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I keep having panic attacks.

Hello, I've used this app before but sometimes avoid to not remind myself that I do have ocd. So acouple of months ago there was an upsetting video that circuled around the internet and I deleted my tiktok and instagram to avoid it. I've been using ig only on other people's phones because it just feels safer. Safe to safe just the description of this particular video left me traumatized and my ocd "flares up" when I have PMS. For me, I'm scared of being on ig because I get scared I'm gonna see or hear about that video or even worse, look up the particular things to "make sure" its deleted off of the internet. I know I would never put myself to witness something so awful, but the idea of me even thinking about it is enough to scare me and makes the simplicity of enjoying ig kinda nerve-wracking and I wonder if anyone on this app understands this feeling and knows ways to use social media in a peaceful way. I would really appreciate advice and thank you a lot to anyone who took the time to read this! Thank you 😊

I always think I'm "wrong" or I'm going to be punished for something. For anything or any mistakes I've made even though most of them were years ago. For example, if I got into an argument with someone, or vented to the wrong person about something going on, I feel like I'm just a bad awful person. And that's just not true. I know a lot of this is a perfectionistic mindset and I just never know what to do or think about it. I try to redirect my thoughts but that's getting harder and harder to do. My home life isn't perfect and it seems like whenever someone is upset it's always my job to fix it or try to fix the situation. I try not to control the situation, I just try to be reassuring and do what I can to fix things but that seems like it isn't enough, either. I'm just worn down and broken down. And I'm tired. I battle my own mind every day and it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere.

i already posted around an hour ago, but i really need help. The anxiety i feel from these thoughts give me horrible physical effects. My stomach hurts and i throw up so so much if i have a really bad flare and crying. I really need help or suggestions on what people do to help soothe the physical effects. I know ill be riddled by these thoughts constantly but I cant keep crying and throwing up during school or even at home. The stomach pain and chills i get also are hard. I feel like i cant live, this feels debilitating.

Hello, I am Non-binary (They/Them), and have never been diagnosed with ocd, but i do relate/ connect to a lot of the symptoms i have been experiencing. Tw: mentions of eating disorders such as anorexia and throwing up for these past two ish months, i have really been struggling with anorexia. i got the whole day without eating, and only eat at dinner. even with dinner i take a few bites and get sick. i get these thoughts like "people like you dont deserve to eat", "you should starve yourself til you rot in your bed. so that everyone you love can find you cold, ridged body.", and it scares me, but today was weird. tonight for dinner my parental figure made us tacos. we had two bags of cheese in the fridge, and i used the older bag to finish it(it was still good. i always check the dates) and it smelt funny. i asked my parental figure if they thought it smelt funny and they told me, "No, smells fine to me" so i trusted them and put it on my tacos. the whole time i heard "its bad dont eat it, its bad dont eat it, its bad dont eat it..." repeating and i ignored it because my parent said it was fine. i sat down to eat, but when i did, the cheese tasted horrible. i started to gag, but i tried to swallow to not get in trouble. i swallowed and for another bite, but once the cheese hit my tongue, i threw up on my plate. i havent eaten very much today, so it was my little bit of taco and some clear stuff. i started to cry. i felt so gross because i threw up on my hand, and that now it was all over my plate. i got more tacos after calming down with new cheese, but i cant stop the idea of it being bad. i dont want to eat the tacos. i want to smell every bite before eating it. should i just eat my tacos? i know the cheese isnt bad, but at the same time im scared of vomiting again. im most likely going to eat them to not get introuble for wasting food

I just want to vent and talk about my experiences because its hard to cope every day feeling like this. its so painful especially because i am 17 and my obsessions center on time and aging and the feeling of loss. i really hope someone older than me with experience with ocd can read this and comment or something but it is insanely long so i get it Truly I think i began to struggle with these things at 10 years old because thats when i first began to feel old and that became a constant worry of mine. 14 is another age when it peaked and now once again. at age 16 i kind of overworked myself and blanked out for the year and would even hit myself until bruising to cope with the stress and thats why turning 17 ten weeks ago really triggered it to get so much worse again. Since last year I barely recall I feel sickened. Ive been in therapy for five weeks and two days now and it hasnt really improved. I havent been officially diagnosed but she tells me I have strong symptoms of ocd. Its really debilitating i can barely get through school days and even while im at home it hurts so bad. even writing this the thought that this post will one day, one minute sink into a part of my past makes me feel really really horrible. I think before i used to cope with these feelings by food restriction, fasting, and purging. Part of the reason i blamed for feeling so old is because i was big so I really wanted to be small and not fat and ashamed but that led me to a spiral of like having a full blown eating disorder. i really regret that because my years 12-14 were largely a blur as thats when my eating disorder was the worst and so much time was devoted towards it. and now that im actually older and dealing with these feelings of being just before adulthood i feel like i lost so much time. and that really just exacerbates the obsession. No matter what i do i cant even distract myself. my compulsions (usually its counting down days or counting days/weeks from a certain day/event and giving myself how much time i have left) they dont give me any relief anymore, not even momentarily. they used to but since these days that i recall and count from i was having these same feelings and distress it just brings the feelings back and gives me an even bigger sense of loss. I cant enjoy anything anymore and one day i broke down in the morning and i was praying(im not even really religiouss) for god to either kill me or wake me up. that was still this month but only the very beginning. idk everything just feels like it isnt real and it just scares me so much. i keep crying during class and i even feel such horrible loss from even just a few hours ago. My one friend from school relates in some ways, he also feels like its a struggle to understand that things are real and are actually going forward especially because of the covid year, but idk he has adhd and that might play a role in it for him. Idk i just wish i got help earlier. like when i was 14 it was really bad and it was related to age and other stuff but in a different way than now. Any way it just is so hard to live and if things continue how they are ill be an adult before i realise it. im trying so hard to get better but its so difficult. Like other than being the only thing i think of its also impacting how i view others and i feel nasty. Like ill see people in their twenties and i find them so disgustingly old even though rationally theyre young but if i convince myself theyre old sometimes ill feel younger. I also feel so guilty because i feel like the faster i take in life the faster i make other people experience life and i feel like im throwing away other peoples youth. I also get occasionally delusional over time. like in july, i jokingly prayed to "tell on god" about one of my classmates, because shes christian and practicing but in class she drew demon sigils with me as a joke. but i thought oh this is a really short prayer and i prayed to god about another thing, asking him to take down the internet once im ready (which would be when i was 20 in my head) and then the next day i saw a video about how space showers might shut down the internet in the future and i got so anxious that it was all my fault and i almost started telling people that it would happen in 2026. I feel so insane and like im living in a limbo, that everything is fake and time hasnt passed a second in the past 5 years, but it has and it continues too and i cant stop thinking about it no matter how much i try to accept it or use these techniques im given. Even if i dont get actually diagnosed with OCD at my appointments, it wont change the distress and hopelessness i feel and im so scared. The more time that passes to more i feel like i lose something. I barely look different from how i did a year or even three years ago, besides my hair length, but i tell myself i can feel myself aging by the second and i even feel like i look horribly older than i really do. honestly im sorry this is so long, i just wanted to vent it all out. this certainly isnt even everything though, but its hard to even acknowledge some of it. i want relief but as it stands with these feelings i dont know if i want to experience the future where i might find the relief. Anyways its already a little bit nice to type here because on crisis lines or with my school counselor, they dont really acknowledge OCD and that may be what i am struggling with. they also just give me like worksheets of anxiety help and stuff which idk they hardly ever help.

Has anyone found a medication for them that has worked. I’m on my second day of Luvox, but my anxiety and depression from intrusive thoughts and ruminating are so through the roof, that I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I’m contemplating trying Valium as need be until my ssri kicks in, but I’m afraid of feeling the need to take it too much and become addicted. Advice?

OCD is a struggle, what has personally helped you to get past it? I am going to see a therapist soon once my insurance starts up, but in the meantime, what are small tactics that help you?

I literally cannot deal with grounal response anymore I'm so tired

So I have been in a WONDERFUL place lately. I love my boyfriend so fricken much. I was bragging about him to my friend, and how he is my world and no matter what I know he is my person and I choose him. Tell me why it somehow turned into her dissecting our relationship and why we aren't married yet and why we don't have kids yet. Talking about how there's got to be a deeper reason behind why he is waiting and how I am ready but he isn't. SHE LITERALLY HAD SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY FOR EVERYTHING POSITIVE I SAID. She is aware I have ocd but she doesn't fully understand that when I say something is triggering me that it is TRIGGERING ME. She doesn't understand how hard I had to fight my way out of that dark cloud that ocd had me in. She even brought up something I said last summer when my ocd hit HUGE and was at its most terrifying place. I had mentioned how I never lived alone because we got together The year after high scool, and I was kind of mourning the fact that Id never have that, but that was also weeks of rumination piling on top of the other and my compulsion of avoidance. I was in a depressive haze of ocd and I didn't even realize it. To bring up such a TERRIFYING THING when I am telling you I am triggered, like UGH. I am now at a place where yes, its true I never had that girl vs the world life where I had an apartment of my own and all that, but my life now with him is so much better, and is the goal I would be working towards anyway even if I had not moved in with him at that age. I KNOW HE IS MY PERSON. I am not giving him an ultimatum, or a time limit, I am not forcing his hand, I love him enough to have patience for when the time is right for marriage and kids. We have been together for just under six years, but we are still very young and everyone's timeline is different. I am not going to leave him for the one difference we have and it is all to do with time. He wants marriage and kids to we talk about it all the time. However he wants to join the police academy, and he wants to impress my father, etc. I have told him countless times I love him the way he is and ill marry him no matter what, but he is old fashioned and that is okay. We are bestfriends. I don't want anyone else. I choose him. I have chose him. And ill choose him over and over again, despite what ocd says or tries to make a big deal of. He doesn't abuse me, he doesn't yell at me, he doesn't try to hurt me, he takes care of me in every way. Just because I want a ring and a baby and he wants to get a few things sorted before that happens does not mean I should leave. I promise I am not trying to self reassure myself. I am just painting a picture of this situation. It is just extremely frustrating when you tell someone they are triggering you and then they continue to talk about something that is a TRIGGER. This is why I purposely don't discuss deep relationship stuff with people who don't know me and Steven, or dont have ocd, because they don't get it. they just don't. I CHOOSE HIM. I FEEL THE FEAR OF OCD AND I LIVE ANYWAY!

Hey everyone, how are you all doing today ? I’ve taken some time out today for self care and found my batteries are slowly recharging which is a great feeling. What do you all do to recharge ?

I’m going through a really weird period where everything my boyfriend does annoys me I’m really agitated and I think it’s because my OCD has spiked recently and I’m having sexually intrusive thoughts about other men and why other men would be better for me. It’s like this nagging voice in my head which says awful things about my current boyfriend even though he’s my whole world and is so good to me. This then makes me feel disconnected to my boyfriend because I have intense shame surrounding my thoughts and I feel like I’ve nothing to talk about with him now because I am so numb.

My OCD flared back up 10 weeks ago. Massive anxiety,followed by intrusive thoughts and fears. I had been good for 8 years. Then was triggered by a story I heard about a man with ocd that killed his family. I then went into panic mode thinking that can't be right. It doesn't work that way, then started obsessing about the people you see on TV that do that sort of thing and started fearing well what if they are a narcissist with ocd and what if I'm a narcissist with ocd and what if that is what made them do that and could it make me think i want to do that. I've kind of drifted from that Fear and my new fear is, my first major anxiety/panic attack happened when my wife was pregnant with our first child 22 years ago. Back then I thought well maybe it's the pregnancy that made me go into ocd mode. We had 2 more kids after and I dealt with harm ocd with the 2nd child and the 3rd there were no issues. I fear now that what if one day I blame the kids for my ocd and what if it makes me hate them or resent them or not love them or want to avoid them. I love them so much. My life is centered around my kids and I love being with them. How should I go about handling this fear. Accepting it as maybe it will happen or maybe it won't isn't a real option for me. It's so distressing to think of that scenario. Any help would be greatly appreciated

I am taking Lexapro but I feel like it makes me care less about everything. The lows are less low but my positive emotions are dulled also. Has anyone felt the same way or fixed this?

My husband has OCD, and it targets me and our relationship. And I'm not sure how to deal with it. He gets intrusive thoughts calling me a whore, which hurts alot because I try to be so modest, and he knows since the beginning of our relationship I've had a massive fear of being sexualized. He has so many intrusive thoughts and inappropriate images of his ex's and everyone he's ever liked, and things he'd seen online. He has them all times of the day and alot of them, and even during our intimate time. He has ones saying I look just like his ex's or people he's liked. Even telling me some have grounds, and that they're not intrusive. He says he finds others intrusively attractive. And he has many more. I try to stay calm, and understand, but this stuff just hurts so much, and effects our relationship, me, and intimacy so much. It's broken me down as a person. All my self esteem is gone, and I feel so worthless. I feel so ugly, I want to tear my skin off. I'm so lost. I feel like I've lost myself and who I am. I love him so much, I just don't know what to do I'm being hurt so much.

I’m so tired, I’m so tired of this. I hate being stuck on something and feeling so much guilt and shame. I’m so tired this has been going on for almost 3 years now, and I have no motivation to do anything at all. I don’t know what to do anymore

I have a disgusting compulsion that I’m too afraid to tell anyone (even my therapist) about. It has to do with a bodily function. I need some courage to tell her in my appointment today so that we can work through ERP with it. I’m afraid that she’ll call me gross like my previous therapist did when I told them about my avoidance with brushing my teeth (now fixed, thanks to current therapist). I have an ingrained distrust of doctors. How do I tell her what’s been going on?

Why do I feel like I am in the process of becoming a killer? It's really disturbing for me but whenever I go I see myself doing horrible things to the people I care about and to my pets. I'm feeling like I am not normal anymore. This never happened to me. But, I remember when I had another cat, once I put my arms around her to see if I can harm her, amd I didn't. That's what makes me feel like I am becoming a killer and I am in denial. I don't want that and I thought about suicide with pills.

Been talking over how I feel and what’s happened and why I’m 30 and this has just become a thing! Iv discovered a p has jumped in my mind , this is why I like the thoughts wants the thoughts this is why the groinals are happening! Because me before this didn’t have any of these things! So it’s not me I haven’t turned into a p ! A p is living in my mind

Trigger warning: my severe existential ocd thoughts about ,,Solipsism" I am afraid that many eternal sadistic gods or only one evil god chose to only create me as a sentient/real being, making everyone else an unconscious robot. I am deeply scared that one day those higher beings will reveal themselves to me that I am indeed the only sentient being. I am also afraid that I will exist for all eternity by myself (because those higher beings/gods want me to suffer due to their evil nature). They perfidiously give me love now (through my parents, sister etc.) so that one day they will take away everything (they will tell me everything beautiful I have experienced was an illusion.) Only I and these gods exist (no biblical god additionaly). Furthermore, I would like to say that I don't believe in it 100%, but I have a great fear of it because it could theoretically be true I have been dealing with depression for two and a half years and as a result, I have quit work and social activities. Is considered a psychosis or ocd? What kind of therapy is best for me? Best reagards, Betty