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the NOCD Community

Has anyone ever had an accepting response when telling a partner? I don’t feel like I can be honest because I’m afraid they’ll leave me for being a monster or just never see me the same

Any success stories with ROCD and ERP? Would love some encouragement❤️

I haven't changed my underwear in about a week and a half because I don't have any clean underwear, it's all dirty and for some reason I just can't suck it up and do the laundry this time so I've just been wallowing away in my bed feeling and smelling gross, when I think about doing the laundry I get exhausted at the thought and then I think I'm a disgusting failure and then I just don't try at all and I just lay down and sleep to escape it all I don't understand why it's so hard for me to function like other people, my room is a disaster and idk where to start, I'm spiraling so badly, I have a pile of trash in my room that I'm for some reason just waiting for the "perfect moment" to throw away, I can't do this anymore, and I never say anything to my therapist because it's so fucking embarrassing even though I KNOW that she's there to help me through this, I can't bring myself to show anyone the state I let myself live in, I feel guilty and lazy and dumb. I need to ask for help but idk how, I've had help so many times with this and my room always gets worse, I hate my room, I want my old room back, I think I do this to show that I need my old room back? But I can't have it for reasons I don't feel like explaining rn because it's complicated, I miss my childhood room, it was perfect and it had everything I wanted and it was just taken away from me, I didn't mind it being taken, a room is a room, but I'm so possessive of my things and I like to have my things exactly as they are so I don't change anything ever. Even if that means cleaning my room, this is what I know now and I refuse to change it. I wanna fix this so badly

Hi all. I'm not sure who will see this or what will come of it, but I am just so tired. I'm someone who struggles with too many things and keeps myself in continuous distress for god knows what reason. I've convinced myself that the distress fuels me, but I know it's tearing me down. While I don't particularly enjoy my normal ocd symptoms of worry, doubt, failure, and needing balance, my relationship ocd has been much worse. For me, my rocd takes on the form of friendships, not partnerships. My one friend has been my rock for nearly 2 years and it's been a great friendship until someone else showed up. In my head, there's not enough room for both of us and I'm convinced my friend will realize this new person is better than me and I will just end up thrown aside. I've talked about it with my friend and she understands where I'm coming from and why I feel threatened, but that she feels this new person as an addition. I don't have any negative thoughts about her close friends before me because we are all separated, but this new one and I are in the same area (in grad school) which feels like a direct threat. I've told her I don't want to talk about this new person and what I need out of our friendship. She's fine at reassuring me when I bring it up to her, but I'm afraid I'm going to drive her away. I can hardly talk to her or look at her right now because I feel like I'm going to scream every time I hear this new person's name or know that they're together. And she hasn't said anything, but I know she has been taking her space recently. I hate feeling this way and I hate how much space in my mind this is taking up, but I care for her and our friendship so much and feel that I am at a loss and don't know what to do.

Please

My hands are so damaged from washing them , any tips from anyone I wash them so much because they don’t feel clean enough or I don’t want certain germs from something I’ve touched They have gone dry and sore with cuts and are bleeding

How do get rid of intrusive thoughts?? And how do you know that they’re intrusive thoughts if you started thinking of them? Or if you feel like you’re the one who’s thinking of them rather than them just popping in your mind? Like if you’re looking for it, like you’re looking for trouble… Anyone else feel like this too?

I have a fear of being drugged and everything I eat being drugged. It’s so annoying and everytime I do erp for it and eat the food anyway I am so anxious and feel weird afterwards. Any advice or help with these intrusive irrational thoughts please!

Anyone have any compulsions they didn't realize were compulsions? I ruled out OCD as a possibility for a long time because I didn't think I had any compulsions, but I'm realizing they can be a lot more subtle than the common examples, like locking doors over and over. I'm slowly discovering many small things I do that could be compulsions (excessively proofreading my posts, ruminating, seeking validation for my feelings in comments sections, etc), and I'd like to hear other people's examples too

Hello, bit of an odd one, but I got out of an abusive relationship about 18 months ago and I am really worried that I was the problem/ people think I’m the abuser. Im trying to separate my thoughts into ‘facts’ and ‘feelings/fiction’. I know that i was abused. For a long time i couldnt call it that, but then I went to therapy and sought help from external sources, including the university I was attending. It was emotional abuse, which makes it even harder to understand (even after therapy). I’ll spare the details. But … “what if youre the abuser?” “What if you were trying to manipulate them?” “What if when your career takes off, they say things about you and ruin it?” “What if that housemate backs them up because you never got along?” “What if you really were the abuser?” These thoughts plague me. I have friends who know everything, who saw the abuse and what it did to me, who could reassure me in an instant, but I am trying not to rely on reassurance. I am trying to find acceptance. Is is so hard. (I don’t even know what to tag this under.)

Sometimes it feels like I am not inside my body. Almost like I have no control. When I feel this way, it makes the thoughts/urges so much scarier. Any tips or advice? I feel very alone with this one.

After a rough couple of weeks I’ve been missing a lot of the stuff I used to do online before my ocd got really bad. Before my break down I loved roleplaying for fandoms, posting art and edits online, and interacting with people online that liked the stuff I liked. But ever since then I’ve stopped doing all those because my anxiety has been so bad and I hate being known by people, I hate that people might know me and I hate being apart of peoples lives some how. It scares me and I hate it. I miss posting fun stuff and roleplaying with randos but I’m too scared to do anything now. Especially when it comes to being online. Just wanted to talk about it and maybe someone else feels the same way? Anyone else really into fandoms? :,)

I'm not sure if this is the place to ask, but I figured I'd try. I've been feeling pretty alone recently. I've never really had anyone to talk to about my OCD or its symptoms (besides a therapist of course). I'm just looking for a place where I can talk to others about this stuff and maybe get to know people better. This is a great app, but I know it's more focused around posting when we're all in a heightened state. I've tried looking for support groups in my area, but have come up empty. I guess what I'm trying to ask (sorry for rambling) is: Are there any active Discord groups who are maybe willing to accept a new member? I would like to make friends with others who can relate to what I'm going through. Preferably adults or with an adult section as I'm 28 years old!

Feeling super tired and depressed. I keep waking up before I actually need to with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Now I’m absolutely exhausted, feeling depressed and just want to nap. Does anyone have any tips for not waking up earlier than they have too and not having suicide ocd the second they get up

How should i manage this automatic reassurance behaviour??? Pls someone help me Plsssssssss This automatic reassurance behaviour failing my hard work😔

*not really writing this for advice or anything just venting and seeing who can relate* Hi everyone. I am someone who has both borderline personality and ocd. As you can imagine these things do not really interact super well with each other. I have been really self aware when it comes to my bpd for the last few years, which is so important. self awareness is so key to healing and living with bpd. Especially when it comes to splitting in my relationship/towards my long time partner. I have suffered from ocd since I was young, my earliest intrusive thought being in elementary school. It didn’t get bad though until high school, when I had an intrusive thought towards my nephew at the time and proceeded to spiral about it for 8 years. Now I know that was ocd, and I am not a bad person. Just providing this for context. Currently, I don’t struggle from pocd anymore and I am so glad because that (in my experience) was the worst subtype I dealt with. Now I have awful sexuality ocd and rocd, along with borderline! I am bisexual, but my attraction towards men is small and particular. I am just picky due to severe sexual trauma and life trauma in general with men, and I think a lot of people can understand that. However I have been with my partner (a man) for the last few years and he is unlike any man I’ve met before. I feel so safe around him. I came out as trans masc to him when he’s only been with woman before and he was so extremely supportive, and has been continuously supportive since. I have never had a bad day around this man. We own a car together, live alone together, have a fur baby, it’s so great! I am very happy, but ROCD is so whack and hits at the worst times. Sexuality ocd has been bothering me too as I am someone who consumes a lot of queer content. Sometimes if it’s lesbian-specific content my brain goes “if you enjoy this more than anything else you don’t love ur bf!!” Like what? (I have watched the movie Bottoms like 5 times, iykyk) Obviously these things aren’t linked, but ocd tells me they are. For context I was a lesbian for basically my entire teenage years up until 18 when I met the only other guy I’ve been romantically involved with besides my bf, so sexuality has always been iffy for me. Now for the ROCD, splitting whenever I’m upset towards my bf over minor things has been mostly manageable, but my sexuality ocd turned into rocd and it’s been rough lately. When I’m upset I question how much I value him / our relationship, I question if I love him, “would a woman do this to me?” (yes I’ve been in abusive relationships with woman lol), etc and it’s so awful. I am able to identify that it’s ocd though. Especially when I go “what if this isn’t ocd and I actually feel this way?” ITS OCD. My therapist always reminds me that ocd attacks what I care about the most, and that if I didn’t care about him I wouldn’t feel this way. She’s right and that is key to getting me to calm down when my anxiety really spikes because of ocd. It’s just hard. I think if I was living with just ocd it would be a little easier. Not that ocd is easy at all, but never knowing how to gauge my anger/emotions as someone with borderline is so hard. After it’s over I can realize what went wrong, and I can be self aware, but in the moment it can be so hard. I love my boyfriend, he is someone i If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be bothered. I am okay with the uncertainty of intrusive thoughts, I know that’s the common goal of erp/therapy for ocd, I just struggle with living this way. It feels so unfair to myself and my partner, but it comes and goes in waves for me. Hopefully this big wave will be over soon. Let me know if you relate in the comments. 🫶🏻

Since conquering OCD my life has been so much fuller. We are four months into 2024 and this is the first year i’ve gone this long without being suicidal. I love my life and I don’t continuously wish I was someone else.

My fiancé and I are getting married in just 42 days and my ROCD hasn’t spiked this hard in a long time. So many triggers, so much stress around planning makes it difficult not to fall into back on compulsions. I’m trying hard not to confess exact thoughts here nor am I looking for any reassurance. Just needed somewhere to put down that this is damn hard!!

Big trigger warning in advance, I’m using this as a moment to just write my fears and hopefully help others find something they can relate. Please no reassurance. If you feel up to it, please feel free to write your fears. I’m not really sure how to start this So I’ll just dive into it. I don’t really have OCD I’m using SO OCD as an excuse to not accept my newly discovered sexuality I’m a late bloomer I have internalized homophobia I don’t love my wife as much as I used to (this one is getting me the most so far) The homosexual urges and thoughts I feel are real and wanted I get anxious seeing dudes out in public because I’m attracted to them If I just shout that I’m gay right now it’s because it’s true I’ve been in denial these past 7 years and really discovered my true sexuality back when I was 24 I’m not anxious and engaging in compulsions as much now because I actually am gay and am starting to accept it I can’t stop looking at dudes out in public because I like it The sadness I feel writing this isn’t because I don’t like these thoughts, it’s just me having to accept that I’m someone new now and have to leave my life as I know it Me rejecting my homosexual thoughts is me rejecting who I truly am and that is wrong I’m going to have to resist my homosexual thoughts, everyday, for the rest of my life, and that I just need to accept I’m gay I’ve always been attracted to dudes and have just repressed it All the times I look back at seeing that it was OCD is just me altering the memory to fit my new coping mechanism I’m just afraid to accept I’m gay and I’m the only one holding me back Everyone else who says they have SO OCD is also in denial But the biggest one for me: I have been a puppet for my OCD for so long and I will still be his puppet going forward There’s more too, but as I was doing this and my distress starting going down, my OCD likes to forget my fears because he does not like me acknowledging them. These past few days have been hard, especially with the lack of compulsions and anxiety but the thoughts still there, especially so seeing dudes out in public. But I have gotten through this before, as much as he wants me thinking I hadn’t and have been in denial, and I will again and truly feel like I almost am. It’s scary right now accepting these thoughts that cause me distress, and being confused whether I like them or not, whether I’m still attracted to my wife, etc. but I can remember a time when these thoughts didn’t plague me as much, and know the thoughts that I’ve had pop up during the years wasn’t me but him. This will always be a battle but he can only win if I let him.

i know compulsions are not helpful on the long run. but they can help to give certainty and a bit of peace for the moment. i usually imagine scenarios and check how i feel about them. has anyone experienced that sometimes this does not make you feel certain and safe, but somehow confirms what ocd is telling you, e.g. after imagining a scenario it feels like you could actually want it? so compulsions sometimes don’t even help on the short term and i feel the need to ruminate more and more to come to the solution i want