovered from this even the slightest bit I would love to hear how you did so and how you got your attraction to your preferred sex back because right now I feel numb.

Anybody else's symptoms get worse the day after drinking alcohol? I find myself in a hole after everytime I go out to try and enjoy myself😭

TW* I dont think I ever felt real attraction for women before maybe I did I cant really remember but I strongly think I was never attracted and now after hocd i finally understand what attraction feels like and how relationships work and I just cant see myself in one with a girl bc I dont even feel desire for them. Im only feeling all sorts of attraction/desires towards guys and can see myself doing relationship things with them. It just seems too normal and clear for me, like women dont even come in my head any longer. Ugh can someone talk pls, i knew this would end up happening, what do I even tell my therapist now?

please tell me im not the only one. does anyones else’s thoughts try to convince them that the only way of getting rid of them is by acting on their thoughts?? although i know i’ll never act on my thoughts i fear losing control because of this specific thought. why do these thoughts feel so damn real. i wish they would just LEAVE ME ALONE.

i always can’t help like i’ve said the wrong thing. i always feel like a villain and a bad person. i over analyse everything anyone’s said to me and fear that i’ve upset them all the time. it makes me reluctant to even try and talk to people because no matter if i’m nice or helpful it’s so tiring just feeling like i’m awful but i don’t want to ask if i’ve upset them because i’d feel like i’m being annoying. i’m just becoming so unwilling to chat with my friends because i can’t take it anymore, i can’t take feeling like i’m evil

Anyone else deal with ocd + a phobia?

What do you do when you feel tired inside Not sleepy tired, just worn out and in need of a reset?

Today I am having tbis numbness and tiredness feeling even if I don't get intrusive thoughts so much. I just feel negative and down in a state where I don't care about anything and have little energy. Can Ocd make you feel so tired and not caring for things??I just want to lay in bed and stay there doing nothing...

Do you guys really benefit from having people here tell you "yes, I experience that too" sort of things? I see it as quite reassurance-y but I wanted to give benefit of the doubt so I'm just wondering if I'm missing something

Was watching a film and it triggered a thought: what if my ex crush liked me at the same time my current bf did before we were going out, would I have chosen the ex crush who I liked before my current bf? It's such a horrible thought because I love my boyfriend so much and of course, now I would choose him every time. But my ocd is like you only chose him because your ex crush had a girlfriend but at the same time he wasn't a nice person either, and I was just getting to know my current bf, but my ocd is like you just settled with what you had, but that's not how I felt 8 years ago and it's not how I feel now, it's just what ocd is making me worried about. I can't stop thinking my ex crush's name when it's literally been years since I've thought of him. I've been with my bf 8 years and I can't stand this. It feels like betraying him, when I would choose not to have the thoughts if I could.

Anyone else find the shower almost become a trigger cos my mind goes wild when I’m there 🙃

Ever get “frozen” by your OCD? Sometimes I literally get temporarily paralyzed, and cannot move my body. I’ll get stopped mid-step, or during a compulsive tic, my hands lock in position. Inside I’m screaming, “mooooove!!”, but it’s like there’s a lag time- like buffering. It feels scary, and I hate it.

All I can say is wow! After 7 months of suffering with OCD, Anxeity, Depression you name it… I can finally say that I feel amazing! All of the hard work Ive put in is paying off and I feel like I can handle any situation good or bad. For those struggling Its gonna be OK! I still struggle to this day but its all about how we handle it! I love you all bc this disorder isn’t easy to live with and I’m glad we are in it together

anyone else deal with false memory and feeling like ocd is telling you lies? like you know deep down what happened but ocd is saying oh but what if this happened and blah blah? how you you typically deal with it ?

my somatic ocd, something that had never really affected me in the slightest, has suddenly gotten really bad out of like nowhere

Why is ocd so obsessed with me. It’s embarrassing

Trying to convince myself that I didn’t do anything wrong. I wish I didn’t have these awful thoughts. They feel like action.

I’m dating this girl, we’ve been dating for 2ish months and I do think I truly love her. Anyways rocd is still super annoying. Does anyone know if rocd goes away the longer you’ve been in a relationship?

Does ocd feels like there's another person inside you?

What are your guys favorite ocd books?

i feel like i could never win with ocd. i let my thoughts pass and i’m okay but then i start feeling like im waaaaay too okay with the thoughts being there and it starts bugging me bc i wanna be sure i wouldn’t do that. im not sure if this makes sense but fuck im exhausted.

Do you ever look back on something you said, it could’ve only been a couple of months ago but still it stresses you out. Like I said something and it came out differently to what I meant. I was quoting someone who said it but I said it wrong so then it looked like I was supporting something that’s wrong. I know for a fact the person I told has completely forgotten about it, but the fact I did say it makes me hate myself. Like idk why but ever since I was younger I’ve had this horrible fear of cameras watching me, and people watching me, so when I say or do something it’s like an automatic well everyone hates you know because everyone knows. I have no idea why I do this but I do. These cameras are always on in my head and if I say something I didn’t mean I stress out. Like for some reason when I was a kid I would but my favourite celebrity behind the camera which would scare me because I didn’t want them to judge me. Now it’s like the entire world is watching me, like whatever I say will dam me for the rest of my life and live with me forever. Starting to realise I look stupid omg

Is it normal to grow up feeling evil across your childhood? And to look back and just see an evil child? I’m curious how others view their childhood

What is the free call for? Also do they ask for all of your insurance info, such as ID numbers and stuff like that?

There’s too much proof and i don’t even care anymore, all I want is to be happy with my partner both romantically and sexually. I don’t care if he’s my “exception” , if im “forcing” it, if Im only “somewhat attracted”. I don’t care anymore, I choose him, I want to be with him, I don’t want to experiment or be with anyone else ever. He makes me feel happy and whole and he meets all of my needs. Whatever intimacy issues I have have to do with ME, not with him or my attraction to him because he is definitely the most beautiful boy in the world and definitely the only person I want to be in bed with. That’s all I know and that’s all I need to know, screw the rest.

The worst part of OCD for me might just be that it's hard to have an authentic conversation with other people. How do you explain that you're in a horrible mood and are having anxiety attacks over trivial things that normal people overlook or even ridicule. I feel so alone. Does anyone know of a Zoom OCD support group? It would be nice to talk about my concerns with others in this community.

It seems unfair that I can only be one gender. I wish I could be both. Both feel like a trap anf a limitation. I must be non binary or gender fluid. But I cannot shapeshift my body

What do you do when you start wanting the sinful thoughts? Like, you're sure as sunrise you mean the thoughts and know that, even if they're somewhat intrusive, you do (in a way) want to say them and find yourself looking for ways to make them even worse?

Does anyone else find that when they try to move on and not compulse around an obsession that they feel guilty? Like they’re living in denial and are terrible for not compulsing? Is that the guilt and uncomfort that we are supposed to embrace and sit with as a part of erp? I feel like when I try to be productive and proactive about not engaging in my thoughts centered around a real event (ish)/ false memory that I’m just in denial and living a lie.

I have been dealing with rocd for about 5 or 6 months and at this point it just feels so real and natural and like I want it and I am very very confused and it’s all I think about and I still try and argue but it’s like I don’t believe myself

Sometimes I think "what if I like it?" It's really exhausting😫

please when is this gonna be OVER.

To think that I've managed to move on from my worst obsession by "not caring" just proves how much OCD depends on your attention to flourish.

My psychologist mentioned that meditation might do more harm than good for OCD. What are everyone’s thoughts and experiences with this? Thanks

Us ocd my brain punishing me for having fun? I think I feel guilty when I have fun.

It’s a ramble I guess? It’s happened before but not with thing so severe and it’s something I know I will never do. (At least I pray to god I wouldn’t.) sometimes my ocd will tell me to do things usually for a few similar reasons -thinking about numbers and symmetry if I do it once I have to do it again to an even number interval - I’ll ask myself a question or tell myself to do something then I feel like I have to or I get the itchy feeling that makes me want to explode. For example i Was at a coffee shop and for some reason my head said “you have to touch this couch once.” And then I can’t remember the events that led to it but now every time I go to that location I feel like have to touch the couch once. The idea will come and I can’t get it out of my head. -another trigger is seeing signs or being told don’t touch something/don’t do it it’s bad and my mind decides “I have to do that” not to be devious but it’s almost like I feel like I need to have that experience happen like I’ll miss out even if it’s ridiculous This leads me to my reason for this post I was on Reddit and I saw a few posts of the descent of a man who tried heroin and got addicted. He eventually got better after like 12 years but his first post explained how it felt so good. And I know it’s wrong. I know you easily get addicted. I don’t want to do it for the pleasure or anything even. I don’t know why my brain is saying you have to experience this. I can say I’m 90% sure I would never because I realize how serious it is. My theory at least is my brain thinks I’ll miss out or another theory is that my mind works in a way of wanting to complete and do everything. Like checking off a box. That’s why I can’t make decisions I don’t think. I think things left undone or not completed is what does it. I feel like I have to do it all bad and good even if I know it’s not good. I’m proud to say I have restraint for a lot of my bad thoughts. But I think I need to put them out somewhere or I’ll get the itchy feeling again. Maybe this is like confession or something. I needed to tell someone because I don’t know why my brain does this.

I used to want to grow a beard since I was young, hit puberty, grew one and loved it, feeling and acting manly, walking tall, with my chest out and shoulders broad. Now I feel like acting girly and fruity and wanting to change into a girl. All my attraction to women is gone completely, its not even loss of attraction, its just GONE. Now that I think of my past, I dont remember feeling sexual towards girls my age in my school, I cant remember I dont think I did and romantic attraction? I dont think I felt that either. Sure I grew up watching only straight porn and having strong fantasies of doing it like that but the attraction Im feeling towards guys in my head feels real, realer than what Ive felt for girls( I cant even remember what I used to feel when I saw girls) but I think this is what real attraction feels like which is why I believe Im gay but now I feel like im also transgender and wanting to be a girl. And until I accept these things to be true and start acting towards them my conditon will keep getting worse Im afraid this hocd and depression brought out and made me see my true self that was inside all along. Theres a quote from the actor Jim Carrey " Depression is your avatar tired of being the character youre trying to play" it makes sense about my situation now. So much fucking despair everyday, its immobilizing, I feel shame and embarrassment. Yet i know once I give in to these thoughts and act em out ill enjoy it and that this is just a ego problem and lots of cognitive dissonance. Fuck man. What do I do.

I've been getting terrible images lately, and the problem is that I don't feel distress by them. I don't enjoy them, but they don't make my stomach into knots, they don't make me want to cry, I don't feel any of things I should feel. 3 months ago an image like this would have me crying my eyes out. I can't bear to see those kind of things on TV and stuff, so why am I not bothered when they're in my head? I also don't feel that much anxiety or panic anymore. I can't panic about anything. I see people talking about how the numbness they feel puts them in such pain, but I don't feel that way either. I worry about that, and sometimes I feel like I don't worry enough about the fact that i'm not worried either. Back then I'd spend the entire day worrying, crying in the middle of class, etc. I just kinda wish I'd feel all of things again, not because I like them, but because if I feel those things then I'd know I'm not a sicko. The fact that I'm not diagnosed doesn't help either. Not looking for reassurance, I know it doesn't help, but just wanted to put this out.

Funny how HOCD had me in its hooks for three whole years, to the point where I couldn’t imagine a day going by where I wouldn’t question if I was lesbian/bi, and now I just naturally don’t even consider it and can easily say I don’t think I’m either of those (not that I’m 100% certain cause who is!) yet my new theme feels SO real and anything I see to do with it is crazy triggering. Fun! But for real anyone with this theme, or any, it really takes a persistent internal surrender. The courage to say ‘I’ve not figured it out so far, so odds are I won’t.’

I’m Sex repulsed. Part of hocd? Side effect of starting fluoxetine?

Question: when considering response prevention as it pertains to exposure for sexual orientation, what is the best way to approach the groin ? I know that checking the groin is a compulsion, but I don't know how to avoid doing so as it seems like I am internally capable of innate awareness of my physical self. Aspiring to "not be aware of the groin" doesn't seem like a reasonable or mindful method. Is not looking at or physically checking your genitals a proper response prevention? Is it recommend to just note any physical feelings and then focus on something else? Appreciate any insight and ideas.

Does anyone else worry that they don't love their partner in a relationship and sexual way but in a platonic way and the only reason you can see yourself being with them is cause they make you happy as a close friend and your emotionally attatched?

I’m so stressed OCD is ruining my life and my relationships. I feel so guilty 24/7 and anxious. I can’t do anything, I was ok yesterday and feeling good and positive and today it’s the opposite. I can’t stop self harming either, I’ve got so many bumps on my head from where I’ve hit myself.

Can anyone tell me the cost of accessing NOCD therapist in the UK?

i keep asking myself “what if you are a sick person and this is who you are.” i feel so numb to my thoughts rn. i feel like my body’s giving up on me. 😞

I have suffered with ROCD since the very beginning of my relationship and it makes it really hard to decipher what is real and what is not. Intrusive thoughts include “do I find him attractive?” “Do I love him?” They come as statements too. It’s upsetting as he’s so wonderful and perfect for me in every way and I feel as though I’m constantly lying to him. He deserves better than me. I had two amazing days last week when I fell so happy and in love with him, it was the feeling I’d been waiting for for 4 months. It was incredible. Then after that I fell into nearly two weeks of negative thought patterns and rumination. In a way I believe this could be because those two days finally showed my brain that I DO love him so now OCD has attacked hard and made the thoughts even more real and convincing. So convincing that the last couple of days I’ve nearly cried kissing his cheek incase it’s the last time I do so because I truly believe I need to set him free. I hold onto his hand a little tighter in case I can’t hold it anymore. I can’t tell what’s OCD and what’s the excitement of a new relationship wearing off. I care about his happiness so much so this is destroying me. I’m not seeking reassurance but wanting to get some things off my chest.

How to stop ruminating without distracting yourself?

i feel like my feelings are really gone but i can’t help feeling sad about it but i can’t cry either