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Whenever my boyfriend says things like "I know you're in love with me" or "I know you miss me", my anxiety is triggered and I feel guilty because it's not a typical response for people in a wonderful relationship. Anyone else relate?

I am 21 yr old and I had OCD type of thoughts since I was very young. At 17 I was misdiagnosed from psychiatrists until my late 20 where I finally got diagnosis of OCD. My problem is , that I once had a very severe allergic reaction to antibiotic where I completely ruined my health. After that I went to therapy and I was put on various different meds , including olanzapine and prolixin , zoloft , depakote and lorazepam. I was zombified during the time and after 8 months I stopped taking all of my meds ( under psychiatrists and safely tappering off) . The biggest obsession right now is that those medication ruined my brain . I am very scared because I spent endless time reading horible stories from people that were taking those medications , and I am frightened that those meds permanently damaged my brain and that I cant have normal emotions. Even tho I can feel anger, sadness , I can cry , feel goosebumps and excitement , my brain tends to ruminate 24/7 about whether I am damaged or not because most of the time I feel weird about those emotions… I don’t know what to do anymore , it’s always there , and no matter what I do , I have a big fear that I damaged my brain and it’s only matter of time where I am going to off myself ( which I don’t want to ! )… I made a lot of progress since last year , but I am fearing that I may be back at square one and it’s horrible …

Hey everyone, I’m really struggling right now. Here’s a little backstory. I’ve had extreme OCD since I was 10. I’m 18 now and for the last year I’ve had crippling health anxiety. The first 6-months of my health anxiety was all physical health related like heart attack’s, cancer, tumors, ect. I probably went to the emergencies 10 times and I had 14 EKGS done, 3 Ct scans and a mri. I would go to the er because I was convinced I was having a heart attack at 18. Eventually I got over my physical health anxiety and haven’t been to the emergencies in 6 months. Sadly things have been much, much worse. Now my worries are purely mental health related. I switch between schizophrenia, bipolar and borderline personality disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. Ive been sure that I have every one of these at one point or another. Some nights I’ll be sure I have schizophrenia or someone nights I’ll be worried about bi polar. I was prescribed lexapro a year ago but can never get myself to take it for more that a week. I’m suffering so bad, whenever I try to take medicine I get convinced I’m in mania and end up stopping the medicine. I want to take the medicine, but I get so scared that I’ll go into mania and loose my job and my girlfriend.But I need medicine, I spend hours at night researching mental health conditions. But I’m also a health freak and am into dieting and exercising and I try to tell myself that supplements and a large dose of cbd oil will do the trick that lexapro does. I’ve laid down on my floor convinced that I’m going to go into phycosis. l started experiencing dissociation, which made me start worrying I have DID. Im in a constant cycle of pain. I just want to feel better again. I can’t even go to to public highschool anymore. My senior year was ruined by my ocd. Every day I wake up fully convinced I will go insane. Deep down I know I won’t but I just can’t stop thinking it. Im begging for anyone to give me advice, or atleast for someone to talk to about it. My insta is Triston_keifer if anyone can give me some advice.

I wish I Could ...Draw . . . . . . . . If I could draw, . . . Then I could Show you. . . . Then you could see, With absolute clarity, What lives within me. You could see how it moves How it eats, how it Breathes _________ How it looks as it chases, How it won't let me flee. It won't let me flee. Won't let me flee. Let me flee.. Let me flee... LET ME FLEE. . . . . But. . . . . . I can't draw.... So you can't see. . . .I I'd Tell you About it... But I can't really speak I'd write you about it... But I can't really think. . . . I can see it. . . I can see it. . I can see all it's teeth. But I can't draw. So I can't show you. . . . I can't show You. . . . I Can't Show You Me.

does anyone else when they tell themselves that everything will be ok and that in the end you will get through this feel like a lie?

Does anybody else feel like they're just constantly guessing at how to make sense out of OCD and the experience of it?

I deal with contamination thoughts throughout the day. Some are easier to combat, but some are a little more distressing and it puts me in limbo even though I know I shouldn’t give in, but because of it being so scary it’s hard to want to ignore it because if it was true it could be dangerous to me. Example: I got groceries earlier and I walked by some bleach so then I thought my rice was contaminated. I still bought it and heated it up and did decide to eat it, but there was moments I wanted to get a new one or just toss it out. Any advice would be great!

I’ve been awake 36 hours. I’m so exhausted but the thoughts won’t let me sleep. I got stuff I need to do tomorrow. idk what to do.

Hi i’m new here. Everyone in my family except me is now positive for Covid and i’m freaking out so badly i cannot sleep. i cannot eat. i’m worried i’m going to get sick, i have a phobia of throwing up too on top of all of this so it’s making this even more difficult hearing coughing/gagging/vomit. My face is literally tingling numb and i cannot sit still. I’m trying to calm myself the best I can because this is almost a nightmare to me but nothing is working and my therapist isn’t even responding to me. What do i do? i’m so scared

Does anybody else here has it? How do you deal with it?

I don't know if im just in my phase or this is a mental problem but ive ben exhaused. It already happened for 6 years but i just cant seem to get rid of it. My thoughts keep getting stronger and stronger, they really make me uncomfertable, to the point i stopped eating for a week and just cry in bed. I skipped school and told my parents i was sick. I feel guilty telling my parents because they would think of me as the "imperfect" Child. I told my friends about my conditions but they respond with " I felt that too" " Thats normal" " Ignore them" And they just moved on without helping me. I also started picking my face till all my acne gets iritated, my parents are mad at me for it. I started spending my day by sleeping and playing on my phone, i coulndt care about the outside world anymore baceuse of my stupid intrusive thoughts, i started SH and got so addicted to it, i would find small metal objects and started making marks with it on my left hand. It got to the point where i couldnt handle it anymore and i reached out to my parents but to my surprise, they didnt give me a good respond either. Each time a bad thought comes my heartbeat increases, i started feeling like i was going to throw up, i started crying and loosing my appetite. I can't afford theraphy myself because im just 15, and ive ben reaching for help on any social media platform but nobody noticed me. I just want to end this nightmare of giving into my thoughts and doing the compulsions but it gets really impossible to do it, i always remember my past self being calm and happy unlike now.

My parents don't understand my OCD and they keep getting angry at me and guilt tripping me saying that I'm hurting everyone else but I literally can't help it and I really need some advice on how to explain what I'm going through

Hi guys I'm new to this but I thought I would tell you what I'm currently going through and just get some advice. Lately I have been feeling like I am going insane, I'm scared that I am going to start hearing voices so I'm paying extra attention to everything to make sure I heard it. I once sat in silence for 15 minutes to make sure I wasn't hearing anything. I feel as if I am so hyperaware of everything that is going around me and the sounds it make, like taps, kettles, washing machines and the wind. There was one day when it was really windy and my mind went "what if the wind was trying to tell you something" and I know that's ridiculous and it's not, but then I started thinking, this is what someone with schizophrenia would think and I started to question if I believed it too! Ultimately, the sound of the wind started to irritate me and I would play music just to drown it out or just try to ignore it (This also happened with the sound of water running). I'm also scared that I'm going to start seeing things, like I'd imagine it in my head and I know it's not there but my mind always goes 'what if it is there and what if this happens', so I always check just to make sure. I'm really scared that I might be going through psychosis or developing schizophrenia. I did a few online tests and it said I might be at risk and this just petrifies me. It's all I can think about, when I go outside for walks all I think it that I might be schizophrenic, or did I really see that? or did I really hear that? Sometimes I see things in the corner of my eye and I have to double check to make sure if it's there and it always ends up being nothing. Sometimes I feel paranoid, randomly I would think that someone is staring at me and I know they aren't but I always check just in case. While searching symptoms of psychosis and schizophrenia I feel as though I can relate to some of them and I get scared that I probably have it and doubting that it is OCD. I feel like this is effecting my way of life, I haven't had an appetite in weeks and always feel a tingling in my hands and legs, I just feel on edge. I feel like I'm zoning out, like everything seems a bit blurry as if I haven't been blinking. To avoiding thinking about this I would usually go sleep, listen to music or go on twitter, just anything to try and get away from my thoughts but lately it feels like I can't even enjoy these apps anymore. I have read some of the stories on the community and it does provide momentary relief, but before I fall asleep it's the last thing I think about and when I wake up its the first thing I think about. I am exhausted. Sorry if this is a long read, I just wanted to talk about it.

Anyone have any ideas for what I can do for my birthday tomorrow? I don’t have any plans until dinner with my family. I’ve been pretty down in the dumps so I’d like to have a nice birthday.

Does anybody deal with thinking everything is cheating like I can’t even look at a guy because I think it’s cheating and I get intrusive thoughts like for example I get one like “he’s cute” even tho I don’t actually think he is and I feel so bad

My daughter is very active, hyper, crazy, full of energy, type of kid. She bursts with love and action lol. Sometimes I get annoyed with how hyper she is. This in turn makes me scared I don’t accept my daughter for who she is even though I love her greatly and love her for who she is and the person she will become as she gets older. She’s 15 months now. I spoke to my therapist about this and she told me to use the maybe maybe not phrase but it seems so hard. I went through this when she was having trouble sleeping too. I’d get upset with her and immediately be like well if I’m upset you must not accept her. But I do. I love her dearly no matter what. I just don’t understand this.

This is my first ever post on NOCD and it’s scary but I’ve reached rock bottom recently and I’m struggling to find a way out. I’ve tried talking to family and friends but no one quite understands how I feel or how my OCD affects the way I view the world and certain situations. This post is a long one but I have no idea where else to turn. About three weeks ago I went out drinking with some friends for the day, I got drunk and remember about 90% of my night with the 10% that I didn’t just being random conversation. When I woke up the next day I checked my Snapchat story, this is something I always do after drinking because I worry I posted something when drunk. When I looked everything was normal, so then I went through my Snapchat photos to make sure I hadn’t done anything embarrassing and I came across a video I had taken in the bathroom. TMI warning, but this video was me trying to locate my tampon string as I couldn’t find it and being drunk panicked so used my camera to try and help locate it. I was in a playsuit that I couldn’t remove so had to move the fabric to the side to pee so the video looks like I’m doing something rude to myself when I’m actually not. You can’t see any body parts just the camera pointed at my covered downstairs area as I’m feeling around for my tampon, but if you didn’t know that you’d most probably think I was playing with myself😭 I had no clear memory of taking this video so I panicked thinking what if I accidentally sent it to someone or posted it on my Snapchat story, this false memory/intrusive thought has stuck with me ever since then and has caused me so much distress and panic I’m unable to function. There’s no evidence to support me posting it, no one messaged me, when I asked friends if they’d seen anything they said no, I posted a story asking if anyone had seen any weird activity on my story and those who answered said no, on my Snapchat data there’s no data of me viewing my story at 2am when the video was taken (something I would have had to do in order to delete the video) but due to my fear of my intimate pictures and videos being posted I’ve convinced myself that this is what’s happened. I’m worried someone seen it and screen recorded it, someone will send it to my family, it will stop me from getting a job working with children, people are laughing at me behind my back. Anything you can think of I’ve definitely thought of it and panicked about it. I’ve just never felt an intrusive thought so strongly before, I’ve convinced myself it definitely happened and I have no idea how to get out of this situation as it’s on my mind 24/7. I unfortunately can’t afford therapy at the moment (living in the UK and a full time student) so I was just wondering if anyone has any tips or techniques that might help, I’m honestly quite desperate. I’ve tried just excepting the fact it’s out there but a part of me does not want to except that because I’m not 100% sure it is, I just feel like I’m being bullied by my own head.

My bf told me if I don’t get better he’ll leave me ? I told him about my intrusive thoughts and they ruin my days and I also deal with depression and anxiety what do I do? I love him so much i don’t want him to leave I feel like shit

I'm struggling so much and I need HELP and I wish I could get it I've been in the hospital many times because I didn't wanna be here anymore with this OCD taking over my life and the TIME it's taking AWAY from my LIFE it's been hours and hours days and days and days and the TRAUMA it's brought into my LIFE I'm so sick from this I need help and more time then just 10-12 days not a holding cell I wish I could go to the hospital in Wisconsin or Boston to get the REAL help 😔 I'm so lost with my OCD the checking and rechecking and rechecking and then I'll take Xanax or Ativan to try stop the anxiety and then it can make me feel worse at times I'm just so lost I want the COMPULSIONS to STOP it's hours, days weeks that have been taken away from me and my loved ones and my relationships they're all being slowly deteriorated turning into dust I'm in quicksand and I can't get out I'm just not functioning like a normal person at ALL I suffer with autoimmune diseases as well and I truly believe that they can trigger my mental health issues as well as PTSD and I also believe that drug addictions can happen to someone when you have an OCD and you're trying to find a way to fix one thing and then your creating another MONSTER in the end this can happen most definitely And as well as environmental things which can trigger many and people can trigger as well whether it be mentally, physically or situations they can trigger someone like the thought that you're GOOD ENOUGH for anyone especially those you care for in your LIFE I've been in the hospital eight times and I believe they're HOLDING CELLS yeah they might work for some and maybe they get you into a long term program for some people who are fortunate enough but for me I wasn't fortunate enough like so many others who aren't I was rejected at a time when I really needed the HELP and I felt this wasn't right just because I didn't have the right insurance or because my OCD wasn't the RIGHT OCD for me my OCD is cutting my hair and they wanted to qualify it as body dysmorphia which is absurd OCD is OCD whether it's rumidating thoughts or are you doing a compulsion which also has rumidating thoughts involved there's something else underlining behind it whether it's a physical illness that can trigger it or people in your life or horrible things that have happened throughout your life whatever the case may be PTSD or an overload of STRESS feelings of worthlessness not being able to take care of everybody in the WORLD that you care for feeling like you're an empath and everything that you come across your FEELING and it's too much to take from the WORLD and your not coping with how to deal with it and being able to just let go 😔 I'm an extrovert person and some people would think WOW you're so outgoing you're so easy to talk to why would you suffer with anxiety or depression or anything like that it's funny if you're an introvert and you're more closed in people are more apt to think aw that person's sad something's wrong with that person we should feel sorry for them they need help but when you're an outgoing person it's funny people don't seem to think that way unfortunately for people who are extroverts with free spirit outgoing personalities it's not always so easy for those who are this way to be accepted in the WORLD it's not that easy it's hard for people who are introverts and it's hard for people who are extroverts free spirits the WORLD doesn't always accept those who are different than the norm I suffer with OCD and in my eyes any form of repetitiveness that takes YOU away from your LIFE is an OCD and the mental health industry NEEDS to see it that way One of the hospitals I stayed in they wanted me to speak there about my LIFE and what they could do to make things better there because it was a horrible place to stay in like so many a lot of these hospitals have to CHANGE the way they format their SURROUNDINGS for those who are staying there because really truly a lot of these places are one step away from looking like a PRISON I never did speak there but I should of this industry the mental health industry has to CHANGE I'd make t-shirts for everyone to wear and it would say TRANSPARENCY so much NEEDS to be DONE and everyone NEEDS to do a part👍🏻 I'm a FREE SPIRIT and when I was in the hospital many people would say why are YOU here YOU don't look like YOU belong here isn't that funny but yet I was in the hospital eight times I wasn't fortunate enough to go into a hospital where I could stay for 30 60 or 90 days like they give to drug addicted people and that's not OKAY I think we need to look at OCD as no different than an ADDICTION and there needs to be more places for people to go to where they can stay for 30-90 days to get the RIGHT kind of HELP it's just not RIGHT FUNNY we have ALL kinds of stores on every corner but yet ALL the money that the government said they would put into MENTAL HEALTH where is it and other people have talked about putting together good mental health programs too but WHERE are they for those who are truly suffering and that don't have a GIANT pocketbook FULL of money to put themselves into a good program it's just FAIR and it's NOT ENOUGH we need a mental health store on every corner for ALL and hospitals or maybe not call them hospitals I don't know facilities for ALL those that need the HELP and longer than 10-12 days for those that NEED it so badly but who don't have the MEANS we need more places and programs and there's just NOT enough 😔🌈 And we also need to start bringing back therapy one-on-one or group therapy where people are actually getting together in-person for me I don't do well with talking to people on a computer when it comes to therapy I truly believe one-on-one talking to somebody face to face even if it's just like sitting outside on a beautiful day whatever the case may be we NEED to start bringing that back because for many you'll find that they're not getting the therapy because it's hard for them to do it that way There's just so many things that NEED to CHANGE in this industry and boy do I have a lot of ideas but and I'm not an expert but what I am an expert on is what I've seen and experienced and more has to be DONE that's all I can say and I just wish I could get the HELP I really do I really wish I could qualify to get the HELP because I'm emotionally, physically and mentally spent it's slowly killing me and I feel like my LIFE is being robbed from me for SURE 😔 I really believe that for those who are living with OCD and they don't talk about it are suffering dearly and I'm suffering I actually don't have a problem with talking to others about it which is strange I'm still very uncomfortable when it comes to talking about it but then when I'm really hurting bad I'm looking for help at times I guess when I'm really bad I'm hoping someone will LISTEN and HEAR me And sometimes it's NOT about getting the help really from that person I think I'm just sharing because I care for others and I believe there are many people who are suffering and when you talk about what you're dealing with sometimes you'll find that maybe there's somebody else that's dealing with something similar and they've never expressed how they're feeling and now they're able to open up a little bit and then it's kinda like networking too because you just NEVER know who you might encounter and so sometimes talking about your mental health issues can HELP someone else and yourself too I believe this👍🏻👍🏻 I'm a very open person but yet I'm not getting the HELP I need and I believe we're ALL connected and we need to HELP each other we really do even those who are so sick that have done horrendous things if only those kids that have done those terrible things if only we could have reached into their psyche and stopped something inside them really I truly believe we ALL can do our part when it comes to this 🌈 Just like people can say they have diabetes or some other type of physical illnesse like I went through breast cancer in 2016 and I shared that with others and people were open to listen and maybe share their stories but when you talk about your mental health yeah oh boy the STIGMA of mental health it's so horrible it really is they look at it like "Oh just be HAPPY your alive and it could be worse" or "Oh just STOP doing that don't do that ANYMORE" and then that's when I tell them there are WORSE things in LIFE than DEATH so people need to STOP using DEATH as way to tell someone to get WELL..😵‍💫 So much NEEDS to change in the mental health industry like educating everyone there needs to be a universal program for EVERYONE to take part in and it should really be mandatory for parents as well just thought and then have programs for them to take as their children get older something has to change for REAL You know it's so sad it's just so sad and I'm in tears thinking about this there a lot of people that just don't get it and sometimes I think they want to get it and yet many will tell YOU THEY'RE going through something and that's how they look at it they'll say "We're ALL going through something so GET OVER IT" this is so SAD really yeah many people go through things but it's ALL about how YOU'RE able to cope and go through it and if it's physically mentally emotionally taking over your LIFE this is not OKAY so yes there are some people that can just go through things differently than others and that's just a FACT but mental health still has to be considered MENTAL HEALTH and NOT looked at as if it's NOTHING and to STOP saying to those who are mentally suffering "JUST GET OVER IT!!" Then there are many people out there that are NOT experienced with OCD when it comes to therapy in the mental health industry which is crazy because OCD has become a GIANT when it comes to mental health and yet it's so SMALL on the radar when it comes to those who are educated in knowing how to REALLY HELP those in NEED it's really a SHAME and it's truly TIME things need to CHANGE and I just PRAY that it gets better because this is NOT OKAY This country and the mental health industry has to START creating something out there because there are so many PEOPLE who are SICK in the WORLD and when you see schools being shot up and ALL these things happening in the WORLD and stores being shot up the mental health industry NEEDS to be taken seriously it REALLY does and it's not OKAY we ALL can HELP we really can if we really try and we really CARE and how can you NOT CARE with so much sadness in the WORLD from so many who are mentally not WELL..😥 #TRANSPARENCY #WE ALL CAN DO OUR PART AND CARE 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Hi - looking for advice. I’m diagnosed OCD (HOCD/ROCD theme). TLDR - HOCD sufferer that is wondering about asexuality. Is this ocd/anxiety/medication or am I asexual? I’m currently struggling with HOCD and have been for a few years. Before this hit, I was 25yo male who identified as straight. Today I had a random thought that maybe I’m asexual - and I’m looking for advice or a better understanding of what that means. Growing up, I naturally fantasised about girls and from around the age of 15/16 would self pleasure fantasising about being intimate with girls I knew. I was an anxious kid that never really was driven by women per-say. I liked the thought of being with them, but I think I got my needs met by watching adult stuff and self pleasure. I would say that I’ve always enjoyed watching intimacy in movies etc. like I have no doubt that appeals to me. At uni I was much the same I guess. Did I have crushes? I guess so? I had certain girls I was attracted to, but again - I got my needs met with self pleasure and fantasising about them. To be clear - I never had a second thought about my sexuality at all growing up. Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t driven by sex as much as my mates were, but figured I was shy and self pleasured to meet my needs. I met my first long term partner at uni. We were essentially best friends for 6 months before one night just being intimate. At the time (and for like 6 months after), I had the butterflies and loving life, wanted to be intimate all the time etc. After that time, I only really wanted to be intimate when I drank or hadn’t seen her for a couple of days. Then as the years went on, I just kind of lost the drive to be intimate with her at all. I’d say I continued to find girls attractive and would still fantasise with them in mind. We split after 7 years and I went through a period of personal growth. I was just super happy and confident in life. But I wanted a gf and felt the need to want one. Met someone who I straight away felt physical attraction to. Not “I want to have sex” but that I thought she was pretty. We hit it off, I got butterflies, happiness etc. we tried to be intimate but I had performance issues, and then literally out of the blue one day I had a thought - “you feel nothing for her”. This starting my OCD journey at around the age of 25 to where I am today (34). I met my wife in this period but since that time at 25, I’ve never felt the full blown attraction or drive for women. It’s like I’ve been asexual since that moment. I love my wife dearly and I’m hoping to spend the rest of my life with her. I went through two years of where ocd didn’t really impact me. I’d say I was content/happy and enjoying life. But I’ve never felt that full sexual drive again. I think deep down I believe I’m straight with just a really low sex drive. I’ve always kind of described myself as someone who wants to be with women but they had to be the right one. That I couldn’t do a one night stand and I’d not enjoy it. But does that make me asexual? Or - once my OCD is back under control, does all of this just float away and I’ll find labido once again? Any thoughts?