Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Everyone. Stay strong and keep fighting. HOCD is difficult. It’ll make you second guess yourself. Picture the worst case scenarios. Make you doubt what is fundamentally you. Like right now I want to ask for reassurance in the subtle form of “does this happen to anyone....” but I won’t. Bc that’s what it wants. I’m going to sit with this uncertainty, and move past it. I want everyone to confidently do the same today. Don’t live in fear. That’s what HOCD wants. It wants you to keep checking. To be 100%. No such thing exists. Fight to live in the present. You aren’t that smart lol you didn’t trick yourself into subverting your true desires. Nothings lurking behind the shadows. You are you.

I'm really struggling at the moment. I feel like I'm doing this to myself like I'm putting the thoughts there. I worry the medication has kicked in and I'm feeling like this because it's how I actually feel. A month ago I was so anxious, crying, not eating- my mind was constantly raising, thinking about nothing else. Now I feel sort of nothing but sort of everything- the thoughts are there but I'm not so worried by them. (but they're still pretty constant- the first thing on my mind when I wake up). I don't question my attraction to my partner (he's gorgeous) but my mind is constantly saying 'you don't love him' or 'this isn't right for you'. I don't know why this keeps happening and I'm worried there is nothing wrong other than the relationship being over. I really don't want it to be, but I can't think of any other way to get rid of these thoughts or feelings. I'm avoiding googling/facebooking but it's really hard. A couple of months ago I felt so normal and in love and now, these constant thoughts and feelings are making me so unhappy. It does ease a bit when I'm with him but doesn't go completely. Part of me is hoping this is OCD because I guess it means there is a chance to work through this and be with my partner, but I think I'm struggling to believe it right now. Anyone relate?

I just went thru the hierarchy and my first exposure is sharing a drink or plate of food with someone. I have read that herpes can spread this way. I am so confused, why would the app give me an exposure that may actually pose a real risk to someone?

If I don’t confess to my mom now I can’t sleep at all and then can’t function the next day. I overcame all of this and was on medication but I lost my job and just got out of a bad relationship with a guy who made my ocd much worse, so I’m back to confessing all the bad things I’ve done to my mom. She was a perfectionist when I was growing up and would think any small thing was the end of the world (and I think that contributed to my ocd developing). Now I bring up embarrassing things I’ve done for reassurance that nothing bad will come from it but it’s stuff too embarrassing to tell your mother. I don’t have insurance now for medication and I try to meditate and use cbd oil or vitamins but nothing works and I resort to wine and cigarettes to calm my stress.

Currently really anxious. Lately I've had the obsession that I won't be able to sleep again. I lay down at night, doze off for 15min to and hour, then wake up even more anxious like "I won't be able to fall back asleep again."

I am a mother of a 10 year old with ocd. She has been seeing an ocd therapist for over a year now but has had ongoing struggles staying at school. We have a 504 plan and school has been really accommodating with her. She is always saying she wishes she could be homeschooled. I’m just curious what are some thoughts on this: homeschooling vs going to public school for a kid with ocd? What would be the pros & cons of homeschooling? Thanks for your feedback.

Is there anyone here with HOCD that actually enjoys or has enjoyed gay fantasies, or that has felt aroused by their gay thoughts? I know there's nothing wrong with having gay fantasies, but I would like to learn more about how they experience their OCD. I don't mean to trigger anyone, specially those who confuse stress with feeling aroused. I've been battling HOCD for some time now and it's so debilitating and frustrating. And actually experiencing arousal to some thoughts makes me feel like its not hocd at times and makes me cry so much.

I just wanted to ask, how do you know if you like the same sex and are in denial, or if it’s HOCD? I’ve tried finding resources but none of them really explain it well enough for me to differentiate.

Are false fetishes a part of ocd? im not looking for reassurance. i just want to know if anyone else experiences what im about to say. *deep breath• I have hocd as it is & ever since i was a child i have had this strange fascination with peeing. if someone wet themselves i would get a strong groinal response and a voice in my head telling me to do something innapropriate. I used to also watch lesbian watersports porn because of this peeing obsession and i thought i liked it. i am seriously shaking as i write this because i don't want to be judged ? the obession has always terrified me, and even at one point i thought i liked it because of the groinal response but now it digusts me and i no longer watch it. I don't have an obession with peeing anymore but if someone mentions something about peeing, i panic so so much and i start to get emotional and i feel like having a panic attack. I also get a lot of false memories of doing innapropriate things with class mates

What do you do when your fiancé doesn’t truly understand your ocd?

I’ve lost my interest in men. I’ve been telling myself what if I’m gay for over a year now and I feel like I’m gay now. I feel like my biggest worry is coming out now. In my religion and culture it’s wrong and I don’t want it. It all started as a movie scene last year. I’ve accepted it I’ve given up. I feel like I’ve been in denial the past a year. I’m on tinder looking at girls now cause I don’t know anymore. Now I can’t seem to find someone I’m interested in I can’t see myself kissing a girl or sleeping with one. I just truly believe I’m gay and I have to call my mom and come out. I want to cry. I’m nervous idk what’s real. Am I gay? Or is this ocd? Am I bi? Should I come out? Was my life a lie? Am I in denial cause it’s unacceptable? Will my parents love me? If I’m worried about them then it’s cause I’m in denial right? Ugh I want to die.

I’m new to being as open with my ocd as I have been in the past, and I think this is the place to feel safe. I’ve been tackling my ocd with ERP (exposure response prevention) and it’s been extremely successful in the past and now. Just right now, and I’m about to start new medicine for my ocd that I’m hopeful about, I just feel tired. I’m making myself get up and do things but it’s almost like my body is on one big come down from maybe all the anxiety added up over the weeks. It’s just making me feel slumped and like I could almost start feeling depressed. I just wanted to know if anyone had any personal successes on how to overcome this feeling. Thank you all and much love to all who deal with this.

Just typical isn't it. Finally find a private psychotherapist who I believe Could really help me in this battle to overcome my harm ocd, they even said they are very used to treating this particular type of ocd with success, and I just can't afford it £70 a session I told them I can't afford it they don't offer discounts but were willing to do it for £65, I still can't afford it. Feel so stuck. Suppose I'll just have to continue in my search

Has anyone tried the anti-inflammatory diet and has it helped your OCD?

Anyone else feel like nothings real. Nothing looks real feels real it's such a hard thing to explain. I feel like I'm on drugs and I don't like it. The only meds I'm on at the moment are diazapam I don't know if it's that making me feel this way. It usually just numbs me. I think not going out for so long has a lot to do with it. Everything just looks and feels different and so unreal.

My religious OCD is really draining me. I feel very disconnected from God because I think everything I do is wrong in his eyes. Like if I don’t have only Catholic, straight, etc. friends then He’s mad at me. I just want to feel connected to him again and not feel like I’m disappointing him.

anybody else starting somewhere new in the next few days? school, work, etc? im starting at a new school and sweet baby jesus im nervous obviously im a little nervous about what people i’ll be meeting and what the next few weeks are gonna be like but mostly im afraid of being afraid, ugh! i think thats the essence of panic disorder, right? when i panic i feel like throwing up (never do, just feels like it) and so im afraid of the panic attacks because i feel sick (and i have a fear of vomiting) whenever i fear panicking, ive obviously already started the panicky reaction, duh! and then i worry about worrying myself into a panic attack! i could keep going! i just really want to have a good first day, man, just with the general amount of jitters everyone has. i dont think im the only one that feels like this hahahaha.

I can’t stop confessing past mistakes to my mother. This has been an on and off problem for years. I’m currently not on medication because I just moved back to the US and have no insurance, so I’m stressed with full flared up ocd. Once I confess one thing and get relief, I think of other things to confess even if it will upset my mother. She was a controlling perfectionist mother so even as an adult I feel like I wasn’t able to have my own individuality and I never got to trust myself making my own decisions and opinions, because my mom would brainwash me that she knows best and she used to flip out a lot when I grew up if things didn’t go perfectly. Now she is more calm and is somewhat self aware of what she does so some things I tell her don’t surprise her anymore, but I always think of something new and saying “what if this time she will react differently and I don’t get the reassurance I need”. So I lose sleep over it and cant even function the next day. The past few years I confessed here and there but after my traumatic breakup recently my ocd is in full swing and I can’t stop.

I’m having a bad day today. I am fearing the worst about my health now. Even with therapy and 4 hours of exposures each day I am not getting better. :(

I’m really just starting to believe my thoughts. Being with a girl doesn’t bother me anymore. But does that mean I’m lesbian now?? I’m at a point where I don’t know what I want. I’m still with my boyfriend and I don’t plan on leaving him. But I’m thinking to much right now I’m sweating. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this normal ? To not feel any disgust towards the same sex thoughts? Like if I like it or something. Has anyone gone through this? Please answer I’d appreciate it.