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I feel 99.9% certain that i am a doll. i cant stop thinking sbout and and its getting to the point where people are asking me if im ok but if i dont act like one somethings going to happen to me.

Since the age of 11/12 i've struggled with OCD. It started when I was at secondary school. My compulsion was to constantly check my homework was packed for the next day, this would happen all too frequently. I never really knew what was happening and just accepted this is who I am without really speaking to my parents about it. OCD has continued and various sub types have appeared and disappeared over time, still at this point I just thought "this is me and everyone has their quirks" I'm now into my mid 30's and in particular the last 3/4 years have been incredibly difficult. I was definitely in a state of depression alongside with chronically bad OCD and anxiety. I'm thankfully past that stage without much external help or medication. Since the start of this year I've been doing mindfulness exercises and learning more about OCD. I live in the UK and have not seen a doctor about this and therefore never been diagnosed. The general advice seems to be to use telephone talking services? I'd be interested to know more from people living in the UK about what there experience has been with our public or private services?

Does anyone else struggle with OCD “what if” thoughts that assume all the worst about their partner/family? I have constant intrusive thoughts about how maybe these people are actually secretly terrible, have done/will do horrible things that I don’t know about, etc. My brain tells me a constant stream of horrific ‘what if’ scenarios and brings up all sorts of little memories or bits of data to try to convince me the worst is true. This feels different from my other OCD themes that I feel like I can deal with somewhat successfully. I’m not sure how to live with this uncertainty because I feel like people really can hide terrible things, cheat on you, pretend they’re something they’re not, etc. It feels wrong to ignore the thoughts as a result. Anyone have any advice?

Hello, I’m very new to this and have never confessed the fact that I struggle with severe scrupulosity (religion ocd) to anyone before. I am not officially diagnosed but I have spent countless hours researching and know that I am dealing with this horrible mental illness. I can’t function anymore. The intrusive thoughts are getting so bad. The moment I wake up they begin to pop into my head & I can’t even sleep because they are just running all over my mind. The thoughts are so bad that I don’t want to repeat them but they mostly are blasphemous bad thoughts. I avoid praying and religious services because it triggers my bad thoughts. I cannot control anything and I have no access to therapy because I’m so scared to ask for help and don’t know how to even describe to my family what I am going through. It’s so debilitating and I just keep repeating these scripts to myself to try and relieve my mind but it just starts all over again. It’s non stop and I know I cannot keep going like this. I don’t know whats real or isn’t, I just want a break. I’m so scared of everything and it’s interfering with my life more and more. If anyone could share some words of encouragement or tips it would be greatly appreciated.

Can OCD make your real emotions feel like lies? For example, you feel disgusted by a thought, but for some reason that feels wrong? But when a disturbing thought comes to mind, you almost feel like you enjoyed or liked it? I'd appreciate any advice

I just lost my job today again and my parents (who possibly both have OCD) have been super frustrated that I have been let go from so many jobs. My dad said “I’m so tired of this s***” and now hearing that is making me feel worthless. My boss was very mean and had unrealistic expectations and I even prayed about it too. I just feel like a failure honestly. I do have a couple of upcoming interviews, but I just want to give into my compulsions so bad. I am a Christian and believe that God will work things out, but my parents are pissed at the way I continue in jobs. I am trying everything I can, but my parents also seem to control everything and it is frustrating.

Hi all, It's been a while since I've visited this community, mostly because I have avoided romantic relationships since life is usually much more fun without the anxiety and dread that come with them. However, I got into some therapy about a year ago and started a romantic relationships about seven months ago. Truthfully, the whole thing was intended as a bit of an exposure and now I am seven months in and his parents are talking about marriage and babies.... I like him and I generally enjoy the time we spend together when we are together, but simultaneously, I dread dates and am always attempting to guard my alone time or my time with friends. He is in a totally different place - wanting to spend multiple nights together, several days per week, and wanting us to have keys to each others' apartment. Last night, he became frustrated about feeling like he is not a time priority in my life. I figured it was now or never so I talked with him about the OCD and how sometimes spending less time feels safer. He is 35 years old (I'm 30) and he said he is past the point of his life where he wants to "toy around" and asked if I would "grow out of this." And the truth is, I don't know. I think I want marriage and a family but I've been dealing with ROCD for 10 years and this same type of pattern happens in all of my romantic relationships. I'm in I-CBT therapy for OCD and have also done ERP but I just feel that nothing helps. I wonder if this is going to be my life forever and am I subsequently going to now drag another person into it? Along with their family's hopes and dreams? My boyfriend says he is willing to stick it out and see how things can change, which also feels like a lot of pressure. I am just feeling so dejected and disregulated. I can't sleep or work. I'm so tired.

I need help because I’m really really struggling with what I assume (or hope) to be ROCD, but I’m worried now that what I’ve been assuming is ROCD is really something else. I’ve seen a lot of talk about ego-dystonic thoughts and I’m having a hard time piecing that together with my ROCD, mostly because I obsess over flaws that do actually bug me, so those thoughts seem more ego-systolic. I do genuinely feel bugged by certain things my bf does and says, but I obsess about them to no end. i feel like some of the “flaws” I don’t want to obsess over because they are so minor and unimportant, but other flaws I feel like I need to obsess over because they do feel more important and they bug me more. I love my bf and I don’t want to leave, but I feel like I need to do something about the way I feel in the presence of those flaws. I have so much anxiety about them, feeling like I need to do smth, like I either need to try and find a way to stop disliking the flaw, or to remove the flaw all together. And I don’t want to try and change him, because that would be wrong. But I constantly feel like I need to do something. Help please! I feel like I really don’t love him enough, and that’s not fair to him, and I don’t know what to do.

I had an intrusive thought. It was sticky. It made my head buzz and my chest feel tight. I thought will this be all day? I haven’t felt so scared of a thought in a while. It was intense, and I was not sure what to do, other then check in with my body and not to give in to the fear or uncertainty! The time was 9:43 when I was terrified I may act on my thought and by 9:57 the thought went from…I will….i could….i may….it’s totally possible…..anyyyyyyyy minuteee noowwwww…to wow the moments passed!!? Give yourself 10 mins 😜

I feel like nothing is ever going to get better. I don't want to live anymore.

Hello everybody, I’m writing because I’m at work but I just keep having panic attacks and I’m not able to work. It has been like this for a long time and I can’t be productive I’m thinking about quitting. Do you have any similar experiences? What do you think I should do? Thank you

Hey guys so I've been doing kind of okay for the past few months (SOOCD was still there in the bcak of my mind but it didnt stop me from living me life) however I got triggered (or I think I did) these past few days for 2 reasons : 1) a person I know just got married to her partner of the same sex and I saw pictures of the ceremony all weekend and it felt like "I wanted this and this feels more genuine than what I have" + they wrote a caption saying how they won't hide anymore and they're poud of who they are etc etc... which felt like I could relate and that I'm actually in denial 2) I was scrolling on Tiktok and saw a video of girl talking to another girl on her podcast and saying that she always thought she was a lesbian and then met the love of her life which happens to be a guy. And then she goes on and says, "growing up I always feared of being anything else than a lesbian" and the other girl says " you know, that's weird, that means that deep down you know it wasnt the right label for you because whe I came out there was no fear of ever being straight or bi, like that was it for me." and then the first girl goes on and says " That's what I've been telling my girl friends. When you're straight and you know that you're straight you dont fear a label or being of another sexuality it shouldnt really matter to you but if you are scared this means that you're actually maybe hiding something". Anyways that triggered me a lotttt!! I dont know what your thoughts are on that so I would love to hear them! for info : I'm a women and have been with my bf for 6 years now.

So I’ve had ocd since childhood. I go through different stages. Right now contamination ocd is really kicking me hard. I’m so afraid of germs. I wash my feet so much, my hands, I take multiple showers a day. Just some examples if my hair comes an inch close to touching a plunger, (it didn’t actually touch it but almost did) then I wanna wash my hair, even tho it didn’t even touch. If my hand touches the sink while I’m washing them, I have to rewash them. And so much more, it’s absolutely exhausting. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop being so afraid?

Since my ex decided to break it off with me and start a relationship 2 weeks later with his female friends that he told me about, I’ve been struggling with guilt and being able to see other people. It all feels so wrong and it’s hard for me to let someone else in even as friends. Her story is even worse than what my ex did. She broke up with her ex 3 days before sleeping with my ex in the flat they both lived in. Hes found it really difficult to move on as she’s been messaging him constantly about her new bf, trying to make him jealous and even still sleeping with him when she was sleeping with my ex. Anyway, me and her ex became friends over this entire thing, we both felt hurt and realised we could make each other feel better as we’ve been through the same thing. So we met up yesterday and spent the day just chilling and talking, but now I’m worried people are gonna go around being like “that’s disgusting they’ve swapped” or “they’re just as bad as the other 2” I don’t wanna be on the same level as them, I’m not sleeping with this boy or even seeing him in a romantic way, we just hung out and we get along. It’s nice to feel understood by someone outside of my family and friends. But I can’t and it feels impossible to let anyone else in. Even this guy I fancy on a night out, if I was to make a move I’d do nothing but feel the guilt. Just constantly guilty all the time. The thing is I don’t know her ex that well, we’ve only recently started to talk and become friends, so I don’t know if the person he’s showing me he is, is actually real. My brain has convinced me that maybe he’s lying about everything she did to him (even though she’s done this before with her other ex in exactly the same way so it wouldn’t surprise anyone) and apparently like everyone who knows her knows how horrible she is, so I don’t know who to belive at this point. My ex ain’t much better but I’m talking about him telling me about her, for my issue my ex is the bad guy, but for him his ex is. I’m just struggling with guilt

so I have been diagnosed with OCD, and my current intrusive thought is about ROCD, it started when I had the urge to tell my boyfriend that when I was already talking with him I probably liked someone else, and it made him feel terrible, and me as well. So my OCD likes to grab to what I care about the most (my boyfriend) and the intrusive thought is, "what if I still like this person" but I don't want to, it's like please no 😕 and it makes me feel extremely depressed and horrible, and I just try to act normal around my boyfriend (by the time I had this thought my boyfriend and I were already 9-10 months together) I truly hate the thought, but it doesn't go away.

I’m always mad at my parents for no reason. I’m 17 and a teenager so I get it’s hormones and stuff but I’m always mad at them for the stupidest things like for example my Mom asked me if I like her flowers and I’m like “yeah sure I guess so” or my Dad will be in the best mood when he gets home and I’m just dry with him for no reason. I feel guilty but I can’t stop being moody for no reason. Any advice for me?

First ever time posting - Magical thinking flare-up & failure Hi all, This is my first time posting here so, hi everyone! Hope you're all okay. I just am in the middle of trying to sort out a Therapist because, I've had enough really. All my life, I have had intrusive thoughts, contamination OCD, Harm OCD, the most frightening type of OCD you could imagine when teaching.. but most of all & the point of this post - Magical thinking. I avoid saying certain words, I have to type out an even amount of characters, I only post at certain times online & I am incredibly superstitious. I've had a real tough time at the moment (although I am fully aware of how awful the World is at the moment so, I want to acknowledge that & the guilt for writing this but) I feel so let down in myself & this is why.... I have performed from a very young age up until I was 19 (I gave it up as I was in a relationship & had this belief that I wouldn't be able to sustain a relationship unless I was like him, a non-Musical Theatre person) OCD? Perhaps. Naive? Absolutely! I returned about 6 years later to a Society that gave me one of their leading roles & I was ELATED. It felt like a part of me came back that I had lost. Ironically, the 6 & half year relationship ended once that had happened but now I know we were very incompatible, really. From then on my love of Musical Theatre soared but my OCD rituals for this started to creep in. I could only sing well if I was thinking a certain way & my rituals (pre-show & anything) became very rigid. I then was awarded a Scholarship to do a Masters in London which I was shocked but delighted by! It was tough & my ritualistic thinking was in force but, it seemed to have worked. Did quite well & felt the happiest I had done in years. Then, I had to move back to where I'm from, Ireland as I couldn't afford over there. I got signed by an Agent but the way I used to think over there DOESN'T seem to work over here. My brain feels stuck/stale. That's the only way I can describe it. I returned to that Society that gave me the role back then & my tricks that I used in London (ritualistic thinking) didn't seem to work. It felt as though I was trying too hard, pushing. It was as if my brain hadn't realised that we weren't in an intense London School setting anymore. Anyway, that Society that I was referring to have asked me to step in last minute to Shows & teach for them & I absolutely love it. They are doing a show in November & it is an absolute dream show of mine. I spoke to the Director before to see what he would like & he told me & kind of eluded to "We know you can do it, just come down & sing for us". My ritualistic thinking went off at this point. I knew that I couldn't relax because the pressure of going to a Professional Drama School & returning to a Society that has put a lot of belief in you? It was pressure I put on myself & my mind. I pushed. I didn't trust myself to do what I naturally do & pushed the audition Vocally & in every which way. My idea was to "do not get complacent & be uncomfortable, your mind need to be uncomfortable so you're not playing it safe!" Writing it out sounds bizarre but....that is that really. I received a call today to say that I didn't get the role as I "attacked" the character & audition. I pushed. I pushed my mind to work another way. I also feel as my mind can control how I perform which maybe it does, but how it can control the outcome, which I do know is wrong, but still. This is not a post to whinge about the fact that I didn't get it & let myself down but, I am so tired of being wired this way. I don't want to anymore. I want to be kind to myself & not punish when things are out of my control & also to TRUST myself to not push/try so so hard. Anyway, I apologise that this is so so long. I joined my first OCD Support group last week before the Audition & they told me to go so, I look forward to the next one as it was incredibly emotional/Supportive. Any words & similar situations that people have had & would like to share, that would be great. Thank you so much. I am so Sorry again for this long-winded post. Thank you if you read it & I hope that you are keeping well in this times. Take care.

how do you all deal with intrusive thoughts and the false memories that come along with them?

I feel like I’m drowning and nobody is here to help me out of this mess help me please 😭

I keep thinking about my intrusive thoughts intentionally, I'm not sure why though, I hate these thoughts I'm pretty sure of but I also feel like I want them so I intentionally think of them to satisfy "myself" because I'm thinking them intentionally. I'm scared. I think I'm scared. Everything feels wrong