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How can I sit with this if it’s this real!? I don’t know what to do anymore!!!… I believe I am only with him for bad reasons…

I’m looking for some encouragement. How many of you have actually gotten better with your OCD treatment? I feel like all I’m doing is switching from one theme to another and not actually going forward. The new themes are sometimes scarier because they’re “new” and there’s more uncertainty… at least with the old ones I knew how to respond and what that looked like for me.

it was quiet for a second and my mind was like it’s quiet cause you want all of these thoughts to happen. i didn’t get anxious like i usually do and it made me worried that this isn’t OCD and this is all me. now my mind keeps going back on this and i genuinely hate it cause the anxiety i used to get when this all first happened is not the same rn and it makes me even more worried that it’s not like that anymore cause i want these things to happen. i hate that this is all happening and i feel completely out of it. i feel like out of body and all stuck in my head and it sucks completely. i keep getting spike of anxiety and that is scary. does anyone else feel this way or knows what i’m talking about? i feel like this is just me and no one else gets this way and that is also very scary.

Pls help me someone🙏🏻i know this is a long post i just need some advice…A guy i have been in a situationship for the past 10 months asked for time and soace and i cant help but think if he is Bored with me lying to me sometimes i get thoughts like he is guy who is fickle minded will leave me and just say i told you so and then i think should i listen to this and let go or listen to the hope of him coming back but do they ever? We were never in a relationship the situation was messy now what? If we dont see each other again or come back we will be done for good i dont want to put these negative energy out in the universe but i cant help these thoughts what is the guarantee that all of this wont happen with so much misunderstanding and miscommunication will we ever work out its become so platonic will we feel stuff cause to begin with we were never emotionally vulnerable with each other now will we?? If no one texts no one calls in this duration of space then what going back to being strangers but seeing each other in class and having it hard is that one reason i don’t want it to end cause i cant see him in class like that and he can or might be okay with it cause he is over this? Or is he? He isn’t sure about me he know that and has told me but doesn’t want this to end and I don’t too i am holding on taking this risk without any guarantee am i doing the right thing? Will it be in my favour and if not then what ? And why am i not okay with it not being in my favour why am i so scared. If no contact doesn’t affect him? Continues like this i need the fear of him not coming back to go away only then can i make peace with the situation at hand Because he can romantically involve and wants to be friends what if that is what remains just being friends.. and no feelings ??what if we get bored of each other the feelings? I dont want to force myself I dont want it to be fast but 2 months later if i ask this question if do you want this to work and he just says no i will regret everything what do i do? Will i have to say goodbye even when i don’t want to? Is that what god is teaching me? He earlier was but he isn’t now am I expecting from the wrong person i read an article that said take him for his word and here are 2 sides to it i could believe when he says he will come back to me or i could believe when he says i am not sure a lot can happen in 2 months.. how is he so okay with letting me go? And i want this to work and i just dont want to let go… pls help me someone Should i know my worth and walk away but i want this to work and i want to stay but the only way it can is for me to do my own thing and not worry a lot of relationships similar to this haven’t worked out but why am i hoping for this to be different. We think of the best but so many things haven’t worked out? So many relationships and also comparing old to new specifically the conversations what to do? I can chose to hope for the best but there are so many ways things can go wrong..pls pls help me🙏🏻

This week has been a torment for me, since college started again for me and my boyfriend we've been both back into routine which is pretty normal, but one of his flaws is being bad at replying my texts at time (I assume it's because he's actually busy) but since I have terrible relationship anxiety I've been constantly asking for reassurance and immediately regret it because I feel like a burden to him, I feel so ashamed and it actually flamed my anxiety even more because now I think he's going to break up with me because of my mental illnesses even though he says he loves me very much. I'm obsessing over it and I can't even sleep.

Does anyone else struggle with this! Everytime i confess to my boyfriend, i always overthink what i said when i confessed and ruminate over and over. i then realized that i might have lied about something and then feel the need to confess again. for example, i freaked out because one of my old coworkers texted me, and i was scared that i got excited when i was texting him or that i still had feelings for him. so, i confessed to my boyfriend, told him everything, and said that i can’t remember if i still liked him or if i just thought he was attractive still. i then went on to say that i was having a hard time remembering everything that i thought at the time. BUT NOW i’m afraid because i might have said that “everything” was hard to remember, which would be false if i knew i thought he was attractive at the time, and i can’t remember if i did or not or what i said. i’m just scared i lied to him. i feel like i did find him attractive still and i feel like i lied to him.

was having a good time with my cat, i love her so much, then got a “memory” that i touched her inappropriately…. then it went from that to me having her touch me inappropriately. i started freaking out and told my bf about it and started to confess that the only thing i did was have time to myself while she was in the room and he stopped me because he knows confessing is a compulsion and i started crying and i feel so defeated i love my cat so much i never thought about this what if or false memory before and it feels so real :(( I want to just sleep forever

My girlfriend and I spent the weekend together. We’ve been together about 1.5 years and have been long distance for the entire relationship. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and the ROCD developed about 4 months in. I should note this is the healthiest, safest, and on paper, best relationship I’ve been in. This weekend, she shared with me that she just feels really distant and I haven’t been giving her what she needs — and honestly, I fully agree. Most times I’m hesitant to initiate anything since I’m so wrapped up in my own head and questioning everything. The problem is, now that she’s said that and I’ve been feeling that, in my mind that just confirms we shouldn’t be together. And now I just feel absolutely terrible.. I potentially will have an opportunity to move to her city for a job and I’m just questioning everything. I’m not happy but I’m not sure if it’s due to the ROCD or the relationship itself. Anyone else?? Help! Also, I’m on 100mg Zoloft coupled with Gabapentin and just not sure if it’s helping.

I don’t think anyone will ever understand what it feels like to think about death 24/7 for so long, it’s been a year now, 2022 was not the one. It was almost every minute of the day for a whole year. Almost as if you were watching a horror movie that really scared you except you can’t turn it off and go back to reality/your normal day, you constantly have to watch that movie and can’t click off it. For me this was the heafty price to pay for watching documentaries about evil people. I don’t even like the word ‘serial k’ I don’t like saying it or writing it. It almost feels like your in a war zone in your mind on the front lines especially if the intrusive thoughts are gory, absolutely awful, like I’ve witnessed people dying in front of me thousands of times over and over and the worst part is in the intrusive thoughts you are the culprit, you are the person being evil, this problem is like a curse, would not wish it on anyone, I really hope anyone with this problem who is suffering can be healed from this, it’s so unfair

I’ve discharged from NOCD. My therapist was very supportive, understanding, nice, funny, & cared. But ERP has not worked for me & its been almost 6 months. I’m in talk therapy somewhere else & they are trying to get me another type of specialist. I just cannot resist the most important thoughts & trying to solve them. I’ve tried & tried but it’s too much. I think this was a good experience to learn from & got help with some things for sure, but it did not solve my issue & I’m effectively worse today then when I started. This is by no means a reflection on my therapist who was amazing, but the ERP just hasn’t worked for me. Take from this post what you will, but I’m very sad but trying to be hopeful I can find the correct care for me.

Battling some thoughts today and wondering if anyone wants to connect.

Some advice would be amazing, been stressing for days! I have a male friend who has just been accused of sexual harassment, kicked out of uni for it yet he denies it ever happening. He’s explained the story to me several times, and even though he could be lying so could she. I’d hope nobody would ever lie about such a thing, but I also hope he’d never do such a thing. He’s having to take legal action due to the fact he’s been kicked out of his uni because of it. The story he tells me is that they all went on a night out, she started throwing herself on him which he was confused about and by the sounds of things went with because he found her attractive thought why not, on a night iht you kiss strangers if consent is given and by the sounds of things she kissed him, but she didn’t want anything sexual which he was like yeah that’s fine. She was the one making the advances to which he allowed. She wanted to stay in his bed he said sure, she showed up wearing basically nothing (which isn’t consent I’m not saying anything like that, it is it’s just a part of the story, she came into his room wearing nothing underneath a shirt. He made no advances, it’s just how the night goes in his story), due to the small uni beds they both cuddled each other to go to sleep, she held him and stuff like that. He says that they fell asleep his arm was over her front holding her waist and now she’s accusing him of groping her in her sleep. I feel fucking terrible for both parties, I don’t know who’s telling the truth, I don’t know what actually happened I wasn’t there. I don’t just want to say he did it just because she’s a female, I also don’t want to say he didn’t do it. There isn’t any evidence, but there are eye witnesses to the events before the overall event in his room. Them kissing and touching and stuff, both going for it. So I replied with this “Fucjing hell this entire situation is insane, legal action is a safe way to go. It’s hard to prove either of your statements, so going down this road for your future is a good option. I’m so sorry it’s happening. It’s a really serious situation no matter what’s happening on both ends, the fact it’s now having legal action, shows it. So you’ve been kicked out of uni all together? Not just your accom but uni? What was the investigation process like for them to kick you out?” I wanted to say something without actually saying anything, I don’t want to side with anyone. As a female I know how this feels if he did do it, I’ve had it happen only slightly many times, but am I a horrible person for saying that I’m not going to believe any side of this? Either one could lie right? It’s not just the man. Equality is a justice for both men and women, if he didn’t do it why should we believe him any less? I just can’t help but hear people in my head telling me I’m being sexist because she’s accused him of a pretty disgusting thing, that’s he’s adamant he didn’t do and I’m like idk what I’m meant to think! It’s like I have other peoples voices in my head screaming at me that I have to side with the one who made the allegation. But then I think about celebrities and the most recent Johnny Depp case, we all agreed then that he was being falsely accused, was it because he was famous that it was okay to side with the man? I’m not siding with anyone in this case, I’m letting him rant and get everything out but I’m not sitting there giving him validation. I’m apologising, saying it’s a shit situation and that’s it. Idk what’s right or wrong I’m really stressed out

So the past few days have been bad, I woke up this morning haven’t had much sleep, and I straight away had an intrusive thought about my cat, I don’t even know if I can call it intrusive because I probably brought it on myself, but it was about smothering and it felt like when I had that thought that I liked the feeling of imagining doing that. So then I tried imagining it a few more times and it still felt the same but at the same time felt like I wouldn’t want to do that but these days even when I get anxiety or ‘disgust’ towards the thoughts I feel as though I’m not being genuine or faking it. I’ve had this problem for a year now, at the start I was a nervous wreak and new I hated the thoughts but now I don’t even know anymore. It feels like when I have the thoughts now it’s no longer about the ‘actual thought’ for a long time now I’ve been focusing on ‘how it feels’ because before it felt like I ‘liked the feeling of doing that when imagining it’ I no longer have the thoughts and feel ‘why did I have that thought’ or ‘disgust/shame’ all I’m doing is trying to analyse ‘how I feel’ when imagining doing that horrible thing. I have no problem bringing on the thoughts for months now I have deliberately brought them on and I’m trying to work out why it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ when I have the thought. Sometimes I get an electric shock kind of feeling and twitch my head like ‘ew I don’t want that’ but now I’m thinking maybe I’m faking it, I don’t even know when I’m anxious anymore, it’s possible that I’m highly stressed and anxious over the thoughts but I don’t even know it. I’m so confused. I definitely get some sort of feelings when having the thoughts but because I’ve been thinking that it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that when having the thought’ I feel like it’s distorted my perception of everything. All I know is it feels like an intense feeling but I don’t know ‘of what’ I’m just confused and I was explaining this to someone and they started asking me ‘are you excited, do the thoughts make you excited’ and when someone asks me something like that I feel like it just makes things worse and I start spiralling in my mind. But it’s like I can’t even answer that question, I don’t feel particularly ‘happy’ when having the thoughts but I just don’t know what I’m feeling when having the thoughts and this feeling of ‘it feels like I like the feeling’ is really messing me up, I don’t know how it can feel like I like the feeling of doing something I don’t want to do but at the same time sometimes feel like I don’t like the feeling of doing that. Now I don’t know if that feeling is a genuine desire and I’ve come to like some sick feeling now, I don’t want that to be the case. I’ve been suffering a lot with this problem the amount of times I’ve cried and The way I have reacted to this problem is like never before, I have never felt this bad in my life. I don’t know if I’ve confused it feeling like an ‘urge’ to me ‘liking the feeling’ maybe I’m constantly putting my body in ‘fight or flight’ and I don’t even know. Maybe what I’m getting is constant ‘urges’ because I’m deliberately having the thoughts to test myself and when it feels like an urge I’m confusing it with ‘liking the feeling’ but with other intrusive thoughts I’ve had I 100% new I hated them. Like last night before sleeping I kept having these horrible gory images coming to my head and I hated them and knew I didn’t want them, but with this why is it different? Is it possible that I’m more scared of thoughts that involve sharp objects but because these thoughts are about smothering, I’ve been experimenting with the thoughts since they don’t involve sharp objects and aren’t ‘so alarming’ but are still horrible but because if you have a thought about a sharp object it would be ‘one horrible action’ you imagine but with this smothering thing it’s like your imagining ‘one action but it carries on’ (sorry this is tmi but I’m trying to understand why it feels like that) all I know is if there was a way to get rid of this instantly i would do it but in the mean time I don’t know why it feels like I like the feeling of doing that horrible act, maybe my fight or flight is making my mind think that I want to do that or it feels like an ‘urge’ but I don’t feel ‘happy’ but I just don’t get it I don’t know what to do I really want help, this has literally forced me to book a therapist because I’m so lost and confused and worried. But I’m worried because wits not like they can take this feeling away, this feeling of ‘liking the feeling’ feels extremely real, what if I’m getting some sort of sick satisfaction out of imagining doing that that’s why it feels like I ‘like the feeling m’ I’m worried and don’t know what to do I feel like I’m lying about everything as well please help

My ldr Partner and i have Ended things three days ago, I removed him from ig but we’re still Connected on Twitter and Snapchat. Although I don’t use Twitter as much as I used to anymore, including Snapchat. Our saved pics/ vids and conversations are all deleted so it’d be easier to move on and so I wouldn’t keep rereading as well. I didn’t want to un-add him, but I removed his name from the chat feed. So far, I’ve been doing fine with moving on but I still think about him. I let myself feel all the sadness and hurt, just to let it all out. Somehow, I keep having this nagging Talk at the back of my mind. Saying I’m not moving on if we’re still friends on snap and Twitter, that I’m not making any progress. That I should remove him completely. I still don’t want to, I haven’t been having any urges to Text hin as well, at least not for now. Is this nagging feeling still rocd?

So. In my talking stage with my current girlfriend of 12 months. I think that in the start of my talking stage with her, that I was also talking to other people. I’m talking stage ( I wasn’t dating anyone) but I think I was talking with people aswell. And eventually I cut every girl off apart from my current girlfriend. And then a week or so later we started dating. Anyway. A week before we started dating a girl I used to talk to teacher out to my friend and was like “hey are you a friend of *my name*” and he sent screenshots. And I just told him to block her, because I didn’t want to talk anyone or anything. And he blocked her. But im worried one day if me and him get intro an argument he will try to ruin my current relationship with that. Even though those screenshots were from before me and my gf were dating. But we were talking at that time Do I need to tell my girlfriend this? Does this matter? Because I don’t know if I was “loyal” in the talking stage, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because we weren’t even dating. But at the start of the talking stage I was talking to other people I think. Do I need to tell her this? Does this mean im unloyal? Im currently freaking out. I really need your opinions, do I let this go or do I do something about it

i just got a fortune from a fortune cookie that read: “we are what arises in our thoughts” are you serious?? 😭 why did i have to get that fortune!! it’s stressing me out i just wanted to throw that thing away!

i have friends, i have a amazing gf and mom, a good family, my gf and mom know about my ocd, mainly my gf, she knows about my problem and also dont give me reassurance at all (which is the right thing to do) still, i never felt that hopeless like im feeling rn, i never felt so wrong like im feeling rn, im feeling alone, like my case is special and im some kind of upcoming killer, i dont know who i am neither remenber my values, i cant afford a therapist rn... i swear im trying my best but ocd is not giving me a single moment of peace.. it has come to a point where all i think trough my day is about the harm thoughts and if i want them or not, i cant enjoy playing during midnight (which i loved tho) because i hate being alone with someone vulnerable while they are sleeping and im awake in the house, i hate living like this, i haye feeling like this, i want my life back, i want myself back

After a year I’m finally trying to find a therapist but I’m worrying. It feels like I’m a criminal about to turn myself in or I keep having images of me talking to the therapist a laughing while I’m talking about it and then they think I’m evil. Or the other thing is the intrusive thought that bothers me the most is about smothering and for some reason it feels like when I imagine that thought, that I like the feeling of doing that action when I imagine it and I don’t know if it’s because I’m confusing an urge and the vividness of the thought with ‘I like the feeling’ but it’s horrible, for it to feel like I like squashing someone with a pillow and stopping them from breathing, I don’t understand it and I feel like if I tell the therapist there going to think there’s definitely something wrong with me. Say if it’s true? Why does it feel like I like the feeling of doing that when I imagine it? None of my other intrusive thoughts feel like that and it’s worrying. Sometimes I have those thoughts and ‘flinch’ or get like an electric shock feeling or anxiety but most times it feels like I like the feeling of doing that action when I imagine it, I can’t explain it which makes it worse. All I know is if there was a button to take all this away I would press it instantly. But I feel like I’m beyond help and that Maybe I’m enjoying some sick feeling now, maybe I was normal before but now I’ve discovered I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing, I’m worried. These past few days have been awful I don’t know what to do, my head keeps wanting to test out the thought by deliberately imagining them to see if it’s true and if it does feel like that I have to keep imagining it until I get anxious or something. 😞 I really want help but I have a lot of doubts I feel like They won’t be able to help me because now maybe I like that sick feeling. I wish I could go back in time and not watch that stupid documentary my life has been ruined..also I’m worried about getting the wrong therapist and they will think there’s something wrong with me or not be able to help or I don’t know I just don’t see how they can help me, they can’t take this feeling of ‘liking the feeling of doing that’ away from me but I hope that feeling maybe is just a mistaken feeling and that maybe I’m just confused

ROCD thoughts are always on my mind. I’m much better than i was when they first started out but now i’m just struggling. my brain is a constant flood of thoughts about my partner. Today I was wondering if it’s all because i have a small crush on my coworker, or is it because in the back of my mind, i always knew i’d be the one to break her heart. I don’t want to leave her and i don’t want to break up but it’s really hard to tell if i’m faking everything. She’s constantly on my mind, questioning if i have feelings for her, if i’m excited to see her, what if i don’t love her. The frustrating thing is, before my obsession with wondering if i love her, we were good. I would race home to be with her, we were shopping for our future apartment and i was so excited. now my brain can’t even picture the same future i was picturing before. I tell myself it’s okay to have uncertainty and not know what the future will be like but it’s hard to be okay with it when i could imagine it so perfectly. I know my partner is perfect for me, i know in our time together before these thoughts, i was so happily in love and smitten by her. Now i get irritated easily with her and my brain villainizes her. I may not be able to imagine our future together but i can’t imagine being with anyone but her. this is my third post on here about this, i’m not sure if it’s a compulsion to write on here and share my thoughts or if reading other peoples stories is one too but i just need to share my head. I miss how we were before, i can’t even look back at memories where i knew i was happy because my brain will get anxious and tell me it’s all fake

Do you if u have Rocd? Even think tjat talking to every guy is flirting? I am accusing myself all the time! Even worse when drinking. When I am out without my bf, I am like I am with him... talking with many people no matter male or female, thats just the open person I am. But when I am put alone, I always feel like a cheater when talking to someone else and when I think back to that situarion... it seems like I didnt care.. this makes me so feaeful..And I rarely think about my bf when out :( I am not sure if I really rarely think of him or if I tell myself. I feel flattered when a guy comes up to me but I reject everyone when I see any intention that is going further than talking. I feel like shit. Also had episodes of the worst cheating OCD. I cant cut talking to people.. thats me :( its a real conflict.