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TW POCD and REAL EVENT OCD… Adults only (18+) I’m so desperate at this point for help I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried accepting uncertainty and it’s not working. I made a huge mistake in the past (about 4 or 5 years ago) and I didn’t realize at the time it was wrong until much later. I used to have a tickling fetish and I don’t understand why, I’m not even gonna go into that but because it’s an everyday ordinary thing that people do, when I would look up the fetish on ifunny, videos and memes would come up because I searched the fetish, nothing else. I would NEVER look up anything so terrible hopefully you know what I’m talking about so I don’t have to go into detail but it’s something very bad that people come across and people with POCD, including myself, have a HUGE fear of ever coming across it. Unfortunately as a teen I didn’t realize what I was looking at or whatever was wrong I was just in it for the fetish itself. I was just scrolling through and if it had to do with stupid tickling then I would watch it, while ya know? Maybe the laughter I don’t know but my mind keeps telling me it’s the same thing as the really bad thing because as a teen and looking up the fetish, masturbation was involved unfortunately and I feel so much guilt, shame, self-loathing and pain because of this and I truly hope it wasn’t in the same category as the really bad thing because it was just normal videos and pictures that a normal person would be like, awwww that’s cute or whatever but for me because I was younger and it had to do with the stupid fetish, it didn’t even cross my mind and now I’m really beating myself up for it. I would do ANYTHING to go back and change things. I honestly wish I never had the stupid fetish in the first place if anything it’s so embarrassing to even talk about I just think maybe if someone was going through something similar and I’m able to help them or even myself then that’s ok because I want to help people. I hate myself I just wish I wasn’t so stupid back then. I’ve been told many times to let it go but it’s hard when my mind keeps telling me I’m a horrible monster who needs to be punished. I will never, ever be interested or ever want anything to do with someone younger especially a kid. It’s disgusting and wrong. I would rather give up than it become true. I hate it. With a passion. So please if anyone can read this and possibly lead me in the right direction or give me some advice, I would truly appreciate it. Thank you

Is it possible to still have involuntary thoughts without any anxiety? And would this be considered on the way to recovery without all the pain and fear feelings?

Just kind of an ERP vent. Anyone wanna talk about this experience? It’s bumming me out. So I’ve been doing ERP exercises daily to help myself get over this theme. I started out with ERP towards the gender I have had intrusive thoughts about (men), and it helped knock out a lot of the intrusive stuff and false attractions, but working on my ERP towards women has been rather difficult. I’m still getting mental blocks. I’m trying to expose myself to them and get over false anxiety and other negative false emotions. It’s worked, but it feels like I’m stuck right now. Anyone else getting frustrated? I know ERP is a process, but it feels like it’s taking absolutely forever. Anyone wanna talk / vent about ERP frustrations?

Hey women of SO-OCD is this normal/have you experienced this? (Not excluding men it’s just a perspective thing, feel free to jump in) ** POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING ** I’ve been taking Flexeril for the past 3-4 days. That by itself can cause abnormal thinking and draining. So I guess it would just add fuel to the fire of my OCD. But I don’t know I’m scared I’m hoping it’s OCD but I keep thinking of boobs particularly pointy ones and how they stick out at the chest cavity and I was scared because I keep smiling and feeling really funny in my brain And but are protesting saying but I like but I don’t like it why would I protesting I like it both when I don’t like it both ways and I definitely don’t like boobs but I’m frightened that patrols are going away and I don’t like it both ways at all except it’s just a SMILING the fact that I’m protesting saying otherwise scares me! I don’t care if there’s nothing wrong with it I don’t want this I want oops go away I’m not by petrels not huge growth over the belt ones but I’m scared I make faces like I don’t even but I do like dick and I don’t want boobs and I don’t understand why I would protest saying but I I don’t like the way I said it the way I protested the tone I have. It was like whining and a huge smile on my face but I like it I don’t like it I know I feel worse when I say that I don’t but I don’t actually like it both ways and I don’t like boobs and I keep saying is not supposed to I don’t care what I’m supposed to do I’ve never cared what I’m supposed to do my mom to tell you that. But it’s a :-) and then we are way I feel saying but I like And now I’m smiling thinking of women naked doing it because I’ve seen it and I don’t like it both ways so why do I feel like I’m choking I don’t so why am I saying these things has anyone experienced this? I DONT LIKE IT. I’m scared I’ve never always like boys and Petros I’ve never like boobs I keep thinking of the bones in the nipples and I’m smiling like I don’t wanna do it and I’m smiling when I say it when I say don’t like I mean otherwise but I don’t wanna the bumps on her on the ring around a woman’s nipple I don’t know what it’s called I don’t want it I don’t like the way I’m smiling and sticking my tongue out like I’m imagining shit and I don’t like it and I’m so sorry I’m frightened

When you're taught to embrace your OCD thoughts and deal with them, how does one do that exactly? Example, I get a disturbing thought or uncomfortable feeling, we're taught to embrace it or accept it... How so? It's an unwanted thought.. So how do you embrace something that's so dang annoying or unanswerable? I often find my OCD wanting to get technical and "reading the fine print" of any and all advice given. So annoying.

Have any straight people with SO-OCD successfully gone through ERP and experienced relief from intrusive thoughts? I’m starting next week but am terrified that it is just going to make me realize I actually am gay even though that is not at all what I want. Just feel like I could use some extra encouragement to get through this.

So I’m watching euphoria and now scared that I’m gay like nAte 😭😭 like what if I’m not feeling as attractive to guys or matter of fact dudes my age 💀 and now I’m like kinda worried bc like I keep thinking me and my friend kissing and Idk why but it feels like i like it or want that in a way.. 😭 bc what if I find out im gay and not straight ? Like what if im suppressing my sexuality literally bc I just feel so stuck and like I don’t genuinely like anyone? And it kinda sucks in a way ?? Or idk but im scared it’s gonna be like one of those stories where I figure out im gay 💀 and there’s nothing wrong with it honestly I just feel like it’s something that doesn’t go with me bc im straight? It literally feels like I would want to kiss a girl tho 💀 and it’s confusing bc before if I kissed a girl then fine I would kiss a girl no big (all before my ocd) but I just never came through or just much into it bc I was scared and I didn’t want my first kiss to be girl😭 but l know im scared bc let’s just say it did happen then what if I turn gay and like it like I just keep imagining those thing abt my ocd and idk if it’s normal bc ofc I don’t want to do it but I just keep Thinking abt all the possibilities.. :/

I can’t stop crying, I even cried today when being intimate with my husband. I keep thinking my kids deserve a better mom, he never should have married me. I’m a monster and I harmed our daughter. He tells me it’s not true, there’s no way but how can he be so sure? How can he trust me so much when I really convinced myself I’ve done this.

Recovery tip- Many of our desires are about wanting not to feel things. If you experience panic attacks, you may identify particular situations that make you very anxious and bring up an attack. For example: Going into crowded busy places, public speaking, traveling in a car or plane, hospitals etc. but research shows that for many people, it’s not the situation that they’re actually scared of but the experience of having a panic attack. That desire to avoid the experience leads to the person checking, coping or controlling to make sure it’s not happening. Which increases their chances of judging something internal or external as a sign that it is happening, which scares them and leads to more attempts of controlling, coping or checking, which leads to it actually happening. Keep in mind, if you want to get rid of anxiety and intrusive thoughts or sensations more than anything in this world, your brain will give you many things to feel anxious about so you can try to get rid of that feeling and get what you want more than anything else in the world. Your brain is just trying to help you. It’s helpful to treat your brain like a toddler or a puppy. Toddlers and puppies react to many things. Toddlers cry when they don’t get a cookie, they may think it’s the end of the world. Puppies bark at random noises or whine if they don’t think they’re getting enough attention or enough treats! Your brain operates similarly. Your brain is an uncertainty barometer, always looking out for you. You don’t control the random thoughts or emotions your brain throws up at random moments, but you control your actions. Be the adult to your brain. Give your brain thanks for always being there for you and watching out for you. But you’re not going to perform compulsions and react to those random thoughts and emotions. An urge, desire, thought or sensation can be there as you take a step towards what actually matters to you!

** TW ** Can someone help? Has anyone ever had the strong compulsion to say something they don’t mean? This happened to me. Sorry for the stream of consciousness: I’m scared I keep insisting that I do but I don’t want to I don’t want to get over him I don’t want to and then I kept insisting but I don’t want to switch teams why did I kept insisting that I do I don’t really why can’t I stop I said don’t want to I want It to stop not my feelings for him and I act like he’s but he’s not ugly and I specially don’t want to switch teams why did I compulsively in so strong and keep insisting otherwise I don’t want to switch teams I keep saying it’s not it is that I don’t want to I don’t want to find another guy and I act like since he’s not an option at least right now that maybe I don’t actively want to I don’t want to switch teams subconsciously I don’t want to switch teams at all I don’t want to Why can’t I stop insisting that I do when I don’t want to I don’t want to switch teams

Is anyone here from Brazil ? I need help to find people who do ERP here or if some you could help me in how to do self ERP or maybe getting therapy online ?

I’m trying so hard but this memory is killing me, how can something that feels so real be false. I feel so much guilt and shame, my house is trashed. My poor kids. I feel Like there no point in keeping things nice anymore, I’m just a fraud and my daughter remembers what I did and just won’t tell me. I want my life back.

I'm on the verge.....anyone help ?

tips for cheating ocd

Happy sunday night y'all!🤗💗 Please give me some props for having an amazing day despite my ex trying to reach out for the 2nd time 😩. I wasn't even triggered, which is a major win! A picture from today's outing with a friend :) its been a gorgeous day today 😊

Not really ocd related nore deoression related but ive recently really just had this bsd episode of feeling unlovable. I dont meet the criteria for clinical depressiin but this existential crisis kinda sucks. I really want to figure out what love is because theres a point whdre a person becomes unlovable right ? I read about people with low functioning autistic kids who destroy the house and people who rely too much on their partners when depressed and the oartner leaves then fir sucking theyyre soul out. I have a fear of beung unlovable and my mind is cknstantly trying tk fgure out what love is and what being umlovable is and whether to shut myself off to the world to never get hurt or to try and form close bonds and whether that is worth a shot becuase i dont want to rely too much on someone and be umlovable vut the only eay to get close to soemone is ope img up to them so where is that line exactly ? I dont want to talk to my friends on that cuz what if they hate me then? But ive noticed they are close ti each other cuz they talk about thir problems. Im the funny carefree friend no one knows about the sadder side of me and i feel so unlovable but logcially know im jpt umlovable because im jot an incovenience tk ithers but im afraid i will be if i shpw people that part of myself so i really dont know ehat to do. I tried telling my therapist who is amazimg for icd but kinda patrinziign and annoyung and treats me like a child when it comes to de0ression. I hate her aplroach but her erp suggestions are good

I see so many people with SO-OCD talk about genuinely knowing their “true” orientation, but still having the irrational fears. This doesn’t really resonate with me, as I’ve had these worries since puberty, and I feel so genuinely confused sometimes. I don’t want to be a lesbian, and I don’t want to date or have sex with women, but I also feel so numb and scared of relationships with men. I’m terrified of intimacy (emotional or physical), and I just can’t relate to some of the things people say about SO-OCD.

Pls help me My boy is super expansive with all the girls. He said that he don't want to flirt with them, that it is just his personality. I have a quality time love and it is super hard for me to see him give a lot of attentions to other girls... It makes me feel so unspecial, just one of others... I don't know what to do... i feel so much pain right now because of this, and I'm about to asking a pause; I don't know If it is the right chose, or an rocd compulsion, but I don't want to keep being hurt like that... what should I do??

Ughh I hate myself. I had gone so long without checking and just when I go to check I find out he has added 3 new blonde girls. It’s really upset me tbh to the extent I want to finish our 4.5 year relationship with him. I know they are all women he works with but it makes me feel like why is he adding them? Surely he’s interested, some of them are really young too like 7/8 years younger than him. I know he likes blondes. And they have bfs too. But it’s still annoyed me. Why did he have to add them? And why has he not added others? Why is it always blondes? Is it maybe just a coincidence that his place are only hiring blondes? Idk. I just feel completely devastated rn and this is exactly why I feel I need to check because I end up missing things like this 😔 I badly want to avoid him at all costs now. I’m calling him all names under the sun rn in my head and feel sick with the thought of him.

What to do when you feel there’s convincing evidence you are your fear? Aka there’s similarities between your behaviour and that of your fear? For me it’s a fear I’m aromantic and because I get uncertain/anxious around getting into a relationship I’m worried this is very similar to what aromantic people do. Please don’t give me reassurance - I just can’t resist ruminating over this. It feels like my fear is real and I’m in denial.