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It’s so sad to see how many people are affected by this, I as a person am too. I feel like it’s a never ending cycle, my family is living with a monster for the mistake of my teenage years, guilt. I consider to get off this earth, others deserve forgiveness and empathy but I don’t. I’m so sorry to those I hurt, affected, or even could’ve. This guilt from my teen years eats me up alive and I feel like I can’t do it anymore, if only anyone knew how sorry I am, how horrible I feel everyday I wish they can see I truly have no bad intentions but if I deserve punishment for never getting better I deserve it, to live the life I feel as if the universe or god is punishing me, I won’t question it because that’s a higher power only they know. I don’t deserve food or birthday cake or my family, and I wish I never made that mistake, even if people tell me it’s not anything bad I was a teen or that I feel guilt that it’s a good sign I don’t believe it, I don’t deserve anything and I wish my family so much love they live with a monster, me and I leave my friends and I am alone now because I am a monster. Even if I didn’t affect the person, I still feel guilt. What if I did? What if they don’t see it yet. I don’t belong on this place, you all deserve love and forgiveness and grace I am sorry. I am so scared of people.

I don't post on here too often, but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I struggle with sexual intrusive thoughts/scrupulosity as many of you do. Sexuality has always been difficult for me, as since I was a child, I would repress or try to reverse sexual thoughts because I viewed them as impure and worried that God would think I am sinful. This certainly stretches into my adult life. I'm very active in my church, and faith is quite important to me. However, I will spend hours feeling shame over sexual thoughts and feelings, and still consistently repress desires/urges, although it has gotten a little better. The difficult part is, it seems that when I repress the feelings and thoughts, they come back even stronger. I was addicted to pornography for 6 years, and I am happy to say I am 2 years clean. It was very difficult to quit, especially having OCD, but it wasn't impossible, and through good habits and faith I was able to overcome that challenge. However, I have continued to struggle off and on with another sexual compulsive habit, and it is really wearing on me and I want to change. It feels like a catch 22; when I try to repress the thoughts/feelings, they come back even worse and I end up giving in to the compulsion. But when I allow myself to have the thoughts and feelings, I become overwhelmed with temptation and give in as well. I'm just at a loss :( If anyone has any tips, advice, or things that have helped you be successful, I would love to hear them.

Trigger warning Has anyone else dealt with disordered eating to cope with OCD? I’ve found that I often lose weight during a flare because I feel like I don’t deserve to eat. I’m wondering if this is common, it feels very isolating and lonely dealing with this.

I have the urge to keep repeating the same prayer so that my dad will never get cancer and I have the urge to do it in specific places and It has to be right now and I'm scared the second I got to sleep with urge unfulfilled Im going to regret

I have been to a handful of therapists in my life since 2019, some who were helpful and some who were not. I have been categorised my entire life as a “perfectionist” by my friends, have blood relatives who are diagnosed with OCD, among other things, and I’m just lost. The overlap of symptoms that I have with various other mental disorders is confusing me. Is there any definitive document I can refer myself to? Is my only hope to see an OCD specialist to find out? Does anyone have advice as to what to ask a CBT therapist? I’m in a financial bind, and just need some reliable resources and answers.

Today i remembered something from 2 years ago that i did. I don’t know if i can talk about it in detail, i guess I know everyone would hate me for it. I didn’t do anything DIRECTLY to anyone, it’s more about what I didn’t do really. I just feel like I allowed something terrible to happen cause I didn’t wanna be involved. I did what I thought was the best thing to do at the time, but was it? I haven’t thought about it in a while, but today it came out of no where and I just kept thinking about it. I know I should try to be less hard on myself and try to learn some self forgiveness but at the same time…it’s hard to feel good about anything.

All day my brain has been telling me I’m gonna be a serial killer or hurt someone. My body has been tense all day and my chest has been pounding. The thought of that makes me wanna vomit, but my brain is convincing itself that one day it’s gonna happen because I am constantly thinking and worrying about jt. I read on here that OCD uses our worst fears against us. I’m always at a huge fear of hurting another person and the fact that my brain is thinking that I want to do this is making me go crazy. I don’t even know how I’m gonna make it day by day with this lingering in my head.

hi so i just saw this tik tok of a guy who said that he still goes to church and still worships God even though he’s gay because God loves him no matter what and my first thought was to repost bc i am also catholic and believe that anyone can be and i think it’s beautiful that he still has a relationship with God. but then all of a sudden i was like wait i can’t repost this because im not gay and it triggered my ocd into convincing myself that i can entirely relate to the tik tok because i am gay and i don’t love my bf and now im distressed. and im also having false memories of myself googling if you can be gay and catholic which would’ve meant that im questioning my sexuality but i even did that. and now i feel like what if this means i don’t love my bf. i’m so scared and i don’t know what’s real or not

Hey! I read that in order to better manage my OCD and be less worried all the time, I have to be okay with uncertainty. For me, it's coming to term with the fact that I might be attracted to a man someday (I'm a lesbian) even though the thought feels terrifying. I don't have anything against men or against bisexual people obviously it's just not who I am and I'm so so afraid of losing my identity. Anyone got tips on how to be okay with accepting that you can't be 100% sure your worst fear won't turn out to be true?

I dont have ocd. I really dont. It feels like im actually a lesbian. I dont feel anything for guys. I dont know how to describe my feelings. It feels like i cant escape my body or my mind. I feel stuck. It feels real. It must be real. But i cant imagine that its real. But it feels so real like im actually a lesbian. I dont want to be. Today i had urges to come out. I feel depressed. I dont wanna live. I cant escape. I just have to accept that im a lesbian.

I have pocd and am dealing with a real event situation with it. I did something really really odd when I was 18, like really weird. It kinda involved a child but no one was hurt and nothing s*xual really happened. What I did tho was really weird and although I’m kinder to myself and not calling myself a p*do anymore I still can’t shake how weird what I did was. Im not talking something cute and quirky weird like im talking weird weird and strange like mentally not with it. I feel like I’ve ruined everything and base my life on this thing I did. How do I stop feeling like this when I feel like I deserve to be put in an asylum.

I’m meeting my bf’s family tomorrow and, should time allow, his coworker friends. Unfortunately I’m approaching my period, so my OCD symptoms are spiking. His friends especially have been a huge trigger for me. I’m really really hoping I can confront this important meeting with a clear and sound mind, but I know the nerves will be there there regardless. Anyone got any tips?

Every time I feel like I'm doing something major that OCD has held me back from, or even just in a good headspace, something else will happen that sets me back of triggers my anger and hopelessness. This morning I felt so hopeless and didn't want to get out of bed. But I made myself get up, and order some groceries because I hadn't been eating much lately. Having a hard time with food prep and making sure everything is clean enough to use and eat. Anyway I ordered some stuff to have delivered bc I knew the stores would be packed on Sunday morning. I made coffee and started feeling like I could get some things done today I'd been avoiding, and that I could handle things. When I went down to grab the grocery bag that had been delivered, it was on the ground outside my building and it had some red spot on the outside, which is my biggest trigger with contamination right now. It was really discouraging and I got so, so angry. I know that there's not OCD god, and that things happen, and that I don't know what the red mark was, but I also don't know how to not worry that the person delivering it was bleeding or that I could use anything I got without worrying I'm in danger. Ive been desperately trying to find help and a therapist, even switched my insurance to see if it helped but I've had no luck and my life is unraveling right now. If anyone has any advice or encouragement, It would be greatly helpful.

I wash my hands More thank 10 times, I go to the bed and now, after 15 minutes, I want washing again ;( I feel I can touch everything way to my room: the door handle, the trash of kitchen, anything and my parent get mad about that and she gonna angry if I wash again now...I feel sick

It feels as real as it can get today, I’m in such a bad flare with my ocd lately and I don’t know what’s happened. I was doing so so well and I’m back to this horrible place. Everything is getting to me, the real details especially. It’s all just consuming me today. I feel terrible.

I want to share some thoughts that might resonate with those of you grappling with intrusive thoughts or lingering regrets from the past. First and foremost, it's essential to remember that our thoughts are not definitive representations of who we are. They often stem from random electrical impulses in our brains and can feel overwhelming at times. It’s important to acknowledge that these thoughts do not define us. Instead, they are just passing moments that we can observe without judgment. Secondly, it’s crucial to realize that past events would have unfolded regardless of our actions. We often believe we are the main cause of certain outcomes, but many events occur independently of our choices. Think of your life as a storybook; while you can read and reflect on the pages, you did not write the narrative that led to those moments. This perspective can help alleviate feelings of guilt and self-blame. Lastly, let’s remember that we are all human, and making mistakes is part of the experience. It’s vital to forgive ourselves for past errors and recognize that these experiences contribute to our growth. The mere act of reflecting on our mistakes shows that we have learned and evolved. To foster healing and personal growth, consider incorporating some positive habits into your daily routine: Get Outside: Aim for daily walks in the sunlight. Nature has a remarkable way of uplifting our spirits. Pursue Hobbies: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help redirect your focus and energy. Volunteer: Offering guidance to others who may be facing similar challenges can be incredibly rewarding. It not only helps them but also reinforces your own lessons learned. By taking these steps, you can create a meaningful path toward moral repentance and personal development, freeing yourself from the burdens of the past. Remember, healing is a journey, and every small step counts. Embrace it with kindness and patience towards yourself. Have a great day all 😊

My whole life I’ve found reasons to not like myself. Whether I thought I was weird or ugly or overweight. Because of this, I’ve always sought the acceptance of others which sometimes made me do things, that looking back, wasn't who I really wanted to be (drinking, being intimate with someone, saying I like things that I don't, not standing up for myself, etc.). OCD hasn’t made liking myself any easier. The awful thoughts and false memories have made me dislike myself more because they’ve made me feel like a disgusting monster. They’ve made me feel like I don’t even know who I am, which is extra scary because even without OCD, I’ve struggled with that as mentioned above. OCD has tried filling in the gaps and has preyed upon my insecurities and it's terrifying. Now that I’m taking the steps to learn to love myself, OCD is gripping on even harder. It tells me I don’t deserve love because maybe my false memories are true or I don’t deserve love because of the horrible thoughts I have. It's really hard honestly, but I know I need to keep trying. I also wonder had I loved myself before, would I have even had an OCD problem? Because maybe if I loved myself and knew what a good person I was, the thoughts would have never gripped on? I don't know. Be kind to yourselves. It certainly is a journey.

I know this is a problem God this is the biggest problem ever. my ocd got worst. praying hasn't helped, and its like why when I think my brain thinks of all the worst things you could imagine GOD why, and I'm honestly losing myself. I cant sleep without my brain imagining and saying the worst and DISGUSTING and HORRIBL things I could imagine why when will I be okay? I cant even write this without my intrusive thoughts taking over, twisting things, and making me lost. I just want to live in peace.

Does anyone ever miss their ex and wonder if it was even the right choice to break up with them and you get the urge to go back? I sometimes feel this way even though I’m with someone new but whenever I miss my ex it makes me question if I even love my current boyfriend or not and sometimes I compare them both when I shouldn’t. I remember being happy about breaking up with my ex as I wasn’t getting the communication I wanted and maybe OCD had something to do with it but I’m not sure. My ex also tried getting me to go back with him when I was talking to someone else at the time not only that but our last call he called me all mad and accusing me of comparing our relationship to the one where I was talking to a guy when really I didn’t even compare them both at all. But it did shook me that he was acting like this but also i understood how hurt he was and I did feel guilty. But it’s just been hard and me missing my ex definitely doesn’t help with questioning if I love my current boyfriend or not as it just adds on more stress. Does anyone else relate to this? If so, how did you move forward?

I was at my aunt’s birthday party today & I actually socialized (with my aunts/uncle only ofc). anyway, while I was on my phone to the side, I think I heard one of my cousins use an ethnic slur. but other people were talking so I can’t tell if I am imagining shit or if she rlly said it. it sounded like she did even though I didn’t hear it clearly. and I’m just disappointed, upset, angry, etc. my other cousins say the slur as well which is why I don’t like going to parties and talking to them bc I don’t fuck with that. I’m not surprised at them for using it bc they say it religiously. but I am surprised to hear it from this particular cousin. and the reason I’m upset is bc years ago we realized (when we were kids/teens) how bad the word was. I won’t deny that I also used the word back then when I was 14/15 but stopped at 15 & corrected myself. I took accountability and everything. we both agreed that the word was bad to say and we would stop. she was actually the one that caught me using it when she stopped and pointed it out to me. I think shortly after that, I stopped using it. (but she wasn’t the first person to tell me to cut it out. she was just the last one to tell me it was bad.) moving on, I’m upset bc I rlly believed she changed and would never say it again. I guess I was wrong. I had a lot of trust for her because she was basically the only one in our family (mom’s side) who understood how wrong it was. now I feel like I’m the only one that has truly changed. I’m fucking mad. like fuck. and just genuinely upset. I can’t trust anyone. I want to throw shit around. how many times am I going to keep hurting finding out who people truly are? now I won’t say she’s a bad person, she’s good but fuck man. why?? why say that word?? I believed in her. literally broke my trust just like that. I am very observant and don’t talk to people until I find some confidence that they won’t disappoint me. now after this event, it’s just fueling my morals even more. I can’t seem to talk to anyone without thinking “are they racist? do they hate gay people? what do they think of trans people? are they friends with good people or enablers of bad people?” and so on. I’m so fucking tired. and I’m scared of wondering what my friends (the ones that are close to me) think of certain topics. these are just my online friends. I don’t rlly have irl friends. it’s like I can’t have friends. and ik u can have different opinions of stuff but when it comes to politics, it’s just overwhelming for me. I can’t even think for myself. always obsessed with what’s “good” and what’s “bad” I’m tired of it all. fuck all of this. fuck bad people. fuck the world. fuck me. excuse my language. good night everyone. stay safe & take care.