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does anyone else find that as your ocd symptoms get less often it’s like triggers get way worse. like you don’t have constant thoughts but to compensate when u do get triggered bad it’s like really bad anxiety and way more difficult

I don’t know if I’ll ever live a day without thinking about and feeling guilt about my real event. But I’ve accepted the fact that maybe I won’t ever will, and while that is quite daunting, I’ve struggled a lot during these past few months with just living and doing anything but lying in misery about it. I found it really hard to get out of bed to do anything, and I was just completely empty. While I haven't made huge progress now, I can attest that I've moved more than I did before, and that matters to me. I still don't feel great, and I actually will never be able to go back to a time when I wasn't plagued by this, but everything has led me to my present, and the way I deal with it is important regardless of whether I like it or not. There's no use moping over the past. So while my event and guilt won't be going anywhere, I'm trying not to put a pause on everything because of it. It's depressing at times knowing how I just have this one life on earth to do anything. So there's a lot of shame and guilt knowing how I've had this event in my life and that there's no way back to it to correct it. It makes me hopeless, but at the same time, it is also a driving force for wanting to be good, do better, and learn from my mistakes because, again, this is the only life I have here. So if I don't make a positive difference, then it's like I've done nothing better to right my mistakes and make a change from the past. It's one of the main things that I'm trying to stay steadfast about instead of falling into that hole of despair and nothingness. I hope everyone here, regardless of whatever they're suffering from, is able to be kind to themselves and hold on through their struggles. It's tough right now, but hopefully we can all get to a point where it won't be any longer. And most importantly, try to live in the present, as that is what serves you and what you have direct control over to make a change right now. Sending much love to everyone who's struggling and finding it hard right now ❤️‍🩹

I don’t want to give in to my compulsions of reassurance seeking for my real event OCD, but I’m feeling super alone and am really struggling. My mom really understands me and I could use some comfort over what I’m specifically anxious about, which I think would be better than seeking it from anyone else. I know that she would tell me what I already know, which is that it’s okay and I’m not a bad person, I just really need to hear it and know that I’m not alone.

I have been getting desperate with my OCD! I’m dealing with being obsessed with my best friend. I’m not gay or anything, but I have this intense love feeling for her, and it gets to be that she’s all I think about! Then, I feel like I have to tell her she’s my best friend forever. She’s been my best friend for three years… I should realize that she knows we’re best friends already. I, for some weird reason, start doubting myself and her and I feel like I have to hear her say that she loves me one more time, so I call her again, and hemhaw around, and then I say “Well, Bestie, I’ll talk to you later” After this first time and second time of asking on different calls she gets tired of hearing me trying to get her to let me know she’s my best friend. I will say something about being best friends, BUT this time she has to say we’re BFF’S in a certain tone. She has to say it affectionately, and if it’s not said in an affectionate tone, then I have to keep on, and then, she gets irritated and says we need boundaries. I don’t know, but if I could make my head not spin and feel like it’s going to explode because she can’t say things the way I need her to say things. This has caused a to, right now, nearly lose my best friend, all because I feel so uncomfortable and I doubt every single thing that she says. Now, it’s not just her saying “You’re my best friend, “but, now, she has to say,” I love you “ in a convincing tone, and I have to call her three or four times a day!!! This is getting ridiculous and way out of control. I have to have pictures of her up , or where I can get to them, or I become afraid I will forget her hair color, etc. This is just one of my OCD issues so I really need help on figuring out how to be able to not go crazy or end up in another mental hospital. I am 50 years old and I have been married for 26 years! I have other REALLY BAD OCD problems. I have close to little or no self- esteem!!! Right now, it’s 4:30am and I have not been to sleep yet. Sometimes I feel like I won’t allow myself to go to sleep until atleast after 4:30am. It doesn’t feel comfortable until AFTER 4:30am. I just found this App this early hour in the morning. I will talk for 15 minutes to a therapist and hopefully get a permanent therapist. If you have anything to comment about what I have written, please write me. I guess that’s how you do this. I’m looking forward to getting better! Right now, I feel like I’m hanging on by a thin thread! I have so many UNCOMFORTABLE feelings and so many DOUBTFUL feelings, that all my OCD issues have really taken over my entire life.

I guess I’m just curious because what I’ve read about contamination OCD is about fears of getting sick or fear of getting someone else sick.. But I guess I didn’t notice until my husband said something but I am really grossed out sitting in anything if I can’t wipe it or clean it myself such as cloth chairs etc. I literally won’t sit on the couch even at my house unless I can spray and clean it because the thought of my kids and husband sitting on nasty things all day and then sitting on my couch grosses me out. Same with a car is there are any types of crumbs or even water stains it just freaks me out to sit on it and I’ll try to sit on the very edge of the seat and it’s all I’m thinking about until I get out. I also make my kids take off their clothes when they get home from school. BUT am I just being a near freak? I don’t know what I would fear except being really uncomfortable in places I deem as dirty or unclean.

So, i want to know if i should listen to my heart or my mind. I have a situation where i am not in control i like this guy we have been seeing each other for 10 months now its hasn’t been official because of my issues and now his. Ocd has played a major role in that. I need to know that when a man asks for time and space and says i will be back to you what should i do? Wait around and listen to my heart that says i wanna give this relationship a try cause i have made mistakes in the past with this or what if he loses interest with this time and space thing where he says he is personally going through something and can’t romantically give himself for a while but we can do a do over but is not sure and has been brutally honest with me about all of it but my heart wants to give it another chance and see this through but the what if’s never stop.. what if it doesn’t work out? What if he leaves and all i feel is a waste in the next few months.. he has told me 2 months is a time where a lot of things can change but should i listen to my heart and hold on to it? My friends are saying something my brain is telling me something heart says something. I need some stranger advice to tell me is it okay to listen to my heart or is my heart playing with me too? Is it wrong to want to give this relationship a chance? And why does the overthinking thoughts of what if nothing works out? What if he leaves me? What if he is done with me after 2 months what guarantee do i have? Should i take this chance? Will he take me for granted if i wait around? Will he respect me as much? Will he respect this relationship as much? So many questions and no answers or should i just listen to my heart and take it one day at a time.?

*may be triggering to some If you’ve been following the devastating Lindsay Clancy case, the conversation has started to buzz about postpartum mental illness and OCD has been mentioned a few times. How do you deal with others shaming it/not believing it’s real? It is so triggering to me to read comments from people I know are completely uneducated and unaware saying terrible things about those struggling with mental illness. It’s devastating. I do not condone what happened to those poor children, nor do I know the full story. She chose to act and those babies are gone. But so many have now begun to shame those that share their struggles with PPD, PPP, PPA, OCD. It’s so discouraging to me as a mom with OCD to see how the world views this terribly difficult disorder.

(sorry if this is long) it's taken me years of thinking i might have ocd to finally talk to a mental health professional about it. for various reasons i didn't have access to therapy before. i spent a long time reading abput ocd online. i started realizing that i related to so many of the symptoms. i thought back to when i was younger. i think it started getting worse/noticeable when i was 12 but only to me. i didn't share my intrusive thoughts and obsessions with anyone because they were so scary. anyway i went many years without knowing what ocd was. i got very good at self soothing and looking for coping mechanisms. i went through depressive episodes and many anxiety attacks. i didn't have access to any help other than the internet. now for the past year and a half id been going to therapy. the thing is i didn't decide to bring up my ocd symptoms until i had to get a new therapist bc my old one resigned from her clinic. and i thought to myself, "this is a fresh start" so i felt brave enough to bring it up with my new therapist. so we've been talking about it and she agrees that i have symptoms of ocd. doing the assessment with her and talking openly about my symptoms was such a big step for me. anyway it's been hard these past couple of days, knowing that im finally facing my ocd symptoms and that it's not just me in my head that knows about it. its not like i wasn't aware of how it affects my life before, but now i feel like im hyperaware of it in a way. it makes me sad when i think about how i let my symptoms run my life sometimes. also i haven't really told anyone in my life except one of my closest friends. i dont know if i should tell my family. it feels too hard to explain. im just feeling a lot right now but im not exactly sure which emotions.

is it normal to get reoccurring thoughts on “what if i’m actually crazy and i’m just not self aware?” or “what if i’m insane and i don’t know it?” i’m scared of being judged for this i’ve never opened up about it. the thoughts are so draining it’s ruining my life. it effects my every day life it’s always in the back of my head. i feel like if i HAVE to think about these type of things constantly because “what if it’s actually true?”. another thing is death and the fear of dying. it freaks me out it has since i was little. but recently i’ve been thinking more in depth about it like “what’s the point of life” or “what happens after we die?” or “what if im imagining all of this and life isn’t even real? what if it’s all just made up in my head?” and it then it ends up fueling the thoughts about me going crazy. its hard to distract myself and it’s giving me so much anxiety. is there any way to quiet my thoughts or get over my fears? or maybe a way to prove my fears wrong? idk

My OCD isn’t based around a specific theme, my anxiety is fuelled from any thought that is distressing to me (it could be faces, numbers, lyrics or disturbing) at any random time. I feel like I have to make the thought have purpose or I will be abnormal. So I will ruminate until I am comfortable with each thought and they keep piling up, which I know is the OCD cycle. My compulsions is to make the thoughts just right in my own way for the anxiety to go down. However, I am scared of my thoughts getting worse on their own if I just leave them and not realising what is an intrusive thought anymore. I cannot seem to go on with my day unless I ruminated. These thoughts happen anywhere, literally brushing my teeth, having a shower, sex, reading etc. What scares me is that the thoughts have no theme like I said, it just seems to anything intrusive that distresses me! I don’t seem to worry about an actual thing, just about having Intrusive thoughts themselves because I can’t focus on tasks, they always come and I get so anxious! I can’t live like a normal person. Please if you have anything that could help me from your knowledge, I am all ears!! ❤️

Hey everyone! I’m new to this app, but not new when it comes to OCD treatments. A few years ago I had to leave school/ my job in order to work on my mental health which was hard but needed. Mentally things have more or less gotten better OCD wise but I still really struggle with protectionism. I started a new job within the past 6 months that is challenging, but I enjoy enough to hopefully stay at for a few years. As of the past two weeks I have been really struggling with ruminating over my performance at work. I have been trying really hard to learn all the moving parts of the job, but because of lack of mentoring and constant little hiccups I have been stressing. Currently I have been overwhelmed/ overthinking so much that I have been messing up my work and it seems like my coworkers are pretty annoyed by constantly having to correct me. It’s honestly my worst fear as a perfectionist to feel like a burden. My intrusive thoughts as of late is that they are going to think I don’t care or try hard enough, that they talk bad about me to each other, and that they are going to fire me. Has anyone else experienced this type of OCD perfectionism that affects there performance within school or work and if so is there anything that you did in order to help recenter yourself in the moment to stop your brain from running in circles?

i know there’s some therapy like exposure and response but how will that work for me? like im so scared of e. coli that i will shower with BLEACH to kill that awful bacteria… i want this to be over, i hate having these burns. i hate these headaches from the smell. i hate it all. i can’t live like this anymore.

Please take the time to read this. I just desperately need support. Not reassurance. But someone to listen and understand. I haven’t been on this app in a good amount of time. I think I’m doing better. Thoughts still pop up as well as all the worries but I still continue to go on with my days. Sometimes it feels selfish to not break down and just give up. Like I don’t deserve to be happy because of who I worry I am. I ignore that though. I think it and then I move on. It still hurts just as much. But I’ve gotten better at not allowing it to stop me from doing things. But today is hard. I was on tik tok and a video came up about this guy who came across a disturbing website with children. He was crying as he said he reported it all to the authorities and that he needs a break from trying to take down these people because it’s bringing a lot of negativity into his life. I then started to question myself for the millionth time if I would ever do something like that, or if I wanted to. And sometimes I don’t know the answer. Which makes me worry and feel so disgusting for not knowing. Like how do I not know if I would or ever want to hurt someone? Or how do I not know if I would like those things? It makes me feel crazy and like I don’t even know who I am. I’ve lost touch with my identity. I’ve fought extreme suicidal thoughts for the past 5 months. And they simmered down these past 3 weeks but as of right now they’re making their way back in. And I’m struggling to find a reason to not give in. I’m upset with God for possibly making me this monster and I question as to why he hasn’t helped me or made me good. Do I want to do bad things? I don’t know. And that’s the most worrying thing ever. I see people on here saying oh I know I don’t want to do these things it’s just the intrusive thoughts keep popping up. And I despise myself for not being able to say I for sure don’t want to hurt people. How dare I say I have OCD when I’m not even sure of that either. I’m probably just making a bad reputation for people with actual OCD. I’m not looking for reassurance. I’m just sharing how I’m feeling and thinking. I know nothing will give me that clarity. I’m just filled with shame, guilt, anger, and sadness. I feel abandoned by God.

Anyone else with harm OCD extremely triggered by the Lindsay Clancy case? I’m struggling realllllly badly right now.

I’ve been wanting to talk on here cause I just can’t find a solution yet. There’s some things that you must know, during Christmas my parents left to visit family in Mexico I didn’t go cause I was scared and I just didn’t want to leave my room knowing that a mice might come into the house and other things that would trigger me if I went with them. Anyways, I was really sad cause they knew I’ve had a very very hard year and still left me alone I mean you could say I’m disabled but I didn’t say anything idk I just figured they should know better? Idk (Last year I had a major breakdown cause a mice got all the way up into my gaming set up I stopped streaming, and we’ll basically didn’t touch anything that was on that desk set up when that happened for a good 6-7 months) I mention the above cause now (this year) a mice or at least that’s what I think some how got into my vehicle and I had left a bag from BK with ketchup packs, it was already really hard for me to go out and get groceries welp to eat and stuff I had been doing it and I was starting to even be able to get into that car (cause I couldn’t even get on it cause that car was “contaminated” used to go and play soccer) btw sorry if this is all confusing.... So I managed to do that but then after a month or the third time I went to get my groceries and putting my stuff in the car I saw a ketchup pack all in bits I figured they were lady bugs that had done that cause here during the winter a lot of them come out and get between cars doors without taking to much attention I got my stuff in and drove back to my house. I was about to get all the stuff into my house but I couldn’t cause something happened that triggered me and I had I had to leave most of the groceries in the car. Just got down the things that needed to be refrigerated. Since I really can’t go out much it took me 2 days to go back out and get the groceries inside my home I clean them so after taking a shower I was about to clean them just to find out that the part where they tie the bag of loaf bread was “scratched” I instantly left it in the bag and then stopped taking the bread out and went to wash my hands cause I thought it had been a mice that tried to get that I haven’t touched any of the groceries since then. I had some food still left and was able to eat 1 time per day for a week almost but now I have nothing and also don’t have much or nothing to drink. Actually my lips are so dry and haven’t used the toilet in 2-3 days. Today I will try and go get a burger or som I have managed to convince myself to go in another truck even tho there are some chances that the mice could have gotten into that truck also idk this truck we use to go and throw trash away and I will be doing that too. It was maybe my fault cause I haven’t done this in some time and that’s what attracted rodent to get into the other vehicle I left the groceries on for 2 days. And welp after some days this is the day I’ll have some food in my stomach even if it’s fast food. I haven’t talked or told my mom or dad what’s going on, I mean why would they care? They left me 🤷🏻‍♂️ I don’t blame them for what’s going on or anything but idk I just don’t see me leaving my son alone seeing him how hard 2022 was for him and still struggling I’m sorry if it’s confusing it’s just a really long story and basically I just couldn’t do much by myself cause of what happened December 2021 (gaming set up etc part) I just don’t know what to do, I have the groceries sitting on the kitchen bar but haven’t touched them they just there Prob won’t find any solution either here but idk I had to say it to some one. The thing I’ve been thing bout is that just admit that a rodent was there and throw away the groceries? There’s some packed things that look “intact” but the idea of something being there idk I mean you guys know OCD tells you that it’s all over even if they are “intact” also have some teas and drinks that I could just wash with hand soap idk 😐 Sorry for the long text and I’m ESL please don’t get mad for my English Btw I live in TN so it’s a farm life, barn and nursery and stuff.

Hii, this is my first time posting on here. I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was at least 14, and I didn’t get diagnosed til a few weeks ago, I’m 25 now. I’ve had all types of obsessions. My first big was of getting tapeworms, I became a vegetarian yo avoid em(I’m still one but I don’t fear tapeworms anymore). I thought I had schizophrenia shortly after that, that’s one that comes back here and there. I feared the end of the world, I had a big religious obsession, that lead me to being agnostic And right now I’m dealing with what I think is somatic or existential ocd. This started in early 2021, one night I was in bed watching a movie and I became very aware of myself. I looked up derealization, cause what I thought it was, and I spent the next couple months checking myself and my surroundings to see if that’s what I was experiencing. It was a very miserable time for me, but luckily it ended, I don’t remember exactly when. I was fine for most of last year, but then a toward the end of year I went driving at night with my mom and sister. I saw a tweet online about how some ppl disassociate while driving and I got scared that would happen to me. It was dark and there were lots of cars and lights, I couldn’t shake the thought. Now I’m here, still not to able to. The few times I’m able to I feel fine. But as I realize I haven’t been thinking about it it comes back. I got on lexapro shortly after cause I figured it might help but I can’t tell if it is. My anxiety is reduced but yeah. I’m so scared I won’t feel like I did before. Like I know I’m not losing my mind but it’s hard not to feel like I am sometimes. I hope someone can relate to this.

I am not sure if the thing I was doing is a compulsion (testing myself) or Exposure. My intrusive thoughts always start when I was out with friends drinking. Endig up with thoughts like "Did i cheat?, Can I trust myself?, Am I flirting?" To me as a person, I am very talkative and love to connect. So before meeting up with my friend (last saturday) I thought, wow if i can handle that evening and even drink a little maybe thats exposure. I was checking my feelings, desires and sensations when out asking myself if I would do something. When a guy came up behind me trying to hug me or whatever, he came close. I totally freaked out and said that he does not have to touch me etc.. I am feeling worse again even though I was on a real good way in recovery. Now I feel like I am at the beginning just not with the event 7 months ago but with last saturday :( asking myself maybe he tried to kiss me, maybe he did....that makes me shrink. Well I guess my belief is absolutely cheating is the worst thing. So i have a huge fear of cheating and being unfaithful. This probably arose when I was coping with one of my best friends cheating on her bf what really hit me hard. I want to lose that fear and start to trust myself again, no matter with or without alcohol. But I do not want to lose my value of being completely faithful and loyal. I am asking myself how to reach that goal. I also question my relationship because we are almost 8 years now and I constantly wonder about my feelings for my bf which I at the moment and since that real event 7 month ago cant put into words. I am desperate.

I know everyone is different, but I want to hear about your recovery journey. How long were you in ERP before you started to see results? I’m three weeks in and struggling!

I can’t stop thinking about the guy who I loved who broke my heart. Don’t know if it’s a heart break or if it’s my OCD that’s making me obsess over every little thing. Or if it’s both? Either way this is torture! I would much rather be suffering from my other themes because I am constantly thinking about him and it’s so so so distracting. I can’t do anything.

Hi everyone, I’m struggle with what I thought is ocd for couple of years. I was treated by two different psychologists who determined it (which of course I didn't believe them)…. In the last few weeks I was very sick so i had less ocd thought, and one day I just saw some video on YouTube about ocd, and that person said something that I know and is that ocd must be included compulsions…… I suffer from compulsion for so many years, but when I heard what he said my thought was like- hahah you don’t have any compulsions so you dont have ocd. the problem is that since than - my thought are about that i dont have any compulsions about my themes, so i dont have ocd. now, i barely have compulsions about my themes, and that makes me feel like all what i have been througe my last years was nothing. that i dont have ocd. Suddenly everything is fine… even my anxious feelings that i suffered from are barely exist. what is this??? Someone experienced it?