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I'm sure that after 25 years of OCD I have developed schizophrenia. What do I do?

My hocd has been acting up again. Now I get anxious thoughts with my boyfriend sexual and everything. Maybe because I am in my head I have to always feel turned on other way I am lesbian. So now I get REALLY anxious about those thoughts. When i get thoughts about lesbians I feel like I don’t feel same anxiety and just get groinal. So yeah it feels so real now and I just want to cry. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend because of this. I was so happy with 7 months and then my ocd started to again with hocd and rocd. So it feels so stupid to think I am lesbian because I love him and everything was fine before these thoughts. But it feels real because now I get anxious thoughts with my boyfriend and not other girls. I hate this I really hope this would end. I have had hocd before and I remember it was same but it’s doesn’t help how I feel.

I give up. The false feelings and groinal responses are just too much and too real. I can't even look at the same sex now without thinking, they look good, automatically turns it into a sexual thing and..."response". I'm focused in on all the slightest things that they do and my brain goes "like" and response. My brain tells me I like them. I'm no longer anxious. I can't seem to fight it. It's just insane now. It convinces me I like this and don't, doesn't feel like me but the urge comes in and that's it. It's took away any draw I had to the opposite sex. All because of my lack of experience with relationships and sex in general (anything I have, particularly sex I get a self esteem block, tell myself everything bad and what I won't happen etc) my head is just saying "well this is probably you then etc." Because the false feelings seem so automatic now. I'm comfortable around women because I've never seemingly them as a threat, just friends. Always felt awkward around guys for the opposite reasons, likes a few guys that I've been interested that have never been interested in me. (Also I have it in my head that you're supposed to feel responses to your preferred sex too, and I've not been) Now I just feel despondent. Now this so-ocd is the most engaged it's ever been and I can't fight anymore. My identity has changed. Only ever been drawn to guys, and now it feels it's changed completely. I don't like it. I've only ever wanted physical and romantic relationships with men, that's all I've imagined. This is alien to me. Plus, I've had responses and draws previous to kids, and inappropriate sexual things too, bad things. So I don't know whether it's just I'm responding to things that aren't me, and not responding to things that are because I don't let myself. I don't know whether this is normal with this now.

I really need someone to talk to about mg health related OCD. I feel so alone.

My ROCD has been super prevalent lately. This is kind of hard to explain, but a recent thought I can’t seem to shake is the fact that I could be just latching onto the fact that I have ROCD/“making it up” to avoid “the inevitable” or “my real feelings” meaning a breakup/ that I don’t love my partner. So like intrusive thoughts about the OCD itself if that makes sense? Kind of meta LOL - Has anyone else experienced this?

I was trying and doing my best to not dwell too much on these thoughts and obsessions, especially with my sister’s wedding coming up. But as I was stocking at work a woman with her granddaughter passed by to shop in that aisle and of course, the girl tried talking to me. I didn’t want to be rude so I gave her very brief responses and avoided eye contact, well avoided looking at her at all honestly. I was stressed tf out cause i didn’t know what id feel or what would pop up in my head but thankfully nothing did. After they left the aisle I just wanted to cry cause I didn’t know what I was feeling or if I’ll feel differently later on in a bad way. I never had to worry about actually interacting with a child since this started but now that that happened I’m scared that that brief exchange will be stuck with me for the whole week now. Before this started i could interact with kids just fine, despite me not knowing how to talk to them Lmfao. I also feel like I can’t say or think “Aw she’s so cute and sweet” cause after how badly my mind has short circuited it feels wrong to even think that, wouldn’t you think? Wouldn’t me thinking and feeling that at all say something about who I really am? Has anyone else had stressful and scary interactions with a kid before?

I’ve been wondering a lot these past two months have been really bad. I’ve had just about every theme of OCD from harm, sexual, existencial you name it. The only theme I haven’t had is germ OCD, I think it’s because I’m a nurse and I literary live around germs. This time around I’ve been obsessing with sleep and not being able to sleep, which has caused me to have depression. And now I’m like obsessed over my depression to the point where I’m literary questioning my own sanity, and my own experiences almost as if I’m over analyzing every experience and feel depressed over it evened good experiences feel like ass cus I just start doubting them. Has anyone experience this before? I got started on sirtraline and now I am obsessing over the fact that I need a pill to get better which I hate cus I’ve been able to beat my OCD unmedicated. Am I beyond help at this point ? I feel like I am a completely different person I don’t even remember what I used to be like.

I can’t believe I’m writing this, I feel I’m starting to get attracted to children, I don’t believe I’m writing this, what shall I do

hi everyone! i struggle really badly with pocd. today ive been trying to not avoid places where i know there will be children and watch harmless videos that have come on my feed on social media instead of scrolling straight past them and it has helped a bit. but i keep getting awful thoughts of like thinking i like these thoughts and i do actually want these thoughts and that i really am a p*dophile and i feel like it’s setting me back but i know i have to face that and just carry on. i also keep having doubts of whether this really is ocd and i really am an awful person. i hate it so so much and i keep having panic attacks which make me overwhelmed and i just see no way out. is this normal? if anyone could share their experiences or just some advice it would be very much appreciated!

Waking up in a panick everyday thinking if this is real life or not, the thoughts never stop, I just want to get better, I had a panick attack yesterday thinking this wasn’t real life, I coped with alcohol for the past 4 years, now when I wake up it’s straight to this isn’t real life and you should just hurt yourself, am I going crazy ?

I’m wondering if anyone can relate? I often overanalyse my feelings/emotions and check that I’m feeling happy enough. If I’m not, it makes me super anxious that I’m not enjoying life enough. In the past, Ive been known to keep diaries when on holiday to keep track of my feelings so I can check back afterwards to make sure I did actually have a good time. In my brain, everyone effortlessly seems to enjoy life, social gatherings, big events, holidays…enjoyment seems to come to easy to other people? Whereas I, whilst I do enjoy myself at times, find myself obsessing over enjoying stuff enough or being happy enough. Like if I’m not euphorically happy or crying from laughter every 2 minutes, I’m clearly not living life. I’m not sure if it’s an OCD trait or…? It certainly feels it, what with all the checking and monitoring of feelings. It’s definitely heightened around big events (parties, social gatherings, weddings, holidays). It’s a theme I come back to quite a lot and I find it quite distressing. Most of my themes are very internal and a lot of compulsions are mental, I spend a LOT of time ruminating if I’m having a bad day. Hope someone else can relate or maybe has some tips? :)

can those who struggle with health concern ocd tell me about their stories with it? i dont want to feel alone

This is something very difficult for me so I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of support. A bit of context before I get into my current situation: I'm not sure what facet of ocd this is, but one of the many things I struggle with would be worrying about intruders in my home, specifically mystical ones that would be disturbing in appearance. For a long time this made me afraid of my room, under my bed, the hallway, etc around the nighttime. I've done exposures around this with my therapist and it has gotten better. It's been a few months without incident until now. I just got triggered by a video on tiktok which sounds silly to say. I am also autistic and there has been a change in my routine (parents aren't home) so I think this has made me feel more vulnerable. I feel very afraid and unsafe and it's late at night, I'm trying to force myself to watch the video to prove it's not going to hurt me but I can't bring myself to look at it. I just feel like all of my progress has gone down the drain and I'm feeling very low. Wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice, sorry for the drawn out post here.

Please?

*trigger warning self harm!* Please note that the stigma around self hard I did some research on the reasons people do it and the stigma is that it is for attention. I don’t want this post to make that worse, this is the first time I have done anything like this and even though that is the reason I did it, that never represents a community as a whole. It makes me sick when people hate on others that are struggling. Do not continue with the stigma and please educate yourself before you make judgements as I did. Thank you Lately I have been feeling pathetic and stressed. I think I am definitely slightly depressed as I just don’t feel like I am doing anything. My life feels like it is standing still. Everyone in it I feel like is living and I am just sitting and doing nothing watching people do things. I especially don’t think my friends care about me. That hurts a lot because they are like a second family to me, especially my best friend. And it feels like they don’t reach out, they are in their own lives growing and I am shrinking and dragging them down. I just want to feel like people care about me. So I stoped eating a lot and drinking water. I thought maybe if I was in the hospital people would show that they care about me. But I guess that took to long for me, I couldn’t wait. So I thought maybe if I got a big cut and I make a big deal about it people would reach out? So I did that, it is not deep at all, I couldn’t do it. I just feel disgusting with myself. What kind of horrible human being does that for attention? No one and I mean no one does self harm just to get attention, that is literally the stigma around it. I am like the worst human being on earth. Why would I want the people I love to be worried or see me hurt? I just feel so pathetic and like a horrible human. Never ever doing that again.

Which type of therapy is recommended for pure o, pocd, socd and moral ocd? I have tried cognitive behavioral therapy but it didn’t work.

Hi! (first post lol) wondering if there is anyone else here that also deals with medical/ health concern type of OCD with also having chronic and sometimes scary health issues? if so, any advice on how you might help yourself through a OCD flare up and fears over symptoms and unknowns? (But mostly it would be great just to know that I’m not alone in this <3)

this is non ocd related but I really need to vent. I talked with this guy for a month and some days, every day, shared a lot of deep convos, i ended up catching feelings even tho I said that I wasn't going to because he's from another country, last sunday, he told me he still loves his ex, and that's okay, but ofc I had hopes and I was heartbroken, I tried to comfort him best as I could, but next day I decided I needed to move on ofc, and told him I catched feelings so it's better if we just talked from time to time, because I really felt like shit, I really liked him and idealized this wonderful story with him. I think he's a great person, and I never actually felt like this for no one, that was nice to know, that I could feel love so deeply, I really wanted it to be him yk, or at least the idea I had of him. I tried not taking it personal, because he's a human too, he makes mistakes, so when he was dry, when he treated me one day like I was his dream girl and next day like he could care less about me, when he hid the fact he was actually waiting for someone else, I didn't take it personal. Yesterday, he asked me what did he do wrong, why did I decide to stop talking to him, I decided to be completely honest and told him how it makes me feel, how I wish I could take my feelings off the table to be his friend (because he really doesn't have friends, he's alone, that's why I don't wanna hurt him), he didn't reply to my text explaining, I thought, that's okay, this is the end, at least I told everything I had to say. but today, he sent me a video about finding his ex on tinder, completely ignoring my text explaining how I feel of yesterday, and when I told him, what do you expect me to say?, he said "idk, I don't have anyone else to share stuff with", all I said was, you're being selfish so I'm gonna be selfish too, rn I'm not available for you, and blocked him, I know I took the right choice, but I feel so bad, I feel like he used me, like he never cared about me, and that sucks, because I really thought we connected, was it just me? he never really felt anything? I'm so sad, I feel humiliated and disappointed, because everytime I did something I thought about how he was going to feel, and he doesn't care at all about making me feel bad

I struggle to think of ERP messages to anchor myself to when trying to avoid mental compulsions. Anyone have any to recommend, especially in regards to ROCD fears and moral scrupulously?

With all my themes I got into a bad habit of deliberately imagining thoughts to test myself and see how I react to see if I ‘like or hate’ them but it’s got to the point where nothing phases me and I don’t really get anxiety anymore and don’t even feel disgusted or feel like the thoughts are ‘negative’ and I started having harm ocd and it’s been bad it started off with a stabbing intrusive thoughts and then it jsut got worse and the thoguhts jsut started getting more graphic and gory and I keep imagining the thoughts to test myself and today it feels like I’m literally ‘choosing’ to imaging really graphic thoughts for no reason, like an idea will come to my head of something really bad and I keep going into it and creating really messed up scenarios and almost feels like I’m choosing and ‘want’ to imagine the most messed up gory thought I can, like it feels like I’m actually trying to imagine the most worst things on purpose and I don’t know why I’m doing that and it doesn’t even feel like I’m ‘testing myself’ it just feels likes I’m almost ‘curious’ or as if I’m just a messed up person and ‘like’ imaging really horrible things when I have the option not to, 2 years ago when I started having this problem I was physically shivering in fear from a documentary I watched that caused all this for me and now I’m sat here with no reaction no nothing and it feels like I want and am trying to imagine the most horrific thing I can think of and I get this weird thing where it feels like I’m about to laugh or smile, I’ve been telling my mom everything and idk what to do I’ve never had therapy for this either and I’m worried I’ve become my fears or started taking a liking to disgusting things because why am I thinking of such disgusting things when I have the option not to and I’m delving in to imagine disgusting scenarios like what an evil person would do when their ‘fantasying’ Idk what to do I don’t even understand how I feel anymore about anything