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Does anyone ever feel like they force themselves to endure their triggers? Like you can’t physically stop yourself from doing something or seeing something that you know will trigger you and you know it won’t help or give you any joy but you literally can’t physically stop?

I’ve been in and out w hocd for awhile now, but I’ve gotten way better than a few months ago. That I can confirm. A few days ago it started back up with force, I’m aimlessly depressed and sad again for no reason. And now the gay thoughts are haunting me. I keep questioning if I’ll ever find a guy attractive since if I ever do I tell myself I’m “only saying that” and I don’t fully mean it. There’s this girl in my class and I’m getting thoughts about liking her and now everyday when I see her I get this weird feeling and I’m convincing myself those are butterflies and I literally wanna cry because I know deep down it isn’t what I want. Ever since hocd other problems with my mental health have bloomed and I look at things so differently now, like everything isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I feel like every gay person realized at some point in their life that they aren’t straight and I’m scared this is my time but I don’t want to be lesbian, but every lesbian says, “accepting it will make it better, I remember when I tried so hard to be straight” and I get so much anxiety from this.

now i feel like all the self help and therapy and erp is gonna do is make “accept that i’m bi” i don’t deep down truly feel like i’m bi but i feel like i just haven’t realized it yet. wtf. why wasn’t this happening before. before i was hopeful and i felt like the self help and self erp and the book would help me realize how silly these thoughts are. this is making me wonder if this is even hocd anymore and no one is responding and i’m freaking out

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP. IM GOING TO START SELF ERP THROUGH A SELF HELP BOOK AND I CAMT STOP SEEING MYSELF DOING THE ERP AND THEN “realizing i’ve been bi the whole time”. AND IT SEEMS SO REAL. IT SEEMS LIKE ITS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. BUT THATS NOT WHAT I WANT. BUT WHATS FREAKING ME OUT MOST IS THAT THIS ISNT FREAKING ME OUT LIKE IT WOULD BEFORE. ITS MAKING ME THING THAT THIS THOUGHT ISNT CAUSING DISTRESS WHICH MAKES IT NOT HOCD. THE THOUGHT ISNT CAUSING DISTRESS TBH BUT I DONT LIKE IT. I DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. AT ALL. IM SCARED ABOUT THAT HAPPENING

First time here. My fiancé had a pretty severe emotional breakdown this summer that he is still recovering from and it has caused what I think is major ROCD for me. The thing about asking for reassurance is so real, I constantly need to know that he is okay and if he is, I still feel like crap. If he is having a bad day I am a compete wreck and my intrusive thoughts tell me that I should leave him, that I can't handle his baggage and that he is toxic to me even though we have a wonderful and loving relationship. It's nice to know I can come here to vent

also im in the process of looking for self help books. i found two that have amazing reviews and there’s hundreds of reviews and everyone said it helped tremendously, but i’m worried that it won’t help me because it’s not specifically for HOCD, it’s just a book about mindfulness and cbt and erp, and i’m worried it either won’t help me because it’s not directed at hocd, or its going to make me “realize” i’ve been gay or bi this whole time. and that’s so scary to me so i’m scared but then there’s the other part of me that says no this is just hocd and the book will help me because it is a subtype of ocd.

I haven’t posted on here in a few days. Since last Friday I’ve just felt really weird and I’d read other people’s posts and just feel like I don’t relate anymore and it’s not OCD. I’ve needed to cry for 10 days but I just haven’t been able to feel anything. Today I’m feeling horrible though. I’m sick of everything, I’m sick of looking at women to test. I’m sick of clenching my fist when I walk past a woman incase I get the urge to inappropriately touch them (weird sorry). Either that or walking an extra few yards further away just incase. I’m feeling so low that I’ve started to harm myself. I know it’s so so so stupid. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I just feel so bad. Sorry for this - I know someone might tell me to try therapy. I just needed to talk.

I have had issues with my eye. I had conjunctivitis then something the optician diagnoses as a chalazion (a blocked gland I need to put hot compresses on to help drain it). I went there in a panic convinced it was std related even though i have never had one. She said it was definitely not std related but my ocd still says “yeah but what if she’s wrong??? and you infect yourself and your partner? He will leave you” Today’ my eye is itching again and a bit gooey. I’m convinced it’s chlamydia or gonorrhoea again. I made another appointment to see her Wednesday for the 5th time. Do you think this is ocd? I can’t tell

A lot of times I will get OCD attacks before something I’m looking forward to. For example, if the family is going out to a restaurant, or a good movie is coming on, anything to look forward to really. Just prior to it obsessive thoughts come up. It is like they are trying to sabotage me enjoying myself. I read somewhere that the brain can’t tell the difference when an emotion is felt and may label it with worrisome thoughts. Also, I imagine it is the amygdala’s way of not letting you relax. Maybe a leap back to early times when you were at your most vulnerable when you were enjoying something such as eating, intimacy, etc. Has or does anyone experience this?

I was watching tik toks and I saw Heathers “Martha Dumptruck in the flesh, here comes the cootie squad” that one. Anyway I decided to read up on what it’s about. It’s really violent, a lot of killing and suicide stuff and one part of it talked about blowing up the school. It was terrible. Then my harm ocd started up again “what if you did any of that.” “You want to.” “You’ll find a way to do it.” I said no I won’t, I’m not that kind of person. I’m scared what if I want to. I doubt I’ll want to kill some one or blow stuff up because that’s terrible to do, but it feels so real I don’t even trust my self, I regret reading up on it. I should’ve just enjoyed the tik tok and moved on with my life

Has anyone with HOCD started dating again. Like I don’t want to be cooped up in here forever but at the same time, due to the nature of these thoughts, I feel kinda....guilty?

so i was getting better from hocd, but i guess my best friend relapsed it. i was almost with no thoughts, but then the name of my best friend popped out in my mind and stayed there like for some hours and now i’m afraid i like him ( when hocd was worse, this was one of my thoughts), is it still hocd right ?

So because of these hocd thoughts feeling so real and me feeling like there is enough proof of me being bi I just said that I was. Any thought that comes in I agree and agree. The problem is then I think about being with girls and finding them hot or sexy and it doesn't feel right but all the sensations and "attraction" feel real I'm literally so confused. I know I don't want to be with girls but the doubt feels unmanageable so I just agree with it but I don't feel happy I more just feel numb. Like it gives me anxiety even thinking of finding girls sexy or hot and makes me feel a little nausea but then my brain is like you're not nauseous at all you don't have any anxiety this is you and who you've always been. Ughhhhhh.

Hi everyone I’ve struggled with OCD for 22 years, and I’m hoping to start doing some really tough ERP with the app. My revolves around superstitious OCD and thoughts popping in basically if I think something whilst touching an object or doing something i feel it makes it more likely to happen, I have depression due to the OCD. But I hope I can start to recover because I’ve had enough of this illness.

I can’t seem to get a break, every day it’s something new the dumbest things ever but they feel so big to me. I’m so tired of doing this I can’t do it any longer I just cried because how much I hate my. I’m tired of living at the sink having major anxiety for almost no reason and if I try to fight it I just get more anxiety like well I touched my phone now I gotta wash my phone, it’s on my sheets, my clothes. I take super long showers i guess what I’m here for is help how can I help this what can I do to ease the anxiety like idk when I should or shouldn’t wash my hands anymore like my dog peed in the bathroom and got it on her paws then splash and got it in my mouth my clothes she walked around the house with paws full of pee I’m tired of cleaning everything and myself all the time can someone give me some advice

I’m actually going crazy

What I have noticed is that when I try to use positive thinking and challenge my thoughts I feel better but then I end up avoiding intense bad thoughts. Those thoughts bubble up and then I cannot calm down unless I use ERP. Then I feel sad because thats all I can think about. How can I balance this?

Hi everyone. I’m alana and I’m 21 years old. I have been in a relationship with a great guy for almost 3 years now. My past with relationships were very crappy and I have a bad past with men period because of my dad not being a father figure for me. In this relationship I am constantly overthinking and doubting everything. Now right now my mind is calm. But when it’s not it’s like a whole thing of destruction going on up there that no one can stop. I see a counselor, I am on medicine for severe depression and anxiety and am on a mood stabilizer as well. I was never diagnosed with OCD though but I know it lingers somewhere. My doubts are always towards my boyfriend. But my depression knocks me down with the thoughts and I don’t even get out of bed. I literally talked to a psychic and she said I have nothing to worry about and so did my counselor. Any advice on how to handle it all?

So my HOCD has been pretty rough the last couple weeks. Have others that suffer from this type of OCD ever see an attractive person of the same sex and look internally for “feelings” of attraction? I’m beyond the “groinal response phase” now, and now its look for feelings of attraction. My mind is going back and forth between “this is a real feeling you are denying” or “this is just OCD creating false feelings”. Would love to hear if others have experienced it and if so, how they’ve coped with it.

Has anyone got any tips on how to stop feeling depersonalized?? And to just ground yourself a bit within