Welcome to
the NOCD Community

still anxious still anxious still anxious still anxious

Anyone else feel like if there weren’t any truth to their thoughts the obsession wouldn’t be this intense? Like I’ve had intrusive thoughts about a lot of things but the ones that stick are the ones where I’m not as sure that I don’t want to do it/there’s a part of me that I feel like would and that makes my ocd go crazy

I’ve been struggling with ROCD and POCD over the last month, they seem to be separate issues but sometimes interact with each other. Me and my girlfriend have only been dating for 3 months but it feels like 3 years. We are extremely comfortable with each other, talk about plans in the distant future, we are alike in so many ways, and after all the relationships i’ve had, she feels like “the one”. I’ve even told her about all my struggles and she is extremely supportive, even bought me a book on ocd, however now i’m doubting the relationship and having other struggles. It first started when I was watching a movie, the main characters girlfriend had a cute best friend, and my girlfriend has a cute best friend, this triggered me to wonder “what if i leave my girlfriend for her best friend since i find her attractive, how tragic would that be?” and I started worrying and ruminating about this for a week until something else caught my attention. A few days later I saw a video of a woman saying “pedophiles shouldn’t be punished because they can’t help that they are attracted to younger kids.” This got me very scared, i have loved little kids my whole life, my mom runs a daycare too, so i’m always helping out with them, they are all so adorable, and i’ve never had an intrusive thought about kids in the past. But then my brain went “you think your gf is cute and adorable, just like you think little kids are adorable, does that mean you are attracted to them?” and then that has been an on and off worry ever since. My main worry is usually about my relationship now, i’m constantly wondering if i have fallen out of love or not for my girlfriend, and constantly finding myself watching videos, or looking at pictures of her to verify my attraction, and i almost feel guilty texting her, and almost want to avoid hanging out. Last night we were laying in my bed watching a movie, and i’m thinking “why don’t I want to be intimate right now? Does that mean i’m not into her anymore?” And i looked at her, and she looked so cute, then we starting kissing, and my brain puts the thought in my head “what if this was a little girl, or what if this was a child” “you think your girlfriend is so cute and are kissing her, would you do that to a child?” and instantly i wanted to stop making out, it just disgusts me that i’m having these thoughts and makes me want to avoid everything. Thank you for reading this essay of a post if you did, if anyone has any tips or has ever experienced anything similar, please let me know 🙏❤️

Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between PTSD and OCD. I am very specific about rules and I was taught my whole life to always abide by rules. I feel like sometimes my sense of what is "right" can overpower my loyalty and it can hurt my relationships. My partner seems to have a very privileged life, where his parents ALWAYS back him up and always support his side of everything. My parents would straight up tell me if I was wrong in any given situation, and I feel like this helped me learn lessons. Examples: Last night, my partner downloaded a soft aim bot in a competitive FPS game. He claimed everyone else uses cheats, so that should excuse his use of cheats. Being a gamer myself, the existence of cheaters doesn't bother me too much because I have some sense of karma, and I know I am gaining more from any experience in which I am honest. His account got banned and he was really upset last night about it. I kind of had an attitude that he got what he deserved. I hope every cheater in every situation is caught because rules are important to me and without them, life would be even more chaotic then it already is. He was upset that I didn't have any sympathy and made me feel like I was doing something wrong for not agreeing with him. I told him if he appeared to have learned a lesson (don't cheat) and if he showed that he was sorry for his actions and felt bad, I probably would feel sorry. The vibes I got from him were that he was more upset that he was caught. My OCD brain constantly wonders where his sense of entitlement comes from. I wonder if he just has that entitlement from being a white male, if his parents just always back him up, if he is a sociopath, if it's normal and I am just traumatized, if it's normal and I'm a sociopath for not empathizing, and a hundred other possibilities. His sense of entitlement mixed with my strong sense of justice and equality ends up with me putting my morals before him in situations like these. Any insight?

My boyfriend was texting with another girl he knew from school. He texted with her a couple of months now and not very often. But last night she got mad because she found out he had an relationship with me. He told me about it and said that he felt bad and that he knew he was wrong. He let me see all the messages. The girl had also taken screenshots. They talked about meeting up, but that was not serious he said. And that they were joking. I was mad and I said not again, my ex really cheated on me and he knew that I was scared it would happen again. We talked a lot and I said very clear and mad: if you ever do that sort of thing again we are done. I give him another chance because he’s really sweet for me and does a lot for me. But I said my trust is gone and we need to work on that. Today he’s really showing me everything on his phone and deleted the girl. Is this right or wrong that I go on? I really love him and he’s even gonna tell his mom.

A lot has been on my mind lately. I just can't seem to stop these intrusive thoughts... my mind's been racing since the time I woke up.. I'm tired, really tired.. I just want these thoughts to go away...

so i’ve suffered with rocd and pocd the most. rocd has always been centred around me feeling like i’ve cheated or scared about it and always feeling guilt since for 7 years. so i had a wedding over the weekend. it was over two days. so the first day i was avoiding walking near kids bc of the pocd but i was also trying to avoid walking next men too bc i didn’t want to for obvious reasons. but there was an incident the next day at the wedding where i saw someone standing a bit of a distance away from where i was walking but i had to walk past them. i think i was unsteady anyway bc i was wearing heels. but i am always so careful around the opposite sex and always avoid talking to them / being around them when i can. like leaning against them or brushing past them is my biggest ocd fear. but when i was walking past i think my heels may have made me unsteady i’m not sure but i walked towards the person (not right near them) and i was getting thoughts like idc you want to do this you want to brush past them and straight after i got to where i needed to go i felt so much anxiety it’s unreal. like i accepted those thoughts true ay the time, did i walk towards the person on purpose? i never wanna cheat on my bf. i hate the idea of it. i literally avoid social media apps bc i’m scared of what if i message someone etc. i screen record everything i do as proof i haven’t messaged anyone. i don’t even speak to guys as friends. i’ve cut so many people off too. did i do something wrong? can ocd make you feel like you want to do something? i feel so much guilt it’s unreal like why did i take a step towards the person?? i must be a cheater.

hi uhhh i just got this app because as a teen for awhile now ive been thinking i have some form of OCD and i also found the website after searching up “how to stop picking your skin” lol. anddd i guess this is just a safe space where you can just dump some stuff so i have no idea how this started, but it mustve started in 5th grade and just got worse later on in the next few years. It started from jumping onto specific patterns on the carpet to really strict “rituals” that i must follow or else something bad will happen. during quarantine which was like in 6th grade, i developed this weird thing i do where i have to say “done” 3 or 5 times in my head whenever an intrusive thought or just something i dont like thinking about comes up. then it kinda slowly grew to be a habit everyday. then it just didnt feel like enough, so then i had to start saying done 5 times vocally, i couldnt do it inside my head or else it wouldnt be enough, its really strange and funny when saying this but it does get embarrassing when youre doing it in public. common phrase is “done x5 nothing bad ever happens to you or anyone ok ok its ok ok” and ive been saying that for a year now. sometimes people would hear me and i would have to try my best to excuse it theres also this thing thats also embarrassing to do in public like, sometimes one foot would feel right and i have to stomp the floor to get rid of that feeling, but then i feel like i stomped too hard so i have to cancel it out by stomping with the other foot instead IDK maybe its like a sensory issue? sometimes i even have to do a little hop so it can even eachother out lol. theres also this one phrase i have to say before i use the bathroom but i wont say what it is oh god i also have this weird fear of certain numbers, 2 is a big number i hate for some reason. like a lot of things associated with 2 i dunno why. just an unlucky number. it becomes a problem for a lot of things. i cant come up with an example on the spot but a common one is that sometimes ill mess up 2 times, so ill have to mess something up a 3rd time or else something bad will happen. i also hate the number 4 sometimes because 4 divided by 2 is 2 (2 even appeared 2 times in that sentence, thats a lot of 2). 6 is a nice number i guess but its still divisible by 2 a really bad one though thats been affecting me lately is the feeling that some sort of upper higher being is watching me and making things happening to me or something. im not religious, but for the last year and this year everytime im happy something bad happens right after, and when im sad either something good happens or nothing happens at all. maybe it really is just some giant coincidence but everytime i get excited, happy, hopeful and like any of the positive emotions, something ruins it. usually when i get excited or happy later on something makes me cry, have a panic attack, or just make me feel bad in general. its like i cant even be happy for a few days. another one is certain clothing. i have always wanted to wear dresses and skirts and just embrace being feminine in general, but the times where i did wear a skirt or dress or just rlly nice clothing in general, it always had something bad happen. Wore a nice skirt for the 2nd to last day of school? i got covid on that day and missed the last day of school, never got to say goodbye to my friends, cried for 3 hours straight and it took awhile to get over it. Wore a nice outfit for that family christmas party? I knew nobody there and i had to sit in the livingroom where nobody was there so i could have a panic attack in peace (my brother also went to his friends house and left me alone with my dying phone ty brother, i mean i got to pet the dogs after i calmed down so thats nice). And the time where i wore a skirt for the last day of school because “oh its just a coincidence nothing bad actually happens when i wear a skirt” i spent majority of the day alone and my phone got broken beforehand so all i could do was wait in line for food and shaved ice, eat, watch the other people have fun, and miserably attempt to fix my phone or play on the chromebook. this was also the time where i lost pretty much all my irl friends. (this was an outside party btw) ok yea maybe i wont ever wear dresses or skirts ever again. dont think this is a serious thing but im still salty about it lol im not actually diagnosed, i just feel like after researching symptoms of ocd this is what i resonate with most, if it isnt ocd then it just has to be something atleast, i couldnt fit in at all with other people so i know damn well i have something and im pretty mad i dont know what it is in summary hi i am random kid struggling with weird things that i could never mention to other people

Hey guys my names Jessica and I’m 17 years old with severe ocd and last year I figured out I have been struggling with severe OCD all my life without knowing it , when I was younger I always felt like there was something extremely wrong or that I just had “really bad anxiety “ and I wasn’t able to pinpoint the exact issue, it was like this huge feeling of clarity when I realized that it’s been ocd all along! Now I’m currently in therapy with NOCD , trying to learn how to live with uncertainty and ocd! It’s been extremely hard , but I’m hopeful . My family doesn’t really understand what it feels like to live with ocd and I don’t have any friends who have ocd it’s been extremely lonely feeling like there’s no one who really understands me. so I was wondering if there’s any one 16-18 who’s also struggling with ocd aswell and looking for support or a friend aswell. and we can be in touch possibly through Instagram, or something! To whom Evers reading this if your not comfortable with that that’s completely okay I just thought I would share this and I really would love to make some new friends who understand how it feels like to live with ocd! (:

Having more good days than bad ones. But still currently feel guilty i get these thoughts of my ex, and i feel like im lying to my partner. I already cause him a lot of pain with all this. Sometimes i just want to be normal again, and enjoy things. go out with him without having these random thoughts that make me so anxious.

does anyone else feel the need to share unnecessary thoughts with their boyfriend because they feel guilty for their thoughts?

Hi all, what is the best medication for OCD I’m currently taking lexapro 20mg. It does the job for the most part but not fully. Not looking for a miracle potion but just thought I’d ask what everyone else’s experience’s were and if any in particular work better for this shitty condition. Thanks !

I know that a lot of people have been enduring their OCD for years and years, and I can’t imagine bearing the mental anguish and physical toll of this disorder for years to come. For me, it literally came out of the blue in April when all my life I lead a normal, mostly free OCD life. I would say I did have some very mild signs of it but nowhere near now. Contamination OCD has been consuming my life and I know it’s only been 3 months, and while I’ve been doing ERP and it has helped, this is so difficult. Like I’ll overcome one compulsion and bam my mind will automatically give me another, it’s never ending, as if I can’t catch a break. I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience?

I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. I’ve been going to therapy for OCD for 6 months and I haven’t gotten much better. The only thing that feels better is that I know I have OCD. I feel like I am in a trance or something where I just cannot help myself. Im in some type of loop where I feel like I have no motivation to better myself and improve. I don’t know if I like hanging out with my friends anymore and I don’t know what im supposed to like. This is a living nightmare and the brain fog only makes it worse. I am only getting agitated and angrier and I am just so tired of this sickness.

I have made up this lie and know my friend is hit by it, I want to tell them the truth but I am so scared of everyone leaving me I want to tell the truth but I don't want to loose them badly

Anyone suffering from real event/false memories OCD or both have the habit to think hard about the past to check if you did nothing wrong but it’s all foggy and it leaves you very uncertain? I am currently struggling with this because I was accidentally exposed to adult content at such a young age and I am so afraid that I might have shown it to my lil sis. Like, I am so afraid to be a bad sister to her. I confess to her and she told me that it’s okay since she doesn’t remember anything and that I haven’t shown her anything inappropriate. She tells me that I have been a very good sister but I can’t shake off the feeling. Can any of you give me tips on how to forgive and/or move on from my past?

How do you deal with a demanding job while having such a crippling disorder? I am taking a leave of absence for several weeks to do partial hospitalization but I’m worried I won’t be well enough to return to work. I’m really scared of losing my job. I really am doubting whether I am adept enough to do my job now that my OCD has been triggered (was OCD free for most of my life)

What’s the point of it all if your never able to be happy because your in constant fear? It’s very hard not to be depressed, there is literally nothing I like about myself, the constant swarm of anxious thoughts leaves me so irritable and frustrated, I’m not the person I want to be at all. I have no one, I talk to no one about my fears because it’s so misunderstood. The only person I reach out to is my partner and I think he’s honestly tired of hearing it, and doesn’t know what to do to help. I feel like I’m doing more harm then good, I have a 6 month old and all I’ve ever wanted to be is a mother but I can’t help but feel disconnected from him mostly because my theme revolves around him and it’s hard to be with him and not feel so triggered. Sad is an understatement, I feel so stuck and hopeless and worn out. All I want is to lay in bed forever and cry but being a mother I don’t have time for that so I push on always feeling this weight, and always feeling overwhelmed. I want so badly for things to get better 😞

I just had an appointment with my therapist who specializes in ERP and I’m so scared to start. My general anxiety and thoughts are the fear that I find teenagers attractive and therefore might do something inappropriate with them. I’m a 23 year old gay man and I don’t want this to be my life. My therapist and I just planned my first set of exposures, which is going to involve looking at a photo of an attractive teenager and agree with the thoughts that I am attracted to them. I am so so scared though because I don’t want to be okay with these thoughts. While I do admit that I think some teens are attractive (even admitting that makes me feel gross) I don’t want to allow myself to be this creep who looks at teenagers. I wish this wasn’t my life. I’m so scared that this experience is going to make me realize that I’m a creep who is attracted to the wrong age group and will need to live with this deep shame. I’m so scared of being attracted to them because I worry that maybe I’ll lose impulse control one day and I’ll do something stupid and hook up with someone I shouldn’t with. Does anyone have advice on starting ERP. I’m so scared and that I’ll find out things about myself that I don’t want to.

I've always told myself I didn't have contamination OCD but I've been so wrong. My whole life I've had reoccurring themes of being convinced I've been sick or infested with something for example when I was diagnosed with tourettes, I was CONVINCED I had a brain tumor and still did not believe my doctor after seeing the MRI results and him telling me again and again that it was obsessive compulsive disorder that I was dealing with. Recently I've been terrified that I've been infested with BUGS. At first I thought it was lice. I spent a whole work day (6 hours) ignoring my work and looking up pictures of lice and cures for it. So scared. I panicked and made my coparent check our daughter and he insisted she was OKAY. I wanted to cry. And then I made my coworker check me and she tried to comfort me telling me to calm down it was okay. Now it's bed bugs because I got bit by a mosquito a few times (I live in the midwest) and I'm trying to resist urges to do the same thing. I was almost late today because I could stop looking up bed bugs and checking my bed out of fear of them. I hate this. It ruins my life. It takes so many hours out of my day. So much joy from me. I can't be present out of fear that I'm being harmed and infested or something is wrong and attacking me from the inside or outside. I don't know how to not give in to the urges. HELP.