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the NOCD Community

Because of the thoughts or mentally exhaustion, and got over it?

I just want to feel normal again. My new theme is destroying me. I feel so lost and I just needed to say it somewhere. I'm glad this group exists. One of my few comforts has been knowing I'm not completely alone.

Went to the church for the second day in a row to help with some decorations. I asked the priest to say a prayer with me. This was the first time in my life I ever said a prayer in church with a priest. It was much needed but I feel horrible I got a bunch of intrusive thoughts throughout the entire time there. I know god loves me but I feel bad for getting these intrusive thoughts. It doesn’t help that I hear people talking the entire time judging me for my thoughts. (I know hearing voices isn’t part of ocd)

unfortunately I'm having a rough few days with OCD this week, even though I'm super excited to be finishing college and making progress in my treatment and therapy, last night I had a dream about an intrusive thought and it made me worry and it's on my mind throughout the day, I couldn't even sleep very well because I kept waking up and ruminating about what that dream could or couldn't mean. I hope tonight is calmer and that it doesn't affect my sleep so much, I really wish I could get rid of OCD for good, it's just too tiring and confusing some days.

Today I feel like I want to d!e and do something to myself for the WHOLE day. Yesterday I was ok. I made sure that my family is with me, even tho I’m not the person to do it, just to feel safer. I need some relief. Does anyone has a suggestion?

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

I’ve suffered with OCD to some extent most of my life—rituals, counting, religious themes, etc. After some bad episodes of family abuse + a bad breakup + work toxicity, I developed some pretty bad OCD-related anxiety. I went through a few very bad panic attacks, and became badly depersonalized/dissacotiated. My obsessions and panic began to focus on my bodily sensations—like vertigo/dizziness, worry about floating into the sky forever, the ground falling, the ground disappearing, the ground warping/rotating, etc. I’ve been applying the 4-Step process by Jeffrey Schwartz, and it’s been very very helpful in snapping back to reality and preventing anxiety/panic cycles. So I got his book—Brain Lock. In the preface he talks about a woman who seemingly recovered after 25 years, but still has these thoughts. My question is: Will I be stuck like this forever? The very nature of my thoughts make it very difficult to live happily. I felt discouraged reading that, because it feels like I’ll always have these thoughts and be doomed to undergoing this anxiety/OCD cycle forever. Is there any hope?

Hiii, I have feeling i found comfort in my OCD and sitting home because of that, i am also so depressed but I can’t change it, i am also doing exposures and going out with my friends, but it gives me anxiety and next day I don’t have energy to do same. What do u think take it slow and do it step by step, or doing as much exposures as I can and try to resist anxiety. Btw I have harm OCD and my biggest fear is to hurt someone, so that is why I prefer to stay at home

I honestly feel like crying my eyes out at the moment. I tried to do ERP on my own but IDK how to resist compulsions/ accept uncertainty! I cannot afford any kind of therapy and i mean it. I’d do anything to afford consistent therapy but im literally about to graduate & i cant tell my family about my mental illness (asian problems🙃) so therapy is not even discussed here. Im afraid to lose feelings for my boyfriend and this has escalated so much, it’s been CONSISTENT nonstoppp there’s no break! Deep down i really wanna meet him & hug him but at the same time my mind shouts thats im gonna hurt his sweet soul & my love for him is fading away and i dont wanna be with him & im shutting down and then im back where ocd wants me to be. I tried saying “maybe i love him and maybe i dont..” but the “maybe i dont” part brings me sooooooo much distress that ik just SAYING IT wont heal me. I feel like ERP is never gonna work with me and im just doomed. The uncertainty i just cant accept idk with this mindset ERP really wont ever work on me. Please note: I DO NOT want to break up. I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ROCD, NOT with my partner.😰but im feeling super numb & dissociated & ITS HIS BIRTHDAY in 2 days how do i get my ish together. I cannot in any way accept the uncertainty like the uncertainty of maybe losing feelings for him is a 10 on a distress scale of 1-10! Im showing NO signs of improvement and its all getting worse. Even more stressful that i have to celebrate his birthday with him and for once make his day special through this all😭😭😭

I was basically having a breakdown arguing with my family, I was in the phone and my cat kept coming towards my feet meowing and I got mad and used my foot to push her out the door but she kinda went far and she went meow:( I slammed the door and I feel so f-ing bad I feel like I hurt her and im an abuser :( ive never done anything like this. I pushed her really hard with my foot. I know I didn’t kick her but what if the push really did hurt her:( im crying so bad im supposed to go on vacation today I don’t want to leave her

So I have been 5 days without intrusive thoughts which is a big accomplishment for me. Yesterday broke the streak. I was job shadowing and this girl i thought was so skinny and pretty how does she not have a boyfriend and i thought I was a dude i wouldn't turn my head away and now I'm thinking no one has said this before and that this means something. I know it's my ocd acting up but it's annoying. Plus it also tried to say in a narrative that sounded like me that I would date her and i immediately felt disturbed which just again told me everything about who I am sexually as a confident and comfortable straight woman

Frist off, I am not asking for reassurance nor do I have concrete plans of suicide, so please don't flag. I am just asking because my therapist was asking if I had Suicidal OCD or actual suicidal ideation, but I am unsure how to exactly tell them apart. I mostly get thoughts of "I am worthless and don't deserve to live" and intrusive images of seeing myself commiting suicide, but they theme ego-dystonic. On the other hand sometimes there are feeling of actual worthlessness and being overwhelmed with life.

I just woke up from a disturbing dream. Here’s what happened in the dream: my family member wakes up from an odd dream, then asks me to look it up. I look it up, then a bunch of LGBTQ+ flags and labels come up. The family member’s dream wasn’t specifically about me, but what if that was some weird sign that I’m not straight? I’m really scared that I’m not straight because yesterday, I was worried about not being straight. I’m not homophobic, just to be clear I just want to be straight. I’ve been straight my whole life, but I’ve always wondered if I am attracted to girls romantically. I know that I’m attracted to them sexually because when I used to watch porn, I would mostly look up girls, but I’m not romantically attracted to them. And I’ve never been attracted to women in person. That dream made me highly uncomfortable because I’ve never thought of myself as anything other than straight because I know that i wouldn’t take a girl serious. Please help, my anxiety is through the roof right now, but also be honest

How do you deal with the feelings of numbness?

I cannot picture myself in a relationship with a woman, never have. Any daydreams/fantasies I have are men. I've always had a new male crush. But because I enjoy GOG pxrn I worry it means I'm into girls in that way. Even chatting to men my ocd is telling me I'm only doing it because I want to prove I'm not into girls. I don't think of women in a sexual way and don't think I'd ever want to. I just enjoy GOG corn but not because of the act because they seem to enjoy it more than straight where its just 10 min BJs lol. Help me out.

does anyone ever feel weird about explaining their compulsions to people? my mom doesn’t believe i have ocd (haven’t been diagnosed) because she hasn’t “seen” me do compulsions and when i try to explain it to her, i just feel so awkward. another thing is most of my compulsions are more of an in the moment thing than me doing the same thing everyday. while i do have ones that are typically a daily occurrence, mine are reliant on being in the moment and when i need do something a number of times to feel “just right” if that makes sense. anyways, it’s just hard to explain that to people and i almost feel embarrassed to. i know i shouldn’t, but i just feel abnormal in a sense.

Today i feel like crying. I am so upset today. All my thoughts are negative and they just make me upset. I feel like i need a break from life. Everything is so hard. I just can't do it anymore. I was strong for so long but today i feel like giving up. I want to feel free atleast for a day. Everything seems so tough. I am not that strong enough. 😭😭😭

My daughter is done with therapists. I don’t blame her. They shame and laugh. I quit trying to push that as it doesn’t help. Every few months she breaks down crying how bad her OCD and life is. She also turns her hurts on me. I’m broken watching her, not being able to help her. She can’t even work. She was told by disability she has OCD but no financial help was awarded. I guess she is high functioning which is a joke. Her life is shattered. My heart is broken.

Mornings are terrible. During night i feel awful. I have intrusive thoughts during night. And when I wake up i had quite stranger feelings.

My mind keeps going in circles and it’s so much to think about and I don’t know how to stop it and I’m all alone. I don’t have anyone I can go to and it’s hard for me to feel like anyone cares about me. Maybe my head is spiraling right now? It feels like it is 😭😭😭 I just want it to stoppppp it’s putting me in a fog and I’m so scared ):