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the NOCD Community

Did you have any intrusive thought that was such absurd that you can laught now about it even maybe it was really terrified for you in that moment?

Do you ever meet a guy that treats you so well and you fall in love with him but then all of a sudden you get hit with thoughts of self doubt on weather or not you do love him or even find him attractive? I’m going through this right now and these thoughts overtake my emotions and any time we do lovey dovey things my stomach drops and I get anxious when I can’t feel any lovey dovey emotions. It also makes me want to run away or makes me question that I don’t wanna be with him and it’s stressful to deal with these thoughts daily. Anyone relate?

I recently had a panic attack and I was having intrusive thoughts during it that I might attack someone physically. Has anyone else had that combination of a panic attack and intrusive thoughts? What was it like for you? To me it was twice as bad as a normal intrusive thought.

I’m worried I’m an actual horrible person and using these as excuses…. I know nobody will understand this and will get confused but I can’t keep pretending everything is okay anymore:( Basically, for a long time, I would think “oh this is wrong, I shouldn’t do it” then a few months later I would be doing that thing? Like this was forever ago but I think about it, how did I not know things were bad when I thought that way? I mean I knew in reality I never actually knew what was okay and what wasn’t okay, and I only went off of what people told me, or the kind of people I was around 11-16 .. I regret these actions and I always end up crying, how did I not know??… I know I didn’t know but … I don’t know…

My boyfriend broke up with me 6 years ago and I thought I was over it by now, but this weekend I opened instagram and saw that he had gotten married. Safe to say I was shocked; I didn’t even know he was dating someone. And a whole floodgate of emotions have come along with it that I wasn’t expecting. It’s made a ton of doubts pop into my head like what if I never love anyone as much again? It was a very loving and deep relationship and I feel like I haven’t had a similar one since. What if he was my “soulmate” and I screwed it up? What if I’ve messed up my life’s trajectory? And also sadness and anger that he’s moved on from me and has feelings towards someone else instead. I know it’s just going to take time and acceptance but some support would be lovely ❤️ Anyone else been through this? It’s like im re-living the break-up all over.

Is anyone’s anxiety and OCD worse while on their period? I was doing good this week but today I called out of work and am laying in bed feeling like shit with Pure/Harm/Suicidal OCD thoughts. Not to mention body aches, headache, and nausea.

I have not once felt loved by my mom. Growing up she was always emotionally distant and would get mad at me so easily (and still does). She has threatened multiple times when I was younger that she would hit me (and has once even though she apologized) She yells at me for the dumbest things. I’m 25 and still live at home because I am a full time college student and I can’t afford to move out with the job I have. She’s not my biological mother because she adopted me when I was born and took me away from my biological parents who I was told would be a bad situation to put me in and took me out of it. She is technically my aunt, my biological father’s sister. My father apparently didn’t get along with her growing up and treated her badly. I never even met him after I was really little and he had visitation rights. He passed away in 2013 so I never really got to be around him or know him or vice versa. She talks bad about him and you can tell she hated my biological father but I feel like she carries that hate onto me also even though I have never done anything to her. She’s even told me I’m like him when I have no idea how that’s possible if we didn’t have a relationship. She gets mad when I’m sick and if I even open up about how I feel about something she shuts me down and tells me that it’s my fault. She’s called me so many names that have torn me apart to the point I absolutely hate myself and didn’t even want to be around anymore. She scares me sometimes when she gets angry and I just don’t know what I ever done to make her hate me. Recently I ended up having Covid (for the second time) and she didn’t even care. She told me I was fine and that it was all in my head. I rarely can stick up for myself but when I told her she never believes me when I’m sick and needed to be more compassionate she said “f u” and ever since things have been worse. Growing up whenever I would achieve something she didn’t care. I was in orchestra growing up and during my concerts she would always be on her phone not paying attention and then afterwards didn’t say a thing when my grandma and dad would make comments. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this and I don’t know if any of it is considered wrong on her part or if I’m the problem. Before my dad (her husband and only father figure I’ve ever had) passed away, he made me promise to forgive her but I don’t think I can. I will always remember how hurt she’s made me feel. I have always felt hated by my mom. Now I feel like I hate her and I feel so much guilt for that. I wish I could get away but unfortunately I can’t. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone. She posts on social media about peoples behavior but yet she acts that way in private and that’s what has triggered all of this because how can you post on social media about people acting that way or saying that what you say to people matters but yet you do that too. I’m sorry to vent like this but I have no one to go to. This is my only safe place 💔

I was so confident that I was straight 3 weeks ago and now all of a sudden it feels like I have become a lesbian! That doesn’t make any sense 😭

Does anybody else get really tired, like I mean to the point we're you sometimes just don't care. I feel like that right now and it's scaring me. I don't have motivation to pray or do anything. I'm worried that all along it was me and it finally came out and now I'm done for. I still get anxious when I feel the thoughts coming but I just don't have motivation to fight them. Or to pray afterwards. Idk if any of y'all have this happen but I would love to know.

does anyone have any good tips for falling asleep and staying asleep that actually work. Not just staying off phone and that kind of thing before bed, i’ve tried that and it’s not helping. my sleep has already been bad but i think it was starting a new medication that has made it unbearable. i’ve never been this sleep deprived in my life and i’m not meant to take melatonin with the medication until i talk to a dr so does anyone have any non-medication/non-supplement tips?

I feel like for a while I haven’t really felt truly happy or very excited for anything. Every day feels like an uphill climb dealing with this OCD problem of mine and trying as hard as I can to solve it, seek advice, etc… It often feels hopeless for me and that I should just be discarded, like I’m too far gone and I can’t get rid of it. Anyway, the pint is I haven’t really felt happy enough to actually just be smiling in a long time. I can’t rember the last time I actually smiled because I didn’t think about it and just naturally smiled because I was happy. Feels like I’m at war with my head everyday. I feel numb. I feel like I can’t feel emotions strongly like I used to. I can’t feel strongly about something where I’m motivated to ACT on something, to DO something, to try something new or break a routine or even feel like I am taking a risk or having fun. It’s like I have forgotten what FUN is like. Actual fun, not trying to have fun, but having fun. As a side note, maybe it’s too far fetched or not true but the medication I am on for my OCD (Sertraline, 25 mg dosage) , I am suspicious is making me numb like this. Sometimes I feel one if maybe this, small yet somewhat effective dosage of this medication is making me like this. I remember when I went off of it for a brief period last summer I could feel a lot more than I am feeling right now. But unfortunately my OCD was sooo bad as a result. So bad I couldn’t face it and I would be pretty much having a straight panic attack all day. So I’m not sure if coming off of that is the right move. After all I went back on it because wow I was having trouble dealing with myself. But like I said, that is just an afterthought. This is often how I trudge through the day…

my whole life ive been like. mildly concerned about becoming pregnant. but in the past several months since meeting my current boyfriend it has gotten so. bad. realistically i understand that the chances are unlikely if not impossible, yet the thought of being pregnant DESTROYS ME time and time again. i get sent into such awful spirals about it. i get stuck in bed, i waste so much money atp on tests and levonorgestrel for literally no reason, i plan ways to abort any potential pregnancy myseld in case i cant access a medical abortion, up to and including hurting or killing myself, my eating disorder pays a nice visit and i convince myself that i cant eat or ill feed a fetus, i spend hours googling the smallest symptoms or "researching" the topic (ignoring anything that refutes my idea of being pregnant of course), im in an out of the bathroom checking to see if my period started, excessive exercise to get it to start. i cant do ANY tasks without these thoughts and compulsions. i always thought i could handle how i am but more and more im realizing its so hard. i talk to my boyfriend about it but he doesnt fully understand or know what to do. i opened up to 2 friends about it and one of them found it too tmi and got upset and now wont speak to me which makes me even more afraid to seek help. i thought she would get it but i feel so awful and stupid now. im not sure why im writing all of this. i guess i just need someone to understand. to reassure? but i know you arent really supposed to do that with people with ocd. so im not sure what i need. just to talk and feel heard i guess. i wish there were a way out of this.

I know I’ve done something terrible but I can’t remember the details and I worry it could be even worse. I spend every waking moment trying to remember because then at least I’ll know what I have done exactly. I can’t even remember when it happened like what is wrong with me. I don’t have a job anymore and my family is worried for me although I hate it when they are because I hate myself I don’t want their love and kindness anymore it feels wrong to have that. The only thing keeping me going is my siblings but if they knew they would leave me too so I just want to distance myself completely. I’ve already swore to never love anyone or allow someone to love me because it would be wrong. If those are the consequences for my actions then I accept them but I just want to know what I’ve done exactly I beg everyday for my brain to remember and I cry everyday too and hate myself for it because this is all my doing so why am i crying?

I am 23 now but when I was 22 I was in therapy for over 6 months to help with agoraphobia issues before I was referred to a psychiatrist to try medication. This was the first time I have ever been told that I might have OCD. I was then referred to a specialist for OCD specifically and they also believed I was showing signs of OCD. The therapy I was in was not working for me and that’s when I was told people with OCD don’t benefit from the type I had been doing. I was put on Pristiq and have seen a dramatic (good) change in my thoughts. I will say I just have thoughts that I don’t have it and that they misdiagnosed me. As if now that I’m aware of the condition I make up thoughts in my head to go along with it. It’s just frustrating.

I cannot tell if this is ocd or if I've realized that this relationship isn't right for me and won't last or I don't want to be in it anymore. I feel so confused or just sad and anxious. What if I'm not in love anymore

Hi! Does anyone have suggestions on ROCD exposures? Thanks!

i can’t take care of myself anymore. i’m sleeping with no bedsheets, no pillow and no blankets. it’s so hard to do anything. i can’t shower, i can barely eat, i can’t brush my teeth. i want to self harm so bad right now, i just want to end it all honestly. i feel like i was doomed from the start. my own mother says i should just kill myself. i don’t know what to do at this point. i can’t accept help because i can’t have anyone near me. i feel hopeless. i know this is temporary but, i don’t know. i feel like a child who needs to be guided, i just want someone to hold my hand and help me, but my mother hears my cries for help and ignores me. i’m an adult, there’s no one here to save me, no one to guide me. all i have is myself but, im no good.

OCD makes me feel like i am the scum of the earth and i believe it is true. i’ve done horrible things in the past when i was younger that i am not proud of. i know people say that we have to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes/know that our mistakes don’t define us or what not, but i feel like what i’ve done is irredeemable. although i was young back then, it dosent make it an excuse bc i am old enough to know it was wrong. why would i do that?? i’ve tried to forgive myself, but i keep going back in a loop bc of my OCD. what if i am using my OCD as an excuse? i don’t know what to do, please help.

anyone else feel like theyve made too many mistakes in their short time being alive, to the point you just feel like *you* are the mistake? i sit and obsess all the time about the mistakes ive made growing up (im only 20, suffered with ocd since i was 15). i just feel like i used to always make these mistakes and i know most of them came from ignorance as a child but it makes me question everything about myself. it often makes me feel suicidal, that the world is better off without me. i come on here to try and make people feel better and offer support and advice when in reality, i have no grasp on my own ocd. i sit and obsess 24/7, i struggle with mindfulness, and my head is the worst place to live. its just the idea that my mistakes have impacted people, any lies i came up with, how thats impacted people (its probably not even a lot but the possibility is terrifying). ever since i was diagnosed, i have a thing for responsibility, i take on so much of it, and punish myself excessively. im very tired of fighting with myself. im tired of obsessing and doing compulsions to stop the anxiety. i just want it to stop.

My mom just told me she doesn’t really believe that I have ocd because I don’t have enough “repetitive actions” and I just have bad anxiety. I feel so beaten down that someone so close to me doesn’t believe my struggles :(