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the NOCD Community

I suffer from obsessive thoughts, zooming out, rumination, lots of daydreaming I overexagerate and I am so tired of it

I was diagnosed with harm OCD 1 year ago, it all started with a clear image of me killing my ex girdriend with a knife and it rapidly evolved to seeing imagens of myself killing random people etc I was doing therapy with a psychologist and a psychiatrist and taking sertraline but then i had some changes in my life and I stopped the therapy and the medication I was getting better, but last week I had a car crush it all started again, I think all the time about killing People, I allways have that strange sensation on my belly and on my back like an adrenaline rush or something when I have this e thoughts. I cry a lot when alone, I think about killing myself, I think in good moments and I feel bad about it, anxious etc. I don’t know what to do, I’m affraid to be alone. It’s crazy. I’m affraid of really being a serial killer or a psychopath or some pedofile IDK it is just crazy. I somebody experiencing the same ?

I used to be such an angsty teen when I was about 14-17. I love my parents with all my heart but back then when they would irritate me in the slightest, or if i’d get into any argument with them at all, or I didn’t agree with a belief, I’d immediately go to my online friends and start complaining and talking so much trash about my mother or father. Sometimes I’d exaggerate, to gain sympathy. Looking back now, I feel so TERRIBLE for saying these things, I was acting as if I was abused or something even though I wasn’t. My parents treat me phenomenally and my relationship with them grew so much as I got older (im almost 20). The guilt is now eating me up alive, I feel like a bad person and I feel like I don’t deserve their unconditional love and support. It feels like im a traitor to this amazing relationship I have with them, and always at the back of my head I think that if I told them I talked this much bad behind their backs, then they’ll never look at me the same again. At this age I can’t ever imagine doing that same thing again, even thinking about hurting them or betraying them makes me tear up and I FEEL SO BAD. Please help me. Im a terrible daughter. Also, theres this constant feeling to confess otherwise the feeling wont go away, but I don’t want to because it would be so hard and I can’t even fathom how on earth i’d bring this up to them considering i’ve been extremely good to them for the past years. I rather them not know and I want to move on, but the feeling of being a two sided b*tch still lingers. :( I would literally die for them.

I think im asking my intuition/spirit guides, and I mean ANY decision... Should i go eat, should i eat this or that, should i drink this, should i go do this or that, even in video games. It's everything from tiny choices to important ones. I think its some form of me making sure I do the thing in my best interest or whichever will have the best outcome for me, and i don't want anything with a bad outcome. Im not exactly sure when I started doing this but I've had it bad for at least 2+ years now. I feel like it's driving me insane because I KNOW i want to stop, even my spirit guides remind me i have to make my own choices because that's how life works, we aren't born knowing what's going to happen for a reason. Yet, I can't seem to stop myself. The worst part is, it's never decisive. I can't tell the difference between my OCD thought and my intuition, so I actually drive myself INSANE not being able to make rhe right choice, even with the small things like whar to eat. It makes me want to tear my hair out, it's so stressful for me. This is daily too, I don't know what to do to get rid of it anymore. I even tell myself sometimes when i ask to just do what I WANT to do, but my OCD fights me... Please help

Hi everyone! Unfortunately, I am an individual who loves cooking but also suffers from contamination OCD. This really impacts the enjoyment I get from cooking and has recently been stopping me from cooking all together. Any tips or similar experience appreciated (:

How do you guys deal with rejection from other people or them pulling away when you talk about your OCD and intrusive thoughts? I've been dealing with that a little bit lately and it hurts a lot. I don't know how to deal with it.

im crying hard right now im so scared. i haven’t cried like this or really at all since the thoughts started happening… im so scared im gonna act on them. i just want it all to stop..

There are so many signs I'm a lesbian but I don't want to be.

Hi im 15 and my name is Asia and I have a really bad fear of drugs I think their everywhere and on everything and I keep convincing myself I did them and I always tell myself I took something dangerous like cocaine or worse it happens everyday when I eat or drink something when I’m around certain people or places I get these thoughts and when I get the thought I took something I start to feel “weird” like my body starts reacting and I automatically think “I’m dying” so I call 911 and I feel like I HAVE to call or else something horrible is gonna happen if I don’t my whole perspective on life is miserable and scary because of this I wanna feel like myself again and not get these scary thoughts it’s literally ruining everything for me I don’t like hearing ppl talk abt drugs or anything that has to do with it or I start telling myself it’s happening to me or that I took something

Ive been told that I have POCD bc I was molested as a kid. By two practitioners (therapists who treat ocd/trauma). Im not sure I buy this. What do you think?

Do any of you guys suffer from so bad that you can’t leave the house

I read many articles about this, cause i dont know how to accept thoughts, and i hear "just let it come in, let it make you feel bad, let it make you feel anxious or depressed. So in my entire life, everytime i will have a negative thought, intrusive thought or disturbing thought, i let it make me feel how it wants. Im in a depressive season right now, i have many disturbing thoughts, i have to accept all of them to come in my mind and im acknowledging every thought and letting them make me feel how they want? Poeple are angry here that i ask this many times but i dont see any progression there...I tried to do that and gave me a huge depressive feeling and i started to panic. Now im overthinking if that depression means something deeply about me or not... and also if i find some thought patterns, should i change them? Or just dont engage in them? Also not engaging for me sounds like avoidance,.cause i avoid to engage in it. This "sit with it, accept them, work through them" doesnt make sense to me. When should i say this is an ocd thought in dont have to figure it out or this is something that i have to think about?

Hey, I’m here to ask if anyone is comfortable with sharing, how has medication helped with OCD? How does the medication make you feel / does it make you feel disconnected in any kind of way? Or has it improved your life significantly? Thanks!

I recently went to my PCP for routine bloodwork, that I wanted, just to ease my mind and make sure there weren't any issues that needed attention. When they called with the results, I couldn't answer the phone. I felt an immediate sense of doom, my hands got tingley, and I just couldn't answer. It took 45 mins of crying, pacing around, and convincing myself that everything was going to be alright, to finally be able to call back. I had this done on my own, I requested this so I could try to stay on top of my health, I had NO real reason to be scared of any results.. My health anxiety seems to be different than the majority of fellow sufferers. Most people will run to the Dr for any and everything. I am the opposite. I don't want to know. I'm terrified. I've been this way since I was a kid.... I want to know that I'm healthy, but actually going to the appointments and having the tests that can tell me that...is like a nightmare for me. Does anyone else have this type of health anxiety? Has anyone found a way to ease the fear? My logical brain tells me that if there ever is something wrong, I'd want to know as soon as possible, so I could get treatment immediately. But my panicky, overthinking brain, is more powerful and won't let me do that in peace. It's exhausting wanting to be healthy and keep on top of things when you can't muster up the courage to go to the doctor like a normal adult. UGH

Is there anyone out there who has tips and tricks or getting out of a spiral or preventing one. Lately I’ve been struggling with not giving in to my compulsions but it’s so hard. Any good advice or tips on anything reducing anxiety or spirals would be so helpful.

Please send positive energy. Our son has been struggling for quite some time. He’s done in-patient, PHP & IOP as well as meds and doing ERP for about 5 months. Fighting very hard to resist compulsions but still falters, which is to be expected, but those days are horrible for all of us, as the confessions and reassurance seeking is constant. The intrusive thoughts are there all day, every day, torturing him. Please tell us your success stories so we can remain hopeful. Thank you & much love to all💕

I ignore the thoughts and keep trying to do my uni work, sitting with the anxiety and not listening to the thought, why is it not going away? Is that the same as sitting with the thought? Am I doing erp on the thought by ignoring it and continuing with what I do? Im freaking out I don’t have ocd

I work as a Digital Art Instructor for my job, and recently we've started opening up workshops to the public. This Friday, I have to teach a class on how to draw chibi anime characters and I'm absolutely petrified. I can barely eat or sleep and feel like crying all the time. My imposter syndrome is killing me and I feel like such a fake artist who has no right to be teaching anyone. My boss obviously doesn't care and hasn't been too kind about it, which is whatever because it's not her problem, but it doesn’t help. I'm just so frustrated. I hate being like this. This is supposed to be so easy. I know comparing myself to other people doesn't help, but I just feel so useless. Why is everything so hard for me? I think the worst part is, even when it's over and done and I'm somehow able to function again, I know I'll have to go through it all over again next time. Not necessarily looking for anything, just venting. Kind words are appreciated or any recount of other people dealing with this would help make me feel less alone. Thanks.

i could be fine one day and then all of a sudden go into this long period that lasts a few days, sometimes even weeks where i feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. i will be talking to my boyfriend and think to myself “ is this really my boyfriend do i even like him “ or i’ll look at my family and be like “ is this really my family “, i feel so out of touch with reality and it is so scary. things look distorted, i feel like i am behind myself 24/7, like i am watching myself through a movie or something. it is so scary and i feel like there’s something wrong with me, and what sucks is i cant even explain what i feel, and i feel extremely alone. my birthday is coming up and i feel like i wont even be able to have fun because i will feel so weird and not present at all, i dont know what to do and i will feel this way out of nowhere. some days its worse than others, idk i feel like im genuinely losing my mind or that im gonna lose my mind and go crazy. is this normal?

I’ve been dealing with this harm theme for almost four months now, and well obviously life hasn’t been the best for me, the thoughts really circulate on hurting others, why couldn’t they just been about me instead? (I apologize to those currently suffering from self harm ocd) it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if my thoughts are really intrusive now, and it doesn’t help that I get urges to act on these thoughts. Why have I been cursed with such vile thoughts why me why now. The only good news so far is that I’m finally going to see if this is ocd or not and get diagnosed by a psychiatrist once I start college here in a few weeks(Thank gatos for my college has mental health resources) but honestly it just doesn’t really feel like ocd. I don’t know if I feel anxiety because it’s not the typical anxiety I feel. While my compulsions are mental it’s just wierd. Like I’m worried that ERP wouldn’t work for me. Sometimes I get thoughts like, how do people live without these thoughts? And how do they occupy their time? I know I used to be like other people, yk where I wasn’t worried or concerned because of these thoughts, like yeah I’ve had intrusive thoughts before in the past and they absolutely scared me, but I was just able to get over them. So why now does it feel like i can’t shake them off? Why do they have to show up everyday? And why have I become so apathetic? Like my empathy and sympathy feel like they’ve disappeared? And it’s so bad that sometimes I feel like if someone close to me just passed away I would feel nothing. Like when I heard my abuelo had skin cancer I just felt nothing and I was obsessing over the fact that I didn’t. Has anyone ever felt this way? Is it just ocd or something worse?