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Anyone have a real event / false memory but because you were drunk it feels even more scary? Mine has real details , false details and I don’t know what’s real.

For the longest time, I struggled with feeling like everyone hates me, even my own friends. It’s exhausting. I pay attention to every shift in someone’s tone of voice and body language, and I will overcompensate or compulsively apologize to people for no reason. It creates a lot of frustration and even resentment because I try so hard to be perfect for everyone that I end up disappointing myself when I realize certain people just don’t like me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was crying to my manager about my coworkers coming together to talk about me in a bad light, even though I’ve done absolutely nothing to them personally. I never thought for a second that this may have been my OCD at play. I wasn’t aware of it until today, and I never thought my OCD would be connected to this obsession.

How do you handle it if there’s actually a chance you did something wrong? I have bad real event/false memory, though I don’t know how many are actually false memories. Anyway, when I was 19, I had a flirty relationship with someone who was 17. We kinda did this on and off for a while and we used to text a lot. I know at a few different points, we had a sexual relationship and it often came out through text, but I can’t remember when we did certain things. I don’t know if I broke the law or something and because this is such a serious matter, I feel like I’m dying inside. I don’t know what to do, there’s no proof of it because it was a few years ago now and even if there was I don’t think I’d go back and look which makes me feel like I’m a terrible person. What if I did something awful? Can someone give me some advice? I’ve been doing really well the past few days but then this came up and knocked me off my feet. It feels like there’s a real possibility I did something and I’m so terrified.

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. All day every day. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Sometimes I get these waves of this feeling that it would be no big deal or I wouldn’t care. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

I told my therapist about my childhood, I told her about the things I didn't wanna think about but was always in the back of my mind leaving me with guilt and disgust, I finally talked about those memories of doing things as a kid that I shouldn't have been doing with other kids, even with other kids in my own family. It's always been hard for me to think about because of how disgusting it makes me feel, but I finally had the strength to talk about it I felt so relieved that I said it all out loud, and it turns out I was just an unsupervised and curious child looking for attention from other people my age For a long time this has massively affected my pocd because of how much I think about those times, at the time it felt good but it's conflicting because I was a child back then and so where the others, I thought I was a pedophile for thinking about it so hard, I wanted to apologize to all of the others, although it was all consensual, it was still easier to blame myself fully and in my head I made myself out to be some kind of predator when I wasn't at that age and I'm not one now, I just felt guilty. Guilty about exposing the others to things that I was exposed to by other kids. I think the worst thing that came out of it for me was when I was chatting with someone on Omegle and they told me to do something very inappropriate even though they knew how old I was and I did it, even though I knew I shouldn't have, and then they just left. I still struggle with pocd, I get triggered when people make jokes about me, implying that I'm a predator (me and my friends make obviously bad jokes to each other and exaggerate, they'd never actually call me or anyone that lightly, just to make things clear because I know that sounds AWFUL but it's like "oh you like this kids show? Guess you must be a pedo😵‍💫🤢" and wed say it in an obviously stupid way to let everyone know that it's a joke and it's kinda like mocking people that actually say things similar to that, I'm sorry for explaining the joke too much this probably makes it look even worse than it is 😭😭) And I get highly defensive, and then I think that everyone thinks that I'm a predator like I just did with that little rant explaining a stupid joke, even now It's still hard because I never want people to misunderstand me, I always try to clarify what I say and make sure I can't possibly be misunderstood, probably to an obsessive extent which is why there's an O in POCD lol It WILL get easier for me, and hopefully one day I won't feel like I'm on trial all the time because of my own brain, I will admit though, it was hard admitting this on a public platform, but I have to remember that people are more understanding than I give them credit for, if I saw a post like this then I'd understand, so I'm sure other people will too, and if they don't? I can always obsessively explain everything I said in detail!!

I need someone to talk to i feel like i’m the worst person in the world cause i did something terrible when i was 18, i hurt someone i love cause i was stupid and selfish and i felt scared and so sad… i don’t know if i’m a horrible person but i would never do that again

It's been 9 months that I've been ruminating on this memory. I really need some help figuring this one out... it's more so about did I do something wrong and I am losing sleep over something I did... I'm sure we all know with Pure O and "me time" (if you get my hint) there comes a lot of shame. About 9 months ago I had some "me time" in the morning before getting up to start off my day with my sister who I live with. I was fantasizing about a fictional character as I'm sure others do (it's pretty common) and after I was done I panicked because I didn't want my sister to know or even suspect that I was having some "me time" . Before I even walk out of my room to greet her I try to calm myself down both from the anxiety of her finding out and the "high" I guess you could say. I went to use the bathroom to wash my hands and to continue to try calming down. At this point, I feel like I might've started to have a silent anxiety attack but I'm not sure because I couldn't concentrate all that well on what my sister was talking to me about while making breakfast and my fear is that I was still sort of in a daze after the "me time" and between the anxiety about her even finding out what I was doing, I don't know if this whole morning was a really just an anxiety attack or if i am a pervert or if my OCD brain is trying to just ruminate on it to confuse me. Please I need some input. It's getting to the point where I am losing sleep.

Has anyone else struggled with handwashing in their OCD? I’m interested in hearing other stories about different experiences with it

SO OCD is getting bad again. Telling me that I'm attracted/like girls when I know I don't but it's bothering me:( I don't want this again

Before I write this please do not read if you struggle to talk about your feelings. :) I wish I never started this in my head, I don't want it to affect others reading this. I feel like I can't vent. I feel like I shouldn't. I feel like I don't need to. Everyone else can but I shouldn't. Writing this right now is making me feel so guilty and scared. Everytime I want to or a do something bad happens and said person probably thinks I'm weird now to top it off. I keep telling myself "what's the difference between if I say it or not?" And I realize I only have more problems when I do and I don't feel that much better. I feel like in my family I'm gonna get negative feedback. The last times I've opened up it gets used against me in an argument. I don't like talking to my friends because I don't want to make them feel bad for me or for them to think I'm an attention seeker but sometimes I start to spin out and I feel really bad because I really want help but I don't trust anyone or myself. I feel helpless. I'm tired. It sucks because at the end of the day I know that I shouldn't talk and that I'm not going to because as I write this I feel guilty for needing help. I don't know what kind of OCD this is but because of my other OCD types I over think to the point I need to take breaks during the day just to sit and try not to cry and that's so dumb of me but it's true. Then I feel like I shouldn't talk to anyone. A part of me knows I should but there's a bigger part of me that knows that I really shouldn't.

Does anyone else get trigger when you see other Sexual Orientation OCD sufferer saying that they're scared of being gay for the most stupid reasons, and here you are dealing with false atraction or even some sense of crush and groinals, and when you read those stupid reasons why other people think they might be gay you are like, that's OCD and mine it's not really OCD

Idk if it’s ocd or not. But I’m feeling so guilty for thinking this. It’s bothered me since I started dating my bf. We been together 9 months now and he’s 5’8 and I’m 5’0. I understand how shallow and stupid it is to care about height. As every guy I spoke to has been about 5’8-5’10 idk why I care. It’s been bothering me how much I care about it. I’m in love with him so much but it isn’t getting out of my head how “I wish he was a little taller” I don’t want him to be 6’ or anything but even a bit taller. He’s also just smaller too and I feel so damn bad saying this and thinking it. He knew I felt this way in the beginning cuz someone told me and I told him it’s not how I felt now and I grew to love him so much so idc and it is true I don’t care he’s taller than me so who cares? And he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I don’t ever want to lose him. I have never ever felt this way for anyone ever I want to marry this man but I can’t stop fucking thinking this and it’s causing me so much guilt I don’t know what to do

Hey guys, So I'm not entirely sure if it's my ocd or if I'm just a stickler for rules. A doctor once told me that drinking and meds is a no go. Now I avoid alcohol, being on 3 different meds out of fear that an interaction will occur. My problem is this. If it is infact OCD than my ocd brain is blowing its importance out of proportion and I am displaying avoidance behaviour out of fear. Everyone I know says "live a little,it's fine, people drink on crazy meds all the time" this reassurance does not help and often makes me feel badly that I can't get past the fear that it will somehow mess with my chemistry due to them both being drugs essentially. And so the way to face it would be to have a drink or two and face the fear. BUT.. But if it is actually unsafe than am I doing right by avoiding? I'm not sure how to handle this situation theraputically in terms of moving forward. Any guidance is appreciated.

Hi Everyone, I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts now for about a month now and it has developed into HOCD like symptoms. I have genuinely never had any attraction towards other same sex members but now my body feels as if it does even tho I know deep down that I feel no attraction. It’s really stressing me out. I get this unwanted groinal arousal that does not feel good. Can I be for certain that this is HOCD and that I haven’t turned gay overnight? I don’t enjoy the thoughts at all… Thank you

I hate how my mind works. It’s more annoying than anything. I can’t look at the number six without feeling disgusting. I can’t hear the number without panic arising in my body. I can’t say it. I can’t do anything with it. I hate how there’s good numbers and bad ones. It’s annoying. Why does my brain make me think I’m infected when I come across it??? Why can’t I think of the number without trying to “protect” myself and say it’s just “two groups of three” Every time I see the number I want to puke and get it off. Get what off exactly?? Idk. The infected feeling. The bad feeling. But it’s a number. A number. It’s not even physical. It’s a way of keeping track of an amount. But no matter what I say logically. It doesn’t matter. The feeling doesn’t stop. The thinking doesn’t disappear. It ruins stuff for me. I hate it

Does anyone struggle with their breathing, I have been obsessing over it for a couple days now and every time I breathe I feel like I am not taking in enough air and when I try to take deep breaths it makes me panic even more because I feel like I can’t take one. It’s scaring me because it makes me obsess about my health and my heart , like maybe I’m breathing this way because of a heart condition that’s undiagnosed. It makes me feel so winded and I get scared to do anything that could possibly make me out of breath. It happens after the smallest of things too which is why my brain goes straight to heart condition. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi! i don’t really know how to start this off or how to explain my ocd so i’ll just start from what comes off the top of my head lol. So strangely, i think i shown signs of it in my early age, i would often like odd numbers, groups of 3, 5, so on. some numbers were okay but when picking flowers it had to be 3 lol. When i was about 10-11 i used to have extreme anxiety, it was so dumb and caused by my tablet not working. The charger port was messed up and i was terrified of not having this tablet, or being able to do whatever i did on there lol. Before i had said tablet my tv stopped working one night while my mom worked night shifts, the sound went off and i was in full panic. I really can’t name why, maybe i just needed the background noise ? I dunno. I remember calling her on the house phone then having so much relief when it went back to normal. I used to get such bad anxiety my stomach would hurt insanely bad i’d have to sit in the bathtub with water for HOURS. I think my ocd had gotten better.. but i used to be very specific, before bed, i had to make sure my bed looked made at all times (before leaving, before sleeping, while on it sometimes lol) And id often pull on my comforter at least 35 times till it felt right, and restart when it didn’t. And i would often pull on both sides of the shower curtain before leaving, to make sure it was “fully closed”. My pillows were often cornered and i always fix the pillow case and pull on it till my arm would go numb and id force myself to stop. But then.. id have to restart. Because i messed it up lol. I used to have the old iphone 6, and after clearing out all my notifications i’d have to clear all open tabs and click on the home button, while switching to different pages of my home screen in a very specific order. It was mentally exhausting honestly. Especially for a 12-14 yearold girl. I think it’s a hell of a lot more toned down now, but still definitely there. I have to fix my bed before leaving, i always get my dog a treat after leaving (not really ocd) but i do have to screw on her cap to her treats over and over. It’ll be on there but i’ll keep pushing it lol. (Which often f*cks me over when i need a jar of pickles or some type of condiment that’s in a jar lol.) I still clear out all my notifications but mainly before i do something i’m “excited or looking forward to” to do on my phone. like playing a game, making a tik tok, even just normal stuff like checking the status of where a package is at. I’ll often play games on my ps4 and before i do, i have to go on each sides of my hair and use my pointer finger to remove the hair between my glasses and my ear if that makes sense lol. Back and fourth over and over. There’s certain things that i don’t have a pattern to, that i just do till they feel right and they take forever to feel right. I’ll often do it before eating food as well, and if i don’t i have this annoying feeling like i can feel my hair there, or almost just an annoying feeling like a scratch you can’t itch. I think a part of it is like “rewarding” myself maybe? i’ve heard of that or even just kind of “preparing everything” like everything feels nicer when it’s clean, it’s nicer to sit down and do my makeup, or play a game when my bed and surroundings are clean lol.

Can pocd be movements to? Or is it strictly thoughts only, recently I had a thought and a groinal response and it felt good? So I moved into a position again to get the same feeling? I know that’s disgusting can someone please respond

Hi, I’ve never shared on here before so please forgive me if this is too much or is upsetting. I’m currently struggling and don’t know what to do/need to vent. Since I was a kid, I can remember asking my mom things like “if I touch this and then touch my mouth, will I get sick?” Or the same question but with “will I die?” at the end. I’ve been afraid of illness, especially stomach illnesses for pretty much my whole life. I’ve gotten very sick in the past after not properly washing my hands and then eating, and it has scared me ever since. Now I’m 25 and constantly wash my hands and use hand sanitizer. If I’m at home I’ll wash my hands in the bathroom, then wash my hands in the kitchen, and then use hand sanitizer. This cycle is driving me insane, but if I don’t do it I’ll have panic attacks, convinced that I’ll get sick. Today, when I was getting up to get ready for work I opened my trash can and saw maggots. I’m home alone right now and had to do all the clean up myself. I’m very afraid of getting sick from this, and called my boyfriend sobbing because of how gross the situation was, and because I was so afraid. He assured me that this happens when flies get in the house in the summer time, but I still can’t get past it. I’m so stressed out about cleaning the entire house. I’ve already showered once and washed my hair, but can’t bring myself to eat or drink because I’m afraid something bad will happen. I’ve been dealing with health anxiety for almost 20 years, and the fact that I spend almost every second of every day worrying about getting sick or dying is a painful reality. I have a difficult time being social, going to work, and being intimate. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel completely hopeless and trapped in my mind. Has anyone dealt with this before? I really need to get help, but I don’t have health insurance right now and am trying to avoid going to the hospital (even though I think I might need to).