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I want to cry. I want to die so bad, this isn't worth it at all. I have hocd, but I don't even know at this point. Maybe I am bi or lesbian. Maybe that's what my mind has been trying to make me accept for the past 8 months. Maybe I'll simply never be happy, because that's not who I want to be. It never was. Maybe this is just denial, and internalized homophobia. I'm just so, so tired of this.

Hey everyone, I’ve already asked this previously but no one answered so I’m giving this another shot! I think I may suffer from ocd but I’m scared to reach out for help for various reasons. This is a question for people suffering from pure O, do you have to tell your therapist what your intrusive thoughts/images are? I am really scared of my intrusive thoughts and I can’t say anything for now but I really need help.

I have really bad HIV OCD. I had a really low risk "hiv exposure" when I was a kid (16 or 17) with my high school boyfriend. This was 7 years ago and I've taken 2 BioSURE HIV tests since then and both were negative, but I just cannot accept it. Anytime anyone I know gets ill I think it's because I've passed on hiv to them somehow, and it's worse with my brother as we used to rough and tumble all the time as kids/teens. I'm back in that place where everything feels dark and I'm riddled with guilt and anxiety.

Religious and sleep OCD! My ocd is being an absolute anus. I feel like shit and I can't sleep at all. I've tossed and turned, I haven't slept in god knows how long :(. And my lovely friend is staying over for a long time cause she's got nowhere else bless her, and I'm worried that I won't sleep the whole time she is here, cause we will be sharing my bed and I can't sleep much if at all with people in my bed.. She stayed yesterday night, and I don't think I slept, and tonight I didn't sleep, and she's due back soon. I'm just stressed with my anxiety bad at the moment. I really love her company she's lovely, but I'm so ocd and asbergers. Also another thing, I know it's stupid because I don't believe it about other lgbt plus people, but I feel like because I'm bisexual, that God hates strictly me, and that I'll be going to hell. And I keep thinking about a thing I told my friend, I got so drunk and I told my friend that my mum said she'd disown god if he wouldn't let him in. And she never even said that I just said it because I wanted to make him know he's loved a lot by mum. I said that I bent the words a lot cause he said you can't just say that because if she said that that means a hell of a lot to me. So I've been thinking about that lie I made over and over again for weeks it's on my mind. I feel so bad, feel like I'm going to hell guys.

I can’t forgive myself Im my past i had sex with my gender .. many many times and i felt no guilt about it ! One day i had sex in the church itself and i felt no guilt about it.. once i was sleeping with my aunt and I think sexually about her an i wanted that not an intrusive thing and I didn’t feel bad about it .. I stopped all of that... my best friend’s died and he was the most beautiful person anyone could imagine or have ..he make miracles now and i felt numb and not sad for his death ..I didn’t feel that i missed him or want to see him

This is ridiculous, now I feel like I’m truly questioning my sexuality. I’m 15. Never had a crush on a girl, don’t think I have. Touched myself to lesbian porn mostly, turned on by sexual images of women but still I never questioned what I felt for boys. I knew I would crush on them, I knew they were feelings. If anything maybe I could be bisexual. But still that doesn’t seem right. I’m just completely lost. Maybe I’m just thinking to much. It shouldn’t be this hard right? I read bisexual people immediately knew. Most of them I think, they realized all their crushes and Fantasies they wanted in real life. I never fantasized about a women, or any girl. I remember crushing on a senior once, I felt excited to see him at school. And fantasized about him. And with my Boyfriend he was just so innocent, and cute and sweet, and when we do sexual stuff I like it. I get uhm .. wet. Sorryyy. I recently got advice to look out for any girl crushes. And I’m really scared about that now. Maybe I can crush on a girl and maybe I can’t. I don’t know anymore. I feel completely unsure of everything. Im not sure if I’m straight or not. I recently started to take quizzes again. I either got straight or bisexual. And idk can anyone give advice? Thanks for reading through all of this if you did.

My therapist triggered me Bc she was like “how do u know ur doubts aren’t just doubts and u don’t love him” and I was like no I do love him Ik I do I love being with him and never can get enough of him and I miss him and a part of me knows that and she goes “Ik u like him I was just wondering”

❗️ I don‘t know what is true anymore. Some say sexuality fluid and some say sexuality isn’t fluid. I googled it and some studies believe that. That triggered my HOCD. I also read that „Sexual Fluidity“ is actually also an orientation. I‘m really irritated, there are so much names and orientations, so much other opinion. If sexuality is really fluid I don‘t know what to do anymore.

Anyone here taking quietapin /seraquil. Been prescribed it by my psychiatrist and feeling a little worried about taking it I know its a strong drug. Hoping it will help me sleep though ?

It keeps coming back, I start to feel better than something triggers me again and I’m back to first base. They responses I feel when I see girls is confusing me. Did I not feel those with guys? I don’t want to date girls, god please stop my suffering want it to stop. I need to feel better I want to feel better. I know I can do it I just don’t know how to stop doing this to myself. I feel better than I trigger myself again. It’s so tiring :(

"Excoriation disorder is an obsessive-compulsive spectrum mental disorder that is characterized by the repeated urge or impulse to pick at one's own skin to the extent that either psychological or physical damage is caused." This quote is not my words but it explains my OCD best . Anyone else who is diagnosed with this? And how do you deal with it? Currently I am obsessed with picking my scalp and I can't stop. If I don't do it, I keep thinking about it. A few years back I was so obsessed and driven, I cut off some of my beauty spots with scissors. I pull the skin off my nails and it bleeds. I can't control this. I am in the beginning of therapy but don't have a lot of sessions because my psychologist is very good but very busy. How do I deal with this for now, I can't stop.

I know that when people say accept an intrusive thought when it comes but my thoughts are constant. They’re always there all the time and I don’t know how to ‘accept’ my mindset when it’s constant. I’m struggling to word this. I’m literally trying to figure it out every single minute of the day (I know that sounds exaggerated but it’s true). So do I go through my day like ‘okay yes maybe it’s true maybe it’s not’ all day long? I’ve only had this app for a few days and I haven’t used the plan feature yet because I’m scared and also because I don’t really know what to put in it.

Well my morning started off with the question “am I emotionally connected with my boyfriend?” It’s making me feel nervous and anxious. I’m scared again. I feel like I’m passed the whole “sexual attraction” thing. Now I’m just worried if I don’t connect with the opposite sex. My boyfriend is my best friend. We laugh together, we tell each other everything, we support each other. But I’m So scared. What if I don’t love him like I thought I did? I just now read articles on this stuff. “Signs you’re attached to your partner but not love them” , “signs you’re emotionally connected” , and all theses different ones. I hate this, why can I just be happy. Seriously, I can’t believe this Is happening to me. Can anyone give me any advice? Please.

Often I want to repress my HOCD but then it feels like I want to repress my gayness and I‘m lying to myself. I‘m constantly imaging a relationship with a woman and check how I feel. I don‘t enjoy it, it feels more like analyzing.

I feel ok other than this sort of mental block in my head. I can’t feel 100%. The thoughts are still there but sorta muffled if that makes sense. I don’t feel happy but I don’t feel sad. I’m definitely not feeling anxious anymore. And the thoughts just aren’t really bothering me- like I’ve accepted them. That really desire and anxiety to make my relationship work (compared to 2 months ago) has sort of fizzled out. I was upset by this a month ago but now I’m not. I just want to know if this is OCD. I don’t want my relationship to be over but I’m scared it is.

I’m going to share my story- it might be a little bit long-winded, very honest but any advise, suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. Also, this could may be a trigger warning. So about 10 years ago (ish) I remember my first experience of a panic attack. I was watching a documentary about serial killers (as you do…) and suddenly my head was filled with this overwhelming thought of ‘You could do that, you could kill people to and just not care’. I didn’t know where it had come from but for some reason I couldn’t get it. I felt overwhelmed and it was in my head constantly. I thought the only way to get rid of it was to act on it. I couldn’t look at knives. I felt evil. It was horrible and I didn’t know what was going on. In all honestly I can’t remember how long this lasted for. It was a while ago now, a lot has changed. I went to see someone within the mental health services here in the UK and she told me this sounded like text book OCD. The relief was overwhelming. However, I then began questioning it. Is it? OCD doesn’t make you want to kill someone? I didn’t do any further research but the symptoms did seem to ease. Looking back in hindsight now, I think those symptoms eased but I developed new ones. SOOCD was one I can remember, as well as a real fear of contamination. But I didn’t think much of it. I was referred for CBT with a trainee therapist who quickly dismissed OCD and suggested I had a generalised anxiety order. I don’t doubt I’m anxious- I definitely am. But I do feel like there is more to it than that. 2 years later and I am in an AMAZING relationship. He is gorgeous, hard-working, funny and so supportive and understanding. I constantly question why he wants to be with me- but that’s normal right? He is amazing. Until 1 day I get thoughts saying ‘You don’t want this- you don’t love him’…what? My mind is so confused. I’m filled with this desire and love for him but my brain doesn’t seem to want it. I talk to him, I don’t understand why but he’s understanding and patient. It passes. Until about 2 months ago. Oh my god does it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I am at work and have to hide in the toilet to cry and cry. I don’t know what is going on but I cannot think of anything else but this. ‘You don’t love him’, ‘you don’t want to be with him’, ‘This isn’t right for you’, ‘you can’t be in relationships’. I don’t know why this is happening because I am so convinced this is right- I can’t put my finger on anything wrong with the relationship or him. This has happened in previous relationships. Always around the year point. I have a mental hurdle that I can’t get past a year in a relationship because I never have. But in the past relationships, I’ve always found justification for ending the relationships- they haven’t been 100% right or what I needed. So what is going on now with my great relationship? I want this to work so much but my brain is saying no. I stumbled across an article on MSN of all places called ‘What is rOCD and do you have it?’ I was curious- relationship OCD…what is that? I read and almost burst into tears. This sounded just like me. I googled, and googled and found so much information on this thing I’d never heard of- a subtype of OCD- the Pure O type. I instantly felt better- I’m not insane, it’s not the relationship- this is OCD. But is it? I’ve watched videos and read so many articles. I’ve download apps and joined support groups. I’ve reached an odd point now. I’m not anxious anymore. I take medication which has eased the panic and 24/7 thoughts. The thoughts are still there but sometimes I feel as if I’m searching for them to explain why I’m feeling like I am. I’m finding it hard to figure out exactly how I am feeling. There is a mental block in my head. I care about my boyfriend but that feeling of unrequited love isn’t flourishing like it did. I want OCD to be the cause of my worries so much but my head is telling me I’m just trying to convince myself it’s OCD but it’s not- I need to end the relationship. It’s the first thing I think in the morning. I’m scared my medication has kicked in and these thoughts are my rational mind. I don’t know what triggers it, but compulsions aren’t working so well anymore. I can’t see feel normal again, I can’t see the relationship being as good as it was. I’m scared about going to a therapist incase they say it’s not OCD and it is the relationship. I want to love him so much, he is so amazing and truly the best person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I find it hard believing love is a choice. I find it hard to accept feelings are just feelings. I am starting to find it hard to relate to the videos. I’m not sure if I’ve just exhausted the reading- I do feel so tired all the time. I feel the uncertainty hard. I also find it hard to believe this is fear- I don’t feel scared. Have I hidden the fear- is it buried deep down? I don’t know. I don’t know why this happens. Distraction helps. Seeing my partner does also usually ease the symptoms. But is that the answer? Is it OCD? Do I need distraction? Or is it the relationship? Is it over? I really don’t know. If you’ve made it this far, amazing and thank you for reading. I hope this might help you in someway. Thank you.

Why no one is answering me

CHRISTIANITY ALERT. I go to a catholic school and I’m baptist. We had mass today and they talked about Mary and how we are her daughters. Once I heard about Mary I felt like I wanted to trust her. Ocd told me I can’t go to Mary because God would be mad at me for “leaving him.” Even though I’m not, I’d still be able to talk to God, I’d just trust Mary too. So now I’m really trapped with whether or not I should stay baptist, be catholic, or just be both. Ocd says I can’t be both because nobody else I know has done that, and in my head if nobody else did it then I can’t. So I’m really stressed out about this

I dont know if this is considered ROCD, but Im always checking up on what my boyfriend is doing on social media and put thoughts into my head that he’s cheating on me... I’ve caught him sending messages to another girl, and it broke my heart. I was so close to breaking up with him but decided to give it another try and my trust in him is growing back. We have been really really good lately but I always am engaging in compulsions to check Instagram and every platform of social media. It is especially worse when I text him, and he doesn’t answer and I see him active on another platform... it triggers me to think he’s messaging another girl and my thoughts start spiralling. I do not try to engage in the compulsion to always check my phone but somehow I always do. It’s consuming my professional life and distracting me from work!! Any advice?

So I saw something online called excessive worrying anxiety. It’s almost the same as ocd. The website said people with generalized anxiety disorder feel extremely worried or feel nervous about things even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. People with GAD find it difficult to control their anxiety and stay focused on daily tasks. So basically it’s the same thing as ocd but you don’t do compulsions. I’m not sure what I have because I can’t really pinpoint my compulsions. Maybe because my ocd is pure o? Idk but.... I know it’s some type of anxiety because if I actually was this way I wouldn’t worry like this. I was at volleyball and I saw the girl who triggered my hocd thoughts and I just can’t stand her now. I don’t even want to look at her. I used to be best friends with her? Ugh now I hate her. I didn’t want her to make the volleyball team how mean. Now that I think of it though this might be a compulsion. Avoiding looking at her, talking to her, doing anything with her.... wait so do I have ocd? Don’t answer that? That’s reassurance. Welp I guess I figured it out myself??