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I am going to try my best to articulate what I am going through this morning…. 13 years. For 13 years I have been going through this problem. It all started one night when a friend made a comment about me being straight. Was that true, or was I really just a gay person? That started a cycle of doubt that I’ve never really broken. I wake up most mornings with extreme anxiety. I think that a straight person wouldn’t go through what I am going through. Every thought is that I am gay. The way I talk, the way I walk, the way that I act… I now see certain guys and find them attractive. I find myself looking at every couple and wondering whether I think the woman or man is more attractive. If I find the male to be more attractive, I often wonder why those two are together. I then wonder, “maybe he’s a gay man and he is with her to hide.” Growing up, I had what I thought were entirely heterosexual urges. I had dreams about girls, I wanted to date girls, etc. I didn’t have many girls I was interested in, though. I then think that, well, I was probably just not ready to admit to myself who I really was. That all of those instances where I found myself wanting to be like other boys were really me having early sexual feelings for them. I should preface all of this with the fact that I’m not homophobic. I have no problem with homosexuality or any religious hang ups about it. Why, then, do I struggle so badly with this? Sitting here I have a movie on the tv in the background. Just watching two men sit close together makes me uncomfortable. I find myself looking at their bodies and thinking about them under their clothes. Does that arouse me? Why am I even thinking this. The other thing that gets me is that I know being gay is not a choice. Gay people do not choose to be that way. You often also hear that most people who are gay went through a period where they wished on everything that they were straight. That’s just affirmation that that is what my experience is. 13 years now. I’m now 34, have lost so much of my adulthood to these thoughts, and it isn’t getting any better. I started on this app back in the summer, and I haven’t really gotten anywhere. I feel hopeless. I have a child that I feel like I’m neglecting because of all of this. It’s heartbreaking. The anxiety that I feel. I feel as if the only way I can be an effective father to him is if I admit this and move on. I’ve tried some ERP. Some I’ve been able to do. Others have caused me to break down and cry in front of my family. I just feel helpless. I feel alone. I miss the time where this wasn’t the thing that dominated my thought processes all the time. I miss being able to go to bed and wake up refreshed the next morning. I cannot remember the last time that happened. This is it. This is the moment I’m finally going to be able to admit to myself that I am a homosexual man. I just need to move on…

Happy New Year All! Trying to celebrate and keep positive about a couple weeks of staying strong and keeping the HOCD thoughts from causing chaos in my mind. However, recently read a show recap where a character suddenly identifies as queer after being married to a man for many years. As this is the type of thing that triggers my HOCD (I’m happily married and have two kids)—I’m finding the thoughts creeping in a bit more the past few days and seeing some rumination starting to take place. This community is so wonderful at being each other’s cheerleaders (YAY)—and I’m just looking for some encouragement and tips from those who are in the same boat (it’s hard when no one else understands your OCD—my husband tries, but his encouragement borders on reassurance and I don’t want that). I’m trying to remind myself to lean into the thoughts. The OCD wants to win, so just lean in (my new motto for 2022?). Sending love and encouragement to all in this community.

18+ Please I’ve posted about this before, but I really need advice or someone who has been in the same place. Earlier in 2021 when I was 18 I downloaded dating apps at first just to have fun, see how many matches or people who were interested, but then not long after it turned into a thing of sending a lot of nudes with people. I always asked before hand if they were interested or not and all that, and I was messaging people who were a lot older than me or just older I’m general, but I also messaged people my age like 18-20. I’ve done a lot I’m not proud of, I was in a really dark place and just liked the attention I guess. It’s no excuse though, I was being gross and irresponsible. The last person I exchanged nudes with was an older guy like late 20’s. We talked a bit and he asked me if it was weird he liked younger guys and I just told him “It depends how young ig” and he asked me if I would ever do anything with someone younger and I told him “I’m 18, so no”. But then I was already uncomfortable, but he asked me would with an attractive 15 year old, I blocked him right after that, he was so creepy, he was the last person I messaged or sent nudes to. That was before I turned 19. I hate my past behaviors and now I see how stupid it is to exchange nudes with strangers, I just thought I was having fun. Now my POCD is through the roof, I started getting thoughts of “what if someone lied about their age” and all that, at first I felt confident that no one did, but now after months of ruminating, I’m terrified. I don’t know, I’ve talked to my therapist from school says it wouldn’t be my fault. But I’m terrified all the time, I’m scared that I wasn’t safe enough, I’m an idiot. I have genuine thoughts of unaliving myself or calling the police on myself. My friends say it’s common for people to share nudes on those kinds of apps, but I’m still horrified. I don’t even know anymore. I’m scared I forgot an interaction or that I’m suppressing something, but I don’t think I am, I remember a lot of the encounters I’ve had. I hate myself so much, I know this is long, but please, I need someone to reply, I feel completely alone right now.

TW I wish I had someone to talk to. I don’t know if you struggle with the same stuff like we have the same OCD. And I obsessed about body parts. It’s not fun. I am scared because I’m sorry I’m only reaching out because I’m just so desperate. I just now is trying to go to sleep and then I put my chin up like I do when I don’t want to do what babies and guys typically do. If you know what I mean. In my heart felt funny like I did but I’ve never ate forte before I don’t want any part of a woman’s anatomy in me know I don’t want to do it guys and baby do you like I said. I’m scared of how I put my chin up. What straight person has a heart that makes for that I don’t want it I’ve never ate for it no I can’t stop doing that motion the babies doing putting my chin up like I do when I don’t want boobs in my mouth I hate myself! And I can’t stop why would my heart ache I’ve never wanted that before and I don’t know if it’s my heart aching right actually have a ache in the muscle by my heart you know what I mean? I don’t want that in my mouth why am I feeling these things in my chest! I act like but I don’t want roundness in my mouth and I make faces like I don’t but I like my guys chest it’s solid I don’t what did I just experience in my heart and chest I’ve never wanted to have a woman’s boob and my I acted like now it is it’s not appealing I don’t want that I don’t want to be bisexual and I keep saying can’t help it but I’m not The way my I said I keep saying my heart aches like I must be I’m not bisexual but the way it felt scared me I’ve never experienced that and now I can’t stop making faces and cringing like I don’t or like I’m forcing myself but I’ve always liked my guys chest I don’t want boobs in my mouth it’s nothing short of not appealing

people who have contamination ocd how often are you afraid that bodily fluids were accidentally touched? earlier i put my hand in something and it smelt so much like sperm now ocd is going crazy

Relationship OCD.. I really need some advice on this. My wife of 2 years has put on a lot of weight due to 2 pregnancies. (1 miscarriage) I am so hyper focused on her weight ave what she is eating. Why she won’t exercise! I’m having a lot of obsession thoughts on whether I love her or not or if I have ever!! Looking back I have always had relationship OCD but this is really affecting our relationship.. HELP PLEASE!!!!

I am doing fine , but I had a trigger I posted a photo and one of my male friends complimented me and I started having these doubts like “ do I like that he thinks that I’m good looking ? “ like , I’m not trying to use reassurance , but it is normal for people to be happy that someone thinks they are beautiful , whatever being their gender and sexual orientation , right ?

Hello, If anyone's comfortable with it, could you answer me these questions? Have you had a bad or a good childhood? Did your environment treat you well? Since when have you had ocd? Personally I've been bullied throughout middle school and when i was even younger. My mom went through some difficult stuff when i was 11 and i witnessed first hand some really bad displays of aggression between her and dad. I don't know if that counts, but I've also been traumatized by a bedbug infestation that made me fear insects A LOT. I've had ocd ever since i was 10.

My real event past mistake is bothering me so much. Saying that it’s equivalent to what a monster would do when I was just a teenager who didn’t know she was making a mistake when it happened all because of a stupid fetish. God help me I can’t take this anymore. It hurts. I would do anything to go back and change it knowing what I now know. How could I have been so stupid back then?

Can playing video games, getting on my phone, checking notifications, etc. be compulsions?

My brain keeps obssesing over breaking up with him for new years because it keeps saying you can start off new i hate this.

I need help can someone help me? I thought of kissing a woman and I smiled but I looked away and I pushed it out of my head because I don’t want to and then I said oh it’s just a neetric reaction and I’ve been living alive because of what happened last night and I keep saying my heart says it’s not exactly it is unpleasant my heart doesn’t feel good right now. It’s not just a knee trick reaction so why do I keep saying my heart says it’s not exactly when it is unpleasant! My heart says it’s not pleasant I don’t want this with women and I keep smiling like I don’t want to be bisexual I don’t wanna squeeze boobs and I don’t want to be here what have last night scares me. My heart says I’m scared if you were saying that it’s not but it is unpleasant my heart does not feel good! My body doesn’t want women my heart says this isn’t exactly pleasant this isn’t pleasant

I’m so mad because I got my post count down pretty low and now I’m spiking again I said might be I’m not I don’t think I might be at all I said just because I don’t I do find my guy attractive but I am worried because of the really bad thought I had last night I’m looking at him now like I don’t want I’ve always found him attractive whether he had like facial hair or not and I’m acting like he’s not and I don’t I said I don’t want to I don’t want to find him attractive I do find him attractive I don’t want to not all of a sudden find him attractive. Because I was really feeling it for him over one old picture that’s like technically more recent but still kind of old as opposed to something from years ago and I’m scared that I am and I make a face like he is he is not ugly I don’t he’s fucking gorgeous I don’t wanna ever not find him attractive I don’t wanna lose a friend and I don’t I’m scared I’m treating him like he’s weird because he’s but I’m not gay he’s not weird because he’s a guy he is gorgeous I don’t wanna look at his face and act like not when he is attractive to me. I don’t wanna lose it for him I’m scared I have and I’m acting weird and happy like I’m smiling I smile awkwardly and then I take step back in my mind like mentally like I don’t but I do find them attractive I’m scared I don’t want to change your switch teams I don’t want another guy despite Not being with him I don’t want to I don’t want this. I’m literally making a face and stepping back like he’s not but he’s fucking gorgeous and an awesome weird dorky guy and I’m scared I don’t really and I know I don’t have to but I do love the guy I do love what I know about his personality I was gonna say I wish I could be with him but that doesn’t look to be in the cards it’s not that it’s not in the car it’s just hard to tell So it’s not necessarily impossible for to be in the cards so to speak just really hard to be at the same time if that makes sense but I don’t like looking at him like he’s not he’s fucking gorgeous I don’t wanna female knock

I am back to rocd. I was having g literal panic attacks in front of him and I feel so embarrassed. Now he didn't text me back after an hour after I said I am scared and I am heartbroken bc I I afraid that means he doesn't care about me and I think and ruminate about all the times in the past where a guy didn't text me back and how horrible it felt. It feels so real and I was crying last night so much and I have been feeling anxiety everyday and even talking to him or when he wants to come see me at work I start freaking out and it suck I just want to be a normal girlfriend that doesn't have all of this. I cant tell if my feelings are valid and I'm scared I am crazy. Because after the hour he was very available for me and I just question why would he not text back after an hour and then text back quick? Oh God. I can't tell what's real please tell me what to do please tell me if this is ocd or not????

Relationship ocd - please help... I feel like I don't have anyone to talk about and.. I'm so sorry.... (first of all I'm a gay woman in a loving relationship with another beautiful woman) Last night I couldn't fall asleep..... A few months ago (2 maybe) me and a close friend were playing terraria and we had this enjoyable bond moment... Where we were laughing (the same has happened with other games) and I had the thought of "hey. Is this a crush?" (it was something along those lines) it'd be fine if it thought that and I dismissed it but there's more.... I began thinking "I feel happy, he makes me laugh and maybe we are better suited together" but... I can't remember the aftermath. Did I panic with this thought?? I can't remember what thoughts I had after.... I never remember if I said "no. Not possible" or if I accepted them.... And I'm panicking really bad rn and feeling like crap and very guilty... I think.... (I'm not sure) I told myself "well it's not possible... I wouldn't be able to date him. I can't imagine dating him and do romantic stuff, specially sexual". But I'm not sure.... Maybe I brushed it off!! This is the logic explanation because it's obvious that I have relationship ocd!! But.... It's the doubts..... Again... I'm just afraid I didn't panic or dismiss the thoughts... I can't remember what happened next. It's always like this! I fixate and hold the ugly thoughts but I "conveniently" forget the rest of the thought process. This has happened with pocd too. It's the "I can't remember how I dealt with them" that is what is worrying me... I can't remember if I dismissed them or if I agree with them These thoughts, I feel so guilty.... I am crying so much because I don't want to hurt her.......... I love her so much.... I truly do.... I feel guilty because I think "how could I have such thoughts in the first place? She's perfect!" and I begin to think that she deserves better I fear that this is cheating...

TW POCD and Real Event OCD 18+ please I just got triggered by someone’s post because they said they were afraid of getting bored and doing the m word to a young person or cp and it triggered my real event because when I was younger, a teenager, I got into a stupid tickling fetish and because it’s an everyday kind of thing, I came across things I shouldn’t have during the m word because I was looking into a fetish not the people, had nothing to do with age or anything it was because of the stupid fetish and someone here had told me that it’s not that bad and to let it go but I keep getting triggered and it’s making it harder to let go. I never sough out any certain people or anything just the fetish itself but because it’s such a normal everyday thing and I was on ifunny and YouTube at the time, I came across things I shouldn’t have because it had to do with tickling and unfortunately the m word was apart of it which has my mind racing and worrying me about what if’s like if I’m in trouble or a monster because of it when I never had any bad intentions in the first place.. I was young and stupid and it never occurred to me at the time I was doing it that it was wrong because I didn’t even know what I was getting into like I said it was for a stupid embarrassing tickling fetish. I’m so open to talk about it because I don’t want to hide it. Yes it happened and I would do anything to go back and change it and I can’t. I want to give up because of it because I wish I wasn’t so stupid back then. What do I do?

My theme has switched from SOOCD to ROCD. I’m so stressed because my boyfriend and I have different hobbies and he is a little bit nerdy. I logically know this is ok and normal but I’m feeling scared. Any advice?

Hey guys I tested positive for Covid and I am locked up in my room away from my family, our pets and my friends for 10 days. I can already feel the depression and anxiety taking over. I feel so much more guilt and shame. Anyways, if there are any movies, shows, books, or video games anyone recommends I would appreciate it. I’ve been in bed all day today and I don’t think it’s helping.

Why does it keep feeling better/right for me to leave my wonderful relationship? It feels more wrong and it hurts more at the thought of staying. I keep hearing in my brain I’m just with him bc I don’t want to be alone, but these thoughts and feelings are driving me crazy. I want to cocoon and be alone but of course I want to stay in this relationship. It’s like my brain doesn’t want to be convinced that I love him or want to stay with him. It’s like it only wants us to be alone so we’re no longer stressed about this stuff. I hate that’s how exhausted I am with all this shit😞any tips/help?

Caught myself doing the googling compulsion trying to get rid of the guilt from intrusive thoughts and staring ocd and ocd telling me horrible things or intrusive opinions about my 11 year old niece. I’m stuck in my room for 10 days not only with Covid but this horrible guilt. I don’t know what to do