Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone here from the West Midlands UK? Or near?

i know i don’t want to be with a guy and my mind is playing tricks on me but i’m so fed up and it feels like this is going to be my life now. i used to be so happy but now i don’t even want to move

I’m having a panic attack right now. I’m talking to a cute boy and my mind is telling me I’m not attracted to him and I’m attracted to girls. I want to be with a guy. But what if I’m into girls and I have internal homophobia. I don’t want to be gay because it’s not something I believe in. I feel the need to come out. I want to be into men like I was. I hate this living like this is such a waste. I literally don’t want to be here. I’m at work and I’m freaking out

OCD and porn I am a happily married man with OCD. I have a strong confession compulsion and lots of sexuality-related OCD obsessions and fears. My wife and I have a good sex life but I still indulge in watching porn maybe once or occasionally twice a week. I told my wife about this and her reaction was that she did not care. She outright said, “I don’t have a problem with porn.” Still, I am always confessing to her when I watch it. Needless to say, this is annoying to her. Recently, I told her that I would stop watching it because it made me feel bad. Again she told me that she didn’t care. Well, I slipped up and watched again since I said this. Now, I feel this intense urge to confess again. She doesn’t care but I broke my word. I’m constantly confessing things to her and driving her up the wall sometimes. Can anyone relate to this? Should I confess for breaking my own word even though she said she doesn’t care if I watch? My guilt over this is super strong.

MEME me: wow I can’t wait to go on vacation!! my mind: *gasps* ... did you say.... vacation? me: wait- my mind: OMG ARE YOU READY ITS GONNA BE HELL YOUR ANXIETY IS GONNA GO FROM ZERO TO A HUNDRED FREAK OUUTTTTT

Hocd (homosexual) seems to be the most common ocd on here. I keep mistaking it for harm ocd what I suffer with because both are reffered to as hocd.

This is kinda OCD related in the sense that it’s an uncertainty and an open question that gives me anxiety. I doubt it’s a common one but still. I just don’t know what to do. I worry that a lot of my happiness depends on food. I enjoy eating so much and it’s come to the point where I’m worrying if that’s the only thing I enjoy in life. I’m scared. I don’t want to be eating healthier, and then as a result, get really unhappy because there’s no ‘joy to life’ or whatever. I remember a couple days ago after I got high and paranoid and started to feel weird and disconnected... I was sad that food lost it’s taste. I hate that that was the first thing I worried about. I want to find joy in other aspects of life, I just don’t know how to. I find with a lot of things that I enjoy, there’s a pattern and they’re all ‘bad’ things. Getting new clothes. Showing off. Parties. Feeling pretty and confident. Do I even like spending time with the people I love? Do I like music? Reading? I’m scared. I’m not overweight. I’m okay for my height, but still, that’s hardly the point. I just want to find happiness in more meaningful things.

I’ve seen a lot of hocd posts on here recently like more than half are abt sexuality and it’s got me wondering if the growing acceptance of the lgbt community and popularized gay culture like on twitter has something to do with it. In my case I still suffer from it and am still working on it but i prefer to fight it by trying my best in accepting it and embracing the diversity of sexuality and in some weird way it helps ground me into understanding that the uncertainty doesn’t have any control over me and it’s helped me lose anxiety abt losing interest in guys or focus on being attracted to them while not avoiding girls or thoughts abt being with girls by just acknowledging them as thoughts and going back to how I used to see girls. Just wanted to let anyone out there know it is possible and you can do it! It can’t be like this forever it’s all about putting in effort and accepting that it’s still a process

Note: Sorry for making it way too long. I would like to share some positive things that OCD had for me and it has in general to cheer up and show that how struggles like this can still benefit you. Disclaimer: Some of you might not find this relatable specially if you are at initial stages of your battle against OCD so don't worry if you can't relate, but those of us who managed to cope up with OCD and those who eventually will, might be able to relate to this. Most of this is coming from my personal experiences and realizations which I believe is present among general OCD sufferers. 1. OCD makes you mentally stronger. We all know the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" those of us, who have managed to live with ocd, tamed it in certain way and carried on with our lives along with this monster, did and are mentally stronger than before. With constant negative thoughts across all themes that bombard our minds on a daily basis yet we persevere on our daily actions and tackle those thoughts. We overcome these negative thoughts and at one point almost become immune to a specific theme. For example, those who suffered with ROCD in the past and if it is not bothering them anymore, they can never get fooled by anyone telling them any negative things about their relationship. No one can break their relationship with any dirty tricks. Or those who suffered from Existential OCD, they probably have thought about every philosophical question that a single human brain can think of. Those who overcame scrupulousity cannot be fooled into believing that they are sinning if they know they are not and if there is no evidence. 2. OCD people are good at decision making. We are best at making calculated decisions. Because we live in a constant state of doubts, before we make any decision, our brain automatically calculates all the possibilities that can be taken before choosing a decision. Before we make a choice, we already have dozens of doubts in our brain about what the outcome might be if we take that decision. These doubts creates all positive-negative scenarios of the outcome and help us make a very safe or calculated-risk decision. This allows us to not suffer by being a victim of dumb decision making. Because we seek certainty, we stay safe most of the time while our peers suffer from doing dumb things. 3. We are good at reasoning, debating and arguing. Realize that we are always in an argument in our mind against our thoughts, we are always reasoning with our thoughts, even through compulsions and reassurances, we are constantly learning new things. Because of this constant argument with OCD, OCD somehow has trained us in reasoning and argument. We have practiced arguing so much in our mind that people in real life becomes no big deal to us, our thoughts have better logic than them. 4. It is true and tested that on average, people with OCD tends to have higer than average IQs. (Look it up) We are smarter and have huge potential, we just need to channel it properly and productively. Average intelligent people can never even comprehend questions that comes to minds of those with Existential or Scrupulousity OCD, questions that are in reality very intellectual and philosophical. Our self esteem should not be low if we are this good. There are people in this world that wish they could have the ability to comprehend questions that we ponder about. That they could think deeply like us. We shouldn't be feeling low. God/Nature only gives harshest struggles to those that can bear. We have been chosen to struggle with this because we are that strong, because we can overcome, others would snap and collapse if faced by this. Our minds, specifically our minds are more complex than others. And even anatomically, our brains are more active than others. While a human uses 10% of the brain (I know this myth is debunked) at a given moment, we use over 50%. Brain scans of normal and ocd brains reveals we have greater region of activity in our brain than a normal brain. Look up brain scans of normal vs ocd brain. More area in our brains light up than a normal brain. Its like we are literally superhumans with superbrains, too bad we can't use that brain power to shoot lasers with our eyes. (Although this brain activity doesn't give us any superhuman ability, this somehow adds a cool effect to my analogy ?) But the point is, there is so many positive traits we have, without which we would not even have OCD and we overlook these things. We should remind ourselves about these and lift our morales up, and put on our pants and show OCD that we are stronger than it is. We are better and we can persevere. That the low self-esteem upon which OCD preys on will not be there anymore. That we will persevere, persevere and will persevere. And we can do that cause we are stronger than the rest including OCD. ?

Question, I started to just call myself bi even tho I’m sure I’m not because literally never thought of a girl in that way. But it does make me feel better at the time, but then I still worry “but what if you’re still actually lesbian” idk why I’d think I could be lesbian and no bi. This makes no sense. But I guess it’s true right? When they say ocd will never let you rest with any decision you make.

I feel like we should discuss funny or positive things that have happened because of our OCD! Any stories?

Does anyone have tips for how to keep pushing thought thoughts? I have attached so much meaning to insignificant thoughts and therefore cause me a TON of discomfort...I know the meaning isn’t real but it feels so real how do I disregard?

Is anyone here younger than 13?I’m nine

Anyone struggling with porn use?

I’m scared my ocd will make me have a panic attack at class like it has done before...I just wish I could watch class like everyone else

How old is everyone on here ?

The amount of posts seeking for reassurance is ridiculous, people, if you see posts like that, please please don’t answer their questions, I know that you’re just trying to help, but you’re doing more harm than good by feeding the ocd monster. Notice how people wanting to be reassured are always coming back with the same question a few hours, or days later, so it doesn’t work and it won’t help you get better!

I’m struggling to make the biggest decision of my life and I would really appreciate some advice. In a few weeks I’m supposed to be going off to college (a highly competitive top 20 school). I’m terrified as my symptoms of OCD, panic, and depression are quite severe. I’m currently in an OCD partial hospitalization and the doctors recommend that I put off going to college and go to residential OCD treatment instead. However, my parents think I should go straight to college. I did residential OCD treatment for 3 months last summer and then another two months in partial and my symptoms did not get significantly better. My parents think that it would be avoidance to put off college and my symptoms will just get bad again when I have to go to school in the future. I’m struggling to know who to listen to. Do I listen to the doctors who know the illness better or my parents who know me better? I’m struggling so much to decide that I don’t even know what I really want anymore. I could really use any advice or decision making tips. Thank you so much.

Okay girls, something that really really bothers me is that hocd also took my girly side. The love for fashion, makeup, skincare all that is gone. Like i dont feel the passion and the joy of it snymore and i hate it so much. I always couldnt wait to be like 17 because i could wesr woman clothing and i could wear heels. But hocd got me sort of depressed and i cant feel the joy of doing thst snymore and i csnt deal with it. It used to make me so so happy. Whenever i was sad my way of coping and selfcare was putting on a mask and paint my nails or something but it just doesnt feel the same anymore. I hate thst i cant be the girly me i used to be. I feel like im just a big mess right now and ive waited so long for it to come back but it just never seems to happen. My biggest dream was to work in the fashion industry and ever since i was a child and it hurts me so much to see my childhood dreams go to waste. I feel so bad for the young girl me who had so much potential and she just was so driven and motivated and now im stuck. I litteraly am ruining myself and my chances in life. I havent felt genuine joy ever since hocd. I miss the feeling of womanhood just being a girl. I always have been girly since i was young and i just feel thst feeling fading away everyday and i miss it so much. Just wanting to dress up and also wanting to dress up for a cute guy u know all of those normal feelings are gone and it makes me someone im completely not.

„I never had a boyfriend“ is a sentence (often in coming-out stories) that triggers my HOCD the most, because I (19-years-old) have also never had a boyfriend but not because „I was secretly gay“ but because I was too busy with school and working on myself. I don‘t have many experiences in dating and I feel like I‘m not ready yet to be in a relationship because in my opinion the twenties are the most important years for personal growth, gaining experiences and maturity. Anyway, my HOCD tells me that this is a lie and I never had a boyfriend and I‘m not ready for a relationship because I‘m „secretly gay“ and in the „closet“. This sometimes leads to panic attacks, because sometimes I believe my HOCD and think „omg it‘s true I‘ve never had a boyfriend“, „what if I‘m lying to myself?“. It makes me just so sick.