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Does anyone else get memories suddenly from years ago that goes along with your ocd theme at the current moment and you are shocked how you forgot such a bad memory for years?

As the title states, my intrusive thought of "being in a dream" when I'm conscious is horrible tonight. Constant need of reassurance, trying to find any distraction. I can't get this thought out of my head no matter what I do. It's on the top of my thinking list 24/7 no matter what I try. Im feeling bad derealization and it makes me want to wish I didn't exist..I was fine before my panic attack from an ocular migraine (losing my eyesight is my biggest fear)...but now I'm not living...I'm just surviving...I'm very depressed...I haven't eaten today and had to remind myself to take a shower, brush my teeth, and drink water. I have a therapy session on here tomorrow...I'm praying so hard that I get answers and ways to get rid of this stupid thought that appeared out of nowhere....

It's so hard to improve my self esteem. My thoughts are always focused on the things I don't do right. The things that makes me ashamed of myself my addictions. The things I don't do right. Not believing I should be in a relationship, etc. This is really hard. I often just keep myself in this circle of being hard on myself or just not giving myself the same grace as other people because of bad actions in the past.

im gonna start an ocd support group in the fall (like actually in person) and is it bad that im kinda veiwing it as my dating pool? like a bunch of people that get it and might also have false and real memories ocd like? sounds nice. literally never dated before because i never have time in between these blow out episodes to form a connection or make a date but like i feel like it would be easier with someone who also has ocd because theyd get it.

Hi community! I’m new to NOCD and OCD treatment in general. I recently started seeing a specialist for what I suspect (and hope) is SO-OCD. For context, I have happily and comfortably identified as a lesbian for the past 8+ years (i.e. since late adolescence, have only dated women, dreamt of a life with a woman, etc). It always seemed natural to me and how I saw myself. Up until 2 months ago, I had little to no problem acknowledging a guy’s attractiveness when - seemingly overnight - boom…then I did. Relentless intimate/sexual intrusive thoughts, groinals, constant false attractions to strangers and platonic acquaintances, total loss of genuine attraction as I knew it, and so on. I had no idea what was happening to me. The possibility of OCD didn’t even occur to me at first as I hadn’t experienced these nonstop intrusive thoughts and compulsions before. Rumination accelerated quickly. It was devastating, disorienting, and felt like death. I couldn’t stand to be in my own mind. Discovering this app/community was a crucial turning point. It gave me language for my experience as well as direction for treatment and hopeful recovery. I’m not sure where I am in this journey or what I feel now exactly. All I know is that these months have drained me: it feels like my memories have been distorted, like I‘ve been cut off from the person I used to be, like I can’t even imagine being that person. It’s all doubt. Even with a diagnosis. As I type this, there’s a little voice telling me I’m lying, that I’ve been wrong about my life, but I’m trying to push through. I wanted to write about my experience here partly because I haven’t found posts from other gay/queer people who seem this deep into “the spiral” so to speak. Just to say you’re not alone if you are. <3 Huge thanks to everyone who posts here, across themes. As a newbie, your courage is admirable and very appreciated. Thank you for helping me feel less alone. Wishing you all well in recovery!

I tend to really obsess over stuff that irritates me. Or is hard to accept. Like I obsessively want to correct anything people say annoys me. Anyone else?

I need some advice folks. Because I’m conflicted as hell and lost in this. Me and my dad went through something stupidly mean. He’s a complete narcissist, and is rly competent in insensitivity. He’s been emotionally draining ever since I was born and gaslights me frequently. He has severe issues, (especially anger issues), and he’s refuses to fix himself. He always seems to snap and go off at me at the smallest things and it’s caused me great despair in my mental health, and gives me loads of anxiety. Now take in hand what happened with us last week. As of now, I’m unemployed and have been looking for work. And it’s been hard bc the job market sucks. With my depression, I tend to have an awful sleep schedule. I either sleep too much in the morning and stay up all night. And I’m really insecure about this fact because I know that my help is needed around the house. My moms patient with me about it thankfully. My dad says nothing, but I know he’s irked about it.. it’s very hard for me to get out of bed and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like that at all. So I recently got a new game I love (which is weird because I hardly play games on a consul lately —— Gaslighting Scenario #1: Dad (sees me playing): I guess that playing a game will make you wake up early, huh? *laughs* Me: Umm? That’s really mean to say Dad: Raises voice: How is that mean? I’m not lying am I right? Me: Maybe stop raising you voice and I’ll tell you Dad : NO I WONT because you say crazy stuff like that. Me: All I’m saying is you sounded nit picky. Dad: That’s how YOU see it Not everyone has your brain Dad: Next time I won’t say anything. I’ll keep quiet —- I was heartbroken. I couldn’t even play my game after. I left the room and cried my eyes out to my my snitting and crying. I was completely triggered and disrespected. For him to dismiss me and call my crazy and act like I was in the wrong for being offended: completely vile. I didn’t talk to him for days and when I did finally talk, he didn’t have much to say. I wrote my parents a letter explaining myself about my mental health status lately, I also mentioned how my dad’s joke was insensitive in the letter. Gaslighting Scenario #2: Dad: hey I read your letter Idk what help writing that letter does for you but I’m glad you got it off you’re chest Me: is that all you have to say….? — And it was useless words of no value after that. And he still seemed irked with Me. I’m really pissed that after all that, he didn’t even attempt to say sorry. He read my email letter, and I explicitly mentioned how his joke offended me, but once again he brushes it off like it’s nothing. Just a few days ago he sneaked a hug from me even though I didn’t want to fucking touch him. this man is honestly been nothing but a plague on my happiness and an interference of my peace. I’m still hurt and wanting to be distant with him I feel like if I move on, I’m smoothing over how he hurt me with such an insensitive joke. After all that, should I really move on from this debacle? Or should I stay true to how he hurt me?

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I honestly think I have POCD. I have been getting a lot of images or thoughts of children lately, like sexually too and it’s been very disturbing. The thoughts have been nonstop. I have three nephews at home and I’m scared that if I look at them for too long or make eye contact, then that means I’m attracted to them. I have been avoiding them for the past few days and when I hung out with my friend the other day, we were talking about our future and it made me feel so anxious and sad and guilty because of these thoughts I’ve been having. I have to keep telling myself that I know I don’t feel attracted to them in any way but then the question pops up, like “are you really sure about that?” I almost committed a few days ago because of it and the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to leave my mom or my sister. I did some self harm too and I have to keep reminding myself that if I really felt that way towards kids, then I wouldn’t be going through this much. I feel so guilty because I’ve broken down in front of my mom and she keeps asking what’s wrong but I feel like I can’t tell her. Yesterday and today though, I feel really out of place because I feel like I can’t feel anything when the thoughts come up and I don’t know if that’s normal. Does that mean I’m actually that kind of person? It genuinely scares me to even think about.

The other day I was with my mom and I had these intense urge to do this horrible thought, and a knife was in the table and I grabbed it but I grabbed it knowing that I know I was not capable of doing it and I put in the sink, I had to grab it in order for me to stop the “urge” that I was having. I love this women with all my life she’s been my inspiration to keep going forward, but ocd is telling me that I grabbed the knife because I actually wanted to do it. I don’t know if what I did was ok or not, or if I’m actually dangerous.

I tell people my situation, they say it's nothing big or it's fine, I was a teenager. I still feel awful, magically thinking that the persons going to change their mind and expose me to the world that I'm an awful person even though they said I had no affect on them whatsoever. I feel guilty to admit I've shared it with numerous people, whether a little older or the same age, never younger because I feel uncomfortable talking to younger people. Still, everyone says I did nothing wrong and there's nothing to worry about, but I'm more concerned about the fact I feel like I truly did something horrible, I feel like what if someone's enabling my actions, even though they say they're being honest. I feel awful, and I know I have to sit with discomfort and all that bad stuff, but truly I feel disgusting. I've isolated myself for weeks, and I just don't want to hurt the other person, it's made me question my own intentions too. Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like my mistakes are worse than anyone else on this app or in the world.

Hey everyone, I really need help on avoiding watching porn, since this addiction has been with me for so long, but it’s so hard to avoid looking at when I’ve struggled with it for so many years.

Anyone else have ocd psychosis or ocd of madness?

Hey! I'm a lesbian and I'm terrified of being attracted to a man someday and ending up with one. I do not hate men at all, actually I love my brother and my best friend to death, that's just not who I am 😅. All the comments about how "it's just a phase" or "how do you know if you don't like guys if you've never tried with one" are extremely triggering to me and I'm struggling to cope (especially since my family isn't exactly LGBT friendly). I'm also haunted by all of those stories on reddit about lesbians eventually falling for a man. I'm so scared and I'm not sure what to do. Anyone else going through the same thing?

Do you ever just have some days where you’re just chilling and then whenever you think about your boyfriend you start questioning if you love him or not and because you’re not reacting to it strongly and are a bit calm it makes you think that the thought is true? This is how I’ve been feeling for the past two days and it always happens whenever he’s being super clingy and affectionate with me and I don’t understand why it happens when he does that. It could also be because my ex messages me a few days ago saying how he’s going insane and my current bf being worried cause he doesn’t understand why my ex texted me that. Sometimes I do miss my ex but I’m not gonna act on it at all. But because I have these thoughts it makes me question if I even love my current boyfriend or want to date. Can anyone relate?

I confess so many horrible intrusive thoughts to my partner about his height the way he looks other people etc for so many years and now I feel so numb I’m so tired of all these thoughts now they feel real I don’t even know what to say to my boyfriend when he asks if I want to be with someone else because my ocd has become so believable that I feel like I’m supposed to break up with him I feel so sad I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years and I just don’t even know how to navigate this

Im not sure if anyone has advice, but I’ve been experiencing more So-ocd symptoms and been triggered a lot more when around people of the same sex even when I KNOW I am straight. I am going on a trip with a friend and meeting a whole bunch of people and I don’t want to be triggered by thinking I’m attracted to someone that I know I’m not. It’s so frustrating, I don’t want this subtype to ruin me.

does anyone sometimes feel like you think and overthink too much to the point that you actually star believing that it’s true and maybe you’re just in denial? my mind actually convinces me that i have a crush on someone and it really does feel real even though i still feel deep down that something’s wrong. like I know it’s ocd but it feels so real it’s exhausting

My mind keeps popping images of my boyfriend cheating on me and I know he’s incredibly loyal. Suddenly I’m feeling like I’m not good enough and it’s my fault and I have to do better and be better and I keep getting stuck in this loop of actually believing he is cheating on me. I NEVER go through his phone and I did and found nothing. But I keep replaying the times he could have been or am thinking that maybe I missed something in his phone and I don’t know why I’m looking for something that isn’t there or will hurt me. Logically, I know that if he were I deserve better. But even when I start to feel relief or better I start to believe this story in my head again. I’m really struggling with it.

I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago but have found that most of my day to day struggles are dominated by OCD behaviors. I have contamination and health O and find that in my work and household with roommates are where my compulsions to clean are most present. ADHD is easy for me to talk about with people, but I am scared that if I talk about OCD with people in these spaces, everything they see me do will be filtered through a less-educated perspective of OCD, and I will be judged for it. I don’t want people to assume how I feel about the cleanliness of things and label me “overly perfectionist” or “too careful” bc I am fully aware that I cannot impose my fears on anyone and how unrealistic the fears are. Yet I still want people to understand what I’m going through 😔