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Just spent waaaay too much time on google. So much time that I went through literally all the articles that covered my question. Just haven’t gone through all the Reddit conversations. No more for today 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've been having SOOCD attacks/triggers for the past three weeks I always thought I'm a straight female, I've never been in a relationship and never had male friends I know it won't kill me if I'm bi, but I'm really scared of completly losing attraction to men I know I'm still attracted to men when I have moments of clarity, but sometimes I feel like I'm not "attracted enough" and experience false reactions/memories I've always had dreams of having a husband and it hurts so much to think that I could never achieve this When these OCD attacks started I completly isolated myself from my friends, because I'm morbidly afraid that I may fall in love with one of my close female friends When I have my moments of clarity, I know that I'm not attracted to them, but these moments of clarity are very brief I'm deeply scared of getting too close to my friends and I keep on making plans for a "new life" without them Because my OCD tells me that I'll break these friendships if I don't talk to them everyday It triggers a terrible panic attack whenerher I try to talk to them and I keep thinking about this failed attempt for the rest of my day My hobby is art and when all of this started I wasn't able to write/draw anything Whenerher I see any motif of love (no matter if straight or gay, my reaction is the same) or want to continue/start drawing something about love I get a panic attack I used to imagine love scenes with characters all the time, I absolutely loved it it was my thing and made me sooo happy Can I ever go back to how it was before? Can I get back to my friends without fear? Can I ever create art about love without feeling pain? I just keep crying all day and can't move out of bed How do I help myself?

i feel like my life is ruined from this crap, i will never enjoy a happy moment because of this, i can’t go through every day with this on my shoulders anymore, my mum says things will get better and that i’m only 17 but she doesn’t understand what goes through my head, i don’t have the courage to tell her she won’t understand and will never think of me the same. she says it will get better but it won’t, my life is ruined, obsessions seem to real i think i’m faking it. i’m so alone and scared and there’s no way out.

Does anyone else have weird periods where they become obsessed with certain people in their life? I’ve had this a couple of times in the last 2 years and recently with my colleague. We get along really well and I think of him as a good friend, but recently i’ve become weirdly obsessed. I’m thinking constantly about posting things to impress him, speaking to him, wondering what he’s doing. I’ve never found him attractive before but all of a sudden i’m thinking about him sexually. He’s actually the opposite of the type of person I would go for and I am in a relationship with someone (3 years strong). It’s to the extent i’ll want to post things on instagram to try and make him think i’m cool (cringe) and want to get to know me more. He’s also been with his girlfriend for 6/7 years and i’m not jealous so it’s not a physical crush, it’s an obsession. It’s overwhelming. I’ve had this before with a colleague who also had a partner and I think it targets people that do because they are less of a threat to my ROCD (I have the excuse they are also in a relationship). I’ve started having dreams about him and thinking about him constantly or what he would think about this/ would he find this funny. I want to be best friends with him and spend loads of time with him. Last night when I was having sex with my partner he was coming into my head a lot, which was irritating. In my experience this disappears after 6 months or so, but it’s annoying me. Weirdly it’s not that triggering for me at the moment but i’m worried it will become so. Has anyone had this and have any tips? I feel so weird and strange for having this, and I genuinely really like him as a person so don’t want to sabotage it for myself by having to distance myself because i’m scared.

I don’t have anxiety but the thought of leaving my gf, me cheating on her , me getting attracted to other girls gets me angry. When I get all these thoughts, I hit myself, scratch, punch, pull my skin , hit my hand on the wall. Can this still be rocd or am I in the wrong relationship cuz this doesn’t feel like ocd. I have had hocd in the past and this is not that stressing as compared to hocd. I wanna love my gf a lot

When was the last time I had a day where I didnt have to mentally torture myself to make sure I wasn't what I feared most. It has stolen so much from me and it is as if I am no longer able to live. It is always back to this problem. I genuinely despise myself.

anybody ever still feel a guilty feeling in ur chest kinda like anxiety even if u didn’t do anything wrong? i told the truth to my bf about smthng and my brain keeps making me feel like i lied even though i haven’t. im honest with him about everything, but my brain is telling me the only way to get relief is to admit to lying but i didn’t lie so it wouldn’t even make me feel better at all. i was uncertain about a message i had sent to someone and my brain is saying i lied to him bc im uncertain but i told him i was uncertain. my brain is always making me feel guilt and shame and ive felt like this before and it passed but this feels like it’s never going to go away and i see him in 2 hours and im scared im gonna ruin it

I’m obsessing over every past bad decision or every stupid thing I did as a kid or teenager. I have this terrifying fear that mistakes are going to come back and haunt me and ruin my life. Anyone have any encouraging words?

Hello, does anyone ever get stuck in the same unwanted thoughts/memories, over & over again? What do you do to stop it? There is a stressful event from my past that happened about 8 years ago. It was a huge argument with work friends. I don’t think I ever totally got over it, but I eventually left that job & I had gotten past it for the most part. I had moved on with my life & had stopped thinking about it constantly. I have always been a very guilt ridden person, thinking I have done something wrong, over analyzing myself, thinking I should have handled things differently/better, thinking everything is always my fault in some way. I recently had a lot of stress come up in my life (normal life things) & I was just finding it hard to cope & I started obsessing (again as if I hadn’t obsessed enough at the time it happened) about this stressful event that happened 8 years ago. I think stressful things trigger my ocd. I have dealt with being a germaphobe & checking things (that doors are locked, coffee pot is off, etc). But now I think my ocd is that I have been thinking about this event from 8 years ago, nearly non-stop, feeling super guilty about it, thinking it was all my fault (when I don’t truly believe it was all my fault, there were many people involved & everyone was kind of in the wrong in different ways). I am also analyzing the way I dealt with it at that time & shaming myself for not being stronger & for allowing it to break me down the way it did. Then going back to trying to figure the whole event out again (after all these years) & why things happened the way they did. It was a very stressful & confusing event to begin with & I couldn’t figure it out then & I can’t now. But I feel like it’s also a big need for me to be accepted & loved. I care too much about what people think. But I also can’t stand the thought of hurting someone’s feelings & I think in this situation I did. But I apologized at that time for my part in the situation & the person accepted my apology, but I always obsess over if she actually did & I guess it’s part of my perfectionism ocd. Like I feel like I’m not allowed to make mistakes or like I’m not worthy of forgiveness or I’m a horrible person for making a mistake. But then I also felt very betrayed by another friend that was involved in this issue that was not honest about her part in this problem. So I took all that it mean it was all my fault & I was the problem. I don’t think it’s really fair, but I come down on myself so much about it & I simply cannot get it out of my head. I also struggle with how this event made me feel afterwards (like I was worthless, a horrible person, then I was so depressed & anxious because of it & that makes me feel guilty because it made me feel like I was a horrible mother to my children, etc., I just started spiraling.). The other people involved never took any accountability for how they acted in the situation. I really would have loved it we could have all gotten together & said exactly what happened & everyone took their own part in it (so that there would be no lies or blaming) & we could have healed from it. But instead I was the only one that apologized for my part in it & I didn’t speak for anyone else or blame anyone else because if they didn’t want to come forward to explain/apologize for their part in it I wasn’t going to make them. I made a mistake & I acted in a way that I’m not proud of, but I admitted it & apologized for it. So why should I have to live with this guilt forever & replaying it over & over again in my head. Thinking I’m a horrible person. I think about it when I get up to go to the bathroom during the night, I think about when I wake up, it lingers in my head all day. I have a very full life with a family & a great job, etc. so it makes me feel guilty like I’m not appreciative of what I have enough to stop this from taking away from my amazing family. My top priority in life is my family. They mean the world to me & I sometimes feel like a failure to them or if I really loved them, I wouldn’t let this bother me the way it does, like I care more about the what those people that were involved in this situation 8 years ago think of me. It’s so stupid because it couldn’t be further from the truth. I love my family more than anything. I’m so sorry for the super long post. I just needed to get some of this out of my head. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, please reply. Thank you.

Had for ocd for years about loyalty towards my gf would feel awful if I thought bad off my gf and thinking other girls r goood looking missing my ex ect but now I’m almost better and now don’t avoid looking at girls which I did for a year I find my self wanting to look at girls and get an overwhelming attraction feeling that I don’t get towards my gf? I find every girl attractive now and feel awful like I’m better off alone as I feel Numb a lot towards my gf but thY would be because of all the trauma towards her from ocd. Any one else struggling with this ? We have been together almost 24/7 for 2 years is this normal the lack of attraction ?

I think I want to leave Christianity. I can’t stand the mental pain and screaming of my head or God telling me everything I love and enjoy in my life is a sin. I can’t look at my friends who are LGBTQ+, Muslim, Jewish, atheist etc. without my head or God telling me they are going to hell. I can’t live in the fear of sin and I can’t listen to my music anymore, watch movies, spend time with my loving amazing husband without my God or OCD saying those things are wrong. I don’t want to believe my husband is spiritually wrong for me but I just feel like God won’t leave me alone until I do what he wants and he won’t let me even do ERP. Religion seems to make everything worse. It used to be a major core of my life. Please don’t tell me to pray about it either.

Does anyone feel that there are times when OCD is latching on to everything. Different themes of intrusive thoughts... It's like being allegric to everything. Everything worries me and scares me and I feel like I might go crazy. I keep thinking how will I get through the day tomorrow. Could this possibly get worse than it already is? Am I going to have a mental breakdown? I don't remember the last time I was able to actually feel relaxed.

I always worry I’ve accidentally cut someone off in traffic and caused a major accident that I didn’t see. I always feel like I’m on the verge of being arrested at any moment for having unwittingly harmed someone. Sometimes I’ll turn around, others I’ll look online for traffic accident reports. Other times it just won’t get out of my head, and I just try to remember every detail to quell the anxiety. Sometimes I worry it’s not OCD, it’s paranoia…budding psychosis. If you feel safe/comfy, would you share your similar experiences?

Even though my Real-Event theme has improved greatly from how it used to be 2 years ago (Yay to no more daily panic attacks!) I hate those periods of anxiety I still get some days. Everything will be going completely fine, and then boom!!! I start full-body shaking in the grocery store and have to leave. I’m glad that those windows of anxiety are reduced to only 1-4 hours and NOT full months anymore, but still sucks when they pop up. Blehhhh.

My anxiety is often triggered by spiritual tasks I feel I HAVE to do. I genuinely believe that my spiritual routine is a result of punishment based fear of God. This is not something my faith endorses but nonetheless is something that serves as a foundation of my belief. I believe it stems from a period of time when I was a teenager and committed acts I eventually came to realize would result in excommunication which spurred me to change my ways. What specific action can I take to change my thinking without compromising my religious tenets?

Hi, i haven’t been diagnosed with OCD yet but due to my obsessive googling i’m pretty sure i have it. i have strong feelings of guilt/shame over things and need constant reassurance of them or feel the need to tell others. the latest one is absolutely driving me insane and making me feel sick, i can barely eat. about maybe a year ago i came across a tik tok of some woman describing how she was raped by her step dad at 8 years old and how she liked it. she would share details of her stories and i guess this would intrigue me. i’ve always had issues with orgasm/finishing and when my then boyfriend would give me oral i would think of that woman (then a child) and her stepdad having sex and it would help me finish. this is making me feel like the worst person on earth and i feel sick to my stomach. i would NEVER touch or hurt a child but why would i ever think this. i promise i wouldn’t hurt a fly. it’s sickening and my stomach is in knots. i can’t get over this and it consumes my mind constantly the fact that i’ve thought these things. i feel like a horrible person and i can’t tell anyone what im going through so i feel so stuck

I'm feeling so upset today because OCD keeps stealing my joy and my peace. When I'm having a good moment or good day, I feel like there's only a short time before the what ifs start to throw me off. I just want to be happy

I’m so tired of thinking and thinking and finding new reasons to worry and new old memories to overthink and obsess about and moralize, it’s so exhausting and scary and it makes me distrust everyone around me and even myself. It’s like I everything and everyone needs to be questioned and interrogated and put into a good or bad bucket. I’m just so tired I don’t want to think anymore :( I want to turn my brain off.

I am a mom struggling with harm ocd and really nad instrusive thoughts and I was doing so much better but came across the article about the mom killing her 3 children and learned she had phycosis I was diagnosed with ocd when i was 14 i am currently 30 and now im thinking this harm ocd and intrusive thoughts can lead to phycosis im afraid of not being myself and losing it. Anyone outfhere know what the difference between phycosis and ocd is?

I have OCD and I’m currently having this fear that I’m getting too old to find a husband and have children. I’m almost 33 years old and don’t even have a boyfriend. It’s so depressing.