Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi all, I was wondering how other people with POCD deal with the guilt and shame that come with the POCD

I can almost remember the day this all first started. I was in high school, the year was 2019, and I was watching a horror movie in theaters with my friends. The movie was The Prodigy. At the very beginning of the film, there’s a scene where a woman gives birth to a child, and then it cuts to a shot of a completely naked baby. Child nudity has always bothered me severely, but this stayed with me for weeks. I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the movie because I was so bothered by it and it eventually started to plague my personal life to the point where I was questioning myself and getting extremely uncomfortable around life. Eventually, I ignored it and after a week, it went away. A few months later, I watched the film The Boondock Saints. During the scene where Willem Dafoe is making out with another man while he’s dressed as a woman, I felt something happening in my pants. At first, I panicked and checked to see if it was an erection, and was relieved to see that it wasn’t the case, because I’m not gay, I’ve never had the urge to do anything with another man before, and I’m certainly not opposed to my own sexuality. I could care less if I’m gay, straight, bisexual, etc. But because I felt something in that moment, I questioned myself every day since. I’ve tested myself many times and I’ve always came up with the same answer: I find men attractive, but not sexually attractive. Eventually, after battling with it for three years, I decided in 2022 that I had enough. I couldn’t go out in public or be around another man without staring at them for prolonged periods of time; it didn’t matter who it was. I would get extreme anxiety, but I was compelled to keep doing it. I get a tingling, almost burning sensation in my genitals that convinces me I’m having an erection, which further coerces my thoughts, thus making me want to do things I don’t want to do. I always snap out of this state but I can’t prevent it from happening. I tried doing what I did before with children and ignore my OCD until it went away, but this time it didn’t work. I eventually fell into the rabbit hole again with POCD and, to his day, have struggled severely with both to the point where I avoid going anywhere outside of work and home in fear I might do something I might regret. Even after I snap out of it, eventually, the intrusive thoughts come back again and I feel like I’m in danger to myself and others. I have no way of beating this at the moment, so I hope this app helps.

Growing up i never felt forgiven for anything. No one ever said “it’s okay I’m not mad at you”. As an adult I don’t know how to forgive myself for anything. I feel like a bad person for absolutely everything even my own thoughts. I don’t know how to stop telling myself that I’m the only person like this and that everyone around me is normal.

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to rp a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online. When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time...

I have horrible Harm/Suicide OCD and depression. When I was in the thick of this horrible disorder I would take my pain and my hurting out on my own skin. My hand fell as the main victim and so did my back, shoulders, and my neck. It’s been a bit now and the scars are more faint. But I have never met someone with the same or similar scars to mine. Of course I never want to because I wish my experience on no one, but it does feel really lonely and isolated. I feel like a freak for these self harm scars from my OCD and depression. They make me insecure and are a daily reminder of my trauma. I’ll put a photo of my healed up hand as a reference. If anyone can share their story or their scars it would be a great comfort. Who else is a OCD scar buddy?

Does anyone else fear they may die in there sleep?

When I was 13 (4years ago) I went through a period of time in lockdown where I was obsessed where I was obsessed with the idea that my parents would get COVID and I was sure they would get it and die even though they're young/not at risk. I had: prayers repeating in the back of my mind 24/7 Everytime I went downstairs I'd say a prayer, everytime I reached the top id put my phone in a risky position to show id sacrifice materialistic pleasures and say a prayer, I prayed in multiples of 5 (4people in my family plus God,) I assigned all of my family a teddy bear and said a prayer whilst hugging each one, I kept praying by shutting my eyes every second, when I was about to go to school id have to quickly take my shoes off and pray which meant od be late but I couldn't not do it and ignore the prayer for my parents to not get COVID Then I became obsessed with the idea that I could be gay- my brain told me this 100X over and I couldn't concentrate on work Then I thought I'd definitely have cancer and I thought every little thing wrong with me was a big scary illness- my screen time on google was 10+ hours a day during the second lockdown HERE is where I don't know if I have OCD. All these went away but I still pray all the time and if j see a picture of god I can't ignore it I have to pray. I'm so obsessed with the idea that my dad could get cancer now and I keep praying that he won't. Materialistic pleasures (e.g smell, taste, sight) are ignorance in my religion so I keep thinking if I give them up my dad won't get cancer. Everytime Im about to do something like a play a song my brain thinks 'give that up' or sacrifice it and I have to or else I think my dad will get cancer. It got so bad I couldn't eat or sleep or even study Now I can do things like listen to music if I 'promise to God to do it' (not on my Dad's life) The thing is I don't know if these knew symptoms look like OCD. They just look weird and I'm scared I don't actually have OCD because j can't get diagnosed until next year ( I don't want to tell my parents) and I was just wondering if anyone could help me figure it out :)

Hi guys! I’m Kells I’m 25 and I was diagnosed ocd when I was around 16. Ever since I can remember I’ve been terrified of losing loved ones. It was about my parents passing away when I was young and now I’m worried constantly that my fiancé will pass when I’m not with him. It’s magical thinking like I have control. But I know I don’t and that’s terrifying. I know logically it’s not likely, but ocd works with fear. And I’m terrified of losing him. I even had a dream when we first started dating saying he would die young and I’m petrified that was a “sign”. The other aspect of my ocd has been religious and afterlife fears. I’m scared of dying and what it’ll feel like. I’m scared that if I don’t believe in a religion like Christianity and it becomes true I will burn in hell. I’m just scared.

I feel like I dont see a whole lot about this specific type of ocd so I just wanted to see if anyone else out there has this same issue! I constantly fear that I am pregnant even if there is absolutely 0% chance that I could be. Im a very safe and cautious person and still I have taken more pregnancy tests than any person I know. I will stare at a clearly negative pregnancy test for like 15 minutes trying to see if i somehow missed the second line on the test. I will even send pictures of the test to other people to make sure they only see one line too. this truly causes me so much distress. ocd sucks.

Hello all, I’ve started ERP about a month ago and I kind of feel like my subtype doesn’t work well for it plus I’m on an antidepressant and it blocks a lot of my anxiety and when the person asked on a scale of 0-100 how much that certain things makes me anxious, I don’t know because I’m not anxious. Anyone else felt like that with doing ERP? Maybe when I’m not taking meds it will be easier better because the med helps my intrusive thoughts as well and anxiety so that’s part of the work I’m not doing?

I feel like there’s two versions of me. I feel like there’s an evil version where my OCD wants me to do urges and be bad and prove I am this person and it is so convincing and it feels like me. Then another version of me where I’m like “duh that’s not me”. But I’m terrified the bad version will win. It feels like “I want” to think of these thoughts. I had a moment today where I was like “yeah I would be this person if it wasn’t illegal” and believed it. Then came out of it and was like “no that’s not true”. I also found myself feeling like I wanted to think of a bad sexual thought during sex.

Question for ya’ll… so when you have Sexual OCD & ROCD do you think these thoughts are related to that?? I have this thing where if I somehow don’t try my absolute hardest to (very consistently) concentrate on imagining my partner and I perfectly during intimacy, so then I don’t feel like I’ve gotten off over someone else which I wouldn’t do, but ocd can be very convincing. An also I have accepted in a way that you can’t picture everything perfectly in your head our minds eye/camera is not perfect, there will always be details that are slightly off etc, I never used to worry about these things before ocd. But because I get lots of intrusive images and thoughts that seem to pop up almost all the time it makes it hard because I’m laying there just feeling so sad because all I want to do is picture my boyfriend, I know all I want to do is think about him or him and I, so That’s what is turning me on, but what if I don’t picture him perfectly is that me pictureing someone else then?? What if I think or feel lieonthe image I’m trying to create is of me and my partner but it was actually subconsciously a body part I’ve seen in porn or something in the past, I’m sure this isn’t even possible as my intention is to picture my partner and I? So even if the image is a bit off isn’t the fact it’s the intention to think or picture us so that means it is us in the images? I know this is reassurance idc I don’t come on here all the time anymore I just need some today.

I’m finding it really hard to comfort my long distance boyfriend he’s really low but I’m also feeling so low and I feel really guilty because he says I’m not there for him I’m trying to comfort him I’m getting so angry at myself because I just am finding it so hard to be there for someone when I’m getting sh thoughts Feel guilty and he thinks I’m making it about me Idk what to do I have no one to talk to because I can’t talk to him about it as he’s going through stuff

Does anyone else struggle with sitting in public seats. I always have to check if the seat is clean or sometimes I wipe it before I sit. At home I have designating “clean” chairs. If there’s a stain on the chair I freak out and assume it’s bodily fluids.

Does anyone else have some “fun” ways they’ve noticed their main reoccurring thought/fear with SO OCD or OCD in general change as you’ve worked on accepting your thoughts? When I really fell down the rabbit hole of SO OCD at the start it centered around, the possibility, that I repressed my sexuality due to a past experience I may have blocked out as a child. As I got started with ERP my main fear of repression then went to that of being in denial. Eventually that moved to a main fear of being a late bloomer with OCD then to a centered fear of not having OCD at all However if the passing thought that caught me after my therapy session today was anything to go by, it may me switching now to using my comfortability of seeing gay scenes and attacking me for not acting on my thoughts if I’m so comfortable with them. Like I’m not truly comfortable with it unless I go out and act on my same sex thoughts It’s funny to see OCD switch tactics/reasons as I grow more and more comfortable with my thoughts, but also frustrating because it still got me distressed for a moment with that new thought after my session today and wishing that that thought doesn’t stick.

A bit hopeless. I feel like my efforts to overcome ocd are mostly in vain.

So I recently got a bf and we were hanging out. And then I had to leave and I think he wanted to kiss) make out and I was like well I have to dip, so I think he said maybe like "it'll be quick/like a quick kiss." or something like that and then I was like "dang I have to get back" (I acc did) and he was like "just one kiss? " and I pecked him on the lip. My ocd is like oh that's sexual assault or coercion. I didn't mind kissing him and didn't feel harassed or anything. I don't remember the encounter very well and feel like my ocd is distorting my memory . he mightve just asked once after I said I was late instead of twice. I can't really remember. My ocd is like oh this is sexual coercion and assault. I don't feel that way at all. I didn't feel forced to kiss him whatsoever. I've been coerced before and he's nothing like that. Idk how to tackle this.

Does anyone else struggle with sexual orientation OCD? I am a male who identifies as straight but for awhile Thought that I was bi sexual cuz I thought I was experiencing same sex attraction, but now that I’ve become aware that sexual orientation OCD is a thing and has a name, I can see that that is what I was struggling with. Yet, I’ve still had people say to me that I am gay and this n that, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s cuz I am not as masculine as other men? Maybe cuz I have a higher voice? Maybe cuz i don’t have that strong alpha male posture? I overthink this. Just cuz someone told me that they think i am gay, doesn’t mean I am. This is where my Sexual orientation OCD kicks in, & I start thinking oh my gosh well if this person n that person n that person thinks im gay, then maybe i am! But the thing is is IM NOT! I am attracted to women and I wanna be married and have kids, & I can see how I have been obsessing about my orientation because of what others have said about me. Anyone else dealt with this?

Hi everyone, I recently went on vacation and had dinner at the hotel's buffet. I selected some seafood and placed it on my plate. After that, I used another spoon to add some fruits to my plate, I think the spoon accidentally touched the seafood on my plate. I'm now overwhelmed with anxiety over the possibility that someone allergic to seafood might use that same spoon for fruits and have a reaction. How do you handle these intrusive thoughts? Thank you.

I wish there was a meet up local to me where I could make friends with people who know/ experienced ocd that I could be friends with? Not for reassurance but just so I can message like ‘you ever think about what faeries do when it’s raining’. I also have adhd so I have intrusive and random impulsive thoughts 😂