Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hey all. I’m new to this site. I’m really hoping it works and I’m wondering if anyone with health anxiety and ocd triggers has really benefited from this site? I have depersonalization type feelings all day where my body is here and I can look in the mirror but it seems like a day dream. Sometimes I feel like my body is floating. I get vertigo all the time. I google symptoms and obsess over having some disease unknown even despite tests saying I’m healthy. I constantly check my heart if it’s beating; and I obsess over my breathing. It feels like I have to remember to breathe or like it’s not natural. I constantly worry about dying to the point it affects my life daily: I always think this is it this time it’s it when I’m having a panic attack. My body gets numb and I feel like I’ll pass out. I just really need to know I’m not alone in these feelings

I have ocd and ptsd. I guess I need to vent to feel like Im not alone. Having ptsd and ocd is hard. Ocd is constantly trying to trigger ptsd and it’s always ALWAYS bad before I’m about to start my period. My period is about to start this week. I just got back from a girls trip weekend with my family and I’m still extremely overstimulated from that. I haven’t left town since the pandemic started so this was hard for me. I’m sleep deprived and I didn’t eat very well while I was away. I can’t do things like that anymore without proper sleep and nutrition bc my ptsd doesn’t do well. Today is my first day back at work since I left for my trip and I feel horrible. I didn’t sleep again last night bc I had a panic attack. I had racing thoughts and images that made no sense in my mind so of course that triggered ocd and made me panic. My brain found out that bothered me and keeps replaying the same sequence even after I’ve woke up this morning🥺 I feel extremely nauseous and just anxious and so uncomfortable. I know this won’t resolve until my period starts I wish it would just start even tho I’m about to be in a lot of pain. I’ve had so many subtypes in the span of five days I’m having a hard time. It feels like I’m gonna lose control or something… I guess I’m wondering if any of you feel like this when you’re due for your cycle bc periods are so unpredictable and confusing and sometimes scary I’m exhausted

I've been fixating on this memory for so long. its gotten to the point where i have thought of different scenarios and its so overwhelming not knowing whats real and whats made up in my head. i know i shouldnt be trying to figure it out but its too hard, im not diagnosed with ocd so i keep thinking "i might not even have it, so if i figure it out i wont have to suffer anymore" but whenever i think i figure it out it i just go into a spiral and think "but what if thats wrong? what if u ____" its too much. i can't do it anymore its so hard i feel like let everyone i love down. tw?? i dont remember exactly when this memory was but i think it was about 2 years ago, im 16 currently. and i was exposed to this thing i saw this beastiality thing on tiktok where i saw this girl doing something gross with her dog. and im scared that i had the thought to do that with my dog. i do remember having the thought that my dog would try to do that since she'd try to sniff my private part a lot (when on heat. i wasn't the smartest child, i also thought that if dogs sniffed u there it meant they were on heat. that can be the case but obviously not all the time). but since i was always uncomfortable and would cry when she'd be on heat and/or try to sniff or hump me it seemed irrational for me to think that. but the mere thought of me considering that makes me sick, and i dont have clear memory of it, i feel as if i have different versions of it in my head?? the first time i thought of the memory was maybe a day after i was grossed out about this tiktok i saw about this person proudly in a sexual and romantic relationship with an animal. (3 months ago) it made me sick, and then i remembered something that i did which was a little after i saw that beastiality thing, maybe a few days or so. where i checked to see if my dog would go near my private part and sniff since i didnt know if she'd try to go near it or not and i wanted to make sure to be careful around her coz of what i saw. after i checked, i did it abt 3 times. I'd see her, think "what if shes on heat?" and then check to see if she'd try to sniff me so i could know. i obsessed over that for quite a while, i still do sometimes. "what if i made my dog uncomfortable?" "was that weird?" "does what i did make me a gross person?". but i don't really hate myself for that anymore, as i was curious and didn't want to be uncomfortable. afterwards i forgot all abt the beastiality thing and i wasnt so over the edge on my dog being on heat, i did still cry when she'd try to sniff my private though lmao. but now im just obsessing over what my thoughts could've been when being exposed to that beastiality thing. and i know I've always been uncomfortable with my dog going near my private parts so I'd tell my brain "why would i want her to do that when I'd cry from her just trying to sniff?" but then I'd then think "you've always been a horny child, you'd do anything for pleasure" and it just makes me overthink everything. i don't have worries that I'd do anything to an animal, ik i wouldnt. but im worrying that my past self may or may not have had thoughts of wanting to from after what i was exposed to. the thought makes me want to throw up, and i don't know how to fix this. i just need tips if anyone has any?? it'd be greatly appreciated, i just wanna feel okay again

My TOCD went away almost completely with some EMDR but now my SO OCD is back and I spend all my time wondering if I'm actually sexually attracted to my Fiance (I was, I remember being attracted, but my OCD has me convinced I am not). My heart is breaking. It's amazing how no matter which theme you are dealing with in the moment, you feel it is the worst theme. I would have traded my TOCD for ANYTHING while I struggled with it and now I'd do anything for relief from my SO OCD.

When you feel like you can’t live anymore because of your terrible intrusive thoughts, What do you do? How do you overcome this? I don’t want to do anything to myself but I want this all to end.

hi everybody! i’ve been doing so well these past few months, but i have hit a bit of a stumbling block. i passed out at work after a long stressful month. i also have a slight concussion. i’m having a challenging time with my anxiety right now. im just scared because i’ve been feeling so good. i am so worried that i am going to get stuck in the same place where i started. anyone have any supporting words of encouragement?

After having my first onset of OCD all of my childhood trauma has been eating me alive. Within one month I struggled with harm ocd, real event ocd, intrusive thoughts, gruesome & intrusive images. I guess this could be considered “pure o” because I don’t really have any compulsions. I’ve never told anyone this, simply because it really never bothered me before the onset of my ocd. When I was a child probably around 6-8 years old, an old friend (I no longer speak to her and haven’t since we were that age) told me to do a sexual act with a dog (this act did not hurt the dog in any way). As a child, I didn’t know that this was a wrong thing to do, simply because I didn’t know what this act was, or that it was “sexual”. I’m not going to get into details but I did this as a child because I didn’t know any better. As an adult, these thoughts are now eating me alive. I feel sick to my stomach with disgust from something I did when I was a literal child. (I do not have ocd in regards to doing anything sexual to animals in my adult life) I know that others have probably never experienced anything like this before so I’m not looking for reassurance, I just felt like I NEEDED to share it and I am wondering if people have tips on how to get through something that you did in your childhood.

I’ve recovered from OCD and my 4 other mental illnesses. I’ve had almost all sub-types, so if you have any questions, ask below! 🙌🏻

Hi there, does anyone have any tips for dealing with constant mental rumination. I did something that I despise myself for and i can’t stop playing it step by step in my head (though I’m forgetting loads now/ false memory is occurring). I can’t eat or sleep or work as all I’m doing is going over and over this event. Any tips are appreciated Thanks x

Do your thoughts feel more real when you’re depressed? I’m just feeling like I hate my boyfriend. I don’t get enough from him, like he doesn’t meet my basic needs like texting me when we’re not together, he doesn’t make plans, he is monotone so he isn’t always super kind or caring (he’s not mean just doesn’t show emotion), he doesn’t make me feel special unless we are together, and I feel like since he isnt meeting my emotional needs, and probably wouldn’t be open to showing more emotion or going out of his way to be more kind (makes him uncomfortable) it just makes me feel like we will never work unless I give up that need. But on another hand it feels like I need it more because I can’t give myself enough love. I just don’t know what a good relationship is supposed to look like and I’m really tired and I think I want to give up even though I know that doesn’t solve the problem and I don’t feel like myself right now. Idk I just feel like I’ve been forcing something and now that I feel more depressed, I’m not able to convince myself it’s working.

My ocd usually focuses on my faith. It’s either I’m not a real Christian, my faith isn’t sincere, I don’t really believe, or it’s obsessive doubt about if what I believe in is the truth. Basically fear that maybe my faith is misplaced, Christianity isn’t true, etc. Of course the second one (doubting what I believe in) only makes the first one worst (I must be a fake Christian). I’ve also been having a lot of obsessive thoughts about dying and it seems to be on my mind constantly. Like just constant hyper-awareness that I and everyone will die. (Sorry, I Know that’s a downer.) This is kinda new for me and I don’t know how to go about dealing with it. I think it’s likely related to the obsessive doubt in Christianity, because obviously that makes the thought of death scarier. I feel like other Christians will think I’m a very bad Christian for having obsessive doubt that the Bible and Christianity are true. I know people don’t really understand that it’s part of OCD, because it looks like I just don’t have any faith. My compulsions for this basically look like ruminating and researching if the Bible can be trusted or if it’s accurate. And it’s rational, because obviously I want to believe in what is true. And I’m so obsessed with making sure what I believe in is really true. So yeah, any thoughts or advice would be nice. Thanks guys

How does anyone go through erp when your thoughts feel so so real ? What do you tell yourself? How do you push through?

I really need someone to talk to… just to vent… if not.. i just need get this out and everything can ignore if they want.… I don’t know what to do… I know I’ve been severely obsessing for 2 year about if I truly love my partner or not for 2 years… I am severely saddened about how I feel right now…. Before I knew I wanted to love him and stay.. it felt genuine like I was really mentally sick… but now… my partner looks like a stranger to me, I get annoyed at him easily even if he’s just sitting still… it’s like he’s a different person to me and I hate it… I wanted so badly for me to know if I love him or not… and it’s like our time together never happened… I don’t cuddle talk or do much of anything anymore with him and it bothers me… I feel no emotional connection with him… maybe his flaws are too much for me… 😢😢 I don’t know…. I want to love him again like before but I completely feel like I’m lying to him and myself… I don’t wanna end my relationship I really don’t want to… I do t know how badly ROCD can get but… this is the worst I’ve ever had… my relationship is gonna die… 😢 I’m sitting here quietly crying while he is asleep….

Dear brothers and sisters, war is scary and should never happen. Unfortunately it's happening now in Ukraine. Some of you might have family or friends there. I want to extend my prayers to all and pray that they remain safe. I want to write this to let you know that you still matter, your problems matter, you should not stop the treatment you're in, keep going with therapy. Do not fall trap to the lies that will come with ocd saying that your problems don't matter compared to the people who suffer the violence of war. Ocd will try to convince you that you are not worth it. It's all lies. Everything ocd says is lies. Keep pushing forward against ocd with therapy, with prayer. God loves you. Want to help people in Ukraine good, there's official sites you can donate to but more importantly, pray for them! A simple prayer from the heart is enough. If prayer is something that gives you lots of anxiety right now then pray in the simplest way possible, look up to the heavens and smile, that's a prayer, a tear that rolls down your cheek that's a prayer. Talk to your Heavenly Father who loves you. War cannot and will not win. God's grace and love are sufficient and His light overcomes the darkness always. Keep working on your therapy push harder if anything. Do not be afraid. The Almighty LORD is with us, pray for mercy for those who started the war for they too are children of God. Do not despair! Let the thoughts come and go, resist compulsions and put all your trust in God your Heavenly Father, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. God bless you

I have scrupulosity (religious) OCD and I always want to google if something’s a sin (im Muslim btw). I know that googling is a compulsion and I try my best to avoid it but then I feel super guilty and uncomfortable because I feel like I’m not doing my best to find out what’s a sin. (I don’t mind anyone commenting but I just stated that I’m a Muslim so if any Muslims want to give me specific advice they can but anyone is free to say something).

I am 22 almost 23 next month and I still live with my mom and my grandma (and my dad before he passed away a year ago) I’m so frustrated because every time I want to go in my room after work (I work full time retail) I get an attitude from my mom every time and I don’t get it. I don’t feel like sitting in the living room after I get off work I like to go in my room where it feels safe and I can play video games or watch Netflix basically do my own thing but she gets mad when I go to my room or catches an attitude and talks cold or gets short with me. I’m also an introvert, I don’t like being around people 24/7. I struggle with OCD which this isn’t ocd related but when I go to my room where it’s quiet and I can watch my own shows or lay down after a long day it kind of helps me feel better. I really just don’t understand why I can’t have peace. No matter where I go I’m miserable. There’s so much drama at work and then I come home and it’s like im not wanted here or whatever. I get talked to like im a piece of crap all the time and it hurts. I want to move out and I can’t because I can’t afford to right now and whenever I bring it up to my mom I get a guilt trip and made to feel guilty for wanting to go out on my own. Most parents say move out at 18, mine never gave me that push and it’s frustrating. I feel stuck in the same nightmare loop and it won’t end. I don’t know what to do

So I guess it is possible to realize you’re trans later in life? I started pride counseling and was hoping to get more answers out of it but idk I think they deal more with people that knew at a young age it’s like I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person or something got agoraphobia and panick disorder not sure what kind of treatment to seek out

Ocd is getting better but the depression isn’t does anyone have any tips how to improve mood any supplements that work improve moods?

Went through my bf’s phone after I told him I’d never do it again. I had an urge to go on it and had the opportunity to do so and I did find something that wasn’t okay & so I asked him about this girl without mentioning I went on his phone to see if he’d lie and he did. I asked if he spoke to her recently and he said he didn’t speak to her. When I agreed to not go on his phone, he agreed to not speak to her. He eventually showed me the messages & he told her he wasn’t allowed to talk to her but that was during a scream match we had that escalated. I’m starting to feel guilt and and a huge urge to confess to him that I went on his phone. I can feel it’s more OCD related confession because I feel like my relationship isn’t real if I don’t confess this. I been looking stuff up online to make my brain relax. As a person, I don’t think he needs to know as I genuinely vow to never go on his phone again, and because I actually found something on there. I know what steps I need to take. he also fucked up, I don’t feel the need to confess, realistically but my ocd is telling me I need to confess or else it’ll bother me forever and my relationship isn’t real cuz if I confess I know he’ll leave me and I’m taking away his right to know. It’s just really bothering me. I’m so sick of wanting to confess every fucking thing. If I make any mistake that I even feel the other doesn’t neee to know, I feel the confession even stronger & I hate it. Sometimes ITS OK TO JUST KEEP THINGS HIDDEN BUT THIS FEELING IS JUST SO STRONG.

I need ocd inpatient care 1 doctor in 15 years has told me that I had never been told anything bout my ocd by doctors and therapist everytime I took the meds and did the therapy I always felt like I wasn’t getting better that this wasn’t helping but thought it was suppose to so I kept trying I’d always be wiery of getting help cause I’d be like I’m not sure wat they can do to help me stop fearing bug sprays and thinking things are dirty but in a chemical way not a dirt and germs way and help me stop doing hours of complex rituals and hand washing and many more cause I had been to therpay it was just always tlk therpay like tlk bout feelings there wasn’t anything I related to to my ocd that could help cause I was obviously being treated wit the rong therpay I needed an ocd therapist and exposure and response therpay I just was unaware that existed back then I always assumed regular mental health places and hospitals and therapists is wat everyone does for help but recently learned ocd is different but in Tennessee there’s no inpatient ocd places there’s not alot of help for ocd and there’s nowere that takes my insurance and nowere close but my main complaint is there’s not an inpatient ocd hospital is Tennessee and I have tenncare which can only be used in my state but I’d have to go out of state for inpatient care but can’t cause I can’t use my insurance other than my state so for the past 2 months I did so much research calling and emailing ppl trying to get any ocd help I’ve contacted nocd been on the international ocd website and the psychology websites of lists of professionals in your are I’ve done everything for 2 months and nothing so I decided out of desperation to go to a local place I’d been to in the past to atleast get something to help me feel less depressed until I could find the proper care so I went for evaluation told them I had ocd anxiety and depression when I tlk to my doctor I told her I have already been refered by a doctor in a mental hospital that I needed inpatient care rite now but that there’s none in Tennessee so I can’t get the rite care rite now that I’m aware I need more help but it’s been 2 months looking for an inpatient ocd place to accept my insurance out of state I’m desperate and need some relief till then I explained alot of things to this doctor that I have Bee to similiar mental health places as this one and had also been to this place years prior and that they’ve all given me an antidepressant and tlk therapy but that I no learned that tlk therapy can make ocd worse and isn’t the therapy ppl wit ocd need and that antidepressants alone mite not do the job for this huge anxiety disorder called ocd and the many types of ocd and wat comes wit ocd raceing thoughts late nites agoraphobia guilt shame uncertainty worry intrusive thoughts fear and phobias that ocd isn’t a big enough term for all of that and an antidepressant alone doesn’t seem to help majority of sufferers and tlk therapy shouldn’t be recommended that exposure and response therapy should be recommended that these places should learn this so they don’t hurt ppl wit ocd even more than they already are but obviously places like this don’t have the resources to get ocd help and hire ocd ppl so they just continue the same bullshit regiment wit little to no success in ocd patients that they have the ocd doctors and ocd therapist and ocd inpatient mental hospitals for a reason cause regular mental hospitals just don’t and won’t understand ocd there’s to many ppl on here suffering wit the same story there has to be something we can do as group the ppl who can’t afford help and whose insurance won’t help and ppl who live in states witout ocd help there’s gotta be something this just doesn’t feel rite.