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I dropped my candy bar I just bought on the bathroom floor in the store, it was sealed still, as I just bought it, I put it back in the bag and didn’t think much about it and ate it later. Now I just now thinking about the fact I ate it, and I looked it up and it said that I should’ve thrown it away even though it was sealed because there is still a good chance of bacteria. I’m seriously freaked out. Wth was I thinking… how cooked am I guys

Crystal was an 18-year-old single mother, balancing diapers and deadlines, art brushes and baby giggles. As she crled her six-month-old daughter, Ava, close, the vibrant sketches in her notebook seemed like distant dreams. Her mind was trapped in a relentless storm: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and a darkness that clawed deeper – suicidal thoughts. It started innocently enough. As a teenager, Crystal was meticulous about order – her things had their place, her pencils sharpened to a precise point. But as she entered her senior year of high school, pregnant and scared, the whispers in her mind grew loud. At first, they were manageable doubts: "Did I lock the door?" "Are the lights off?" "Is Ava safe?" Soon, they morphed into merciless screams. Crystal became consumed by an irrational fear of contamination – of herself, of Ava, of everything around them. Every touch ignited a firestorm of anxiety: germs lurking on diaper bags, bacteria dancing in the air Ava breathed, dirt embedding into her skin. Her hands, once instruments of creativity, now trembled with the compulsion to wash – wash, and wash, and wash. She scrubbed them raw, the pain a fleeting distraction from the chaos in her head. What if she harmed Ava with a careless touch? What if she wasn’t clean enough to care for her? Her rituals turned her days into a checklist of compulsions: - Tap the faucet exactly five times before turning it on. - Wash her hands in scalding water for precisely seven minutes, repeating a silent prayer with each pass. - Avoid touching anything “dirty” – public spaces, Ava’s toys, even her own hair – lest she spiral into hours of cleansing. - Check Ava’s crib compulsively, ensuring everything was “just right,” fearing something terrible would happen if she didn’t. The world shrunk. Social gatherings turned to torture: What if she touched someone? What if she got “infected” and harmed Ava? Her single mum responsibilities felt overwhelming – she barely slept, barely ate, barely painted. Friends drifted away, confused by her isolation. Her art, once a refuge, now mocked her – brushes felt tainted, colors blurred by fear. Her parents, though supportive, worried endlessly; they couldn’t understand the prison in her mind. And then, the shadows crept in. In the dead of night, when Ava slept and the compulsions ebbed, a harsher voice whispered: What’s the point of it all? You’re trapped. You’ll never be a good mum. Ava would be better off without you. The thoughts terrified her – fleeting images of ending it all, of silencing the pain forever. Crystal felt ashamed, trapped in a cycle of guilt and despair. The OCD was bad enough, but this… this felt like a sentence to a life she couldn’t bear, for herself and Ava. Crystal’s mind was a battleground. “What if I fail to wash enough?” “What if the germs win?” “What if I’m not enough for Ava?” The intrusive thoughts looped, a broken record playing the same fears. Exhaustion clawed at her, but the OCD roared louder: You aren’t clean. You aren’t safe. You aren’t worth it. You’ll fail as a mum. One night, sobbing in her small apartment, hands cracked and red, Ava sleeping beside her, Crystal whispered, “Why can’t I escape?” A fragment of courage flickered – she googled “OCD help” and found a therapist specializing in exposure and response prevention (ERP). She also found a crisis hotline number, tucked it under her pillow, and promised herself she’d reach out. She thought of Ava’s tiny hands, her toothless smile – she had to fight, for both of them. The road to healing was jagged. With Dr. Amadi’s guidance, Crystal faced her demons: touching a “dirty” doorknob without washing, writing sentences without retracing every word, breathing through the urge to check. She practiced holding Ava skin-to-skin without washing first. She spoke to the suicidal thoughts too – acknowledging them as symptoms, not truths, learning to redirect the pain into something raw and real: her art. She found a local support group for mums with mental health struggles. Slowly, the chains loosened. Crystal learned: the thoughts were noise, not truth. She painted again – bold strokes, messy and beautiful – depicting the darkness and the fight to break free, with Ava as her little muse. She touched her baby’s soft skin without hesitation, laughed without counting, and slept knowing she was enough. She called the hotline once, twice – and found words to fight the shadows: “I am hurting, but I am here. I am Ava’s mum. I am strong.” But scars remained, like etchings on her soul. Some days, the OCD whispered back, and the dark thoughts lingered at the edges. Yet Crystal stood firmer, armed with therapy, medication, and self-compassion. She looked at Ava, thriving in her small victories, and knew: “I am not my OCD,” she told herself, voice steady. “I am Crystal, a mum, messy, strong, and free.”

If someone wanted to change the behaviors that trigger you, they would right? Out of consideration and “love” for you? Thoughts??

I’m looking for a Country boy with OCD 😉 Preferably with Sexual/Taboo/Violent themes so we can discuss them and support each other 😁 Hopefully this makes some of you smile and hopefully this makes some of you laugh 😂

I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts and OCD triggered by my younger brother. He keeps saying things about our childhood that make me feel guilty, scared, and anxious, even though I know logically I didn’t do anything wrong. For example: • He accused me of being inappropriate when I gave him a kiss on the cheek as a kid. He said he thought I might touch him or do something bad, even though it was innocent and in front of our parents. • He brings up times I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom to get my phone and uses it against me, exaggerating it as if I intended something bad. • He sometimes changes his story, which makes me question my own memory and feel unsure of what actually happened. • He often smirks or laughs when saying these things, which makes it even harder for me to cope. • Some adults have said his behavior is manipulative. He’s 11, and I’m 17 with severe OCD, so being accused of things I didn’t do really triggers my anxiety. • I’m terrified he might tell my mom or friends and make it sound worse than it is, even though my mom knows I wouldn’t hurt him. • I also worry about sharing personal things online, like on YouTube, because I’m afraid he might hear or see something and use it against me. • These situations trigger my OCD because I care about being a good sister and fear that I might have done something bad I can’t remember. • I struggle with the urge to repeatedly ask him for reassurance about what he remembers, even though I know I shouldn’t, because it makes my anxiety worse

I was in a relationship for over a year. This was my first relationship and that’s how my OCD started. I have never been diagnosed, but I often found myself feeling guilty about having thoughts about other guys to the point where I would have to tell him. If even got the point where I started picking him apart and guilty spilling everything little thing i didn’t like about him to his face. We broke up in February. We had a pretty messy after breakup. He has told me now that he needed to break up with me to find himself again, he was graduating high school and was very busy and couldn’t deal with me. At the time, I wouldn’t leave him alone because i wanted to fix everything. After a while of him being nice, he began to be very rude to me and ended up blocking me. Now he is back in my life and has basically told me he is open to a relationship again. I told myself that if we did this again it would be so different especially with my OCD. Well it’s back and i feel like it’s just as persistent as it was before. The ten months we were broken up i was so happy and none of this OCD stuff bothered me which makes me think it’s specifically connected to my ex which makes me super frustrated but it’s to the point where i can’t even think about anything else and im not in the present moment. Has this happened to anyone else?

I was doing so good, but of course I got triggered on Tuesday right before the holidays and I haven’t felt peace since then. I’m dealing with ROCD, which is what I always deal with. It’s the same intrusive thought too; it’s difficult for me to interact with men, whether it be employees, men in public or friends because I always get the intrusive thought that what if I kissed them and I don’t remember. Simple interactions cause me to get this intrusive thought. On Tuesday a worker from target brought my order to my car and when he walked away I was hit with that intrusive thought and have been dealing with it since then. I’m in a happy relationship and I know OCD attacks the things we love so it makes sense that this is my strongest theme. But it’s debilitating and it’s ruining the holidays for me 😢 any word of advice or encouragement from anyone who has dealt with this same intrusive thought/theme?

Hey everyone , so about 2 months ago my partner and I had decided to mutually split up, on my end it was due to my inability to fully manage my relationship OCD symptoms due to circumstances and my tendency to believe that they were really my desires despite them causing me(and partner at the time) distress. Anyways after the breakup I found out that my ex partner held a lot of resentment towards me because of my actions during the relationship like my impulsivity and compulsive confessions which were hurtful and eroded trust over time. That I completely understand which that was a big reason why I decided to end the relationship as I didn't like how I was as a partner towards them and didn't want to further hurt them. However the way they went about their side of things really affected me. Not only did my ex partner become cagey with me but they also went behind my back and started to be very obvious with their involvement with a mutual friend of ours. I tried to respect their space as by this point in time we had already broken up but it had not even been a month since then, and they also knew I was able to see everything hinting at their new relationship on social media. When I called them out on this they proceeded to bring up everything wrong that I did during our relationship and they held on to stuff that I already felt immense guilt for and stuff that I had already acknowledged could only be worked on if I was not in the relationship. Moreover they brought up subjects that I had confessed during periods of OCD spirals and compulsive confessions, which they believed were true I guess. Saying that essentially "I hope you get to do those things". Furthermore they also said something along the lines of "I know you have OCD but OCD doesn't make someone say fucked up things to their partner over and over again". I thought I was on the right track by making it clear that I wanted to make things right by separating and dealing with my symptoms on my own time and not having someone I care about being involved, but them doing and saying all these things eventually did lead to me to acting out on my compulsions which involves sleeping with men even though I am a lesbian. In a way it was a form of revenge for them moving on so quickly but also a form of self punishment because of all the shame I carried after that relationship cut off. Does anyone else with ROCD carry this kind of guilt after a relationship ended, this truly sucks.

Okay, so this is not 100% just OCD, although it has been triggered quite a bit and I do need some advice from you guys if that's okay. -- So for starters, I have a 3 year old corgi and he is both great and sometimes another thing. I love him a lot and what I say doesn't mean that he's a bad dog, but sometimes I do feel a bit worried. For this year we decided to include my dog in for presents as it's Christmas and it was a really cute idea- both a blanket and a giant bone and we knew he'd love it. I love giving him stuff but there's a problem, he's also very protective over his things and I feel sometimes stuck for when it comes to his behavior. On one hand, he knows how to sit, twirl, stay, be gentle, paw and tricks- he does it almost instantly when a treats in hand but when there isn't he sometimes struggles or just doesn't listen at all. He also hates when people go into my room and jumps and bites them whenever that happens- sometimes even treats don't 100% work. Anywho, we gave him the gifts and he LOVED it, we were all super happy- and he was instantly all over it.. everyone was laughing and enjoying the moment, although knowing his protectiveness I did feel a bit skeptical, I tried testing the waters by touching the ends of it and petting him and he didn't do anything. UNTIL.. when he ripped a chunk out- I decided to get closer and tried to pet him and take the piece and he snapped and barked at me/growled. My dad instantly took notice and got up in concern for me- he scolded the dog and tried getting the piece of bone, my dog barked at him again and growled and my dad wasn't having it so he put him back in his spot (like his.. border thing? If you guys know what I mean- not a crate hut something like that) and he kicked the piece to the opposite side and took the entire bone away. My dog barked and snapped but he still listened. -- After that I tried to laugh it off, my parents said that he really needed to learn to respect which I agreed and felt at least a bit better that we were all in the same page, but I still felt uneasy and now excused myself for the night. -- I love my dog. I never want him to go away and I see him as my baby- but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. He loves cuddling when he feels like it, he gets along with people and other pets in public, pet groomers love him, he's not a typical aggressive dog.. but he does bark when I jump around or stim, he barks when dancing is involves, he barks and jumps whenever someone tries to get into my room like I said earlier (which I HATE since I used to invite my sib to hangout there a lot) and my parents sometimes go inside to pass me something, he whines whenever everyone's out and he's very clingy, he whines when it's late at night and I want to hangout with my sib or he barks, (he also has a "bedtime" for himself so that checks out), and then there's the overprotectiveness over new toys he gets and stuff like that. -- I feel scared as well. I love him to death and that's why sometimes his behavior stresses me the heck out. My mind tells me that he'll one day snap and bite me or someone else really bad- or that he'll get more aggressive later on and that it's too late due to his age. My intrusive thoughts tell me that his behavior will lead to someone putting him down or something like that happening- that he'll run away since he doesn't listen sometimes and something awful will happen to him. That people will see as a horrible person or an animal ab*ser (I am NOT a perfect owner and sometimes I feel like I suck at some stuffs- but I really do try my best. : () But he's NOT an aggressive dog.. but I DO believe that he may have some aggressive traits. -- So this is where I ask you guys for help- or at least some advice.. what can I do for him ? Is there any useful tools that I could get for training ? What training tips is useful for these kinds of behaviors ? Anything. Just what can I do ? Let me know please !! I really do love him just UGH sometimes I just get so stressed about it. (Also if any of you guys have your own stories- let me know about that as well ! 🥹)

Some notes I thought worth sharing as I've delved into my OCD patterns with my therapist (and myself via journaling). Perhaps like others here, I oftentimes view my thoughts, ruminations, and OCD behaviors as simply pathologies. They just exist, I don't know WHY they exist, and they're simply "part of the condition." There may be value to this line of thinking, but I am also gradually understanding that my OCD patterns developed in response to specific traumatic life events. For example, I am a former binge-drinking alcoholic. In 2023, I had my first ever panic attack while driving while I was severely hungover. I thought I was dying of alcohol poisoning. One terrifying ambulance and hospital trip later, I was mired with horrible shame and an utterly terrifying fear of alcohol. My brain had learned that alcohol -> panic attack -> shame -> I'm a terrible person and I've failed. This is a big part of where my health anxiety stems from I've learned. I want to control what goes into my body to ensure I'm maximally healthy so I never panic again. Moreover, my brain learned to demonize alcohol and shame me HORRIBLY for ever indulging in it again. Drinking alcohol -> I'm a terrible person. Both these things in conjunction began a patter of OCD behaviors trying to perfectly optimize my food and drink intake while also feeling deeply afraid and ashamed for still wanting to eat junk food and drink booze. Point is, there is a root to this OCD. My ruminations and checking are not just "parts of a disease" they are an effort to assure I never have a panic attack again, and avoid behaviors that lead to feel intense shame (drinking booze). Similar thing happened recently after a traumatic relationship. She and I loved each other dearly, but I was constantly crippled by feelings of anxiety and feeling "less than" her. This again culminated in INTENSE shame, fear and anger directed at her (which fueled the shame cycle), ruminations to always "solve" my anxiety and be the "perfect" boyfriend who always made her happy and solved all her issues. Even after this relationship, I have ROCD behaviors and ruminations about family members and friends sometimes. My brain DESPERATELY wants to know that I'm "enough" and to avoid all behaviors it irrationally views as "shameful." Queue feelings of fear towards social interactions, which then reinforces the shame for wanting to avoid anxiety inducing social interactions. My point again is, these don't seem like meaningless compulsions and behaviors. They may (or may not) stem from genetic factors, chemical imbalances, etc. Who knows. But my OCD behaviors have pretty clear beginnings and they are PROTECTIVE measures that my brain learned to keep me safe from health concerns and fear. They aren't simply useless things my brain does on repeat. My brain is smarter than that and so is yours. They don't do things for utterly no reason. I am not a therapist and please do not take any of this as more than food for thought. You may also find that there is a deeper reason behind your behavior than you think. Happy Holidays, everyone here is "enough" just as you are and I feel your struggles. I hope you all can find some peace :) I need some peace and love too.

can somebody help me I’m currently having a panic attack I feel like such a bad person because while I was in a talking stage with my now current boyfriend I thought it was OK to leave my options open and kinda get to know other people and before I really got to lock in with my now current boyfriend I thought that all I would be good for was Situationships and friends with benefits and I didn’t really treat our early talking stage as really serious and I got really distant with him because I was scared that he would want a relationship out of me at that time, and it made me scared because whenever I got into a relationship in the past, I got this on waving feeling of guilt that I could never shake off until I broke up with that person so I just distance myself from him in the early stage because I was too scared and then when I decided I wanted to lock in with talking staging with him, I cut off all types with all the other people even though I kinda wasn’t really talking to other people at that point it was just him I don’t feel like I really don’t deserve him because the way I acted before I locked in with him and I got in a relationship with him. He is the first person that I’ve been in a relationship with that I never got the feeling of guilt like I did with my past ones and I don’t wanna mess it up. I know this is all sounding really erratic. I just wanna get my thoughts down and it’s hard to sound consistent when you’re having a panic attack, but I just need help. I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have had my options open while I was talking with him because it’s a really shitty thing to do to talk to multiple people and then decided to lock him with one of them leave the other one behind. I don’t deserve him at all. Can somebody please give me their insight.

I hate to be negative Nancy, but I would love to know if anyone else has felt this. When starting therapy, I was so eager to get right into it. Lately, I find myself spiraling out about how it’s too much and I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I worry that I haven’t made the right choice in approaching this and dealing with it rather than just putting it off. I’m not quitting and I remain transparent with my therapist but I have these bouts randomly. If you have any encouragement or words of wisdom, please share. ❤️

I need to rant to people who might actually understand. I am really freaking out. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and have been for most of our 1 1/2 year relationship. Every visit we’ve had so far I’ve felt has reassured me and made me feel more connected to him… except this last one. I gelt disconnected from him the whole trip, felt like he was distant or frustrated or something 90% of the time, and anytime we talked about it he got frustrated because he didn’t know what I was talking about, which ended up reenforcing my fear that he was frustrated with me. It was a very bad emotional trip for me, although he has told me he disagrees, and I am terrified for what it means for the future of our relationship. I was hoping to be able to have a normal conversation with him tonight on our nightly phone call and maybe push some of those feelings aside but something has come up to where he can’t call me at all and he’s in a bad mood. I know *logically* I’ve done nothing wrong and he is frustrated by something happening in his own life but I am CONVINCED I did something to upset him and I am trying really hard to not pester him with “are you sure you aren’t mad at ME” texts for fear of upsetting him more, and causing more of a rift that may or may not be there. Any time I try and talk to someone in my life about this cycle they tell me to talk to him but I think that’s the issue, he doesn’t understand anxiety or OCD and talking to him doesn’t ever seem to do anything good. It either makes him feel bad or me feel worse. At this point I think my only option is to cry and panic alone because at least it’s not a compulsion or affecting someone else’s life

I have never had a boyfriend and I feel like everyone thinks I’m not straight because I’m 22 and never had a boyfriend. Like not even close to a relationship at all. I have had people ask me if I was gay, which has been very triggering. It really bothers me. I want a boyfriend but then my ocd makes me questions that. Also I don’t just want anyone, I want someone for me. Maybe they are right tho 😔

I asked this guy to go watch Christmas lights with me and my family (sister and mom only) he agreed and we were supposed to go Saturday…he canceled, it’s fine ig and blamed it on his mom. I asked if he was busy Tuesday or Monday thinking he was telling the truth. Monday comes and out of no where I get a text, it’s from him and apparently he doesn’t want to go see Christmas lights and asks to do something else. I said of course and we agreed to go see a movie Tuesday. Then he basically asks if his friend and mine can come along as a double date. Mind you we have never gone out alone… Tuesday comes and I literally wait all day for him to text me about it ask me if we’re still going, anything. Nothing ever comes, I get one measly snap. Snap him back and get no response as his snap score goes up by 5. You may wonder why I don’t just text him first if I’m so worried about it, well I do that every single time and I’m so tired of it. I get so mad because I like him so so much, in the past week I’ve been asked out by two guys and rejected them for this 4 month long talking stage. He looks like Jeff Buckley, is smart, funny, loyal, kind, etc. but absolutely horrible at communicating. I’m young and don’t know how to get through to him, it takes time that I quite frankly do not have. All while saying that I keep putting effort and time into this nonexistent relationship because I am so obsessed, he’s never been in a romantic relationship or talking stage before me and only talks to his friends. I full heartedly believe that if he truly likes me then we will work out.

In a span of less than a flipping week, I've gone from crying because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend to go on my 2-week trip abroad to see family to feeling nothing for him at all and feeling the need to break up. I cannot feel anything. I feel numb on the inside, but function okay on the surface. I feel numb to nearly everything with a few moments of emotional clarity during which I do appreciate him and enjoy my time. But most of the time it feels like I don't feel anything for him, feels like I don't want to talk to him, feels like we've grown apart (we were literally sleeping in the same bed for the first time ever last week??). I've been crying to him on our nightly calls for a while now, but since this trip started it's been mostly me complaining about this issue and crying my eyes out. He just wants to help me out in some way, but I've even been getting frustrated with him because he sounds so nonchalant about it (he isn't, I'm just really annoyed by anything small lately). I'm trying to summon things that should make me anxious, such as thinking about what it would be like if I broke up with him, but it won't elicit any response other than crying out of frustration. I can't even think of past happy memories or imagine our future, because my brain is so fried from all the anxiety and stress I've felt the past couple months. I'm just so emotionally numb and exhausted, it doesn't feel like I'm living my life. When I'm not feeling like we need to break up, I feel like I need to be in his arms. It's just going from one extreme to the other. I hate this so much. I know there are techniques to help with this (hell I even recommended some to someone else on here suffering from this). But I'm just afraid I don't know the truth about my feelings, despite me literally not feeling ANYTHING remotely deep. It also doesn't help that I've been PMSing and starting my menstrual phase like tomorrow. It's always so much worse around this time.

I was at work the whole day and ate before going but now im back home and I haven't eaten in 6 hours, I feel so dizzy and my heart is beating super fast. Does anyone else also get this? My eyes are really blurry too. Is it diabetes? I'm very scared

Hi everyone. So tomorrow is my birthday. Unfortunately, I’m not the biggest fan of my birthday but would love some advice on how to go about it! I’ve been okay over the last few months and am nervous about everyone expecting me to feel happy and excited tomorrow. This pressure sort of ruins it for me because it’s unauthentic and I’m in my head about their expectations instead of enjoying the moment. I always want to have the perfect day or everything go right but I’ve started to avoid planning anything because my mood can be pretty unpredictable. For example, I really want to wear this all black outfit tomorrow but I may get to tomorrow and no longer be in the mood to wear it. This is so annoying but it happens. I never really hear other people share similar frustrations about things like this. It’s what I wanted but then I put it on and it doesn’t feel right or I don’t look how I want to look in that moment anymore. It’s incredibly frustrating. I could have an endless amount of questions over what I want to wear, how I feel when I’m wearing it, if I appear to others the way I want to be appearing to them, etc. It’s like I want to be wearing the perfect outfit but I still could be and I could look the mirror and feel wrong about it. Anyway, I just want to have a good day tomorrow. I’m sad because I don’t have anything planned. However, I find spontaneous moments the most enjoyable. I’m sort of stuck. I’m sorry this isn’t super ocd related but I know I’m overthinking it so much. I feel like from the moment I wake up, I’m going to be thinking about how others are thinking about me. I could find something wrong with every outcome of what could happen tomorrow. Lately, I’ve just been more sad, anxious, quiet, and slow. I’m already exhausted by the idea of getting all these sweet texts and calls from people while I might not be feeling my best. Ironically, messages like this make me feel more alone because of how superficial the interactions feel while I’m silently just wanting comfort and peace in all the chaos and overwhelm I’m feeling. There’s little I hate more than masking and pretending and it’s the last thing I want to do on my birthday. I’d honestly appreciate any thoughts or ideas. Thanks for patience in reading all this. Thanks guy. Happy holidays 🫶🏼🫶🏼

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been on this app and I just wanted to give an update! I’ve been experiencing OCD for roughly 2 years and it’s been a revolving door of obsessions. I had been to therapy once and it seemed to help for a few months until October of this year when I had one of the worst breakdowns of my life stemming from one of the worst thoughts/urges I had ever had. I couldn’t eat, sleep or focus for almost an entire month and it was unbearable! Since mid-November, I’ve been going to one on one therapy and I’m currently on Lexapro (the lowest dosage available). At first, I had increased anxiety and it was very hard for me to function. I can say now that my body is starting to make the turn! I’m eating & sleeping very well now but the only thing that’s getting me is that I’m still having those lingering thoughts! One thing that has kept me ground is remembering that the thoughts & urges I’m having will pass and they don’t last. I’m in a way better position than I was months ago. Stay strong!! (Question: who else experiences unwanted thoughts but doesn’t feel anxiety about the thought? What do you do in that instance?)

Having one of those incredibly intense anxiety days where that voice in my head just wants to give up. I need to work, and have a busy day tomorrow. Just need a little encouragement as I am on the verge of tears. I know it’s just anxiety and thoughts, but man is it hard to manage on these days.