Welcome to
the NOCD Community

My OCD, cognitive distortions and overthinking make it harder to be around people. Any tips?

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

Suicidal Trigger words heads up----I hate hocd. I wish I never had it. I just want to forget about all of this and go back to the way things were before developing Hocd. My triggers are getting so bad atp it's convincing me I'm actually gay when I know I'm not. This is causing me so much anxiety and makeing me dizzy and makeing me have nausea the worst part is , is that it's my bfs birthday. I really love him so so much I wish I wasn't like this. I feel like this hocd is making me mentally, emotionally and physically ill. I just want to die. I just want to be normal and live my life without this and not be with such anxiety. I hope my baby has a good birthday. He still has no idea that ive bene feeling this way for months.

I’m looking for some help with this, of course OCD themes switch and lately it really is about harming others through contamination. Every time I touch something almost I have constant thoughts “if I don’t do this this means I want to hurt my family or loves one” but the thought feels so real like I want to do it, but obviously I don’t and gives me so much anxiety. Last couple months I was really spending a lot of time washing my hand from counting but now it’s got to the point that I can’t do anything without having thoughts that if I don’t clean or wash myself it means I want to get someone sick. It’s scary and I’m trying to not engage into the thoughts but they keep popping up. Any tips with harm contamination OCD and reducing these crazy thoughts? It almost feels like I want to have these thoughts but really they scare me if that’s makes sense? Any help would be awesome, thanks!!

Is anyone’s OCD just a 1,000 times worse in the night? To where you’ve convinced yourself (especially if you wake up between 3-5 am)that you’re completely a different person than who you want to be? Sometimes I’m scared it’s like psychosis or something because of how intense the thoughts and feelings are.. Has anyone else felt this way? Is this a symptom of medication wearing off in the night??

Has anyone tried daily affirmations for self-compassion? I read that self-compassion is really important in OCD recovery, so I wonder if daily affirmations would be helpful. Of course, there could be a fine line before it crosses into compulsion territory. Any tips?

Do you find it helps or hurts your OCD? I’m coming to realize it worsen my symptoms particularly if I consume it during the day as it also can affect my sleep which is terrible for my OCD.

I can't deal with these thoughts anymore I'm so scared its all the time every day. It's gotten to the point where the anxiety is gone and I keep on getting thoughts that say maybe I will do it. I can't do this it's so fucking scary I don't know if I can handle it until my therapy appointment on Monday

I’m so scared. I don’t even know who to talk to at this point. I started having sexual OCD thoughts recently about people that I don’t want to and I’m terrified. I recently had a psych ward stay (voluntary) for a very stressful life event and now I have this. I’m currently staying with my parents while I go through an outpatient program and they have no idea about the OCD. I live in Ohio. I’m afraid I’ll have to go inpatient again. I’m unemployed and currently am on Medicaid but have a lot of savings from lucky investments. I can’t get a NOCD therapist because I’m on Medicaid and also because I’m in an outpatient program. I’m afraid I’m too far gone and crazy now. I’m just laying in my bedroom at my parents’ house and crying. I don’t know what to do.

I love my son more than anything. Just writing that's making me tear up from guilt of these violent thoughts. Everyday for the last 2 weeks I cry. I don't want to move from my couch. He's 6 and he looks up to me and is always around me and I feel so guilty from these thoughts I want to avoid him but I can't. I feel guilty whenever a happy thought comes up or when I do anything I like. The ocd tells me why r u doing anything you enjoy remember what you were thinking earlier. My brain is constantly ruminating this specific scenario it's conjured up that makes me frozen. As soon as I wake up the thoughts start and never end. its a struggle to get ready for work and even go home or go to the gym all things I love. I haven't hidden knives around my house because I think I'm giving in if I do. I know coming on here is a compulsion but I can't help it today. I'm ready to just runaway but something in me keeps me from leaving the family I love so much. I'll get through this but had to write it out

Idk what to do right now I'm really freaking out I really want a relationship with God and Jesus and the holy Spirit, but I'm struggling my ocd and whatever I'm going through is destroying my faith, I really want the holy Spirit to transform me, but everytime I notice the holy Spirit I get resisting and want to push him away idk what to do anymore. I'm starting to become cynical towards faith and I'm really freaking out and idk what to do I don't want to be abandoned by God

My psych just upped my Prozac about a week ago… having some wild side effects. I responded to it really well at a lower dose, so I’m hopeful it will get better! Have any of yall experienced side effects like increased intrusive thoughts, but less emotional responses? General muscle weakness and just feeling bleh? How long did that last for you?

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been rethinking things from the past and one of those things was a conversation I had with someone on the chatting app yik yak about six months ago. On there, I joined the smut community and started posting stuff on there (story excerpts, writing questions, etc.) and someone dmed me about one of my posts. They asked if we could role-play a situation about a husband and wife. It got pretty graphic, too. We moved off the app and started texting but my anxiety got the better of me and I looked up their number and found their social media. It confirmed the school that they told me they went to, their major, work experience, and even their name. According to their social media, they’re 23 (22 during the time of our conversation) and I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy. Still, I DONT KNOW for certain and I’m scared that I was interacting with someone underaged the entire time. I’ve been going back through screenshots to try to decipher what I can find but it still hangs over my head. (Edit: I did ask for their age when we were texting and I remember that they told me they were 22. But I can’t find any of those texts and I’m scared that my mind is just filling in the blanks. I have had their number blocked and deleted from my phone since March of this year.)

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

I was doing so good, but over the past few months, the OCD has returned with a vengenace. I try to explain what I'm experiencing to my family, but they don't understand. I just need to hear that people get it and know that I can make it out the other end alive and in one piece I've had many themes over the years, but right now, scrupulocity is taking over my life. It takes the normal day-to-day things I do, and twists them into compulsions to feed the insatiable monster that tells me if I don't do enough, be perfect enough, that I'm not a good partner-- not a good person. I'm not working hard because it feels satisfying; I'm doing it because I feel lazy and worthless if I don't. Everything has been taken to an extreme. It's making getting in the way of eating and sleeping. I'm suffering, but I feel like I need to try and pretend that I'm fine (even though I'm terrible at hiding it) because I feel like my husband will think I'm crazy, whiny, and dramatic, and eventually, get tired of it and leave. I'm not asking for reassurance. I just want to not feel so alone.

⚠️ TW sexual themes ⚠️ I have OCD regarding sexual themes. I struggle with real event/false memory OCD, and I used to struggle with different sexual sins before me and my boyfriend were together. My OCD tells me that if we get married, and we consummate our marriage, that it’ll be sex under false pretenses if I don’t confess everything I’ve ever thought/done in regards to my past. It makes me feel like when we do end up exploring the sexual aspect of our relationship, that it’ll be SA unless he knows everything. OCD is ridiculous. Can anyone relate to this? The thought of hurting him in that way actually makes me sick to my stomach and makes me shake.

Anybody else use their lack of sexual history as a way for OCD to use as evidence? I just start remembering all the times I could have had sex but didn’t. I also had a HUGE porn addiction that made it so difficult to function. I remember that I was always afraid of having sex with anyone other than my ex because I was emotionally abused and I felt like if she found out, she would get mad and at the time, that would break me. I’d always overthink about sex and what could happen if It happened at that moment. My mind would fill with questions and I just would end up saying I rather not have any sex. My therapist believed I could have shown signs of OCD early on. I believe that’s what’s happened then and now. I don’t like guys romantically and I love getting excited for a woman. I love that feeling of seeing a pretty girl and getting the chance to know her. It makes my heart so happy. But I would do everything I can to avoid speaking with a guy, even if he was not conventionally attractive. Porn makes me feel like I could turn gay since I watched it so much. I’ve lost interest in watching porn which is a good thing but now ocd is like “oh you don’t get turned on by porn anymore, and those videos had girls in it so that must mean you don’t like girls anymore.” Like how stupid is that. I also saw on Reddit and Quora that people were saying porn can change your attraction/make you lose interest in girls. I know Quora and Reddit are OCD’s best ways at scaring you and these forums are never to be taken seriously, but man does it trigger you. Anyways if you made it this far, thank you. I’m just overthinking a lot today

Hi guys! Hope everyone is having a beautiful week. I did therapy with a therapist on here and it helped me hugely, I had next to no OCD symptoms for almost 8 months, but recently it’s been flaring up again. I am much better at handling intrusive thoughts and going on with my day but I just have this huge fear of it getting as bad as it was last year. I was unable to get out of bed for 3 months because the intrusive thoughts were so debilitating. I never went to feel that way again. Does anyone have tips on how they deal with OCD flare ups and how they bring themselves back down to a happy medium? Thank you all 🤍

I'm so so hungry but my house is disgusting. My mom cooks our food but the problem is she takes her phone in the restroom with her and every time she cooks she facetime my sister. the other day I watched her wipe the floor with a tissue, leave the bathroom, and come into the dining area to check the time on her phone, which means she touched it because she was in a rush. I hardly eat as is and I don't want to feel disgusting, what should I do?

I’m in dialysis (like rn) and there was blood on the corner of the bed that they hadn’t cleaned up. I told them and they cleaned it up and put the sheet back but now I’m thinking about what else isn’t clean enough and will it kill me and even if doesn’t am I surrounded by germs? And all of this is making the world too loud and everything smells too much. And I don’t want to touch anything