Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone get jealous when their bc is friends with another girl? Even if it’s a friends gf? Could that be ocd?

y’all this is so unbelievably stupid but somehow my brain is making me obsess over this 😭. okay so the other day i was playing fortnite with my guy friend. we were spamming a bunch of emotes to each other and he did this one emote where u can hug each other and so i hugged him. through a game. and suddenly my brain was like “dude you are so unfaithful to your partner” LIKE?? ugh guys. omfg. im trying so hard not to seek reassurance on this but i NEED help on this one. ive been fighting the urge to confess to my partner that i did this and i have a feeling he will be upset 😭 i know for a fact im not attracted to my male friend and i would never look at him as anything more than a friend. i feel like confessing this to my partner would just make things worse for him, but it would make me feel better, because it feels like im hiding something from him. does that make sense? i feel so stupid for obsessing over this but UGHHHH. idk if i should tell him or not.

Well I went to my therapist and she told me I have these thoughts because I’m bored , and that I’m emotionally cheating on my boyfriend .

I’ve been going through a lot of problems with my partner the past couple months. about three weeks ago we “broke up” on our own terms where we didn’t have any set rules and it was kind of a mess. i would have really bad days or periods of time that i didn’t wanna be together at all or have to respond to them. then i would feel so bad and remorseful and wonder what they possibly could have done wrong to deserve these feelings from me. last week we broke up for good, with enforced no contact rules and we’ve unfollowed each other on everything. the day after this happened i felt a lot of relief that at least i didn’t have to think about it anymore. the day after i was mostly okay but at one point felt like i was on the edge of a heart attack and just felt so heavy and couldn’t stand it and missed them so much. the next day i was unrealistically fine and was trying everything to distract myself, reaching out to people, setting up hang outs for the next day/upcoming week, trying to reconnect with past people, basically doing way too much. i had a carefree attitude about it even though i knew deep down it was all a distraction. on days like these i refrain from getting on this app because i don’t want to have to deal with the possibility that i just need to work on this relationship. today is the day after that and i’ve been a mess. i miss them so much and feel as though i’ve made a big mistake. i know that i cant act on these feelings just as much as i shouldn’t act on negative ones about my partner, because the whole reason we broke up for good was so that there wouldn’t be a constant back and forth. i know i need to just sit with this discomfort for more than just a day because my feelings could change tomorrow. the main question i’m struggling with is, if they were right for me, would i really be debating it this much and seriously? is this just a bad time in my life? if anyone has any words or advice i’d love to hear it. more context if you wanna read: i’ve had so many struggles that i’ve been through with this person, one being that our parents didn’t approve/let us date until we both turned 18. there’s a lot of back and forth in my mind about this, “were we so distracted in fighting other people that we didn’t realize we weren’t right for each other?” and “how can it be wrong when we went through so much together?” and on the other hand “what if because of the huge switch in the root of our problems (from outside conflict to internal conflict with each other) that it just felt so different and it caused me to re-evaluate everything instead of just taking it as it was?” this is my first relationship with someone of the same sex. i’ve had a lot of internalized homophobia throughout this relationship, obvious or not, and it may also show up in some of my reasonings. i have a lot of predispositions of what life is “supposed to be” for me, what kind of person i am “supposed to end up with.” this causes me to internalize thoughts about things like our race, our sizes, our masculinity/femininity balance. throughout all of these things, they have seemed to see clearer than me, realizing that they like me as a person so why would any of that matter (outside of their own personal insecurities). some of this has to do with me worrying about how other people will see me, as well as how good or perfect i see the relationship myself behind closed doors. another thing i’ve noticed is that i tend to be too focused on how i’m perceived by them and not on just being in the moment and perceiving them. in other words, i’m always actively trying to be someone who is worthy of being in love with, and not enjoying the person i have in front of me. this makes me feel like i’m more in love with myself than i am with them. because of the disapproval from my parents, we were forced/encouraged to hang out a lot less, maybe once or twice a week. i missed them and wanted to hang out more and took that opportunity when it presented itself, but i realized that i may have loved the space/breaks more than i realized. my partner was the opposite, and would’ve already moved in with me if given the chance. this made me think that we were just not compatible in that area, and should find people who want to be around each other the same amount. we are going to the same college as freshmen in less than a week, and when we were together and there for orientation, i had a really hard time sitting with the idea that we would be there together so much. the first night was so fun and i loved spending all day with them, but it got harder as time went on, so much that i psyched myself into thinking i never even liked this person and hardly know them, and it felt like i gad woken up from a fever dream and was forced to give up my independence and share a life with this person forever. (obviously this is soooo extreme and no one was wanting to trap me.) we were never even going to room together for the actual college and planned on waiting for the step of moving in, however those three days really scared me. things that HAVE stayed constant in my mind are that i genuinely love this person, i want what’s best for them, and i don’t regret the relationship for what it was. overall, all of these things that i’ve had doubts over make me feel like 1)it shouldn’t be this hard to be in a relationship and 2)they don’t deserve someone who can’t make up their mind about the relationship. should we stay broken up for sure and i’ll just have to appreciate the relationship for what it was at the time and get over my regrets and wondering if i lost an amazing partner? or should i be holding out hope for a longer future with them?

I feel guilty because everything reminds me of my ex, and i have a bf this year we are hitting 5 years together. Idk if this is rocd related, but for some time everything reminds me of my ex, but specially songs. For example, we have a trip planned for next year and i feel scared to go because it’s where i use to live before, and my ex use to live around, and i dont want to go because i dont want to remember things, or get images of him and us while we were together. And it affects me as well as how i am in the relationship, i distance myself and for some reason treat my bf different because of how i feel and these thoughts, i feel like a liar, and it makes me sad that my bf has to go through all this

Well recently I've had intrusive thoughts about kissing other men and that become compulsion for testing, and while doing it feels like I have the actual urge and desire to do it with same sex sometimes even feels like it is pleasurable but not sure if it is that or not, because it feels like that the first time but afterwards it's like my mind realizes it's a man who I'm kissing in my thought and I stop getting these feelings. Also the first time it happened my mind made me feel like I enjoyed it and had a feeling that it was my first true kiss because the first time I kissed a girl I didn't feel this but it is so confusing because it feels like it's not real I don't even know how to describe the feeling. I may be confusing feelings and it might not be enjoyable but I'm really confused about this. Anyone has any insight?

I cant find a good answer to the problem of evil and it just makes me angry and to have a bad relazionship with God... i thought he can protect us from bad things, there are alot of stories where God protected people he loved, and you learn there that we christians dont have to be afraid, but then you learn that God doesnt helps you always, you can lose everything, your love ones, every family member, like Job, and you get the answer that its Gods plan to make you better, or that God cant interfere on free will... then how powerful is he? Are we really safe? If we only be safe in heaven then why we are here? God lets you suffer so you will lean on Him... thats so morbid...idk i start to lose my faith on how good is God, and see it like he throw us all to devils arms to see who will turn to him... My last post is more specific on what i deal rn... i thought God makes us feel safe, build us stronger not manipulate us to lean on Him by letting horrible things happen to us...

Is it possible to recover from ROCD and intrusive thoughts while being in a relationship? I’ve been really open with my boyfriend about my mental health and it has been hard on him but he’s been with me every step of the way but I know in more ways than one me experiencing this has deeply changed and damaged our relationship, even tho he knows it’s not my fault. i always feel so much guilt and regardless of my ocd our relationship has a lot of problems but it all just started when i started going through this and I’ve tried so hard to hold on all this time because I love him so much and he loves me too. I just don’t know if and how I can do this with another person when. I can barely get through the day myself and I also hate hurting him.

I feel like throughout my teens into my early adult years I did or said stuff that that makes me a monster. My most recent trigger is a memory involving rping in a roleplay server where minors were present. I won’t excuse myself for what I think I did, but I feel like I put inappropriate context for things where I shouldn’t have and made a complete mockery of what I believe now.

I have been feeling good but there’s a new girl that started at our job( bf and I work in the same building) and I think she’s pretty. I saw them talking and got really jealous ( they work in the same department) but I told him and he said I have nothing to worry about but I can’t stop thinking that he’s cheating on me or spending time with her when he hasn’t hung out with me… any tips ?!?! I’m going crazy

so, new ocd subtype unlocked for myself:. unfortunately… the other night i went out with friends drinks. had like the BEST night ever. yet, one of their friends was this pretty cute guy. we chatted and joked around throughout the night. on our way out, i vaguely remember him coming up behind and putting his hand on my lower back like guiding me out. and i remember in the moment liking that. but, after that i was talking to my friend and was like yeah i think i need to somehow slip into conversation im i’m a relationship bc i think he may be into me (he also mentioned in a prior conversation he was wanting someone to like share his life with and he’s like 75% happy but 25% lonely or some shit. and i was just like ah i get that. didn’t really know how to respond to that) anywho, we ended up disbanding and going home as the bars were closing. and so my friends drove me home, and i remember saying tell the guy that i am indeed not single and in a relationship so sucks to be him. i think i said sucks to be him? i’m not 100% sure. i ended up crying to my friend i was staying with bc i felt like i cheated on my bf bc i was attracted to this guy, joking w him and talking to him, and liked that he put his hand on my back. she assured me these are all normal things. but i can’t help but feel very guilty. and then i spiral and think. what if he did something that was more sexual. what would i have done. would i have stopped it? and i keep rechecking every interaction to the best i can remember, and i know i never touched him or wanted to touch him (except once i stopped myself from putting my hand on his arm while talking, which is something normal i do when drunk w my friends. but i do remember thinking no that’s too much) and i know that i had the intrusive thought of what if we kissed but i remember just being like wtf. i had no thoughts or intent of trying to do anything with him. it was purely this guy is attractive and i like the attention he’s giving me. like no sexual thoughts at all in the moment. it’s only now i’m thinking like what if he tried this would i have said no. i know i wouldn’t have initiated anything bc it wasn’t even a thought. so i’m very hung up on would i have said something if he came onto me. when he touched my back i do remember being like “i don’t even know you’re name” but i can’t remember if that was me being genuinely curious or trying to shut that down. the fact that i was the drunkest i’ve been in a while is not helping. and i think since i never got the chance to tell him i was in a relationship, i’m spiraling abt what he could’ve done and what my response would’ve been. but i also told my friend TWICE that i needed to tell him. so it’s like, why am i having such a hard time trusting myself???? i can’t imagine ever doing anything but it’s the what ifs that are making me spiral. what if i was drunk enough. what if i actually wanted to. what if i didn’t say anything if he did try something. this is really eating me up because i feel like a terrible partner. i’m trying to tell myself there’s so much that happens between thoughts and actual cheating. but what if !?? logically i know i would have spoken up, because i have in the past in other times. but bc i didn’t get the chance to.. i think is what’s making me spiral. does anyone else experience similar experiences when drinking, and how do you cope? this is why i stick to just dancing when i drink, no room for social interactions 🤦‍♀️

I have a talent for singing and it’s been what my life has been about since forever. My religious mother once told me “you should only use it for God since he gave it to you, if you don’t you’ll be punished.” and “one day you’ll wake up and your voice will be gone, and you’ll be like everyone else.” For the next 9 years I went on to be scared of everything I did, wondering if that would be the reason I would lose my voice and my talent and then I’d have nothing and BE nothing. In my little 7 year old mind, I interpreted that as “you’re nothing without it and God can choose to make you nothing if you mess up.” So now, I live in constant fear that one day God will punish me by taking away the one thing that makes me ‘something’. Today, my little brother started singing and I could hear that it was good. For some reason I began to get so scared that I had a panic attack, thinking I was going to be replaced. I have severe abandonment issues so I always thought I had to preform or do something amazing to deserve love, and singing was that thing. I was so scared that this fear I felt made me narcissistic I began to shove my own feelings down in a way to deny it and prove that thought wrong. I’m not sure what I should do, I don’t know if it’s normal to feel like this, but I feel like an absolute monster for feeling this way about it. Now my OCD won’t let me rest and keeps telling me that I’m such a narcissist for being “jealous” even though I’m just terrified that I’m going to be forgotten. Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?? Can anyone help me? I’m just at a loss right now.

How can you tell the difference between your gut instinct that something is wrong or OCD?

Hi there, this is my first post. I graduated college last summer, and have been living in my parents basement (cliche I know) while saving up some money to move out. My bedroom has been in the basement since I was 8 years old and we have never once had any issues with critters until now. Yesterday morning I heard scratching coming from my closed bedroom (I don’t sleep in there but that’s a whole different story lol). I thought I had closed my cat in the night before by accident when I was doing some laundry so I opened the door to check. She wasn’t in there, but sound carries easily in my house so I figured she must be trapped somewhere else and I could just hear her. I left my door open (it is usually open anyways) and go upstairs. I found her in the garage, so I assumed I was right about the noise and moved on. Hours later, I go back downstairs to finish up my laundry. I was sorting things when I saw a mouse out of the corner of my eye and completely lost it. My stepdad immediately went to the store to get some traps. He set them up for me and we barricaded the basement door. We scheduled an appointment with an exterminator so they can come assess the situation. At this point there is nothing I can do, and I know this, but the thoughts won’t stop. My mind has been racing ever since. When did this start? How many are there? Have I been living with them without knowing? Is there an entire outbreak? Will one get upstairs? Are they already upstairs? Are they in the walls? Will I get sick? Will I die? Will all my things be ruined? EVERYTHING I own is in that basement. All my furniture from college, my clothes, my shoes, even sentimental things from my childhood are down there. Again, I was 8 when I got my room in the basement, so when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. I don’t know how to cope with this at all. I am terrified just being here at home. I can’t stop thinking about what is happening in the basement. I can’t shake the thought that at this very moment my belongings are being stepped on, peed on, and pooped on by animals that harbor deadly diseases. Even when the situation is handled and there are no more things living down there, how will I know for sure? I was going to move out next month, but now all my stuff has been contaminated! How will I clean everything? What am I going to do? I have very severe contamination OCD and just recently switched my medication, so I am still adjusting. This could not have happened at a worse possible time. Obviously this situation would be bad for anyone, but my OCD makes it even worse. The people in my life are trying to help make me feel better, and they understand why I’m upset, but don’t fully grasp the absolute panic I’m feeling. I just wanted to write about my situation in a place where other people may have a better understanding of how I’m feeling. Sorry for the long rant and if you made it this far thanks for reading. :)

Does anyone here experience hit and run ocd? If so, do you mind sharing any tips on how to deal with it? I’m struggling! I can’t drive anywhere without it creeping up on me, I try not to drive around for reassurance but I always do and it definitely doesn’t help! I spend the rest of the night trying to remember every detail of my driving and I’m always checking the news I hate it ughhhhh

I want my life back, any Therapist that can give me any info or exercise that I can do on my own to help me better get through hocd, 10-12 weeks ago my mind was set. My girl friend and I were chillin, I was lifting all the time working out, my job was set, never had any thoughts like these, I want them gone. I hate this crap, fricking makes me more than pissed off. I want my attraction to women back, im not afraid anymore, im not worried, im not ashamed, I don’t care about the guilt, I want p**** to turn me on again. I want that feeling I used to get around women. Im done with this crap. I used to be around women and love the feeling of being turned on immediately. Now I’m depressed, I got annoying obsessive thoughts that don’t even add up in my mind. All unwanted, intrusive and disgusting. Im tired of going to sleep at night and overthinking shit. Im sorry with the cussing and unnecessary comments, but I want that spark back. My spark, the feeling of joy with a women, the feeling of butterflies and emotions back. I woke up 8 weeks ago with unimaginable pain in my head, anxiety, stress, uncertainty, disgust, intrusive thoughts, you name it. I just found out that my entire dads side of the family has genetics of ocd, hormone imbalance, like level 10 tier chronic illnesses. I Dont desire anything to do with men at all. Im completely fed up. I want my life back. I noticed that my head has been on straight and in check with my goals and what I want in life. I just got out of this window of reality. But when I’m in a painful headache of horrible episodes, I feel like I’m looking through a lens like the devil is controlling my every reaction and moves, i don’t fall into any compulsions at all because I know my true desires. I love and am attracted to women. I don’t care what it takes I will get it back. Any tips at all to defeating this illness. I want this to be done. I want to take back my mind and my life. There’s no such thing as uncertainty with me. I don’t care if anyone says reassurance is bad for ocd or falling into compulsions is bad. I know myself, I know my mind, I know my desires, and I know what I want In life. I will conquer this illness and make it my bitch. Please if any therapist can help me understand why this came to be I would call you my hero. I know this isn’t me I want this to get out of my life. I know they say this ocd never truly leaves, but I call BS, the human mind is capable of doing anything. I will retrieve my old self and Evolve, to anyone suffering or with this hocd illness. You will conquer this issue. You will destroy this fear, obsession. This ocd is abusing your minds capability of understand it’s true self. It’s blinding you of seeing your true self. I love you all and wish the best for you. God bless your hearts. Follow Jesus. He’s changed my life. It s a miracle.

Im sure many christians were here before or are still here... I feel like im slowly losing faith. The God that i thought is real is an imagination, and the real God is not that good God as a saw it... its about the problem of evil...Before i thought if i believe, God will help me get through hardships, doesnt let me down, will protect me from harm. Im not talking about bad things that makes us learn something, a better person and stronger... actually i like those things, i like to make myself a better/stronger person. But there are things that doesnt give you any teaching, its just puts you down, you feel alone, brakes you... Before i thought noone can harm me cause God is witj me... but now i learned that God doesnt interferes with free will... so God sended us here to suffer. Then people say "in heaven it will br better" i dont care... im living in this life now. These "in heaven it will be better" is just a stupid promise to avoid the pain now... and it triggers me. Cause i have suicisal ocd and when people say dying maybe its not that bad cause you will be with God, i just think okay then why suicide is a sin then? Why God sends us here? To suffer? Before i really had a loving picture aboit God but the more i read about the bible its just makes me think like he is a cruel God... and i dont feel any love for him,.i just feel anger...and thats why i think this isnt the real God... you feel love for God. God doesnt want you to fear, i was like that, cause i thought he will lead me and protect me,.but i jist learned that he doesnt do that... so theres nothing to cope with a fear... cause everyone can come and harm us and my family,.God will not protect us...So you still fear about your family getting harmed or you dying... and the stupid promise that "in heaven it will be better" doesnt help, then God put us here to watch as as a circus... There are alot of people who experienced the worse things and they dont want to hear from God,..how they should if they all experienced was loss and grief... God put them on earth to suffer and then He sends them to suffer...Its a really loving God... Again i dont say we should have an easy life, never have any problems... but everyone says You can lean on God in bad times,.He will help you, he can do anything, yet he will not protect you from danger, you have to accept that Evil rule this world and it will be better in heaven... I miss the loving God i had my relationship with...

I have contamination ocd wit different things there not necessarily dirty but like my deodorant can’t touch other stuff like my qtips and like I wouldn’t put my shampoo and conditioner next to my hair products just certain things like that can’t touch like my tweezers can’t touch my deodorant and like makeup couldn’t touch my deodorant and also these things get out in a clean area separate so nothing touches and I wash my hands prior to touching and when I’ve touched certain things and like laundry detergent I wouldn’t let touch anything like if I put 1 of these things on the counter then that area is contaminated I could wipe it wit cleaning products and itwould help but I still wouldn’t put my stuff on it and another things is bug spray like pest control my old apartment had fleas when we moved in so they came and sprayed and sprayed the entire carpet which triggered my ocd and everything was dirty I shampooed the carpet for hours my bf had to take off work we couldn’t finish moveing our stuff in cause I wanted to move and not contaminate the stuff that hadn’t been in there yet and like even when I shampooed it was still dirty to me so like if we wlk on the carpet and into another room I felt like our contaminated foot prints were there you no like when you can see high traffic areas in carpets but then off to the side you can tell noones wlk there that’s wat I felt wit this so everything from the bottom part of the walls and down were all dirty to me the outlets were dirty cause plugging and unplugging stuff picking something up off the floor then touching the outlet to plug something in so the bottoms of the walls and outlets were contaminated to me you out your feet on the couch that’s contaminated then place your phone there then put phone somewere else would be contaminated it was like safe areas in my mind were green and contaminated places was red and it’s vary in shade so like the carpet was red in the sprayed places and lesser red on the other floors and even lesser red on the floors that weren’t high traffic and like the bed the top was green then the bottom were your feet go would be red and I don’t actually see these colors just to explain in my mind I see safe and unsafe areas and it was hard I stopped going outside I sat in my bed for months tried getting help telehealth but it was hard cause I’m on a wierd schedule I stay up at nite cause I feel safer and places are less crowded and ppl aren’t awake I finally moved to the apartment below us and threw away so much stuff cause I didn’t want to clean it I cleaned everything on the porch for hours at nite even the prongs that go into the outlets I wiped off food packages and stuff from the fridge and freezer we rewashed everyrhing even if it was already washed it was so hard I don’t eat reason this affects me like this I wish it didn’t and I tried getting help but I was stuck in my house I have anxiety to and depression I don’t like tlk on the phone answering the phone I don’t have any contacts in my phone I don’t tlk to anyone I stay at home I no there’s places that can prescribe medication but they don’t understand ocd and there’s no place that accepts tenncare and I’m on ssi for my ocd and can’t afford to pay for erp therapy they’ve raised our rent from 745 everything included plus cable to now 917 and pay your own electric now and no cable they use to have internet and cable but when we moved in it was just cable but I’ve called my insurance and asked for an ocd doctor and ocd therapist there wasn’t any I finally found a doctor that does telehealth I can do from home to atleast get on meds and I’ve emailed Tenncare bout there not being help for ocd that they need to have better coverage but I want to start somewere wit some erp but I don’t even no we’re to start cause it seems like all my ocd intertwines I can’t do this wit this ritual cause I need to get help wit this ocd thing first I’ve never done erp I’ve had ocd since I was a teen been to doctors therpaists inpatient hospitals noones ever told me bout erp therapy.

i hate that i keep questioning myself. like are you sure you didn’t sexual assault the baby? or are you sure you didn’t put him on your lap to see if it felt good? i know i would never do anything to purposely hurt the baby but i’m scared that my compulsions are bad. i’m using the baby to “test” if i get any feeling which makes me think i did something wrong. there’s an event and i can’t quite remember what i was thinking or feeling. i keep telling myself i sexual assaulted the baby by putting him on my private part to see if it felt good. i don’t even know if i actually did this or not because i’ve replayed it so many times. i know i was probably just playing with the baby on my lap and had an intrusive thought but that turned into somehow sexually assaulting him. i don’t know if anyone can relate like turning one event that wasn’t even bad or that you had a bad intrusive thought and that somehow turned into something much worse because i can’t remember what fully happened so i turned it into the worse possibility.

A few months I started getting this thought that I liked my brother’s friend! I kept hearing someone walking around, every time I looked it was my brother’s friend. And all I saw was his butt since then these thoughts have started. And I started getting anxiety, I felt guilty, I felt bad, crying daily. I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for just over a year (a year and 3 months) and we’re long distance and it makes me feel so guilty. I’m constantly worrying about it I’ve completely stopped talking to this guy. Cause I don’t want my head to say things I’m so drained by it. If I have other things on my mind I forget about it. Today I met the guy my Mum has been seeing. And my heads told me that I like him I walked past him to talk to my Mum. And I got really sweaty for no reason and my head said I like him. And that I’ve fallen in love with him. And I felt really upset and guilty. I’m happy with my man and my mum is happy with hers too. I don’t know what to do I’ve never been treated the way I am in my relationship. And these thoughts about liking other people are getting ridiculous. I don’t have the energy for it anymore I’m done with it, and I just want this to stop. My friends who I have spoken to about it one said “don’t let it get to you it’s your head mine is the same” and another said “you just feel lonely babe and you miss your partner” and also my Mum said “your just bored” I love my partner to pieces and it’s never changed.