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Hello ! 2024 officially marks the 10th year of me being aware that I have OCD. I wanna hug 14 years old me for staying strong throughout the ups and downs, being in this alone without knowing if it will ever ends. The reason why I wanted to post today is because I’ve been doing ERP over the past couple of years without realizing it at the beginning. I’ve never consulted anyone, because I did not and still don’t feel confident enough to share my thoughts with a specialist. Although I’m still struggling with reading OCD, I’m working on it … Instead of waiting for years waiting for my anime of the moment to finish, I would just read the manga. Not to mention that I take a *5 minute deep thinking break* after reading each page. But it’s part of the processus ! Let’s keep doing ERP guys ! I started it without knowing it was an actual treatment to help decrease OCD (or even that there was an actual name to it). And after a couple research, I forced myself to be consistent with it. If I can do it, you can do it ! Let’s keep shining !

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been rethinking things from the past and one of those things was a conversation I had with someone on the chatting app yik yak about six months ago. On there, I joined the smut community and started posting stuff on there (story excerpts, writing questions, etc.) and someone dmed me about one of my posts. They asked if we could role-play a situation about a husband and wife. It got pretty graphic, too. We moved off the app and started texting but my anxiety got the better of me and I looked up their number and found their social media. It confirmed the school that they told me they went to, their major, work experience, and even their name. According to their social media, they’re 23 (22 during the time of our conversation) and I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy. Still, I DONT KNOW for certain and I’m scared that I was interacting with someone underaged the entire time. I’ve been going back through screenshots to try to decipher what I can find but it still hangs over my head. (Edit: I did ask for their age when we were texting and I remember that they told me they were 22. But I can’t find any of those texts and I’m scared that my mind is just filling in the blanks. I have had their number blocked and deleted from my phone since March of this year.)

So recently I have been doing ERP for a while now, a few months, and the results have been amazing. When I came back to school though, I got really exhausted towards the end of the week and started doing compulsions again. I ended up patching that up though and I have gotten better and more experienced with doing ERP. But I feel really really really tired trying to keep up with all my intrusive thoughts. I don’t interact with them, I don’t put meaning to them, I do what I was taught to do in therapy, notice them, and then “say alright, I agree with that” or don’t respond at all, and everything’s works out. But lately, I’ve have been feel a little woozy because I’m so out of it and it’s affecting my schoolwork, my home life, and Everything in general. I’m trying to stay motivated, trying to stay strong, but I feel so exhausted resisting compulsions. Btw, OCD affects every single part of my day. I deal with it day in and day out. From the moment I wake up til I go to bed. That’s how bad it is. My main concern is how to keep up. I am doing therapy it’s great, but I’m having trouble again because I’m so damn tired!!! I’m so mentally exhausted. I feel like I need more than just ERP therapy to manage it though. Does anyone have suggestions or advice? Please I really really need it I’m so tired

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

I was doing so good, but over the past few months, the OCD has returned with a vengenace. I try to explain what I'm experiencing to my family, but they don't understand. I just need to hear that people get it and know that I can make it out the other end alive and in one piece I've had many themes over the years, but right now, scrupulocity is taking over my life. It takes the normal day-to-day things I do, and twists them into compulsions to feed the insatiable monster that tells me if I don't do enough, be perfect enough, that I'm not a good partner-- not a good person. I'm not working hard because it feels satisfying; I'm doing it because I feel lazy and worthless if I don't. Everything has been taken to an extreme. It's making getting in the way of eating and sleeping. I'm suffering, but I feel like I need to try and pretend that I'm fine (even though I'm terrible at hiding it) because I feel like my husband will think I'm crazy, whiny, and dramatic, and eventually, get tired of it and leave. I'm not asking for reassurance. I just want to not feel so alone.

⚠️ TW sexual themes ⚠️ I have OCD regarding sexual themes. I struggle with real event/false memory OCD, and I used to struggle with different sexual sins before me and my boyfriend were together. My OCD tells me that if we get married, and we consummate our marriage, that it’ll be sex under false pretenses if I don’t confess everything I’ve ever thought/done in regards to my past. It makes me feel like when we do end up exploring the sexual aspect of our relationship, that it’ll be SA unless he knows everything. OCD is ridiculous. Can anyone relate to this? The thought of hurting him in that way actually makes me sick to my stomach and makes me shake.

Anybody else use their lack of sexual history as a way for OCD to use as evidence? I just start remembering all the times I could have had sex but didn’t. I also had a HUGE porn addiction that made it so difficult to function. I remember that I was always afraid of having sex with anyone other than my ex because I was emotionally abused and I felt like if she found out, she would get mad and at the time, that would break me. I’d always overthink about sex and what could happen if It happened at that moment. My mind would fill with questions and I just would end up saying I rather not have any sex. My therapist believed I could have shown signs of OCD early on. I believe that’s what’s happened then and now. I don’t like guys romantically and I love getting excited for a woman. I love that feeling of seeing a pretty girl and getting the chance to know her. It makes my heart so happy. But I would do everything I can to avoid speaking with a guy, even if he was not conventionally attractive. Porn makes me feel like I could turn gay since I watched it so much. I’ve lost interest in watching porn which is a good thing but now ocd is like “oh you don’t get turned on by porn anymore, and those videos had girls in it so that must mean you don’t like girls anymore.” Like how stupid is that. I also saw on Reddit and Quora that people were saying porn can change your attraction/make you lose interest in girls. I know Quora and Reddit are OCD’s best ways at scaring you and these forums are never to be taken seriously, but man does it trigger you. Anyways if you made it this far, thank you. I’m just overthinking a lot today

I’m finally moving on and realising what’s meant for me will stay, but unfortunately this has come along with doubts, overthinking and realising some things that I didn’t before. My ex moved on straight after we ended, got into a relationship with her faster than I ever thought he would (we were only ever exclusive but fir a year he kept me going saying he will, I know I should’ve read the red flags) and now they are happily together doing things I always dreamed he’d do with me. The thing is I look at him and I feel nothing, I once loved him but knowing he never even cared for me has helped me loose that. However, I look back and realise there were so many signs that I didn’t acknowledge and now I’m feeling stupid. More embarrassed. I will never regret giving the love out, but seeing him treat her the way he does, going out all the time, spending time together when I got months and months of just excuse after excuse, how we did spend time physically not emotionally together and I didn’t even see the signs. It makes me so angry that I had love for this person. But now it’s got me comparing ever aspect of myself to this girl, I’m wondering why she’s better than me, what I did wrong, why I’m not good enough. She is known to be a cereal cheater, known to not treat her boyfriends with respect after a few months, she’s already cheated on him and he’s forgiven her, I don’t get it. I feel so ugly in myself, I feel so insecure about everything. I’ve stopped watching her stories but had the Urge to do it again and I did, he was everywhere. Plastered all over her stories, and I’ve sat here not jealous, not wanting him back, but feeling sad in myself that I’m still wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I’m too scared to go into town incase I see them. This mind is killing me im sick of it

I really don’t think this is me looking for reassurance. I just want someone to be here for me cause I feel deeply alone rn. I posted this a few days ago and I just want someone to talk to me about all of it.

Hi guys! Hope everyone is having a beautiful week. I did therapy with a therapist on here and it helped me hugely, I had next to no OCD symptoms for almost 8 months, but recently it’s been flaring up again. I am much better at handling intrusive thoughts and going on with my day but I just have this huge fear of it getting as bad as it was last year. I was unable to get out of bed for 3 months because the intrusive thoughts were so debilitating. I never went to feel that way again. Does anyone have tips on how they deal with OCD flare ups and how they bring themselves back down to a happy medium? Thank you all 🤍

I'm so so hungry but my house is disgusting. My mom cooks our food but the problem is she takes her phone in the restroom with her and every time she cooks she facetime my sister. the other day I watched her wipe the floor with a tissue, leave the bathroom, and come into the dining area to check the time on her phone, which means she touched it because she was in a rush. I hardly eat as is and I don't want to feel disgusting, what should I do?

I’m in dialysis (like rn) and there was blood on the corner of the bed that they hadn’t cleaned up. I told them and they cleaned it up and put the sheet back but now I’m thinking about what else isn’t clean enough and will it kill me and even if doesn’t am I surrounded by germs? And all of this is making the world too loud and everything smells too much. And I don’t want to touch anything

I think that basically the thought right now is a fear of being alone both physically/literally and philosophically. It feels like an excess of awareness that I am an individual, I am me and only her, always and forever. And who am I? Can I trust myself? Am I 'trapped' inside myself? Anyway, a lot of thoughts about self-worth and identity. Then I get scared of not being able to trust myself, of depending on myself to do things from the most basic like brushing my teeth to, I don't know, working and supporting myself, controlling myself, etc... and then I feel scared of going crazy because I don't think these thoughts are normal and that makes me feel even more alone, even less connected to others.

Please help… I’m starting to panic and I know I shouldn’t do this because it’s a compulsion and I’m looking for reassurance but I wanna know if it happens to others so I just watched a video on TikTok about this mother loosing her child to fentanyl and like I don’t know why every time a drug is mentioned or like I see someone drugged in the street my mind instantly makes me feel the urge of wanting the drug when I really don’t or making me think I’m gonna become addicted to a drug (I don’t do drugs I’m scared) like it scares me because I see what they do to people but it makes me feel like the urge to do it or to think I might become addicted or I might go try it and become an addict idk the worst case scenario it makes me think or like someone is gonna drug me. Like I always feel like someone is gonna drug me I always feel like someone is out to drugging me or I grab something and i immediately think I’m gonna become drugged. I hate it.

hi!! tw and 18+ for sexual content very scared to be writing this because i’ve never posted, but i went to a therapist (through my school) a few months ago. he seemed nice, but then during the first session made comments/asked questions about my private parts and sexual topics that i really didn’t think were warranted. my friends told me not to go back but i did because i was convinced that i was just telling myself it was worse than it was, or that the comments actually made perfect sense and i was somehow misinterpreting. during the second session he didn’t do any of that, but told me that i didn’t have ocd but “neurological issues associated with childhood seasonal allergies”. i stopped sessions immediately after, and know that this was just a bad experience- but i still can’t stop thinking about it and thinking he was right about everything, and that my intrusive thoughts aren’t intrusive thoughts at all, truly making me a bad person. even though it’s been months i feel like im spiraling. has anybody else had a similar experience? if so, how did you manage it?

i’m so stressed. so i showered and i usually open the door from the top bc i don’t like touching the doorknob of the bathroom as i’ve touched it w dirty hands before and it’s the bathroom so it’s just contaminated to me. i showered like 30 min ago but all i can think about is if i touched the doorknob to open the door bc i don’t remember. but i feel like if i did i woulda automatically notcied bc i never do. uhhhh idk whay to do i touched a lot of stuff and i’m in bed rn.

Last year, I dealt with horrid panic attacks constantly worrying I had HIV. A test disproved that and with therapy and the test results I managed to calm. Now again, the same time as last year, another disease drives me insane. Rabies. I haven’t even had contact with possibly rabid animals. I feed a stray but he is obviously not rabid nor do I touch him. I worry a bat unknowingly bit me and now I have rabies and I’m dying. I’m hyper aware of my body. The worry comes and goes but I’m having panic attacks all over again and constantly having to look at reasons why I don’t have it. I don’t even have bats in my house to my knowledge I’ve never even seen one but I’m becoming exhausted. My throat feels tight , I’m tired, I panic nightly, I observe my body so much, every sensation. I’m miserable. I need help and support badly.

I have posted about this a few times before but it’s still flaring up, I feel so guilty and cannot stop thinking about the event and anything else that could’ve happened. My real event happened when I was 10/11 with a friend who was younger than me, I haven’t talked to this friend since I was 12 and the real event ocd didnt start effecting me until I was 19, it just hit me out of nowhere and paralyzed me with fear and intrusive thoughts. I was terrified I was a predator, that I was going to go to jail, or that the person involved would cancel me on the internet and everyone I loved would hate me. It has been one of my biggest ocd themes and something I feel so guilty for, I have confessed to my mom and my friend and they said it was normal and my friend who is a bit older than me said she even did something similar. I just feel so guilty, I’m currently in college and all I can think about is “what if I go to jail” “what if I get arrested” “what if I get cancelled” “what if I’m a monster” I feel bad that I’m worried about getting arrested because my brain makes me think “you only care about yourself” I feel so horrible and constantly do compulsions like googling, checking social media, ruminating on the situation, trying to go over every detail. I have also noticed that so many false memories pop up when I think about it too much, they feel so real it makes me feel sick. I feel horrible, does anyone have any advice or have experienced anything similar ?

The harm thoughts about my dog have gotten very very bad tonight, and it picked a new theme. I’m INTENSELY afraid of the kitchen range and have this horrible urge feeling that I will put her on it. It keeps coming into my head every few seconds. I try to relax and it’s like “you’ll do this” feeling with that image. Or the “you have to do this”. I’m extra scared because I feel numb to her and I feel like I have to keep reminding myself why I wouldn’t do something so horrible. Has anyone else been here??? My body has this awful anxiety urge feeling and my legs are shaking, head feels weird, etc. I hate this. It feels like I would be okay with doing something so horrible. And when the thought plays out in my head it’s like my brain runs away with it. Please tell me I’m not alone. Is this normal? Should I send my dog somewhere else till this passes??? I tell myself you wouldn’t do that but it feels like a lie.

So awhile back my handwashing was purely just washing over and over until it felt right, this came from covid. Last year I started counting and then I’ve been obsessed about counting when washing certain numbers were good and certain numbers were bad which is ridiculous and I know which I’m slowly getting over that. Lately it’s about if I don’t wash my hands a certain amount of time that means I want to get my loved ones sick. It’s like a get a thought as soon as I’m almost done and it feels so real like I want to which again isn’t true. It’s keeps coming up and now it’s all about getting others sick or wanting to get them sick. Is this just OCD, any help would be awesome! Thank you!