Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Options from people? Today our pest control service came over and touched rodent bait blocks and touched mouse droppings with his bare hands. Then he touched our front door. Then I touched the doorknob then my car door. I wiped down both door handles with a Lysol wipes, is that enough? Is this a reasonable place to stop the compulsion? Or does this merit more caution?

Another boy turned me on today instead of my bf and I’m scared that means something

How long does it take to recover from betrayal? The guy I thought I was going to marry was emotionally abusing me hot and cold, resenting me from a drunk outburst I had. The behavior made me do some digging and found out he had a wife and 2 kids all along. His other ex who left him because of this sent me screenshots of him telling her I was maybe a rebound and he didn’t want to be alone and he loves her. Right before our breakup he was telling me he never loved anyone as much as me. Then he would randomly lash out and remember the past and want to break up. It’s a pattern that happened for months now. Despite everything, my self esteem is so down and I still love this guy. I know it’s over now but I’m still in denial and feel so alone and lost. I lost my job and got so dependent and attached to him and he flew me home to see my family. I found out while here and was going to go back to him in Dubai when the summer was over. A week has went by and I’m still depressed and crying. Even when he officially broke up he turned it around and blamed me for the past and said I held on and begged for nothing all this time. So all his I love yous were just fake. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I can never trust anyone again.

what are some of your mental compulsions? I have relationship OCD but I can’t think of many compulsions I have, so does that mean I have pure O?

Anyone here with hocd that used to watch lesbian porn? I used to and now it totally freaks me out thinking that I want them. But I don’t. I haven’t watched porn in months, since this all started! I just tried watching male masturbation porn and it didn’t really turn me on...now all I can think is that female porn would... before it was never an issue, I never thought twice about it, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Just wanna know if anyone is in the same boat? Is it possible to be turned on sexually but not wanna be with someone, at all, at the same time?

Hello, everyone. I apologize in advance for any ignorance I showcase. Okay, I am new to this platform and new to OCD in general, so any information regarding the disorder is greatly appreciated. I am here on account of my behavior over the last couple of years and attempting to figure out if I may or may not have OCD. I did some research and here are some of my symptoms: (trying to be specific) - Items that I deem to be infected or unclean, creates an uneasy feeling in me. I don't feel like I'll get a disease or something by touching those items, but I will flip out if I come into contact with those items. I end up either avoiding those items forever or cleaning them until I feel just right. - Checking, although very inconsistent. Only happens on occasion and extremely random. Ex. Checking if door is locked until I feel just right. "Just right" = perfect click, perfect feel, hands placed in the right spot, etc. Could range from 1 attempt to infinty. - Hand Washing. This is by far what I do the most. I wash my hands until my skin is extremely dry and won't stop even when it starts to hurt. I have to feel just right about the wash, any error causes me to wash my hands again. - Perfectionism. I'm not much of a tidy person, but I decided to add this one anyway. Can't hurt. There are certain things that always need to be perfect, I don't know why, but they need to be just right. Ex. Pens in my pen case all need to face the same direction. If they are not, It will be all I think about until I change it. Thank you, to anyone that responds. It will be greatly appreciated. Once again I apologize for any ignorant comments in the above paragraphs.

When did your ocd start? Mine started when i was like 7 i guess and then it got much worse when i turned 12 and i got my diagnosis when i was 14

Who else is struggling with false memory related to night involving alcohol?

My therapist told me to work on reality checks or fact checks. Im having trouble suggesting this from reassurances.

Does anyone here have experience with Ali greymond's recovery program for OCD? I'm desperate for a therapist/someone to guide me onto recovery but it's gonna take months before I can get help irl. I'd try this out as her videos are very informative/she seems to know a lot about OCD but it's expensive and my parents are afraid it's a scam. If bad experiences please let me know too.

The only way I seem to get over my obsessions is to find reassurance from someone ? How do I stop this AND stop the anxiety that comes with the obsessions?

Idk why but I feel like whenever I’m here at work , I seem to get even more anxious. I can’t stop worrying about being a different person . I have moments where I forget then it comes back . Or like I was eating earlier and I was worried it would start to taste like fieces Nd I will start hallucinating . I legit do not feel the same anymore . That’s the scary part about all of this . I keep trying to search for some kind of relief and I can not find it no matter what I do . I can’t even remember what it felt like to be myself again . This is just causing so much stress on me . I can’t even bare . I’m afraid that I don’t have ocd . Or I do have ocd along with another more serious mental issue . I can’t get to a doctor . I hate living like this . I been getting suicidal thoughts all week . I’m scared . Idk what’s happening or going to happen . I’m at work and I can’t leave early again . I can’t afford it . I’m not as responsible as I used to be . I’ve let myself go as well as everything around me . I need a grasp on life again. I swear I was on such a good path . I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do . Now I feel like I can barley function everyday . I push myself all the time and I feel myself withdrawing from everything I’m scared . I need help . I’m just begging for some kind of help from somewhere

So I’m coming on here to ask you guys a quick question. So I think I have pure o and I also have hocd. What are some good ERP techniques you guys do?? I need ideas. Also I don’t have very much anxiety anymore, I believe I’m in the backdoor spike. So how do I know if I’m doing ERP correctly if I can’t feel anxiety?? I know before this I had alottttt of anxiety and I worried a lot but now i have barely any anxiety. So I’m confused on how I do some of this stuff.

I know this is probably just my ocd but i always worry that because I like drinking I am or will turn into an alcoholic. Another thing is I prefer drinking at home because I don't want to worry about finding a way home when drunk, and I don't mind drinking alone either. I literally always worry about this and now I feel guilty when I drink at all

I don’t know what to do man I really feel like a lesbian, ugh I just want to cry and dig myself in a hole and die in it. it won’t stoppp:/ I thought I was doing well and now I’m just thinking about guys being gross and that I like girls and I’m in a lot of pain:/ I feel the phrase pop up whenever I know I like boys like “you don’t choose who you love” and that just triggers my hocd even further I can’t:/

Okay. This HOCD and denial thing is crap. Real denial is someone acting like they’re not gay when they already know. Real denial is someone reluctance to come out, not a hidden gay version of themselves that they’ve never realized is there and are wrestling with a thought telling them it is. If you have OCD, you’re simply “denying”/rejecting a lie that the ocd is telling you. Real denial is lying about something you’ve known is true.

sometimes I just don’t understand God. I just wanna go up to heaven and yell at him “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” Just as I wrote that I burst into tears. what does he gain from watching me suffer, this is hard. this is so painful every single day, I guess this is karma for everything I’ve ever done. I want to tell someone, I have a therapist to talk to but honestly she’s dumb to me thinking I have OCD. I obviously know I’m not alone but I feel so...alone.

My mom just saw my crying over my rOCD situation again and she just said "Well what a problem he is becoming" and I was like :l and she said "Well it is not my relationship,it is not me so I dont know what else is happening" and I told her "Nothing is happening outside it is just in my head" and now Im crying lots because I feel like shit. My backdoor spike has been horrendous and Ive been feeling like my thoughts are real and today I saw my boyfriend and I literally cried with him because I dont feel good because I dont want to feel like this I want to love him but my mom insinuated that maybe hes doing something wrong to me but I swear he is not, he is the most loving boyfriend I could ever have. I just dont want to leave him and I cant believe she just decided to come and tell me that. I know she doesnt believe much in mental illnesses and that is why at the beginning I tried to not tell her much about this. Plus she is one of those people who really dont believe in love and actually the first time I told her about this she said " Well sometimes you love the person but you dont want to be with them" and you have no idea how bad thay made me feel bcause I dont want to think it could be that. Anyways,I talked to her about it again bc I was planning to get professional help and I felt like she was really supportive but she just came and did that. Now Im crying horribly bc today Ive had thoughts like "What if we are not compatible?" and those type of things and her telling me that doesnt help. I just dont want to leave him.I swear I dont. I dont want to stop.loving him :(

I gave up

Is really complicated to me to understand the Trans OCD. When my hocd is leaving me some peace, this comes to make me feel so lost about myself... The uncertainty of not knowing what I am, not being caoable of choosing anything, not being capable of surpass this wall... makes me so sad and so frustrated. "What I do now?" I don't know what to do with that. I know my two fears are connected, identity and sexuality come togheter. Like: now I am NB person (sometimes I believe I am a man xd) and also Bi or lesbian? Or whatever my head brings me today. I panicked the other day because I was really sick for at least three days and I didn't go outside because my stomach hurted a lot. And yesterday I started to think: Maybe I can not go outside anymore. That way I don't have to see any people so I don't feel anxious again. But being lonely is even worse. I breath calmly, I woke up and I went to my job. And life keep going the same way. (With ocd but the same way.) But ufff, those moments are the worse. Thanks god I am starting to leave the compulsions.