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My brain keeps telling me to enjoy things before I kill myself but I don’t want to. I don’t want to die. Help me.

I feel like I’m navigating this medication journey alone. Was prescribed by my Dr and the psychiatric np (whom I’ve never met). Was given hydroxyzine for quick relief. Finally after 2 weeks of having it on hand, I took it last night. (Just 1/4 of the dose) and again early this morning. I am trying so hard to get the courage to take the lexapro and told my Dr I wanted to start at a quarter of the 5mg pill. She said I could but I likely wouldn’t benefit from it. I just wanted to start on that to minimize side effects. Anyone start that low (1.25mg) or lexapro. How did it work out. I wanted to try it for a few days then go up to 2.5. Then if need be up to 5. I’m alone. I fear side effects. I’m phobic with medications. I’m proud that I took the other medication. But the issue is I was told that I can not take the hydroxyzine and lexapro at the same time. So how do I calm myself enough to take the lexapro or if I get additional anxiety from it? I have to wait several hours between both. I’m not sure what to do. But I know that I need to start the lexapro asap. I can’t feel this constant anxiety all day and night day after day.

Having a serious panic attack and I have to go into work and I really don’t think I can do it. I offered to come in on my day off and now with the way I’m feeling I don’t know if it’s such a good idea but if I stay busy and talk to my friends I might be ok I don’t know. I started getting flashbacks to almost a year ago (on Feb 6th) to when my dad passed and I immediately started screaming and crying. My dad was there for me during my hard times with OCD and he was so supportive and understanding and didn’t judge and gave advice and now I feel so alone because my mom gets upset with me when I mention it at all and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. My past mistakes are bothering me so much right now and all the “what if” thoughts I keep having about that certain event is making me want to give up which I’m not going to do don’t worry it’s just what I’m feeling. I don’t know what else to do. It doesn’t matter what anyone says to me, I can’t get passed it or forgive myself to move forward. I just can’t

I literally feel like I'm never going to be happy or truly know who I am. Is that being bisexual? Or confused. It feels as tho I want to be with a man but I don't ever want to give up women. Although I don't feel what I used to it seems 😔

i’m so frustrated. i just wish i could be okay again. i should’ve never taken meds, ever since i took them i can’t feel emotions and it’s worrying me. my thoughts are killing me. im so fucken scared for what my future will bring.

To everyone with health concern ocd, I just wanted to ask, how often do you fell scared you have an honest illness. Like right now I’m going through a cancer scare right now just because of some little weird things going on with my body. I’ve been doing a lot googling and seeing websites that say it’s cancer and others that say it’s just the body being the body and that 9/10 it’s nothing to worry about, I suppose I just want to hear what are some things that made you fear you may have had cancer before in the past and then turned out to be nothing. I usually tend to catastrophize everything

If you have a partner with OCD, you may struggle to understand their experience, wonder what to do when OCD flares up, and worry about how OCD is impacting them. While there aren’t any perfect solutions, there are key ways for you to support your partner while taking care of your own mental health: 1. Avoid creating an enabling environment. It may seem like a good idea to accommodate all of your partner’s compulsions and reduce their anxiety, but this can make OCD worse in the long run.  2. Learn how to help them through OCD episodes. OCD can spike unexpectedly, which can be difficult. By learning to recognize your partner’s compulsions, you can respond supportively and effectively. 3. Educate yourself on OCD and exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. The more you know about the way OCD is treated, the more you can help your partner effectively manage their condition.  Read more about what you can do to help your partner manage OCD while creating a safe, healthy and supportive environment for you both.

everytime i try to see the light at the end of the tunnel by telling myself “you got this! you have graduation coming up & you can finally join beauty school” my mind tells me “you’re a monster no one wants you there”. i don’t wanna live like this. i wish i could just escape my mind.

Has anyone with relationship OCD had a fear of their partner Masturbating while in a relationship with you? I seem to have had this all my life & mentioned it to partners before. A few have lied about it & admitted it later after agreeing for us to both NOT do it. Found out my fiancé of 2 yrs has lied about it & I am crushed. He told me that it’s normal & that he doesn’t like to do it or want to but all guys do. That he just wants to be a human being. I have a desire to control this because of my fear. I have not done it since we have been official & feel betrayed. He refuses to talk about masturbation with me. Anyone have a similar issue? How did you cope to get thru it?

For any subtype- when you’re doing exposures, is there a small (or maybe big) part of you that knows the fear is irrational, and does this help motivate your exposures? Or when you do them are you always mostly thinking the threat/danger is real. I feel like the threats are always real and not irrational at all. Will this hold me back from erp?

I no there’s online support groups but I need more help than that I admitted myself into a mental hospital a few years ago I had been on medication for 4 years and changed them every year cause nothing seemed to work so I admitted myself getting admitted was so hard cause of my ocd touching my stuff and only allowing certain amounts of clothes and couldn’t bring certain hygiene stuff I have dressing rituals that I use more clothes than a normal person I wear my bras and undershirts in order I get all the stuff I need for the ritual and lay it out on my bed then wash my hands prior and threwout dressing till I’m done wit the ritual I do certain things during it like turn circles and spin my clothes a certain way that’s hard to do wit a roommate and haveing to use the bathroom to layout my clothes like I need to and haveing nowere to keep my hygiene stuff I have to keep my stuff separated and In a clean spot if it has a clean spot I don’t have to clean the items everyday but that 1 ocd thing causes so many issues wit just being admitted and I was left for those 3 days no therapy no help just left traumatized and struggling wit this ritual they discharged me in 3 days and told me they didn’t have the resources to help me and gave me a referral to an ocd facility in Chicago which denied me cause of insurance my insurance can only be used in my state but there’s not any ocd facilities in my state so it’s very frustrating so I no I need a residential care but can’t get it cause of insurance so wat am I suppose to do I’m already doing wat I can but I no I need help I want to start medication but don’t want someone who doesn’t really understand ocd to prescribe me something there’s no ocd specialists that accept my insurance and everywere is so far away I can barely get up during the day and go to the store to get grocery’s there’s no way I can drive hours every month just to get medication and see a therapist every week if I could do over the phone stuff till I could get more stable so I can get out more and do more then I could get more help I just feel so misunderstood and invalidated bout my ocd and wat comes wit it I just want help though I also have a hard time wakeing up on time to call and I have a hard time calling and answering the phone I just don’t think it should be this hard to get help.

Guys Do u really need therapy to beat ocd. I know therapy can help alot but rn in mine situation There is no way I can access therapy so please if u have any tips to beat ocd without therapy I would love to hear from u. BTW I suffer from real event ocd and maybe false memories ocd. I just want to be happy and live a normal life again 😣😢

TW real events and POCD 18+ please: Getting hit left and right with memories of past mistakes, past intrusive thoughts I’ve had and past memories of things I’ve been triggered with and so on. Like this time it’s about how I was watching a video one day it was two guys talking kind of like a podcast I guess but you could see them and they said the “p” word and I remember I got really triggered and all of a sudden had what I guess was groinal response but really strong but I was panicking and I all of a sudden had an urge to masturbate and I told myself “I’m going to wait 10 minutes to let this all pass before I do that” and so I waited for the anxiety or whatever it was so calm down so I wouldn’t feel bad or weird about it even though it wasn’t my fault I got triggered. I don’t know what’s going on with me but I’m spiraling all over again. OCD has been attaching and not letting go of so many things in my past and it’s starting to worry me again. Just times I’ve had intrusive thoughts and got triggered or filled with anxiety, or when the feelings or thoughts felt so real as if I “liked” them when I know deep down I never did, most definitely don’t now and never will in the future. I wish I could be free from this horrible, torture of a disorder 😭

I am 19 years old and Latino . I am also gay and live with strict conservative catholic parents. A while back when I came terms with ocd and had the realization, I decided to open up to my parents about my mental health. Let’s just say things didn’t turn out as expected , both unfortunately didn’t believe me . Also, theh believed it had to do with me being on my phone too much that I wanna believe anything I see . Neither of em wanted to listen to me . Mom said she’s sees me just fine . It was so deliberating and everything felt so collapsing because I felt anxious to tell them ebeytjjng about it , but they didn’t want to hear . So, ever since I haven’t mentioned it to them considering that . Over the past couple of months , they haven’t been so strict on me for things I didn’t want to join in on. She’s very pressuring srill about going to church and her religion. I do believe in God, but I do not interpret God way they do. I believe God loves me even if I’m gay. They will not ever accept me if I come out and I feel so alone because not only do I have to hide myself, but I have to live with this mental disorder they don’t believe of and/or know of and think I’m simply being lazy . I just want boundaries - they can treat me and view me as a child still🤷🏾‍♂️I want to become an independent adult . My goal rn is to get my drivers license and buy my car. But I literally know notning bout adult life . I am nervous, scared , worried...I do not want to rely on my parenrts all time and live with them . Everything is so hard rnn. Ocd is the one factor to all my problems .

Has anybody else became someone totally different after your ocd experience? I miss the old me but some parts of me have changed for the better

I'm too scared to start meds because of sides effects and the fact that most people experience a relapse after a couple months of stopping.... Your brain literally comes back to what you were before the meds so what's the point? More than 50% who start SSRIs need to keep taking them forever. Has anyone recovered without meds? Or natural remedies? I believe in science and doctors, but the risks are wayyyy too scary.

This is embarrassing to wrote but I will write it because I feel better after writing about my ocd. So school starts tomorrow and I've been feeling afraid that a thought will ruin it for me. But thoughts and feelings don't bother me anymore...actions do. Most of my themes if not all of them had been about my crush and a family member (sexual theme). I was walking past the bathroom today and my mom was there cuz it's in her room, I inhaled air and now I think what if i did that cuz i wanted to smell...pee. I panicked even tho my back was facing the bathroom and that I had themes about this and so I hold my breath around bathrooms. I still thought that maybe I did cuz I had a thought related to my mom and my crush and me and that I liked it. Then now my mom was sitting next to me and was showing me a funny video on her phone and I was facing her leg and I inhaled...thinking maybe I did cuz it's her private part. And then I stood and my back was facing her and I thought what if I did that on purpose to show her and that again it's related to my crush. Even now I'm still sitting in the same place and I inhaled air thinking that she as sifting next to me and that I would smell it and my brain is telling me I got closer to her place but Ik I didn't. Am I crazy? I think I'm crazy.

i’m okay now my soocd is calming down and i just accept that they are thoughts i remember when i was so bad and i’m happy i can look back and say that i’m okay

I’m so scared my partner is cheating on me. I just want to give up :(

I am just so sick of the anxiety. Sick of being afraid of trying medication that could help me. Wish I could just snap my fingers and not fear side effects and just take it. I want to be myself again.