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Has anyone else had a theme where you obsessively question whether you’re really happy? This theme is hitting me hard, even though I’m in s better place than I ever have been.

Horrible horrible POCD, deplorable thoughts. This morning I woke up with them and they felt like urges almost and they were loud and telling me i liked them and that I was starting to agree with them. It’s horrible. I also get bigoted and cruel thoughts and it feels like this is secretly my “true nature” and that I’m not as accepting as I thought or wanted to be. I feel very alone and scared, but I don’t feel like I deserve recovery because these thoughts are so evil. I’d rather be dead than let them become who I am, and it feels like they are becoming that

Hey everyone! I struggle with POCD and struggle severely with feelings and attractions towards children. It freaks me out and I get so worried and anxious about it. I just keep thinking it’s not normal to get innapropriate attractions towards children. And it’s not just thinking a child is cute because that’s normal but it’s like I get actual attractions or feelings towards kids and it’s the same kind of attractions and feelings I get towards people my age and I’m 19. I’m so scared and worried and I don’t know what to do!! I’m freaking out

I'm unintentionally withdrawing from my SSRI at the moment since I switched brands to a pharmacy generic brand. I'm taking the same amount as I was before but it's obvious that the different brands contain different amounts of the drug. Anyway, I'm really struggling right now. I've got severe mood swings, depression, I'm anxious from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, this is hell. I can't help but think if this will ever stop or is this what I'm really like without medication.

I am so consumed with not knowing God anymore. I feel so disconnected from God. I feel I don’t sense Him anymore or understand my belief which is really weird and freaking me out bc before my daughter, my belief was so strong and I understood now it’s all that has disappeared. I feel doomed to not know that part of me and it feels hopeless. I just don’t understand how I’m this way with being a mother or a believer anymore. I look at my kids and I don’t even know who they are or me anymore. I get so lost with this life I’m living and it def doesn’t seem like I’m really truly here anymore.

As a child I would constantly wake up from slumber to check if my mother left me when I’ve never experienced abandonment. I needed all my crayons in the box IMMEDIATELY after use and it had to be slanted when used so it still appeared sharp. I was told that I just want to stay home and not be a part of the activities and watch cartoons all day. I was told to hurry up and eat so they could leave but I was still counting my chews, and hurry up to catch up with the rest of the group but I was counting my steps on the pavement. I was certain that me making this crumpled up paper into the trashcan would prevent my mom from dying. I knew that the volume being on an even number ENSURED that my family was safe. If I ran to catch the microwave and opened it at FOUR SECONDS ON THE DOT my daughter’s father wouldn’t start a nonsensical coke enraged argument with me just to ruin the house.. I had to find a way to mask, as a black child. In family, in most of black families, we’re told it’s a “white people thing” to feel this way. That it “ain’t nothin but the devil”, and that nothing was wrong with me. All that I should do is pray and trust some man in the clouds and I’ll be okay.. But I’m not okay. 😕

My relationship with my boyfriend is everything to me but my OCD has interfered with us in more ways than one. I’ve expressed before that I emotional monitor him and ruminate on my fears and emotions. One of my fears is that he is gay and will eventually leave me like you hear about with men divorcing their wives. He was in a toxic marriage before and expressed to his friends a few years ago that he thought he was gay but his friends and even he blamed it on the fact that his marriage was falling apart and he had lost respect for women. He has never been with any guys but has expressed some attraction to, and two events with guys where something almost happened with them. The first event was when he felt tension with a guy when it was just them two. The second event was a friend grabbing his crotch and he expressed he wasn’t interested. These are two events that literally consume me and bring out the worst of me because my brain tells me something sexual happened for both when it didn’t… anyways, he admitted to me that in his youth he would have experimented and that if anything, he is bisexual but doesn’t really know. As of now he no longer feels any draw towards men he told me… I know he is literally in love with me and no other woman or man but I can’t help but let this consume me. he claims there was any to start with. He is open that he loves me and only wants to be with me and really never gives me any concern for being with a man but I’m terrified that he is in the closet and ashamed and that his true self wants to be with a man. On top of it, it was kind of shell shock for him to have confessed to slightly being into guys at one point if not now? Let me explain that I am not homophobic at all and have no issues with men being with men, I just don’t want to lose my partner!

Anyone here with existential ocd have obsessions over what if you were abducted by aliens and they’re creating a simulation in your head? I feel so tired and scared I might be paranoid even though I’ve had ocd all my life. Combined with harm ocd it just makes daily life horrible. I had it years ago and now idk why it’s back effecting me again. I just want to know if someone out there has had the same as me before or currently I need hope. Anyone have anything like this or any tips.

I’m in a very abusive relationship with someone that has PDA. Literally all I can do is stay in the bedroom and pray that he goes outside to leave me in the filth he creates in a petty manic state within the household. He wakes up IMMEDIATELY hating life and he triggers me purposely by being incredibly rude, loud, stomping, slamming cabinets, throwing trash everywhere… He knows I’m OCD diagnosed and autistic but because I gave up on him and decided to allow him to live in his truth, not have a romantic relationship and NOT be his mother (who’s just as manic bipolar as he is and even more of a hoarder) he punishes me by doing the upmost. It wasn’t like this.. and he wasn’t always on the couch, but he kept getting so upset that I would get up and start cleaning (of course with a passive aggressive attitude over the blatant disrespect of THE ABOMINATION I had to wake up to) while he slept all day until 2pm and say things like, “no one asked you to stress yourself over this!” Pissed that I wouldn’t be in bed, rubbing his back, making his sleep easier after his drugged out night. Doesn’t even care that I SOLELY have our daughter being the ONLY ONE that EVER GETS UP AND CHANGES//FEEDS HER. I’m so tired. 😣😭 I’m SO TIRED. He stabs walls, counters, break cabinets, punches and kicks doors.. I just sit quietly in my tidy room until he leaves but I’m SO FED UP, I let him live in it. I couldn’t beat ‘em.. so I stopped fighting.

Do you ever feel some kind of way when you’re texting a girl and your getting a boner it plays this trick that I keep fall for it make you feel like your texting the same sex and your getting erected to it 🤦‍♂️

for almost a year now i started experiencing very intense emotions and became very self aware, already struggling with bipolar, i became very confused. i want to isolate myself all the time, it feels comfortable. i overthink so intensely and its absolutely impossible to feel like a person. my overthinking looks like this: “i had breakfast and because i had breakfast im gonna be bloated and because im bloated i cant wear the outfit i picked out but i dont have another outfit so now im gonna start getting stressed out and now i dont wanna go to school, i hate school. i want to get in bed.” at this point im so emotional and irritated and i feel hopeless when this happens. im very big on having my mornings go by my perfect routine and on certain times. time is a huge thing ive been struggling with as well. one night i told myself i would go inside and lay down by 10:30, i came inside at 10:42 and when i realized that i started to feel very stressed and overwhelmed. i was very upset with myself because of this. another example is, i wake up at 6:15 everyday and right as i wake up i brush my hair and get in the shower, but it HAS to be at 6:15-6:20 if i get in the shower at 6:25-6:30 i have completely ruined my day and in my head, this day is gonna be horrible because i couldnt even get in the shower on time. this part is a little more dark so read as you can but just a couple of weeks ago i attempted suicide. i overdosed on my buspirone on a friday morning. those 2 weeks prior i was having heavyyy suicidal thoughts that would build up as the days progressed. by the thursday night(before the attempt) my thoughts turned into urges but i didnt wanna stay up to late because i had school (and i have to be asleep by 11pm or i, again, feel very stressed and overwhelmed) so i had went to sleep instead but then woke up friday morning feeling very emotional and depressed still. i have SEVERE impulsivity issues and alot of the times just react. so i just went for it. i see a therapist and when i told her what had happened she saw it as something that could potentially turn into a cycle such as: thoughts but no urges > thoughts turn into urges > urges become impulsive actions > i react > no more bad thoughts. im struggling so bad right now and im very confused and i feel like something is so deeply wrong with me if you can relate please make me feel a little sane. i need to know im not the only one who experiences this. i feel very alone

I don’t want to be one of them people but I feel like I can’t cope anymore, like I’ve had to leave work from having a panic attack come home to my partner and confess. I feel like I can’t keep it all inside all the time, I feel like it makes me worse! Like I just can’t do this! I feel like I’m about to lose my home, my fiancé and everything.

I feel blocked…mentally emotionally…what can I do? Does the feeling of love actually comes back in? How do you choose to stay in a relationship when you feel like this.

Mention of overwhelming/ not crying when my one Grandma and Grandpa died and just my frustrations and confusion. !!!! If you're dealing with smt or if today you're having a good day and not want to have any extra bad mood or feeling, I wouldn't recommend you reading my problems. Why don't I cry when My Grandpa die. I'm not close with them and I don't feel many grief. And I feel a little feel bad for being just normal and happy when I see some fun content while in between grief. And It's not like I don't know how to cry. I cry when I frustrated or stressed or emotional or depressed. And today too I cried because I'm frustrated/overwhelmed with many house chores to do (house chores is not main reason it's like..frustared that I feel this way to do house chores. I also feel shouldn't be because my mom can't do these cause she would tired. So I shouldn't be complaining but still I want all my family members to know I can feel tried and let me have me my time and don't calling me all the time. I notice I'm always overwhelmed whenever like this and maybe cause I'm still teens and not matured enough and I think I shouldn't be upset..I don't upset them I'm just frustrated. But I still respond not really well when they come say smt to me in this state. I wouldn't also like to let my mom do house chores too. [just explaining why to you guys and I'm sorry if this makes you feels in negative way by my overwhelming. I'm just like this and I need to understand how to set my mind and deal my mental. Maybe I should meditate.] ) and my Grandpa died 3days ago. Today I'm trying not to be obvious abt crying cause I think my sister would low-key judge why don't I cry when Grandpa died but now.( She has good relationship with me but she still can judge me) I can't help but they could noticed.( And she don't say nothing tho) I think like that because when my one Grandma died I didn't cry and days later when I talk with mom abt "that how I'm stressed when doing school works with group and that I cried" , my sister said smt like It's nothing to cry you don't even cry when Grandma died Why you cry abt nth. And my problem is I feel am I just self centered? Heartless? Being not normal? (But I still think that it's normal to not feel sad when you don't close with them)

Hi everyone, At my psychiatry appointment last week my doctor let me know I likely have ADHD (as I suspected and honestly am shocked I hadn’t been diagnosed in my life *yet*). Anyhow, I’m curious if anyone else on here has both of these diagnoses and how it shows up for you?

A couple hours ago I started having a fever, my body can’t stop shivering and my fingertips are numb. I took medicine for it, but my ocd is off the rails right now I can’t control my emotions. It’s just a fever, everyone gets them, but I can’t stop crying bc my ocd is making my life flash before my eyes. It’s so dramatic and I hate it. I hate how this happens every time I get particularly ill, my ocd makes it ten times worse and makes me feel like I’m dying. I’ve been panicking for an hour and just trying to distract myself with social media while the medicine kicks in. I wish my mom was here.

Is this a normal, unspoken thing that all of us humans do in order to make friends, connect with others, make them like us, and make them feel we relate to them and they relate to us? - Lets say there is a person you really, really like and admire. You really like being friends with them, they’re just a cool person. They’re always happy, very successful, independent, confident, etc. and they just make you feel so good about yourself. You admire their values and their way of life. You don’t necessarily like the way they dress, but you like them so much that how they dress grows on you, so you find yourself at Target one day, you see a shirt that looks just like something they would wear, and you buy it. You buy it because it reminds you of them. You buy it because in an odd sense it makes you feel like them (kind of like a little boy who puts on a superman costume feels like he’s superman.) You buy it because you want to connect with them. You want them to think, “oh, I love your shirt and they will because it’s something the’d wear.) You also find yourself doing and saying things that they do sometimes just because other people wear off on us, and sometimes just because we like feeling like them. Sometimes I find myself purposely acting like them when Im at home or starting to use their lingo. It’s almost a way of carrying them around with me. Im so worried something is wrong with me or that Im not being truthful to them. Ive been this way my whole life. Have never had a problem making friends/keeping friends. Im 45, have had the same friends since middle school, been with my husband for 15 yrs., have 2 amazing kids. On the outside I am quite normal. I believe people to think Im well put together and have been told so before. I thought I was on the inside as well until OCD got ahold of me 3 months ago. It just tells me Im fake, manipulative (with how I win people over), unauthentic person who tricks everyone in to being my friend or to like me. No, I don’t have borderline personality disorder, and have been evaluated by a therapist. I had a thorough assessment when I was seen for severe health anxiety. Can anyone relate? Thank you!

I just wanted to share my experience in order to show others that it does get better. I'm not offering reassurance (haha), but a glimmer of hope. NOCD has helped me tremendously, and with medication and therapy I am finally feeling like my old self again. Just months ago I didn't think this would be possible. You can do it!

i feel like a bad person. i’ve made a lot of mistakes in my relationship which my bf has forgiven me for but i can’t help but feel like a horrible person. my mind keeps going back to every mistake i’ve made an i feel the need to tell my bf every single thing. an i think stuff i don’t want to think which ik i can’t help and alot of the time idk if it’s intrusive thoughts or normal thoughts everyone does but i just can’t help feeling like my bf would hate me if he knew the rest of my mistakes he knows a majority of them we both agreed not to tell him anything else bc it doesn’t matter but idk i just feel so awful and i get panic attacks an just really bad episodes bc of the guilt of everything i honestly just want it to go away.

Lately I've been feeling like giving up on everything even if that everything is little to nothing since OCD has practically kept me captive 2 years. Been suffering since 13, found out I had OCD around 20-21 and now I'm 26. My dream is to be have my own businesses, I personally see myself as I have everything to do that except I can't get out of the house, consistently. I have 2 online business but one of them has performed poorly since I was late for some shipments and even 2 or 3 were never shipped cause I just couldn't get myself out of bed, I refunded the money obviously. There is this other online nursery I started 2-3 months ago I do not grow the trees but rather just offer them online. I wanted to start growing them since it seems something I like business wise and welp growing plants in general, that way I can offer better prices to people. But how? I can't even get out of my house? Like.... should I just give up? I see good potential in it since I've had good sales and just started 2-3 months ago. Now in fall I wanted to build a green house, but how? One week I'm good, going out 3-4 times a week and then the next week I stay inside 4 days in a row, being late with some shipments. Should I just give up? I feel I shouldn't visualize myself with anything, I shouldn't dream in accomplishing things. Why do it? If I'm incapable to use the bathroom properly, have my room as I would like it to be, sit at the dining table and have a meal? I think I should give up on my dreams. I have so many ideas but.... you! OCD do not let me live my life! Thanks, OCD But I think to myself, giving up is not gonna make OCD go away. But at least I won't cry 5 days a week for not being able to accomplishing. Just like one of my sister said one time "you should be realistic". I used to think that was a conformist idea, but I'm starting to get it. I shouldn't be dreaming. I think I'll suffer less if I just give up. I'm sorry if it's confusing, every time I finished i sentence I wiped my tears off since I'm crying typing this out cause it hurts so much not being able to do what you want. I can't even cry properly cause of OCD. I guess I'm just letting my emotions out here. Or maybe it's just an OCD phase? I've been improving overall do exposures make you cry? How do they make you feel? Before, during and after?