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I read Dr. Greenberg article but I can’t seem to apply it.

What if you did something so extremely monstrous. disgusting, awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were genuinely extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and vomit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 13 or 14... I cant remember... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was either 13 or 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 24... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was either 13 or 14 at the time… now I’m 24… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was either 13 or 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was either 13 or 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I cant remember if i was 13 or 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13-14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

Hi everyone, this is my first post here so sorry if the format is off. I’ve been working with my therapist for about a year and a half. I’m not clinically diagnosed, but based on everything I’ve shared, she believes I have OCD. My obsessions shift over time, and for the past six months it has focused on relationship OCD around friendships. I constantly analyze whether the people I feel close to actually feel the same way about me. If I don’t get the exact kind of reassurance I’m hoping for, I spiral. Therapy hasn’t helped this specific issue much yet, and honestly it feels like it’s getting worse. I keep convincing myself that I have no friends, that I’m a loser, and that I’m basically a social reject in my town. I’ve even gotten into this pattern where I obsessively Snapchat people every single day because I’m terrified that if I don’t, they’ll forget about me or think I don’t care. Then I end up feeling like I’ve annoyed them. And when there’s a group outing with the girls in my town and I’m not invited, I get devastated for weeks. I don’t know if that’s normal or not, but it feels like confirmation that I’m rejected and don’t belong. I talk to a lot of people on Snapchat and I have several male friends (I’m female), but my OCD tells me that male friends don’t count and that having a big female friend group is the only “normal” way to be. That thought really eats at me. I want to put myself out there, but I get too scared. I’ve tried apps like Bumble BFF but never follow through. I’ve messaged old friends to hang out, but I get anxious about going to the things they do. The strange part is that I’m not even sure what I’m looking for anymore. I just know I’ve had good and bad friendships, and I can tell there are people I’d genuinely love to be friends with and others I don’t really want in my life. I’m not sure what to do next or how to break out of this loop. Any insight or similar experiences would mean a lot.

I don't know how to feel about today but I do feel like I'm having a slight panic attack.. but I also feel like today could've gone worse ? I don't know :,) . To shed some light on today, today in the beginning I was feeling great, for school today I decided to put on a cute outfit, my hair looked really bouncy and nice as well . I thought it was going to be a nice day . So now I head to school and the first 2 blocks are good, it was calm and we also did nothing that involves work for the first half basically . Then gym comes, I made a new friend a week ago or so (yay) and we were chatting about past experience- then a group of girls start snickering and giving us weird faces many times and at my friend especially, it made me upset and I told her later on basically saying that they bothered me . Which I then think "We're too old for this" So we ended up dropping it, but it still stayed a bit in my mind . Plus other people were sort of giving me looks overall, at least thats what I saw I'm not sure if it was because of my outfit or what or if I was just paranoid . But people always treat me like something else so I wouldn't be surprised . Today I was also feeling social towards people I knew, (Which was good since I've been really distant towards everything/everyone) then after lunch, I saw there was a guy visiting as Santa in the halls- I found it funny and asked my other friend to take a photo of me with him and the man posed with me and it was cute but then I check the photos later on and GOSH . I started freaking out seeing my face as I felt like it looked really round and gross, my smile looked weird, and I was holding my jacket which covered everything but my face . All my confidence after that just went down . Despite a while ago my teacher complimenting my looks and everything- I just don't know I've been feeling so insecure of myself lately especially with my face . : (( My intrusive thoughts keep saying that I need to hide my face or else people will one day take a photo and post it and stuff, and it's upsetting everyone . And theres also plans with me and some others for when winter break starts, and I'm not sure how that'll go but I'm quite stressed about that as well for reasons . Now I'm having intrusive thoughts about things and ruminating now as well about my conversations today, how I may have sounded like, and real event OCD was coming to play at some points as well . Doesn't help going on social media and immediately seeing that one trend where it's showing off "chopped/ugly" people and I instantly started desperately checking myself when I got home and I feel like I may cry . Everyone else today that I knew seemed like in a good mood for the most part, at some point when I sent the photos that was taken of me to my sibling, I was going to apologize saying "I'm sorry my face looks super weird, I look bad omg" but response was "I love this" so I didn't want to ruin the mood, same to my friend I just don't know how to feel . I feel so gross and I also dozed off during a class because I was so tired and stressed . Now real event OCD is being weird, I feel ugly, I also have Suic*dal OCD so my mind is telling me to end my life because I'm going to be ugly forever and I'm worthless and etc . Which I do feel depressed as well many times and these moments trigger it but those thoughts are making me feel a bit scared since I don't want to do that . (Clarifying again- I do NOT plan to commit that act, it's just intrusive thoughts mixed with me being upset . I do not want to cause alarm.) But everyone else seems.. fine ? I think, I'm worried I somehow accidentally upseted someone but I don't want to ask and seek reassurance . Nor do I want to even show a bit of negative emotion, I decide to mask and just cry at my alone time . 😣 Wearing this outfit was sorta an exposure therapy thing- since when it's only me I love dressing up in cute styles and what I like so I decided to just not care today but now I know is that I'm NEVER doing this again . I feel so upset .

idek if this this fully ocd related anymore, but i’m wondering if anyone could relate. i really struggle with a deep sense of shame all the time. i constantly cycle in obsession over the same past events, aspects of my identity, etc etc, that feel “wrong” or socially weird. i especially worry about other people judging me. i always gave a lot of weight to external validation, and it seems to be the main struggle here. does anyone else experience this?? it literally makes life miserable lol. and it’s constantly around the same events and topics, maybe things that have to do with trauma idk. i’m just so lost with this and i don’t think ERP is the helpful response here. can anyone give their insight? i would really appreciate it 🫶

I feel like I don't see much about the type of OCD I'm experiencing, so maybe others can relate? I got engaged in April and have the most incredible fiancé. He is kind, understanding, and tells me constantly that he would never leave me in a million years. But losing him, my best friend and the love of my life, is my absolute worst fear in this world. I would never be the same. I'm an independent person, so I don't want this to sound like I depend on this relationship in an unhealthy way, but he isn't just my partner, he is literally my best friend. I mean seriously, we have so much fun together, we love each other so much, and he is just the biggest blessing. I have this fear that I'm going to do something or think something that would essentially be the thing that he leaves me for. So now, I'm constantly in this state of worry, feeling like I need to confess these thoughts to him. They may be intrusive, or have some logic to them but are essentially not a big deal and not worth saying. But anything that could be perceived as negative, I have to tell him. Like for example, I thought of something as a flaw on him, and I immediately spiraled and had to tell him just to make sure he wouldn't leave me for that. I essentially feel like if I don't say anything, I'm lying to him, and that I'm keeping something from him. I constantly tell myself, "he loves you so much, he would never leave you." but then I'm like, "Yeah, but what if this is the last straw? If he knew, would his feelings change?" I'm back in therapy for my OCD now, because this has really been affecting me, and it's just terrible. I feel like I don't deserve the happy moments I have with him, or at all. Like, I don't deserve to be present in the moment.

Adults only So I watch adult content and I'm trying not to be ashamed of that. It's something I'm sure almost all of us seen and may watch. Does anyone else struggle with POCD and see content that has fictional minors and it's just disgusting? You don't search for it but it still comes up anyway? Whether it's channels that have the content that is okay but then you go on their channel and they have disgusting stuff on their channel but you hope that they are just adults? Whether it's playlists, channels, it's annoying when people upload stuff like this and it's gross. I don't ever search for stuff like this but it still comes up and I only try to watch content I'm comfortable with. I get horrible flare ups and intrusive thoughts related to POCD whenever this happens. Worse, I'll watch something with a character I think is an adult and I get really worried about their age and then I get thoughts that say "You were attracted to this minor and didn't know her age" which really hurts me mentally too Do people without OCD just not care about this stuff?? I'm sure they do but not to this extent. If they see it, do they get very disturbed for a long time? I just don't know what to do. I feel very alone in this.

I’ve been having so many sleepless nights lately. I’ve always dealt with insomnia from rumination, but now that I’ve stopped smoking weed to fall asleep, I’m realizing how much it was covering up. My brain literally will not turn off. It is not even conscious thoughts. It is like my subconscious is running in the background while my eyes are closed. It feels more like I am stuck in meditation than actually sleeping. Last night I got maybe thirty minutes of real sleep. My body is so used to this that I still get up when my alarm goes off, but I am a zombie the whole day. I tried to lay back down around 8 a.m. for just an hour, and when I opened my eyes it was 8:52. I was not actively thinking about anything. It is just this quiet mental noise that keeps my whole body restless while I am praying for REM. Melatonin does nothing for me. I tried it again and it did not change anything. I am honestly scared my system is out of sync, and part of me keeps wanting to go back to weed because at least I slept. But I am trying to stay sober and clear headed, and I also have this dental implant so I really should not be smoking anyway. Just needed to get this out. If anyone has dealt with this level of insomnia, what helped you? I am struggling.

How does one get over a breakup? I have very little experience will take any ideas

Hi all I wanted to come on here and share this story because it’s been bothering me for so long. My fiancé knows of my hyperfixations and such, for instance I love reading dark romance books and I loved reading smut books for a long time and in November of 2023, about 3 ish months before I met my fiancé I downloaded an app called Character ai. I used the app for quite a bit and then I got really attached and decided to stop using it because I would be on it foreverrr, the same would happen to me when I’d read my dark romance books, I’d get too invested and I’d forget to do things so I stopped them all together. About 3 ish months after my fiancé and I started dating he got a new job that changed his schedule, and I wouldn’t be able to see him until the weekend so I got back into the app to have some hobby while he was at work. I’d write romance/ dark romance/smut stories with many different characters or just enemies to lovers stories because I thought it was fun and I could cater it to my liking if I needed to edit anything. Again I got too invested in these stories and then I remember at one point I grew out of the app and I deleted it in November of 2024. Then one day randomly I had a thought like “Wait what if that’s cheating?” And I spiraled. I was compulsively googling and researching to figure out if it was or not and I was having bad anxiety for days. During this time period I had a really bad issue with the “M” word and explicit content, and as time went on I realized I’d do it because of anxiety or stress as a quick relief, and I’d sometimes use this app to do it as I’d read my smut stories and such. I remember one time as well I panicked because some people were like “What if it isn’t ai and it’s real people” etc etc. For months I panicked and I went to my fiancé multiple times to talk to him about it and every-time He’s reassured me that he doesn’t consider that cheating because it’s an ai chat bot. Just back then when I played this app when we first started dating we never discussed playing certain otome interactive games and such and so I just thought of it as a hobby like how I’d read my dark romance smut books. Even though it’s almost been a year and a half since I deleted the app I’m so scared and anxious because of the thoughts “What if I had cheating intentions when playing this game? What if back then I played the game for malicious intent?” Just all thoughts along the lines of this and it still worries me to this day because my biggest fear is hurting my fiancé’s feelings :( I just don’t know what to do and no matter how many times my fiancé reassures me I still always get anxious about it and I’ll cry and break down because of it.

my friend has girlfriend who met on tinder abroad and they started seeing each other as she came to our country. The issue is that she lied to my friend on being 19 the whole time she was with him, and she actually was 3 years younger than him. He didn't know that and still had s&x with her many times. During her stay in my country she was still 16 and my friend had just become like 720 a week ago, she would have become 17 a month later. My friend discovered it during her stay, and i'm afraid he kept having s&x after discovering the age gap during that time frame where on paper they would have been 4 years apart . My friend is a good guy, I do not know how to ask this without sounding weird

I had a very bad dentist experience in 2020 and have not been able to go to a dentist since. Its not a phobia, I dont think. It really feels like my OCD. I ruminate, then avoid. Something bad will happen if I go to a dentist again. Im not sure what, but of course Ive imagined every possible thing over and over and some of the scenarios are so outlandish I know its my OCD. I also stopped flossing after that and have to distract myself with something in order to be able to brush my teeth, so sometimes a few days go by before I can get myself in a frame of mind to be able to brush my teeth again. Just related subject matter sets me off: I run through what happened again and again and run through all the bad scenerios that could happen -when I brush my teeth or something related comes up,etc. Like I had to leave when a kid showed me where her tooth fell out and I realized over an hour later that Id just gone out to my car and sat in the parking lot ruminating over it all. So all that was a perfect storm for a dental emergency, which is why Im going to dentist on monday to avoid sepsis. I can't be the only one who's had a situation like this: maybe not specifically the dentist, although I feel like that might be kind of common, but something where you HAD to go somewhere to do something that youve been avoiding HARD -there is no way to continue avoiding this. But I had to take the day off from work to even get myself to a place where I could call and make an appointment. What are some things that have helped you get into the headspace to go do something like that -and to keep from freaking out while waiting? And I feel like just laying eyes on the stuff in the office is going to trigger me big time. Im worried I'll get there and won't be able to go through with the appointment and I really, really need to. I mean, I was trying not to say it because it bothers me so bad i feel like saying it might be bad for someone else with OCD reading this: but how the heck am I ever going to be able to let a stranger touch my mouth?

I just had an unexpected trigger I can’t even put into words how hard the OCD is….I wish I had someone here with me right now that has the exact same cross contamination OCD as me…so that person could tell me step by step what they would do …I can no longer function without OCD. It’s so hard for me to explain. The sad part is …the last couple days I was hopefully …trying to do ERP one tiny step at a time. And then this trigger happened tonight. How am I supposed to get better when there are constant triggers ??? It’s like trying to swim and giant waves keep pushing you back so you can’t swim past the waves that keep rolling in!!! I can’t find a therapist thats takes insurance. I feel so alone in this battle and I have to be my own therapist. It is going to take hours to decontaminate from this trigger. And I’m exhausted. The only thing left to say is Jesus please help me. If anyone has cross contamination that interferes with daily functioning, do you have any advice…I don’t know anyone that has this type of OCD. I really could use some words of wisdom and encouragement from anyone who understands cross contamination OCD.

Adults only Had some kind of dream where POCD was extremely high and I felt disgusting and terrible because when it comes to porn I've seen a lot of terrible, messed up things that people have made about fictional minors. Everytime I've looked for things to watch with legal characters, I find them and I've made a playlist to only have that content I'm comfortable with multiple times but I always end up running into this messed up stuff people upload and don't monitor. I don't understand why there's so much of this shit and it triggers my POCD very very badly and I feel like no one else has gone through this and it's only me, which is why my pocd spikes. Sometimes I even get sexual intrusive thoughts about fictional minors and real minors and it's messing with my mind so much. I don't side with pedophilia on ANY LEVEL. I'm trying to accept that I'm a human being and I have human desires that are sexual and there isn't anything wrong with that. I'm trying to accept that this isn't a bad thing but whenever I come across awful stuff like this so many times by accident it makes me feel so guilty and so ashamed. It feels like I'm going to be put on a list because people are making this stuff with literal child characters and not just adults. They know it and don't care and it's breaking my mind.

last post got flagged lol not even sure what i did wrong but now i feel worse. not doing too good at the moment but i have finals to finish so i’ll just power through it🙃

I'm 20, but I feel so behind my peers. My mental health has caused many roadblocks, and sometimes, I'm afraid of never getting to a point where I actually feel content with where I am. For the past couple of years, life has been stagnant. I don't have a job (due to high anxiety and possibly procrastination), I haven't pursued higher education, even though I do want to, and I don't have a single friend I'm in active communication with. My best friend and I grew apart in high school (I switched to online), and although we keep in touch, we're not as close as we once were. She's across the country in another state attending college, so I only see her in-person once in a blue moon when she returns during breaks. Besides that, we respond to each other's stories, send happy birthdays and such, etc... Realistically, I know I haven't "failed" in life. I try to remind myself that there isn't just one path in life to take and that things are going to be okay, but... I don't think I fully believe it. I want to, but I often feel hopeless. OCD is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I'm constantly stuck in the past while trying to live in the present. I feel like I'll never be able to TRULY move on from anything. It will always find some way to reel me back into obsessing. I miss the peace and quiet when my brain wasn't constantly harassing me with horrible intrusive thoughts. I miss it so much. There's so much I want to do in life, but I feel like I'm nerfed or something lmao 💔 I genuinely experience a lot of embarrassment due to everything I talked about above... Any advice or just support would be very much appreciated. I'm just having a rough day.

i am just so frustrated. i keep doing research on the difference between pocd and an actual P, and it just seems the exact same. and everyone keeps telling me “no there’s actually a big difference” but in research there’s literally not. i’ve tried so hard to find more but the only difference i can find is the actual attraction part, but when u dont know what real attraction is because you generally have no experience in it and have natural low attraction it’s like how can you even figure it out for yourself and see if you’re attracted or not??? im just so stuck. its making me angry because i want to figure it out so badly but i just can’t because all the research to me just seems like “yeah real P’s can actually experience and feel the exact same as someone with pocd” and the only difference seems to be real attraction, but when POCD makes you believe you are attracted and have thoughts that people who are attracted can also experience, and even with pocd you feel all negative emotions about the thoughts that also real P’s can feel its like OH MY GOSH HOW DO I FIGURE THIS OUT!!!!!!!! then people are like “if you were a real P you would just know” BUT WHAT IF I DONT???? its possible for a real P to be confused and not really know for sure so like!!?!?!?. i just wish i had a machine where you could type in a question about yourself and it would give you a real definite answer cause then i would know the real cause to all these things im going through.

I had a thought while at work abt my brother and I got really strong groinal respones and I kept replaying it until it stopped. It felt like real arousal. I feel like idk how to fantasize anymore or what the difference is between fantasies and intrusive thoughts. Everyone says intrusive thoughts are thoughts u dont agree with and I feel like ive lost touch and dont even know whats me anymore. Which is disgusting

In January this year i found myself quite attracted to a colleague would go as far to say it was a crush, i never flirted or was inappropriate with them but i did have thoughts about whether being in a relationship with them would maybe be better or if we felt strongly towards each-other i would potentially leave my boyfriend (at the time) But i soon got over this crush and my relationship with my partner got stronger and stronger Now were engaged i feel as though i betrayed him by having that thought and i don’t deserve love and happiness Im not sure if those were the exact thoughts but i definitely did have a bit of a crush What do i do, am i a cheater? Or basically as bad as one😭

I’m making some gains battling my ocd and I really feel supported by my therapist Shawn Welty.