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I’m exhausted and feel alone with my ocd. I’ve had it for 17 years and still feel like I need to beat it but I’m never going to get to that point and then if I’m starting to get better it feels unsettling. Can anyone relate? 💜

ive become fixated on the idea of somehow no longer being able to breathe and suffocating, just out of nowhere. and i know this isnt going to happen to me but im so scared of this happening that i start focusing on my breathing, and it feels like it IS harder to breathe but im pretty sure its just my anxiety and im playing tricks on myself… only issue is im not really sure if this is part of my ocd specifically

Does anyone else feel like OCD has become part of their entire life? Like I struggle with showering, using the bathroom, driving, trying to leave my house, cooking, eating, and doing my job. I feel like I’m drowning in it and it’s consuming my entire day and I feel like just breaking down and sobbing everyday over it. I see a therapist, and a psychiatrist but it’s been so bad that it’s taking a huge toll on my mental health and just my quality of life. I have gone through remission before, but it just feels like it has come back stronger and it’s just like seeping into everything in my day, it’s like I can’t ever escape it.

If I think all things done wrong are personal failures for erp are they going to make me do personal failures?

How would we even begin to start these?; *sigh* Okay, here we go. I mean a lot of this OCD “area-of-improvement” characterization, could easily be reorganized as strengths. How would I understand what is and isn’t necessary to change with this life partner, that is an OCPD induced brain. I do value her/ it in some ways. However, being alone with her is a bit of a task. It’s nice to have a community of like minded or should I say “shared-struggle” beings, attempting to respond, mechanize and reason with a thing not entirely understood but necessary to live with. While it feels that in time this program will help us gather a deeper understanding of what it means to gain control over our responses to internal and external interpretations of ourselves and our environment, I do understand that this is all a kind of tested hypothesis, one that may harm my partner brain. It is triggering to even begin to explain such a fear, let alone be given an open-ended outline requesting us to do so, together. NOCD however, one of, if not the most, advanced method of recovery proven to bring about success with the OCD marriage being more understood and if self co-existing with such a thing progressively. In other words this method SHOULD bring about maintained mental and physical SELF CONTROL despite. Like everything else though, it is a method of recovery only accessible “with time and patience”. I am engaging with my OCD via NOCD therapy in hopes that one day soon we can work together to continue finding more time-saving solutions to mental quagmires such as OCD and far more. *sigh* 2 sessions in and Today I Honestly. . . wish I had enough control of myself already! This seems to be the start of a long arduous ‘couples therapy’-like process with my partner and this very friendly brain mechanic, that doesn’t necessarily appear to have a definitive end. *sigh* Oh my f*#%ing God! Here we f*#%ing gooooooo!!!

Hi. I have been grateful and patient for a long time but I had to call off because I can’t even stand going in. Would like to hear anyone’s experience.

Can somebody relate to these terrifying and reality-shattering doubts? Today I went through a very bad ocd episode after reading a triggering comment. It felt like we don't actually have innate morals, that there is nothing separating me from being a monster. I started spiraling into disturbing questions and I got scared a lot. "If you try to like it maybe you could like it". I was so scared how easily I could see myself becoming a **** who's attracted to that horrible stuff. I was too terrified about the fact that maybe I could start being attracted to that stuff in my head, and that scenario happened TOO easily. I'm not attracted by that stuff, it makes me throw up and cry, but in my head it felt so terrifyingly easy to become a deplorable monster like all those abusers in the world, this parallel reality felt so real and easy. Like all the **** on Hollywood must have become like that because they were exposed to it and they learned to like that perversion right? They're all in it. I got triggered very badly about that scenario, that if I got exposed to it I could start to like it. That my brain could adapt itself to liking it. I don't know how to explain it, I don't even know if you guys can relate to this terrible feeling. It felt in my head like there is a very thin wall separating me from being like a ****, that there is very fragile wall for me, that if I were to be exposed to that stuff that I could actually enjoy that horrible stuff. It's a reality that terrifies me, and in my head this scenario happened too easily, like I'm destined to it or I'm in denial, like "it's a matter of time", and once I try to check if I like it I could actually like it. Like I always avoid little girls, and everytime I notice them I always get triggered and feel distress, but I tried to accept the distress and move on, thinking that it was ocd making feel like I was falsely-attracted, and that I was actually only triggered and nothing else - I never went beyond that - but what if I put it in my mind to accept that I actually liked what I saw? How easy would it be to realise that maybe I was actually attracted and in denial? Or maybe if I crossed the veil of OCD I could discover a horrible truth that I never wanted to know? It's the distress that's making me feel sane, but if I went beyond that? If I tried to experiment the liking would I actually become what I fear the most? Just like that, easily? I'll never cross that veil, because I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. But the fact that maybe under it lies an uncomfortable truth will always keep me in uncertainty and unclear about my identity. Of course I would never look up that stuff, I would kill myself, but my head conjured me that I could like it, that it's like something sleeping that it's just waiting to be woke up. I can't tolerate it at all. Those horrible people in Hollywood, they discovered that they liked it after being exposed to it, what if I'm just like them? I could go live all my life just like now, without knowing, but what if in their same scenarion I would have been one of those person that could have like it just like them? I also suddenly got remembered again about that traumatic memory of that person sending an illegal gif out of nowhere, and it was accompanied by this disturbing thought "maybe you could like it". I also had another triggering episode, I was on instagram and a trigger appeared, and I start checking it repeatedly. I was afraid that because I noticed the trigger I was attracted by it so I was trying to find an answer. I need answers, not reassurance, I need to know if you guys experience this too.

I am at my witts end with struggling with this. I can't talk to my partner because they don't seem to understand what I'm going through. Not sure how to tell them they are triggering me when they talk about certain things that make the OCD rise in me. Life has been incredibly stressful. I'm ready to give up on everything.

do you guys often confuse being triggered with actually being attracted. I struggle with this a lot.

On December 29, 2021, I experienced my first intrusive OCD thought. When I realized I couldn't shake it, immense dread seemed to overcome me. I spent the next 5 months in my own personal hell, flinching at every single thought, feeling, sensation, and urge. For months I wondered "What in the hell could have caused this to happen? Why am I losing my mind?" It was actually In April though, when it hit me. "Could it be the weed I was smoking every single day to calm down my nerves even though it hasn't done shit but amplify the sensations?" Nahhhhh. But internally, I was considering it.(This might be crazy and possibly triggering so do proceed with caution) Then I had a family trip planned. My immediate family and some older cousins I thought I could trust (One being in her late forties and the other in her twenties, after all.) I got in their car instead of my mom's. Why? Because I felt that stupid dread and wanted to break out of it with my fun cousins. I was determined to relax that day. As I got in, they offered me some weed. At the time, I was 15 and all my family knew I smoked so it was alright with them. I was hesitant at first and declined, but again, I thought fear was trying to tear me down so I said yes. Within 5-10 seconds, the high hit me like a truck. The sky turned red, and they had the music up at full volume playing the same fucking song over and over until we got to my grandmother's house to pick up my younger cousin. They drove like a bat out of hell the whole way there. I was in hell. [I realize this is getting way to long so I'll summarize] The trip sucked, everyone acted like I was a nuisance,we got home at 2 AM, and I didn't sleep for four days straight. It wasn't because of thoughts, anxiety, or anything else OCD related, it was because they laced their weed with something and to this day Ii still don't know with what. I haven't smoked weed since, and a lot of my symptoms are gone from resources I found online (OCD recovery on IG), but I miss the relief weed brought me. . NOW for my important question. Would it be possible for me to smoke weed again, preferably some that's unprocessed and homegrown? It was deeply benefiting me before OCD, but I genuinely believe it was the unnecessary processing and addictives of weed that was hurting me.

Who am I if not my thoughts, sensations, feelings, or urges? I know some people say you are your values or you are your actions. However, aren’t your values and actions dependent on your thoughts, feelings, urges, and sensations? How can actions and values even arise without dependence on either a thought, feeling, sensations, or urge?

My problem sounds kinda silly in comparison to others here, but I must say it plagues my daily life so so much that I just need to share it. It would be great if I could get a few advice here. I was diagnosed with OCD a few years back, although the symptoms started quite a few more years back. It’s nothing too serious, but it takes me almost an hour to use the toilet (not bathing). What takes so much time? Cleaning myself and washing my hands mostly. I repeat a set of…what the doctor termed as ‘rituals’ I perceive as ‘necessary’ to wash my hands properly. If I do not complete them, the back of my mind screams “You’re still unclean!”. Even if I manage to avoid my compulsions for one day, on the next, it doesn’t become any easier. A brutal cycle of obsessions and compulsions that needs to be broken every day, but I can’t. I can speed up my ‘rituals’, but not avoid them entirely. This means the time I need in the toilet is still around 45 minutes to an hour. On my worst days, it has even gone for two and a half hours at a time. Although I can continue like this at home, but soon I need to move to college. I know college and dorm life won’t be any kinder to me with this disability of mine. Neither will I be given so much time inside shared washrooms, nor can I avoid the vicious bullying that may come with it. The latter is mostly my assumption, but even normal students face ragging in college; it’s a fact. I would be really glad if anyone with similar conditions who has spent life in dorms alongside peers could share their experiences. How to manage the demon of OCD and how can I survive dorm life? I’m already scared of rumours of ragging I heard from my seniors, but this disability of mine makes life so much worse. I’m really afraid of what the future holds for me.

Is it worth it even if you’re event or false memory and what if thoughts are truly horrible? I’m scared to go through recovery and then later be faced with the truth and that truth is the worst possible outcome that I had been fearing. I can’t imagine feeling “recovered” and then sometime in the future turns out I AM a monster.

TikTok has been the biggest trigger beyond belief - I feel like I'm constantly being bombared by relationship Tiktoks and my biggest fears. In the past 15 minutes scrolling while taking a break from work I have seen -"when I spent 7 years with the wrong man because I was too scared to leave him" (didn't watch the video) -8 signs your dating a narcissist (i nitpicked all my memories with him to make sure he didn't fit any of the qualities) and then started worrying I was secretly a narcissist. -red flags in dating Every single relationship Tiktok good to bad triggers me so much. I am having the worst day ever because of this and can't get off reddit and have been avoiding my partner. I work in literally influencer marketing so my whole day is revolved around being on social media unfortunately so I'm not sure if I can delete the app. The other thing is me and my partner love showing each other funny little Tiktoks. I am also sick to my stomach about Taylor Swifts new album about her breakup with Joe Alwyn coming out and how many tiktoks there is going to be about it and if I will possibly relate to any of the songs. I don't even want to explain what ROCD is to my friends as they are all in very new relationships (around 3-4 months) and simply will think I am in the wrong relationship or not happy. So sorry I went on a bit of a tangent but if anyone is triggered by tiktok as well let me know. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day too!

Hey everyone. Does anyone else struggle with wanting to do things “perfectly”? I always want things to be done a certain way, and if I feel as though I’ve made a mistake, or “messed up” I have the urge to start over. How can I overcome this feeling? Thanks for reading.

I’m aware I have ocd and with logic I can see that I shouldn’t be worried and I have things to do and things I’m happy about but I have what ifs in the back of my mind. It’s like following me around and it’s so scary not to mental check or act on it in some way. I know I should move forward but I’m scared to. I think hormones are flaring it up. I’m just catastrophizing or whatever in the back of my mind. I wanna be happy so badly and move on so I can feel free

I think I have a lying problem. And I am struggling a lot. I could use some advice, or just to know it happens to other people. Or I do have one for sure. Sometimes I answer without thinking and it’s a lie and I don’t correct it. I feel horrible about it but I don’t fix it. Sometimes I just say whatever answer even if it’s a lie. I have this awful guilt and embarrassing feeling but I don’t do anything about my lie. Sometimes when meeting strangers I lie about random insignificant things!!! And the worst part is I constantly relive my lies and get very hung up on them. I feel guilty. I think of ways I could fix them. I imagine being confronted and caught in the lie. When I met my partners parents I lied about how I applied to unis, who I trained for a marathon with (I trained and did the marathon, just lied about being part of a run club, WHY??!!!) or the age of my dogs mom. Sometimes I’m scared I lie and I don’t even notice and my partner does. Even with approximations, I struggle with the fact that nothing can be 100-% truth. Does anyone relate?

Hey all. I want to share something pretty ironic that happened to me recently. For a little backstory, I have ROCD, specifically the fear of cheating on my partner. In my most recent relationship it has been a lot better and most of my compulsions have subsided. But my last relationship was when it was at its peak. I would control my EVERY move to make sure it was not adulterous bc in my mind it would be cheating. Literally couldn’t walk around others without feeling this way. At one point it gotten so bad it didn’t matter if I was in my home with the window closed. I was convinced that my irrational fears were true. These suffocating thoughts and compulsions urged me to seek therapy after my last relationship. I say all this to say that I am in no way a cheater. But most recent boyfriend (ex as of yesterday) is convinced I have cheated on him. With no real evidence. Only things he thinks he’s found. Each speculation I have disproved. Sometimes all I had was my word but he never believed it. He never believed me. He became ruthless towards me, and his anger over something he thinks I did, seeped out through his jokes. He has severe trust issues. Yesterday during our last argument and my last plea to assure him I am in fact not a cheater I was so desperate I even explained to him what I was in therapy for and showed him documents to prove the type of ocd I have. I told him how can I, someone who has such high morals when it comes to relationships that I developed an OCD fixation around it, cheat on you. But still, he didn’t believe me. Mind you, I told him about my OCD in our beginning stages but I don’t think he fully understood. I just find this all so ironic. A year ago I was in therapy trying to prevent my worst fear from happening. I got semi-better. Met who I thought was going to be my husband. And in the end got accused of doing things I would never do: cheat. It’s sucks because I laid it all out to him. I pleaded to him in a way that did not honor my self worth. And still in the end none of it worked. I am proud of myself because I had the strength to be the one to say the final goodbye because enough is enough. I just find this all so so ironic.

what do you guys do when it feels so real? i’m doubting everything i ever knew, this is terrifying. it feels so real. stuff i used to be certain about i have no idea anymore.

I put in a trigger warning, have others done things such as “am I gay” quizzes or tests on the internet? If so, how did you stop?