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Why do I want to feel like I’m telling the truth to my parents by telling them I’m a rapist please help me

I feel like every time I do talk to someone or journal or type it I feel the same and lately I’ve been feeling worse and worse mentally and I’m worried that I’ll do something he won’t like and he’ll get angry at me or won’t trust me anymore nd sometimes I get worrriwd that I’ll hate working and that my depression will get too bad to where I can’t get up and go or maybe I’ll have a bad hair day and don’t have time to do it and sometimes when I vent to him I feel like I’m hiding something or trying to change the subject from something idk i think bc he’s my boyfriend and he rly cares abt me and I think if I tell him certain things he won’t like it and he’ll make me stop those things and sometimes I feel so crazy not like psych ward crazy but unwell n delusional crazy like hell breakup w me bc of how irritated he could become bc of me or the things I do or say or feel or think. idk I just hate having a mind of my own sometimes and when I get suicidal thoughts that I’d never go through I get sad bc of how badly I think I’ll end my life before I reach 24 and I get sad bc I wouldn’t get to experience life with him or kids with him or a first home with him I would miss out on so much and I get sadder bc fomo and his love for me and my love for him is the only thing I feel like keeping me alive currently and then I feel like it’s selfish bc now maybe it potentially feels like he’s w me by force which ik he’s not it’s bc he loves me! And I think im just not used to it n I expect us to always be together always b texting always have each others attention 24/7 bc I don’t do anything but he does and I think that’s what makes me feel crazy like I need to find a hobby like him so im not left feeling so alone and more obsessed but then ii think that’s so dumb that people go an hour or two without texting Bc they have their own lives n im so stuck just rotting and not taking care of myself like others are able to do and recently I’ve been eating so bad I can’t bring myself to finish a meal or eat breakfast all I do is feel tired and drink water and get thoughts of wanting to cut myself bc I want an outlet and sometimes I want my outlet to be cutting myself bc the release is so big and I scar and touch them and hide them and I can control how small or big or deep it is or who I want to tell or don’t want to tell but isn’t that selfish? Or manipulative? To know that ppl don’t want me to do those things or ask me not to and I end up doing it anyway ? Idk I’m rambling I’m so sad all the time I’m crying all the time I cry everyday of my life and no one knows

these are so hard together 😣 I’m fine with saying I’m bisexual but my brain screams at me. I really don’t know what to do. I’m 27 and married to an incredible man. Ugh. Can anyone talk?

I already don't like this app. It has the same problem as being on the OCD subreddit or in any OCD online group. It inevitably just devolves into people doing compulsions (reassurance seeking, mainly) at each other. My unpopular opinion is that people with OCD shouldn't have support groups unless they're HEAVILY moderated by a clinician. This one clearly isn't. I scrolled for 5 min and almost every post is someone saying "I'm worried about x, do you think it's true?". That's a compulsion! This app is not facilitating ERP it's hindering it.

Hey guys! I’ve been feeling so sad lately in my relationship I don’t feel worthy of love and i just constantly think its my fault or im just not enough. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. I’ve been in 2 abusive relationships and i just obsess over the past and how much it hurt me and that if it didn’t happen how much happier id be. Now i don’t want to jump to conclusions but i need opinions on my boyfriend now this is going to sound really sad but sometimes i think im blind to certain things and i feel like sometimes im silly for how i react. My current boyfriend has never hit me which is good but sometimes he treats me really badly whenever all i do is love him he always has something to complain about ill make him breakfast and he says “never really been a fan of sausage” when i let him know i was going to be making sausage it just kinda makes me feel bad then he will just kinda always hate on me almost saying little things and eventually they all add up and i just cry i try to do everything right because i love him but if i express how i feel in front of him he tells me “you deserve better” “you should be with someone else” and i just tell him that i love him he says all these things but why cant he just be better? I think about this so much then it makes me feel like im ugly or unworthy and it just makes me feel like crap. Sorry all this might not be related to ocd but it is something that consumes me constantly i just wish he thought i was beautiful or maybe even attempted a nice gesture.

does your OCD get so consuming to the point that you CAN'T shower/do regular things that you would normally do? i'm not even depressed. i'm just burnt out & so overwhelmed by my own mind that i can't even shower or take a bath. & that's huge for me because i'm usually VERY clean/i always try to make sure i smell good. i'm just reaching out for support wherever i can at this point.

Has anyone here used BetterHelp? My dad had a talk with me last night and he wants to help me get therapy. I feel so bad for him to pay for it, I should be doing it for myself by now, I don’t want him to be wasting money because I know it’s expensive and I’m worried. I don’t have an official diagnosis of any kind and I’ve never seen a therapist before. I worry if I can be helped.

think the worse right now is I get this urge and its saying,"just accept your gay" and it feels like I should but I don't want to be gay, but when I say that it feels like I'm lying to myself. I haven't felt anxiety or distress for a long time, and I know that before hocd I never had these feelings before, but my hocd loves to mess with my past and says,"when this happened you felt like this" Idk but I'm getting these huge urge to accept being gay, n it uncertainty, my hocd doesn't allow that to happen. But I really don't want to be gay, because I genually don't want to be gay, not because of others or anything else, me as a person don't want to be gay

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all, yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel almost real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

I have extreme anger issues and it's ruining my life and people around me. Can I address this issue of mine with ERP/ocd therapy?

I need someone's thoughts on this I've been starting to question everything and all the things I've done, I've never liked any girls despite being in a girls class for years, but because if hocd I've starting to think about things I've done or thought that are not normal for a straight person, when I was little I used to enjoy watching videos of people making out and I kind of felt aroused when the guy touched some parts of the girl, sometimes i stumbled upon some videos of girls kissing and I remember I felt aroused by that too,then I stopped but growing up I tried to watch porn despite the fact that I'm rarely horny and straight porn just didn't do it for me, then I stumbled in lesbian porn and I actually enjoyed it and would get around by it,but I never questioned my sexuality because I knew that it was quite common for straight girls to watch lesbian porn but the thing is that sometimes I've wanted to do the same things that girls did in those videos,not essentially making sex with them or being touched by them but touch certain parts of some girls(not a lot just the ones I found extremely attractive)and this thought aroused me. Since hocd hit I've been rethinking everything and this thing in particular has stuck with me. Idk really I feel so hopeless because I mean for someone it could not be a big deal being not straight but for me it literally is because my entire identity would be destroyed and I would not be able to play those kind of games cause I would not enjoy them or I won't be able to watch any straight romance movie anymore or I could not fangirl with my friends about some hot singers or actors or even fictional characters and my dream since I was a child of being married with a man and having a beautiful family with children would be destroyed. So right now I would like someone's thoughts on this,like I don't want reassurance I just want to know what someone thinks about this,like do you think I'm not straight in reality?

Those who have experience/d sexual ocd whilst in a relationship, how do you or have you handled that? It gets so much for me when it throws sexual thoughts about ANYTHING, it could be children, animals, family, complete strangers, friends, people I’ve had a sexual history with, etc… it’s SO draining. I want to live my life and have gotten better in some ways as in like coping wise, I’m about to start new meds + seeing therapist (not ocd therapist) in January, I have read and am reading books on topic but I find I’m always on discussion forums like reddit etc trying to find answers, I know that doesn’t help long term… but I am just genuinely curious as to how you handle those types of thoughts whilst in a relationship, I genuinely think mine and my partners porn experiences in the past in our relationship has affected me a lot and caused some of this obsession, porn is something we know isn’t good for our relationship and it’s not a desire to do now… it was actually more damaging, even tho at the time I had a different perspective on it sort of… I wish we never did that , but without doing that I suppose I might’ve not come to the realisation of how damaging it actually was/is, if that makes sense. Anyway. Please any advice is welcome. I’m struggling. It hurts.

I’m really feeling awful this morning. I thought I was getting better but now I just feel worse. I keep telling myself it’s not OCD and that I want these things and that something is seriously wrong with me. And I can’t shake that feeling. I feel so stuck and alone because my thoughts are so awful. I am so scared. I have my fourth session today and while it’s been nice to have someone but I feel like yesterdays session made me feel worse even though it didn’t have to. I think my OCD latched onto something my therapist said and now I am running with it. Sometimes I will make every situation about something sexually inappropriate, do you guys do that? and I mean listening to songs or watching shows or just having a random thought? I also feel like a bad person and when people sympathize with me for OCD i feel like I don’t deserve it bc i don’t have OCD and want to do those things and i’m gross and awful and why should my family feel bad for me? Truly am having the toughest time telling the difference. Everytime I say it’s just thoughts I find myself saying no it isn’t. you have the urge to do things. Idk what to do.

I've been fine for months, I had my attraction to man back, until two days ago. I was on tiktok a lesbian couple triggered me and I don't know why, I started to feel like I was attracred to the Masc One, but she's not completely masculine, Just androgynous. Now i've been spiraling and I feel like I like women.

My girlfriend and I had sex a about 10 days ago. She is not on birth control, I wore a condom but in the moment I put it on the wrong way at first and then switched it around. I’m terrified that I got her pregnant from precum. I’ve been absolutely obsessing about the possibility of it happening. From what I read it’s extremely low possibly, but OCD is saying she is pregnant. I cannot shut my brain off. I love my girlfriend more than anything and was going to propose to her later this year. I just keep thinking if she is pregnant will I be able to provide, even though I have a steady great income job and so does she. I think will my OCD get so bad that I can’t go to work and lose everything. I used to deal with Sexual and harm OCD, and I just keep thinking will this come back and start if I have a kid. Any tips or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone

I sometimes feel abnormal because I have a mental illness and that I won't be having normal things in life like relationship, partying, trying out new things and what not. How do I tackle this

I really need some help right now— my family stopped having money for my therapy so I’m feeling really alone—-months ago my family and I were doing karaoke and I did friends on the other side from The Princess and the frog- and I accidentally mimicked the guy’s voice and I’m worried I did it offensively. I’m terrified of being racist and the memory is keeping me up and I’m feeling genuinely really sick. Is there anyone that can offer advice or help? Can I be forgiven? I know that sounds dramatic but I’m sincerely getting sick over it I don’t want to be racist I want to be a good person.

Early morning havnt slept and ocd hasn't stopped for days I just want to be able to breath it's so debilitating in every way and I just feel the ocd thoughts start to pop ideas in my head and the things it comes up with like the worries are not just thoughts they are fully formed situations and very specific when I haven't even thought about it before it's like it forms this whole thing in my head subconsciously and then before I know it I'm chillin and then I'm just 50 ft under water drowning because it just throws a whole spacific situation at me that I never even thought of this effects me in every way possible and I just lay here misrible all day having seizer after seizer from stress being suicidal and just suffocating and so much more I just dread every moment I'm awake because the moment I am counsious it starts ugh it's every moment of my day just suffering so yeah really not looking forward to waking up 10 years of this and I'm exhausted the only relief I get is switching to another theme like i just wamma get pregnant so i csn obsess over that instead of what i am rn ot effects everyone around me and im just so miserable

Hi, I don't really know where to start but I was diagnosed with OCD around 2 years old so it's something I've been aware of my entire life and something I've been struggling to manage for as long as I can remember. I've never received OCD therapy but I had started going to an art therapist after a su*cide attempt for about 2 months in my teen years. When I was younger my parents didn't want me on medications or going through therapy as they felt it was "too intense" of a treatment for me, so I had tried many herbal and homeopathic supplements to help treat my OCD, though it helped with my vitamin deficiencies it didn't do much for my OCD. During my late teens, my primary doctor finally decided to start me on medications for my anxiety, depression, and OCD. I have been on Zoloft, Prozac, Wellbutrin, had been prescribed emergency Lorazepam and Xanax, and recently tried Paxil, but I just don't feel like any have helped. Over the years, I've basically struggled with every typical OCD symptom and it has only gotten harder and harder to get by. When I talk to my friends about it they tell me that these thoughts are normal and everyone goes through it but I feel like they're dismissing the degree to which my symptoms are becoming rather debilitating and don't really understand what I'm trying to since none of them have OCD themselves. I just feel so alone and that nobody understand, I'm tired of having these thoughts and I just want a way out. Does anyone have any tips for like medications or treatments that help? I just want to be normal.

im isolating from my triggers. i often avoid meeting ppl, making frnds cause ik they wud be my trigger in one way or the other. sometimes i feel lonely but at the same time, i cant meet ppl. im really hopeless and gloomy. any kind words wud be appreciated.