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I want to find the off switch, my brain is so determined to convince me of things that are just not true. But I just don't understand, I know deep down they're not true.. so why am I so desperate to prove it? I'm literally at my wits end

Has anyone got any to share? I want to challenge myself for a month of mental health and wellbeing routines to see if it makes an impact to my day. So far I've only got drinking water exercise and ice cold bath

i feel weird for talking/ dating people 2 years younger. ive been with people my age, and older, i do prefer older. but i have been with people younger. im scared this makes me a p. when i was 16 i did it, and earlier this year being 18. 2 years is my limit though, for going younger. a lot of people said it’s ok and it’s not a big deal but i have heard some people be like erm..: Im just scared i need to be in jail or im a weirdo :(

Hi everyone. I (30F) have been struggling with “fear of schizophrenia” OCD for a very long time now. This theme certainly comes in waves for me, but even when I'm not experiencing it acutely, it is always in the back of my mind. I feel like I can never truly plan for anything because soon I will be psychotic, so it won't matter anyway. I live my life in constant, abject terror that I am indeed becoming schizophrenic. At this point, I truly think that I am. Before I go further, I will mention that I have extreme health OCD, as well as some harm OCD and contamination OCD. Prior to this year, I used to think I had every deadly illness in the book. I used to go to the ER for every ache and pain, for every sensation that felt unusual to me. I worked through a lot of that but I cannot seem to apply those same skills to this theme. This started in 2020 when I had a strange thought like "what if there are cameras?" and while I KNEW that there weren't, the fact that I had such a thought at all made me fear that I was becoming psychotic. I later started paying more attention to my mind pops and hypnagogic hallucinations and it has been downhill from there. Still, I had kept this fear to myself and under wraps for years until December of 2023. I woke in the middle of the night and as I was scrolling on reddit, I noticed a post to the tune of "What is the scariest fact you know about the human mind?" and the top one was about dementia. Someone had linked a free cognitive test called MindCrowd to test for dementia or mild cognitive impairment. I decided to take it and, being half asleep, scored miserably on it. I decided I was too young for dementia so this was definitely the onset of schizophrenia. Since then, I have taken dozens of cognitive tests and scored very very well on them, including up to about 3 days ago. I do not have cognitive impairment. I am still intellectually and cognitively intact. I have no family history of schizophrenia or any psychotic disorder (although OCD runs in my family). I have OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a lot of symptoms that make me believe that I am entering psychosis. I'll list them below: **Pareidolia -** This one is the one that is the most distressing to me right now. See r/pareidolia for examples of what I am talking about. At some point in the past, I read that pareidolia is a symptom of schizophrenia. For a few years now, whenever I think of this fact, I become vigilant of facial patterns in things. I am at such a point of hypervigilance about pareidolia right now that no matter what I look at, I can guarantee that I will be able to find a face pattern in it. I am usually actively thinking about pareidolia prior to it happening. If I were heavily distracted, I would most likely not notice it at all. I notice it in everything now. This is one of the most distressing symptoms ever. **Mind pops and brain chatter -** it feels like I have a mental radio. Particularly when it's quiet or I'm anxious, I "hear" a lot of chatter in my head. This can range from the sound of a crowded area in my head (I don't ACTUALLY hear it; I know it's in my head) to random words and phrases like "Tina Tuna" or "dinnertime", etc. I also have songs playing in my head almost constantly. I don't like to sit in silence because of these phenomena. I usually have music or a podcast playing. **Hypnagogic/hypnopompic Hallucinations -** these are heard right as I'm falling asleep. Could be bits of conversation. They disappear when I wake up. **Closed Eye Visuals -** Occur when I'm falling asleep, especially if I'm extremely tired. Can pretty much be anything. **Weird thoughts -** I think this one I do to myself. I'll have a super fucked up thought like "I wonder what kind of music my cat would listen to if he could like music?" and then be like "what the fuck, why did I think that?" **Constant hypervigilance -** Making sure I didn't see or hear something that wasn't there. Asking for reassurance from loved ones that they also saw or heard what I saw or heard. **Brain Fog -** I think this might be stress related but there are times when I become so stressed from my anxiety that I feel like I have no thoughts left in my head. **Afterimages -** Sometimes if I look at brightly-coloured things like lights, I'll see an afterimage of it for a few seconds. *I went to the hospital at the beginning of this week for all of this and an ER doctor, a mental health nurse, and a psychiatrist all told me that I categorically and completely do not have schizophrenia or any prodrome of it.This should have been reassurance enough but it is not. I don't think anything is. I am terrified that I will lose my mind and hurt the people I love. That is my biggest fear in the world. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to live a simple, quiet life with my wife and my cats. I love them so much and I never want anything bad to happen to them. I hate that this is happening to me. I have seen so many stories on this sub about people whose symptoms essentially mirrored mine. Based on post history, a lot of people recovered from this theme. I just can't seem to. This is the worst my OCD has ever been. I can't take medication because I have had horrific experiences in the past on medication. I spend probably 8-10 waking hours a day thinking about schizophrenia, googling, testing myself (such as with the Mask Illusion, which I do still fall for btw), doomscrolling on Reddit, seeking reassurance from basically everyone, asking my family and friends if I seem psychotic, asking if they heard noises or saw things that I had, etc. I have nightmares about it when I sleep. I feel like I’m going to die from the anxiety this is causing me. Last night, I barely slept because I kept dreaming of pareidolia. I’m at the point of feeling like if I stepped outside and got hit by a truck, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing cause I could finally stop worrying about schizophrenia. So, am I schizophrenic? Or is this illness anxiety and OCD? Can OCD trick you into thinking you’re psychotic?

Has anyone got stories to share? I've never had one without ocd. I'm not looking for anything other than to work on myself but would like to hear the before and after experiences with ocd and relationships. I've accepted it may take a little longer because I think a little different from most. I'm chatty and can pretty much talk to anyone but I'm not going to settle when I feel ready. It takes a lot for me to really connect with people on a deeper level. I don't mind if someone is going through something but can't be with someone afraid to do anything about it and it's painful to see it everywhere I go 😞

I honestly felt terrible this morning. My OCD has been getting really loud over the last few days and I had a massive relapse this morning :( I was stressing out and worrying that I might have done something harmful or terrible to someone I love and the thoughts kept looping around in my mind. I was struggling with this since Saturday night and I had a chat with my mum about it this afternoon and I felt really worried and emotional. I had to ask her for reassurance even though I explained to her that reassurance is not good for me. She was really hesitant at first to give me the answer, but I carried on asking until I got it and she finally gave me the answer and I did feel relief after it. I know this is a win for the vicious cycle of OCD:( I was doing so well on my journey to recovery so I feel like I have let myself down big time. I was 3 months without any compulsions or reassurance seeking. I know OCD relapses can happen. I would love to hear any advice or words of encouragement that anyone may have😊

I'm having a hard time. I stopped using gel nail polish originally because of fear of developing an allergy. I decided I would do it for an upcoming trip. I spent 12 hours doing my nails today and now I'm awake at 4am thinking I'm having random itching on different parts of my body and that it's a gel allergy. I've been googling for an hour. I need sleep. I'm so paranoid. Worst is I still have to finish one hand tomorrow and I need to redo one nail completely. If I develop an allergy from this ill never forgive myself.

i cant even use sleep as an escape now, i just had the most gut wrenching dream ive ever had. Usually i dont grt vivid dreams, and if i do than its a underlying fear of something that i wad already worrying/thinking about. But i haven’t thought about the moon exploding, like in a longggg time. It’s comforting to search up and know that so many people have similar dreams, but dream literally left my in shock and shaking. To make matters worse, my mom dad and sister were in this dream too. So now its hard to even think of them, and im getting all these crazy existential thoughts. I cant never catch a break man, whether its awake or asleep. Im glad that i dont think the dream means much (which is realllyyy goood considering ive had dreams where im incredibly convinced that there coming true (they never do). But what really spooked me after was the fact i saw a cardinal (a VERY significant symbol im my life ever since my grandma passed) and im sure it could mean anything, plus its the morning, cardinals are always out. But i dont like the fact i had the dream and saw that, but maybe i shouldn’t think to muvh into it. Thoughts?

Does anyone else’s ocd really not fit into subtypes the thoughts are all random ?

I’m getting anxiety around this coworker because I think I’ll get a crush on them and also with other guys I get anxiety that I will get a crush on them and thus, emotionally cheat on my partner. But then the anxiety is making me think I like them even though I know that’s not true. This only happened after I got really anxious that I felt an attraction towards someone even though all I said was that they were cute in appearance in my head. Now I’m deeply scared that my fears will come true because I don’t want anyone else. I only want to stay with my boyfriend ideally for the rest of my life.

It’s unbelievable how isolating OCD can be. Lately I’ve just been really bumming out and feeling like nobody on this earth knows who I really am. It gets very tiring feeling like you have to act. I’ve put on a happy face for a very long time and it’s just exhausting. I’m thankful that this app exists and is a place where we can all share our thoughts and feelings and be heard. To anyone else out there suffering in silence, my heart goes out to you.

Me and my bf r completely the opposite he’s always going out with friends and busy with work doing stuff and im always at home doing nothing and sometimes since he’s so busy he cant answer the phone I get so many random scenarios of him just cheating on me and just doing awful things that I know he wouldn’t do and has reassured me about and I believe it but I keep getting these thoughts when he doesn’t reply and it makes me so anxious and I don’t wanna sound crazy by bringing it up because I do trust him when it comes down to it it’s just intrusive thoughts that keep telling me he’s doing these things

Just watched a tiktok of someone realising they are gay after 5 years in a straight relationship. Its really triggered me, my ocd is now telling me that’s me. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he is my best friend as well as boyfriend. Saying that tiktok made them realise they were gay and they never knew before. I hate this ocd so much anyone else get severely triggered by this.

Upset with myself and frustrated to the point I felt like punching myself. Why isn't there someone to talk to when life shits in your corn flakes? Why not have support for someone so they don't have to spiral to this point. I haven't had this level of frustration since before reaching out to find a therapist. Why do I have to feel like that again?

I've been wondering this for months: Is it possible to have ROCD if you've never been in a relationship and hardly/don't experience romantic/sexual attraction? Personally, I love daydreaming and writing about romance and love and even sex. However, if I so much as *think* someone might be interested in me, I internally freak out and get very nervous/scared of what might happen. Even if someone holds my hand, puts their arm around me, and god forbid- *asks me out*- I immediately have the intense need to get away as soon as possible, and to break down and cry out of fear. I'll start shaking and intensely worrying about said person showing interest in me. I just get so scared of embarrassment and upsetting people that I need to get away immediately. How can I keep going with it if I never seem to feel any amorous attraction to people? This doesn't stem from any history of abuse; I'm not sure where this comes from. I never had crushes growing up, I still don't feel attracted to anyone, I don't date (nor have I ever dated), never had a desire for a relationship at any point in my life until very recently, and never felt the need to seek one out either. I'm a very lonely person and wish I could have a relationship, but I'm so terrified of the concept of it in reality. That's why for the past 7 years, I've identified as aroace, but for about 2 years I've been constantly questioning if I *actually* am. I developed a crush on an unattainable guy, and didn't want him to know I was aroace, because what if someday, by some miracle, he actually liked me back?? I didn't want him to think the door was shut and locked. (He does know I'm aroace and has been supportive of it) But what if in the future it turns away other extremely rare people I feel interested in? It feels like a lot of social anxiety, and a lot of fear of upsetting people. What do I do if I suddenly don't want to talk to someone anymore? What do I do if people tease me about having a partner? What do I do if I don't want a second date? What do I do if they try to kiss me? What if I'm being too nice? What if they know I'm faking? How do I know if I'm attracted to them? What does that feel like? How do I say I'm not interested without looking like the bad guy? How do you even date someone? How does that work? It's going to be so embarrassing if my parents find out— I'll never hear the end of it! All these fears form in my head the SECOND I think someone is interested in me. So after realizing I have OCD, I wondered several months later if this fear and avoidance surrounding relationships/attraction might be tied into it somehow. I think a lot of times about how I might just be broken, and how I'm just incapable of feeling romantic love for other people. I wish I wasn't like this, and I wish I could just experience those things like someone normal for my age. I always said that never having been in a relationship is a good thing, because I don't have any mistakes to regret, but the older I get, the more I go back on that word. I just keep getting lonelier, but never feel any interest in anyone. At this point, I don't think I'll ever have someone love me, because I can't seem to NOT be very upset by people showing interest in me. Am I just incapable of actually liking anyone?

I feel like OCD is slowly trying to take away everything I love and scare me. I had a thought when I went to eat that my ocd would latch onto my food and scare me so I wouldn’t eat again and it scares me. My anxiety is pretty bad right now I’m just exhausted from this it’s a struggle daily

I made a mistake that means I need to throw out 3/4 of a pizza. Super frustrated and I don't have an outlet. And I feel like I can't move forward with out resolving this issue by throwing it out. But I need reassurance to do that. I just feel stuck.

Just made a stupid mistake and now I need to throw out 3/4 of a pizza. And I have no outlet to talk to. Just frustrated.

I’m a woman in my 20’s. I always thought I didn’t want kids but as I get older I’m starting to feel like it is something I’d actually want to consider in the future maybe. There are 4 reasons though that make me feel like I can’t have children. 1. Feeling like there is something wrong with me, like what if I’ve done unforgivable things, what if I’m a freak. My husband and family would tell you this is OCD, but I couldn’t tell you that right now as I’m in the midst of feeling like everything is real. If I truly am an irredeemable freak then I can’t be a mother. 2. I am afraid to pass on my OCD and autism to children. I do believe people with OCD and autism can live full lives and I know because of my own experience I’d hopefully be able to spot it early and know how to get them help but what if they suffer the way I have 3. My safety anxiety and fear is bad enough when it comes to my family, I worry myself to death that they might get seriously ill or in an accident etc, how will I manage coping with those fears with my own children, especially when there is such an added responsibility to these anxieties because I’m the one looking after them. 4. What if pregnancy and postpartum messed with my hormones and brain so much that my OCD was triggered into an unliveable state. What if I’m susceptible to postpartum psychosis because I’m already mentally ill I hate what this illness has taken from me, I’ve spent most of my life feeling guilt and shame and unease, not knowing if I’m good or bad, doubting if I even have OCD. It breaks my heart that my future is going to be ruined too

Hi friends! Has anyone actually beat this disease once and for all? What’s your best hack or secret? ❤️