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the NOCD Community

Sooooooo omg my mom mentioned that she saw a show on televisopn where people with weird mental ilnesses spoke and she mentioned that there was someone with hocd and how she thought it was weird but she thought in this generation she doesnt blame people for having it because it isnt their own fault and there is alot of pressure on your sexuality and omg i got sooo red and i felt like i was gonna burst out in tears and tell them everyything i was sooo close to just break and tell them what ive been going trough for the past year. Im so freaked out and like... i jusr wanna tell them but im ashamed and i know i will n e v e r tell them but i cant believe i got this close. And i just dont know what to do bevause on the show the doctor said a looot of people approached him with having hocd and that its really a new big mental ilness thing. You know what it is, my mom said that the man on the show who had hocd said he wasnt in to guys at all but his brain told him he liked it and that was me in the ebginning of hocd but now i have a feeling i cant relate anymore and that hurts so much because its like hocd has gotten so deep into me that i honestly believe it and like i created genuine feelings towards woman. I dont know what to think anymroe. I pray everynight god will Release me and somehow i feel like this is my punishment for not listenig to Him and i also todsy read in the bible That people who ignore god do things wrong when it comes to sexual stuff and that people wont be able to think clear anymore and that they will be lost and thats just me and im So afraid because the bible says people will be punished for it idk im so freaked out!!!! I wanna be a better person so bad but i cant when my brain is like this i need help from god but im scared he just rejects me vecause ive been a horrrible person. So selfish and i know my heart is ebtter than that but i cant set good apart from bad bevause my brain wont let me. Its like i dont give a shit about anyhting anymore and i miss me who could think clear and who was genuine and honored god. Its like ny current brain cant do that snymore it doesnt have the right functions for it anymorw. Like the good part in me had been cut out and im tryna find it but its destroyed and theres no way it will come back.

I took an online quiz about if I’m straight or in denial and the results came out as gay/bi. I guess it’s time to accept it, despite not feeling it ??‍♀️

how do you get out of your ROCD thoughts when your being intimate with your husband/bf? I recently discovered I have ROCD and while it finally feels like I finally have an answer to why I question my relationship/my love for my husband all the time, I don’t know how to get out of my head when I’m being intimate with him...I’m constantly analyzing when we kiss ‘did I feel a spark?’ And ‘why am I not able to get turned on?’ Or ‘why does having sex give me anxiety?’ I’m struggling so much with this and sometimes I feel sorry for my husband that he married someone like me ?

So I officially have to go on anti depressants because my ocd is getting so bad that it is causing all my hair to fall out.

this is gonna be a dumb post. i know that i sometimes obsess about things that terrify me, but i don't know if i'm being reasonable or anxious for no reason. i'm 21, female, and i really enjoy drinking. when i drink, a majority of times i drink too much, and i'm conscious of it, but in my mind i'm like i just wanna have fun and let go? i'm scared i will become an alcoholic. today after i drank and threw up (it wasn't super bad, i have a thing where if my stomach is super full i'll throw up because i hate the feeling. not healthy, i know) so a lot of times when i drink, my stomach is full of liquid, and i think "i gotta get this stuff outta here." so anyways that's what i did tonight, ate a lot and drank a lot (5 shots, maybe that's not a lot to some people and maybe that's way too much to others) and threw it up. my sister said hey, maybe cut down on the drinking so you don't throw up so much. (i do it like 2-3 times a month on the high end, once a month on the low end.) but now i'm thinking like oh my god?? this is probably a sign of drinking too much, when someone close to you comments on it? and if i myself think i drink too much then that's probably also a sign???? but at the same time i don't think i drink a ton compared to others my age at my university, or maybe i do?? and i'm wondering if it's just a college thing like oh i'm 21, i can drink or if it's a serious problems!? i've taken online tests and worst results i've gotten were saying i could have a mild drinking problem, and i'm guessing that's because of binge drinking. alcohol doesn't disrupt my daily life, school, or work, i don't drink the first thing in the morning, i've never blacked out, the worst i've done is thrown up multiple times from over drinking? and i'm super scared i'm an alcoholic or turning into one. i know the simple answer is don't drink. but i like it and i don't think realistically i'll stop

Does your hocd bring back past memories and tell you you are gay because of what happened

I’m pretty sure I have ROCD (however I often heavily doubt this which makes my guilt increase lots, and believe that I’m just ‘using’ mental illness as an excuse). I know that I absolutely adore my husband. He is the best person I know. I can’t stop the thoughts, the horrible ones about his features, the awful ones telling me I need to leave him. I often google stuff, do relationship quizzes and read articles about ROCD to reduce my anxiety. I mentally check how I’m feeling about him. It is really getting me down to the point where I’m having panic attacks and am very tearful. I saw a counsellor a few months ago who diagnosed with me generalised anxiety, but I still really think I have OCD. I guess I just want to talk to other people experiencing the same stuff? I

Any one who has/had the fear of becoming schizophrenic? I rarely find people with this theme :(

tools to survive: Wisdom: Simply turn on the wisdom thought process & understand that the emotion or thought is harmful/negative/unbeneficial. Observe: Ur mind is not is not u and u cannot control it. Do not try to fight thoughts but just acknowledge them just as u will observe a friend who talks non-sense most of the time. Calm it down: Focus on breathing, breathe normaly, wen u inhale(say 1 in ur mind) wen u exhale,(say 2 in ur mind) The mind will wander off but bring it back to breathing. This will calm the mind as it has something to focus on rather than keep generating -ve & anxious thoughts. Diet: Try to eat healthy, eat veggies etc Stress: Avoid stressful situations, jobs, ppl etc. Music: Listen to calming music like kenny g. Buddhism: Study Buddhism, this will save u. Burden: Never over burden urself, do 1 thing at a time. Friends: Make friends who have soothing outlook. Movies: If u plan to watch a movie, choose a comedy one. Present Moment: Mind is always travelling in future or past, both r unreal. Bring the mind to present moment, live in the moment, thats only real, live in truth. Perfection: . Stop being a perfectionist, let ur mind b, let the things b. Ur mental health, being productive, staying calm etc these r more imp than chasing pergection. Regret: Stop regreting. Forgive: Firgive urself & others, peace is imp than holding to grudges. Focusing: Focus urself on present task at hand, for example may b u r walking, then keep saying in ur mind - walking, walking, walking...stay in moment rather than letting ur mind wander off. Gaurd urself from the trap: U can find urself repeating few words or a mantra in ur mind all the time, applying that to all the thoughts & situations...this means u in trap of ocd...this might work sometime but this will break off and u will face relapse, so better option not to do it in first place. Karma: Develop +ve karma like feeding animals, donating, helping, etc.. Excercise the emotions: Write down all the emotions on a paper: hunger, anger, fear, lust, hatred, bliss etc...then consciously create these emotions...first in sequence then in random order. First without expressions later with facial expressions. Contradiction Excercise: Create emotions but generate opp facial expressions. example: generate sad emotion but hv a big smile on face. These excercise helps to b more ar peace with ur mind & not fighing it all the time. Porn & Masturbation: Try to reduce & best is not to do it. Try focusing on breath to counter such thoughts. Rewrite Past: Rewrite possible versions of past which hv led u to this present moment. Write some good & some bad ones. Consciousness: B mindful of the mind. example: ur mind is developing anger, then say to urself - anger, anger, anger...so u r in moment, u r not fighting with the thoughts & u r acknowledging that its ur mind which is developing the thought/emotion n its not u. Alcohol, drugs, medicines: Try to minimize these and try to stop these one day. Develop ur own tools thats a healthier and reliable. Realistic goals: Make small & realistic goals in life & if u r not able to achieve them still b ok. only make 1 goal at a time...example - job, after u get job - bike, after u get bike - car, after u get car - degree...etc etc... Comparison: Stop comparing urself n ur life to others. Tools: Keep developing tools, u r warrior, comment if u hv anymore tools. "Its bette to win urself, than to win 1000 battles, 1000 times" - Buddha.

Does anyone suffer with compulsive thoughts that they have STDs even if they have no symptoms? For pretty much 10 years I have been plagued with this and spend hours a day googling symptoms. I have been tested for everything that can be tested for, but I’m genuinely obsessed with the idea of having herpes (despite never having had symptoms), incase im one of the people that don’t know they have it. Anyone else struggle with this?

HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?

I think the scariest part about this fight with hocd has been the guilt I get from these thoughts because I have a girlfriend but sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough or these thoughts are true and I’m just lying to her. Can anyone else relate?

I’m a straight guy and I’ve been having HOCD for 6 months now. But I first had disease Ocd possibility of getting infected with HIV creeped me out and made me anxious I would google symptoms and get myself depress then the HOCD demon started it was so intense at first I think I’m getting better, I can live be happy and even do my school work and when I do erp I’m not anxious sometimes but when I’m not my mind reminds me as to why I’m not thinking about same sex adultly then I go back to being annoyed and I don’t have these thoughts as often as I used to but when I don’t I’m not happy my heart is heavy. This annoys me so much because I can almost feel as if I’m close to being cured but I don’t feel like I’m close at the same time. Now I’m anxious of getting intimate with girls again because it feels more like compilations than pleasure and before all of this I used to enjoy and sleep with different women all the time this just makes me sick and sorry for the long message any suggestions?

I don’t deserve anything. Good sleep, food, nothing. That’s what I keep telling myself whenever I try to sleep or treat myself. I take things I’ve done and the guilt eats me alive. My mom was psychologically abusive to me growing up without knowing it and defends my emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father (he has only hit me not her). One day I snapped and I charged at her and started hitting her saying I wish she would die and I hated her. She was crying and not hitting back until she finally dug her nails into my head. I was held in isolation from an ex boyfriend in the Middle East and I got really messed up in the head. I went back home and my mom tried her same controlling techniques while I was jobless and I just snapped. I feel like crap now and I treat her like a queen and we’ve been fine but I can’t stop saying to myself I don’t deserve anything. She is a hypochondriac but when she said she was dizzy for weeks after our fight I can’t help but get worried. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I have deep pain within myself. It’s a long story. But I got really messed up over the past year and was like a housewife in Dubai, sometimes not seeing outside for 2 weeks. I came home to no car anymore, jobless, and my mom treating me like a prisoner. Now I work and take the train to the city but it’s hard for me to excel with this guilt. I say and do things to my mom and she has issues but she also is the most selfless woman for me and everyone else. Idk how to make it up to her.

Does anyone else overthink their boyfriend? Like I went away with mine over the weekend and I didn’t see him yesterday and I just have the need to see him like I feel really really upset and lost without him near me. But I only saw him Monday and didn’t see him yesterday. What does this mean? Am I really needy or obsessed over him?

Help me. I'm having a massive panic attack from HOCD. I'm really scared and I don't know what go to do. I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like I'm actually dying

You guys, I’m having a really bad day. I’ve been feelings so insecure about myself lately. I feel just so bad, I don’t want to be considered boyish or anything. Especially because of this whole hocd thing. But today I was really struggling with my clothes, and I cried. Then just now a boy called me and I quote a “dyke” and that just hurt me (sorry if I offend anyone, not my intentions). But then he said “oh no a rocker girl” and idk that kinda just hurts because im so insecure and I’m going through hocd and it’s making me feel worse about how people view me this way when it just feels like I’m not any of those things. So I just really hate these past few days. I am not looking forward to waking up in the mornings anymore. I hope everyone is having a good day.

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

Its like i can freaking feel myself turning gay

All i ever wanted was a man. Now i cant even feel attracted to one. I wanna feel the attraction deeply again i want it to warm me up again and i want it to show me how beautiful life is again. I want it to glow up my days and give my life reason again. I feel like the woman jn me is killed. I wouldve never thought this would have so much impact. That it would kill my hapiness and that it would make everything grey and dull. I cant see the good in anything like this. I want to be the woman who i was supposed to be and not the one who’s blooming got interrupted by this and now feels like a dead flower instead of a blooming one. I was on my way to becoming the woman i wanted to be and who i was. I felt deepy who i wanted to be in life but i cant feel that as long as hocd is in me.