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everytime i have an intrusive thought im always saying “stop” or “shut up”. It only gives me temporary relief. Does anyone else struggle with this? If so, what do you do to reduce it?

I really need help I keep making promises on accident to God. I don't know if this makes any sense. I used to think that if j gave into materialistic things like chocolate and music and films something bad would happen and I ended up finding it really hard I even starved myself. Now I can get myself to do things by thinking things like 'I promise on my dad's life to eat this chocolate for example' or I promise on my dads life to not do the compulsion of touching this picture of God twice' and I actually feel able to live my life. But... I keep accidentally making promises to God on my dad's life like if I promised to watch all of movie, I would have to try not to blink at any part so I would be able to watch ALL of it and not break the promise. I'll be getting ready to leave my room and my head will say 'promise on your dad's life not to leave for another hour' and I was stuck. I thought it was all okay but recently it feels like my broken promises are having an effect on my dad I don't know why I just feel like it is and I begged God for them to not have any affect but I don't know, I really hope they don't I couldn't live with myself.

I’ve seen a lot of posts from other people going through tough times with SO OCD, who appear to be having similar thought patterns and I was hoping sharing what’s kept me on a good run these past few days may help at least someone. The thoughts that used to have me seeking answers on google, and looking through my past for some signs to string together as to why I’m actually gay, no longer cause those responses. Instead I’m questioning why am I not distressed more, does that mean I like these thoughts? While I’m not as distressed, I still think about my OCD diagnosis and SO OCD a lot! I’m still uncomfortable looking at guys and get the automatic trigger thought “oh they’re hot” or “you’re gay” before I even have a change to really look at the dude. I still get scenarios in my heads when I see a woman other than my wife of how they wouldn’t accept me being in a relationship with them because of my gay thoughts and that I am actually gay, or once those thoughts pass, why are you even looking at any other woman but your wife. I even get scenarios in my head of being with a gay dude and them mocking me for not accepting that I’m gay/don’t know what my sexuality is and pressuring me into doing something with them. I still have my OCD questioning if I really enjoy having sex with my wife every time we do, and my brain try to force images in my head with the repeating though “you know you get off easier thinking about a man” So even though I’m far from being as distressed as I once was, I still am, and I’m sure many of you who don’t think you are as distressed either, and accepting of the thoughts, still are distressed in your own way. I’ve been trying to view this as my OCD just switching up from the previous distressing question of what if I’m gay, to Why am I not freaking out that I might be gay. Still OCD just a different tactic from him to get me to engage in compulsions little my little. And it has worked here and there. I have googled, I have ruminated, I have scoured these threads looking for someone to have the exact same experience as me. While I want to stop doing those eventually, I’ve still made lots of improvements and am proud of my progress, even though my OCD only wants me to focus on my failures Other thoughts I’ve even had during the time that I’ve made improvements have included: I’m just using SO OCD as an excuse or it’s not right or fair of me to choose to reject being gay when others don’t get to (I’ve even learned the fairness thing is another sign of OCD) It’s hard, but I have to accept that I could be. Even having read some stories for ERPs of people not realizing they were gay until after they were married (at least from how they talked about it), did not help those fears, but the one thing those people were able to do was to come to was an answer and move on, but guess who’s brain will never allow that? So while it isn’t fair that I’ll never have clarity, and that it really, really isn’t fair that I’ll have to deal with these kinds of thoughts for the rest of my life, I know that my OCD only wants to take joy in me being miserable and playing his games. And while it’s going to take a while for the distress to disappear with things, and acknowledging that these thoughts will never go away, no matter how much I want them too. I do know from first hand experience in overcoming SO OCD previously, is that they do get quieter and rarer the less time we give them. If you read this, thank you for reading this novel, and I wish you strength and courage in your own battles! OCD really sucks, but think working towards accepting that I have this terrible mental health illness has aided me greatly these past few days and let me become more aware of his tricks and thought processes that he wants me to get stuck on

Hello my OCD friends, haven’t been on here for awhile. Very unsettling experience this morning when I went back to sleep because I was exhausted. It was like half of me was asleep, and the other half was awake and aware of all the weird things taking place: Vivid, yet shallow dreams, they were nightmarish with a truly crazy undertone that really makes you feel like your brain has gone insane. Then came the tingles, all over body, which turned into total numbness. It’s like I was trapped in sleep. Every time I tried to get out, this creepy darkness kept pulling me back in like a vacuum, and the more it pulled me in, the more I heard this “paper ripping” noise in both my ears.. louder and louder. Clearly an auditory hallucination. When I finally busted out of there, everything instantly went away. But I was left rattled, I cannot believe my mind could behave in such a horrid way. I’m honestly afraid to go to bed tonight. It was like a nightmare on steroids. With physical sensations included. And fear like I’ve never felt before. Thought it might be a seizure or even death. Anyone? Scared 🥺 Thanks guys

I’ve been going through what I suspect is depersonalisation for the past 6 months (triggered by a bad ocd episode) It’s been a really bad period and after this much time I feel like my depersonalisation (if that’s what I have) has gotten so complex that I’ve started to really forget who I am, how I used to act, what I believe in, I feel like I’ve completely lost my own identity. Thinking about past memories hurts, thinking about people I love hurts, I am not sure what to do anymore. I have been told to try and get on with my life by many people online and the depersonalisation will go away by itself, unfortunately that is not the case as whenever I try to get on with my life it gets worse and I feel even more disconnected. I feel like the only time I feel like I’m getting somewhere is when I sit and try to think back of the ocd episode that triggered all this, almost like I have unprocessed emotions from that episode that needs solving in order for my depersonalisation (if that’s indeed what I have) to go Please, if you’ve been through something similar let me know, have you ever felt like on ocd episode is holding you back from your life and is making you feel disconnected from yourself until you go back and process it? As if it was some sort of traumatic memory that needs processing? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment and thank you in advance :)

Hello, My son is 22 and started having intrusive thoughts about hurting himself and us his parents. We have tried outpatient therapy, he has seen a physiatrist and has been in therapy all this year. He started with these thoughts after watching a very violent show/video game and kept picturing himself causing harm to his father, then moved to me, then his sister. The guilt he feels for feeling these things and having these thoughts becomes overwhelming at times to the point he thinks of irrational solutions. Such as cutting his hands off so he dont ever put himself or us in any kind of danger. He did really well for a couple months but now his meds don't seem to work. He's not motivated to do anything. He's never driven, he stays home all the time. Is afraid to socialize. Has gained a lot of weight. As a mother I dont sleep, worried about him. I feel like we walk on eggshells around him. Have had to move anything sharp out of the house. Please tell me he cab get better and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. We as a family are desperate. I love my son and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. But I feel like he's not motivated to help himself and life is passing him by to the point he feels he has no purpose in this life. Please help.

People who weren’t diagnosed and/or didn’t even realize they had OCD until they were older. Are there any stories or memories you look back from when you were younger and now see the OCD gremlin laughing in the background? For me I just recalled the other day how starting in elementary/middle school, and lasting for years, that I refused to allow myself to fall asleep on my back because I was afraid of my tongue falling loose and choking on it while I slept. I even just recently learned how obsessive thoughts about death are common for people with OCD, and I can recall times from when I was even younger of just thinking and ruminating about the afterlife. Not that these are necessarily 100% OCD related but…

I took my license picture at the DMV yesterday. And since I was a child, I’ve prided myself on having a nice ID picture since I know people say it’s rare and I like to be annoyingly special. Well, the last time I was at the DMV, the clerk was obviously floating with me so he allowed me to retake my picture like 3 times. That was over 5 years ago so when I went to get my picture renewed, I was thinking about how I got to retake it a bunch last time. I just knew I wanted it to look good. When it came time to take the photo, they didn’t even have my look into the camera but at a sticky note that had a smiley face on it. Already, I started to feel uncomfortable because I wasn’t looking at a camera so how could my picture, eyes, smile, and head all be centered in the box??? It couldn’t be possible. As these thoughts spiraled through my mind, I tried my best to smile and it was all over in 3 seconds. I should have just left it at that. But as I was leaving, I turned to look at the monitor and I saw my picture. My head was NOT centered. And my face was turned at a weird angle that I was NOT intending. The only good thing I noticed were that my cheekbones look nice. And now I have to have this picture on my license for 5 years… I know that I’ll eventually be able to look at it, and even accept it. But right now, it feels like an itchy caving hole in my chest. Like the world is going to end because my license picture isn’t formatted perfectly. I’m sad that the picture is off and also shaming myself for feeling this way. UGH

So I made some REAL terrible past mistakes, but due to OCD I ruminated about them last night and cut myself for the first time ever (I’m 20) I didn’t do it in a dangerous place like my wrist or anything and I used a razor/it was not that deep hardly any bleeding etc. But I don’t trust myself to not turn to this again in the future, cause I liked it. (I struggle with False Memories, Intrusive-Thought-Action-Fusion, Magical Thinking etc.) Advice for embarrassment/distress?

I’m so disappointed in myself right now I didn’t exercise before I ate my breakfast and now OCD is making me miserable and I just want to be happy I hate this!

How do I forgive myself? Last night I spent 3 hours searching online how Jesus is true or not. I finally gave in to compulsion big time, and even then I feel I need to do more. Cause I stopped searching cause I felt so tired. How can I go back to before? I felt I lost my progress that I have been working on for the past 2 1/2 years. I’m in despair right now.

Hey y’all, does anyone else fear that the world is a simulation / nothing and no one is real? When my OCD flares up, I feel like I am being controlled / watched, like I’m on the Truman Show, and that everyone around me is a robot / simulation? It can be incredibly distressing and I’ve spent HOURS performing compulsions. At school, work, when trying to fall asleep.

I work at NOCD. We removed the search feature because the user experience was challenging, and we wanted to see if it was valued. What makes search valuable to you in this app? I’m curious to get your thoughts, so we can improve the functionality

I can’t search up stuff on NOCD anymore…

So I was lying in bed trying to relax & one of my kitties came jumped on the bed, she started rubbing against me and purring. I no longer avoid my cats, so I started petting her and kissing her normally but then intrusive thoughts came out of the blue, telling me to hurt her and do horrible things. I felt disgusted but petting her & giving her love as if nothing happened. Now I feel so guilty as if I already hurt my cat, which obviouly didn't happen. I love my kitty so much, she's so innocent & beautiful, I don't deserve her. This illness is pure evil, I hate my brain and I feel psycho. Why tf can't I be normal?!!

I'm sitting in a hospital right now having what they think is an OCD episode...worst I've ever had and I'm terrified. Like I hate hospitals and tests and waiting because that starts the worry cycle all over.

So I made a post earlier today regarding POCD specifically about people in their mid/late teens (See attached picture of earlier post before continuing reading). I ended up confessing this to my girlfriend as usual. This isn’t the first time I’ve confessed fears/thoughts about some teenagers being attractive to her. I’m showed her the picture that I was worrying about, and she said that she thought the actress in the picture was good looking/hot as well. She has said similar things when I’ve showed her other pictures that I’m worried about being attracted to, and I know she’s just trying to comfort me but it’s worrying at the same time. I’m afraid that we’re both ephebophiles or something :( When I talked about how I feel disgusting and creepy for thinking these things sometimes, she said “Well I’ve thought the same things. Do you think I’m creepy or a pedophile?”. She is of the belief that even if I do find these girls attractive, that isn’t necessarily wrong because it’s not like I would ever try to communicate with them or date somebody that young. She also believes that a lot of the people I’ve had these worries about look older than their ages due to makeup/style (I tend to show her the pictures that trigger me, which I know is bad). I’m worried that this is an excuse. I don’t want my POCD to latch onto her and make me fear that she’s an ephebophile. I love her more than anything and I’m sick with worry and questioning both of our morals. I feel like it would hurt her feelings if she knew that I was having these fears about her (and my own) character. And now I’m going back and recalling every related event, every time I ever watched p*rn in the “teen” category, every time my girlfriend has comforted me over these thoughts, etc. I’m really not doing ok today. I’m leaving for a concert in like 15 minutes and idk how I’m going to stay present with all of this fear and doubt. I feel so alone, and like an absolute monster. I’m sorry for venting so much, I just don’t know where else to turn. I could really use some support.

it’s gotten to the point where it’s way too hard to pray. i can’t pray. so many bad thoughts at once and it’s too much and i can’t tell which ones are mine bc there’s too much. I can’t read the bible or anything. and then i get thought that makes me feel bad for not praying or reading my bible and it’s awful. ik God is good but these thoughts are scary and not okay and i’m afraid He doesn’t want me anymore and idk what to do. i try to reason with myself but it only does so much. i just can’t deal with it and ive prayed ab my ocd but it hasn’t gone away

Hello everyone, It’s going to be a long shot but I’m in distress. I’ve had different themes since I was a child and my first rocd episode was with my first love was when I was 18 ( I’m now 33) when one of my friends asked me if I truly loved him. I couldn’t stop crying for months, it was the most terrifying experience. ROCD left me for a couple of years, I had somatic OCD, Health OCD and when I was 26 with my ex I experienced the second ROCD episode that was absolutely horrifying. I was driving back home when this thought popped in « do you really love him? » and it was the beginning of hell. One and a half year of 24 hours ruminating. I wasn’t myself anymore, I couldn’t function properly and he left me. I went backpacking in SEA and had fun, met a lot of guys and had also couple of one night stands. In 2018 I decided to settle in Indonesia and I was « ocd » free until I met my ex and we got into a relationship. After 6 months in the relationship and finally knowing learning about ROCD (didn’t know until 2018) I realized what I was suffering from. He cheated on me and left me, but the ROCD was pretty debilitating. In 2023, I met my now husband. We met in 2020. He’s the kindest, loving person I’ve ever met. The day he told me he loved me I freaked out because I was just enjoying the beginning of our relationship. I started SSRI’s (escitalopram) and therapy in 2021 during the pandemic and it helped me. But we had to continue increasing my dose because my OCD is so strong. 2022, we decide to get engaged, I go home for the holidays and I started watching atypical on Netflix. One of the main characters left her boyfriend because she fell in love with a girl and I was like « what if this happens to me » and I started questioning my sexuality and since that day I’m spiraling between ROCD and SOOCD. We got married last May, it was a wonderful wedding I didn’t have any distressing thoughts or any doubts. After the wedding I relapsed and I wondered if I rushed the decision to marry him making me doubt about our whole relationship since ROCD didn’t leave me since the beginning of our relationship. What if I married someone I didn’t love truly ? Why am I not feeling any sexual desire for him ? Am I not supposed to at least desire him a bit ! What if I’be been in denial forever and this is why I always doubted the feelings for my partners in my relationship because I actually don’t like men ? I’ve been scanning my whole life and I’m spiraling it doesn’t stop even on 20mg escitalopram and 50mg of fluvoxamine ! I can’t say I’m unhappy in my marriage but why am I always obsessing about everything ? Why am I feeling something is missing ? If it’s not him it’s going to be about my sexuality : I can’t even look at other girls now without being triggered !!!!!!! I’m so tired, I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life in my head ! When will this end ! I married my best friend, yet I’m still unsure if I really love him it’s just horrible and I feel so guilty ! I’m desperate Thank you for reading 😭

Esto va a ser en español ya que ns mucho de inglés. Tengo toc q yo sepa desde hace unos 2/3 años aunque no sabía q lo tenía y me di cuenta hace bastante poco (3/4 meses) hasta hace un mes o dos, mi toc era muy muy fuerte, llegando a estar hasta 1 o 2 horas seguidas haciendo rituales mentales y físicos y eso no era todo, después de todos esos rituales , tenía q seguir haciendo unos cuantos más, a todas las horas del dia, todos los dias. Hace poco empezé a ver unos vídeos sobre el toc q me ayudaron bastante, q decian q pasara lo q pasara no hiciese compulsiones (pasara lo q pasara) y así fue. Eso lo llevo mucho mejor ya q no hago casi "rituales" excepto el q voy a contar ahora. Mi único problema actual q no sé si considerarlo ritual o no, (sólo tengo este problema) es q por ejemplo, a veces pienso q despues de ducharme o levantarme o comer o lo q sea tengo q mirar el móvil o sino todo lo q hago se contamina (se q no tiene nada de sentido y q es irracional) pero esto me provoca mucha mucha ansiedad. No se cómo gestionar esto ya q si miro el móvil nada mas ducharme es por el toc, pero si lo hago tarde tmbn pienso q es por el toc pq como q estoy tratando de evitar algo. Y si después de ducharme sigo una rutina normal, no se quita de mi cabeza el pensamiento ese de mirar el móvil pa q no se contamine lo q haga 😂😂 La cuestión es q haga lo q haga se puede considerar como una compulsión. Intento llevar eso lo más normal posible pero hasta q no miro el puto móvil no se me quita eso de la cabeza y como ya he dicho antes, no quiero hacerlo lo más rápido posible pq se q es por el toc. Ese es el único "ritual" si se puede llamar así q no se cómo gestionar y la verdad q vivo bastante mejor q antes con todo lo q hacía pero quiero liberarme ya de todo este puto infierno sea como sea. Cualquier comentario para saber como gestionsr esto se agradece. Gracias