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What's the ocd who is hard to live with it

When I was a teenager I watched videos and stuff that had to do with animals for “that” purpose. There were also a few times (6) where I tried things out of curiosity, but also because I had no girlfriend or sexual outlet. I never harmed any animal and never “forced” myself on one. All this happened over the course of a few years, but the watching stuff only happened for a few months when I was 15-16, and it was never the only thing I would watch. It’s been 3 years since anything at all happened and I never even thought about it, but ever since I had a big POCD spike I’ve been super anxious and disgusted. What’s worse is I can visualize that stuff and get some arousal because my brain can associate it now. I’m 20 and I feel like my life is over. What’s worse is I can’t disprove that it’s just OCD because I’ve done those things. I’m just so disgusted and anxious all the time. Anyone have anything similar?

Last weekish I felt so in love and happy with my boyfriend I was truly thinking wow this is great I wish I could feel like this all the time and now. God only knows what triggered me but it’s non stop rumination non stop thought racing , mental compulsions etc and low tolerance for anything he does or say and I’m like well great what if I’m gay & I don’t know it / would be happier w a woman / and then having intrusive thoughts about women and crazy sex dreams that freaked me out!!! Why does this happen why can’t I just be happy????

Here we go again. That’s all it feels like. Just one big circle. I was doing much better but it seems like it’s this endless rollercoaster. There was a time in my life where OCD didn’t exist. I used to be care free and (still have plenty of issues trying to resolve with therapy don’t get me wrong) but it wasn’t like this. I have met this person who is truly the love of my life. The support, love, and giving kind of relationship we have is unlike anything I’ve ever known or even thought truly existed… and I’m ruining it. Not only does this man congratulate my small wins with me with my contamination OCD but also tries to understand as much as he can just so he can support and be there for me better. Somehow, someway I have now developed another form or encountered a for of ROCD. I’m acknowledging another form of something I do desperately need to conquer snd remove from my life. I feel so defeated and depressed to the point I really don’t see the point anymore. I have a great man who deserves none of this headache to begin with.. this is my battle not his and yet he has taken on thsi and willingly no less. I have always been confident. There should be no reason for insecurities in myself or us. But they are here, right now. Could it be a normal fix? Can it be something worked on.. if so, what does the ERP look like? I want to get better for me… but for him and my family as well. I’m tired of being this way, this person who has so many issues that never end, never stop. I try really hard to control my emotions and thoughts and it’s exhausting. I’m just tired and done with my own self and I either need advice and hope or I just don’t know what I’ll be able to handle anymore

The past couple days I feel like I’ve just realised I’m trans at this point. I still compulsively search and stuff but I feel like I feel genuine dysphoria. I’m so uncomfortable with my boobs and I don’t know what to do. I feel hyper aware of everything that makes me feminine, all the gender roles I perform in public just feel so superficial. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t want this dysphoria. I feel like I just want to be a man at this point. But the thought of being trans fills me with so much anxiety. The worst part is I feel like I’m only worried about the social aspects of it, even though at first in my TOCD I was sure it wasn’t that. I don’t wanna be trans but I genuinely cannot even this of myself as cis or a woman anymore. I don’t know if it’s OCD. Can it feel this real? It’s like I know I have OCD symptoms, the resistance and anxiety and compulsion is all there, but I feel still like everything about me is a sign pointing towards me being a trans man. I keep reading trans content and I don’t really relate to a lot of it but repeating to myself over and over again that I don’t wanna be a man is just not working anymore and I feel like I want to now. Could this be dysphoria that just came about late? I’m having a panic attack right now but is this just what me realising I’m trans feels like? When I try to think of myself as cis I literally can’t. It’s uncomfortable even. I just wanna be me again but idk who who that is. I’m so confused because this started exactly like OCD, I had the OCD symptoms and everything, but it feels like it’s turned into me actually being transgender now. There are actually signs to this from when I was younger and I feel convinced that I repressed EVERYTHING from my teens onward and there’s nothing I can do or go back to now. I don’t wanna be trans but I feel like at this point I need to accept it because there’s no other way for me to live. I think of myself before this and she seems so distant and not real. I genuinely feel like everything was really repressed and I was only feminine because of society. I do not want to come out as transgender because I’ll lose my boyfriend and I don’t want to ask people to use new pronouns and I don’t wanna explain myself to my extended family. But at first in TOCD I felt like I just didn’t want to because it just wasn’t me. I related to TOCD posts and fit almost every symptom and now I’m just uncomfortably existing. Im on my way to therapy soon but I don’t know if it even is OCD anymore. I genuinely cannot tell. I feel like I’ve just convinced myself it’s OCD and it’s not real. I don’t even think I feel enough anxiety for it to be considered OCD. I ignore a lot of the “signs” of it not being OCD and then I get scared of why I ignore them. Im so fucking scared. It just feels like I want it at this point.

So I have been struggling with rocd for over a year now. I have been with my partner for over 4 years and the time is coming up where I will be popped the big question and moving in together. And to be quite honest I am mortified. I need advice on how to go on and manage all the anxiety that is coming with these huge changes. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I try to hard to stay positive and not ruminate but I seem to catch myself thinking of the worst. I pray everyday that I can live and get better for us. I know for a fact that I want to be with him and I want to give him everything he deserves. It’s so hard to give your partner your all when your mental health is eating you up. Any advice of anyone who’s gotten married , had kids would be appreciated! I need encouragement❤️

Anyone else experiencing jealousy for their friend and having a crush or feelings for them while having a boyfriend? Is this ocd or is this me really not connecting with my boyfriend and a sign to end things? I tend to be this way for multiple guys but seem like I made a genuine connection with this close guy friend and it bothers me so much.

So I stared of with really bad intrusive thoughts I was always panicking having hot flashes random words thoughts and images would pop into my head if seemed to control that now and get less stress and anxiety but I feel like I have got hocd I am always getting groanel responses and I always randomly start twitching. I am always checking if I’m Aroused or if I’m not sometimes my groanel response almost more stronger kinda little tingling it’s just a weird feeling what also coming with groanel response is a lot of anxiety can anyone help or tell me what I have maybe ?? It’s a struggle I’m only 16 too

I struggle with real event ocd, scrupulosity, and pocd my main compulsions are: - self-reassurance - self-punishment Like my main problem is: I get thoughts that are statements, like - you’ve done [insert terrible thing] and my nearly automatic response is to reassure myself, or at the very least to not let the thought fade out of my awareness. The fear is that if I’m not feeling sure at every moment that I’m okay, there’s something wrong, and stopping my reassurance and focusing will somehow “make the thought more real/true”. If I stop doing this compulsion, then my other default response becomes to “say the thought is true”. I end up saying this to myself very often and nearly automatically, so I end up getting depressed over time, even if my head feels “clearer”. This feels horrible and makes me less functional, so I avoid it and stick with the former compulsion. I do it so often that my head literally feels split in two. On the one hand, I go about my day and do surface level thinking on other things, and with my medicine I don’t feel that anxious. But a “layer” deeper, I am still doing the compulsions. I realized this because I’m a lot slower at a lot of things. In particular, I’m a college student, and my memory and mathematical skills are severely affected by this. And when I try to focus deeply and fully on something else, without reassurance (like when I try to study) I feel like I’m gonna start having a panic attack. It also takes so much effort, I can’t do it as I go about my day. The only time I can do it is laying in bed because I get so tense and hyperventilated. I also get a headache right after trying to let my mind wonder, and I don’t feel like I ever habituate to my anxiety because I get triggered and respond compulsively merely seconds after I stop my exercise and return to my everyday life. And again, if I force myself to stop my compulsions, I feel so much anxiety that I can’t function. So I inevitably do compulsions, no matter how much I want to stop. My thoughts are that I need a much stronger medication to curb my extreme anxiety so that I can actually do my exposures correctly. I don’t have any other ideas. Anyone else relate to the experience I described? If so, did you overcome it? Any tips? How do you manage to be mindful when you get extreme anxiety and your mind tells you that horrible things will happen if you “forget” your thought or let it out of your awareness?

Anyone here suffer from OCD related to climate change? Just finished researching the subject (readers his one of my compulsions; oops 😬)and the sheer quantity of different narratives freaks me out a little bit. I guess this falls into existential OCD because of the nature of the threat. It also becomes more complicated given that climate change is a real threat. The uncertainty of how dangerous the threat is/the likelihood of extinction in my lifetime is what I keep getting wrapped around the axle about. Much love to all you fellow OCD-ers!❤️

has anyone else lost friendships due to ocd? i’m 21 years old and recently lost a friend i have had since i was 14. my ocd has become severe during college, i was even hospitalized at one point. since then it felt like they completely retreated emotionally . i tried communicating my expectations and needs but it didn’t seem to work. it felt like i was a constant burden or annoyance. it felt like my friend viewed me as a different person, a person who is just a walking problem waiting to be fixed. i was told i’m always at a “level 20” while they are at a “level 5”. i don’t want to be their friend either because the friendship made me unhappy towards the end. but does anyone have advice on how to be less annoying or overwhelming? should i speak about my ocd less so that people are not in a place where they feel like they don’t know what to say or do? i feel depressed about this because i genuinely believed i was keeping a lot to myself but it still is too much for most people. what should i do? someone please help me, i don’t my ocd to be an issue for others socially. i know some people might think “don’t change yourself for others” but what if i genuinely need to change? how do i come off as less pushy or obsessive? should i not go into detail about my mental health or should i try to ask less questions? does anyone relate to me? i’m worried i’ll feel like an outcast forever, i know i’m not like most people but i’m tired of feeling weird.

OCD is nothing you cannot tackle. Let those intrusive thoughts be uncomfortable. Don't reassure yourself. Fight your compulsions, don't let them compel you. Take your medication, go workout, make sure you're eating and drinking, and practice your ERP regularly. Don't give up!

Hi I’m new to this app. I’ve been struggling so much with ROCD, or I think I am anyway, my brain is running 100mph constantly I can’t even distinguish if these are my thoughts or not but I’m so scared. I got into my current relationship with my boyfriend 8 months ago we were friends prior- he is the most understanding and loving person I’ve ever met. All of my relationships prior to him weren’t great, the one before him was long term and I felt very ignored and unloved the entire time. I struggled so much with health ocd at the start of our relationship- and I’ve started to come over it and now I’m struggling so much with Relationship ocd. Constant thoughts of if we should be together , or if I should be with my ex( who made me so miserable and sad) or if I even love him or am attracted to him anymore! It’s crazy because he’s been the only relationship I ever had who has been so loving and caring and understanding towards me. I feel so cruel and evil, and I can’t understand why I am having these feelings I love him so much and he’s been here for me so much yet my brain keeps telling me we need to break up or I should be with my ex who made me so miserable and sad, or that I don’t even love him! Has anyone else struggled with this and have any tips or advice? I love him so much and want this to work more than anything in the world and I’m so scared my ocd will ruin us.

I'm really struggling right now. I have turned a harmless situation into something extremely horrible, because my thoughts are remembering me doing something I know I didn't do, but it's like my thoughts are overpowering what I know is true. I feel horrible.

I literally don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sitting barefoot in my backyard past midnight crying my eyes out. It’s to the point where my heart doesn’t even race fast from the anxiety, it’s just there, and it’s so heavy. Things would have been much easier if wasn’t born or if I was someone else. I don’t mean these thoughts. They just happen. But what if I do? What if I am a horrible person. Maybe there is no coming back from tonight. Maybe this is me forever.

Nocd please help me, im 16 and i feel like i lost all my emotions i used to be an empathetic loving girl but now i dont even feel like i love my favorite perosn, is my heart still there. Please help im lost and i dont know what to do

God it's genuinely the worst thing ever. Even tho it's bad to do this I can easily dispute racist tendencies and takes, so I do that in my mind. It's like having Pierce Hawthorne from Community in my brain where I can easily go "Shut up Pierce" The issue tho for some reason. I begin to get mini panic attacks noticing people of color now. It originally was because ofc I was scared of being racist and it was trying to trick me into being afraid of them. But now something's changed. While obviously I can tell myself ik I'm not racist and not do racist things, The thoughts and feelings keep trying to tell me the most racist things. Another thing when I first learned I had it was that my compulsion was watching and making sure I like posts of POC. Obviously there's nothing inherently wrong ig with doing this but it does eventually border the line of tokenism for the soul ig, and that's not how people want to be represented. For some reason it feels like I'm doing it simply to feel better about myself, which maybe isn't inherently bad now that I think about it. I genuinely always wanna make sure people be heard. But now, I can't tell when I have a preference or not. Like whenever I want to click on a video with a POC, I'm asking myself, am I doing this as a compulsion, or because I genuinely would like this content. I tried to stop doing compulsions to maybe make some exposures but I can't tell anymore. Obviously my apologies to minority communities my brain won't shut up and it's twisting my heart and I wanna get better but it keeps getting worse.

Just a heads up this is a little NSFW So I’ve had POCD for a hot minute, since I was 18. When I was 15-17 I can’t remember the age could have been 14 I don’t know. I went on Wattpad and would look for like smutty pictures. I remember I kept going back to this one book because it had a lot of chapters and images. It had a lot of dipper from gravity falls and even one with him and that triangle dude. I feel gross because I kept going back. I do know I didn’t like that it was that character I just liked the fact the images were sexual in nature but as I type this I don’t even know if I liked them but kept looking out of curiosity? I think I’m replaying the memory too much. I don’t wanna ask for reassurance because I know it’ll only add temporary relief but I needed to get this off my chest because I feel like a terrible person. I’ve also seen the Simpsons like all characters that was disturbing. Basically it’s under rule 34 (if it exists there’s p0rn of it) but I was a horny teen/kid on the unregulated internet and I sometimes wish I never had a phone when I was younger. Anyway I feel like a terrible person and just wanna know if I’m a creep or not…

I didn’t think I’d be back on here. Once I felt my ROCD diminish I have felt great. But realized that it has slowly crept back now but in regard too my healing from my past relationship. Ive gotten a new therapist to help with healing and trauma but currently have been constantly ruminating and been super overwhelmed and at times panicking the entire week over the fear of hurting my current partner. I got triggered by seeing my ex on social media and with talking about my healing with my new therapist. I became to question everything about him and my new relationship. New ruminating “what ifs” and “does this mean” questions and.. I feel like I’m getting stuck. Not to mention… I have dug deep into looking up stuff online which makes things worse. I just want to know if anyone has had this happen especially with working with a therapist that isn’t specialized in OCD. It’s hard but I just wanted to try to heal more of my wounds.. but now Im questioning everything she is saying and suggesting.. all I care about is my partner. I definitely have wounds that need healing but trying to heal that and my triggered ruminating are definitely battling it out right now.

Help please. Recently me OCD has been attacking every sexually weird thing I did as a teenager. I was a hormonal teenager with no sexual outlets and I was curious and so I did things a few times and watched things that were wrong. No one was hurt but it was just weird stuff. I’m also a pretty sexual person and dealt with porn addiction, so it’s no surprise I got into some weird shit here and there (nothing illegal or violent). It never bothered me because I never felt that it defined me, and I only did it for lack of a better outlet (girlfriend). But now it eats me alive and makes me feel as if the stuff I did 3-5 years ago defines who I am. I just want to get better but I don’t know how:/