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I constantly think that if I don't pray to God to protect everyone everyday that something bad will happen because I didn't ask to be protected. It's tiring and it sucks. ☹️

This theme always hits me the worst. It causes the most anxiety and panic. And when i’m finally doing good again it all spirals back. my panic attacks are unreal again. sometimes i get so bad my Xanax won’t even stop the anxiety. These thoughts scare the living shit out of me and cause me to have terrible depression. Recently they have been back. What if this what if that, and sometimes they aren’t even what ifs, it’s more like a demand and they terrifies me. I’ve once again gave into my compulsions and put anything and everything that cause me anxiety into my kitchen so i can feel safe. This theme scares me because it makes me feel like i want to do it or i am going to do it when i don’t. These thoughts consume me. They even say “well do you wanna live like this what if it is the easier way out”. I don’t want to hurt myself and i’m truly a happy person i’m just not understanding these thoughts and why they cause me this much pain. I’m tired if the constant panic attacks and freaking out because of it. My mind goes “what if you have ideation and not OCD”when i clearly have been diagnosed with it. I just need tips and advice i don’t want to live like this forever i’m only 17.

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing what I believe is an OCD flare up. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I primarily suffer from Harm OCD. I used to only experience it about once a year but since my second child was born, I am experiencing it a lot more and live with almost constant anxiety and maybe depression? So the new thing is that I'm afraid I am developing psychosis. I am scared to look at my oldest daughter (4yo) because it scares me when she spaces out and stares off into space, chooses the color red for anything, or has dark circles under her eyes (she has asthma and always has them). I guess the fear is that I will be one of the those psychotic moms (specifically like Laurie Daybell) and think my child is possessed and hurt her. It is literally hard for me to look at her and I feel terrified to be alone with her. On top of that, I have intense guilt because it seems to be more towards her than my youngest. Has anyone experienced something similar? What type of ERP was helpful? Looking for a therapist now but it is so hard to find one that understands. It's so hard to talk about. Thanks for reading.

Does anyone else Google everything? Like quite literally everything? Even if it’s not related to OCD obsession, I feel the need to understand everything.

So anxiety wise I had been doing so well. I wasn’t as bad as I had been in the past. My ocd stems from the fear of going crazy or developing schizophrenia. About 2 weeks ago I had something odd happen where I woke up and was getting ready for work and I had been seeing this zig zag thing in my eyes and then I couldn’t talk or type anything everything was jumbled. My boyfriend realized and I was able to tell him we need to go to the hospital. In the car on the way to the hospital I started feeling tingling in my right arm that spread to my fingertips. The whole time this has been happening I have a headache that I would score 2/10 nothing crazy. At the time I wasn’t sure if I had insurance or not but was under the impression I didn’t because I had just quit my part time job and was working PRN, I got stroke alerted at the hospital and they did a CTA and EKG and everything came back negative. The doctors told me they recommended an MRI to rule out a TIA but they didn’t think that it was one due to my age etc. due to the fact that I thought I didn’t have insurance I turned it down. The following day I was able to get my PCP to order me one and figured out my insurance situation and got the MRI done which also came back negative. My anxiety now is that what if I did have a TIA (mini stroke) and it’s just not showing on a scan because they self resolve so sometimes they don’t show up. What is worrying me is I’m not taking anything because they don’t think it was a TIA and they believe it was a complex migraine. I’m so anxious all the time hyper aware of every symptom I have. It’s been almost 2 weeks and I’m just so scared all the time.

I honestly don't know how to fix myself. All these terrible feelings and overwhelming thoughts constant is exhausting im so tired of it all I really just want it all to end any means nessecary. And yesterday I actually made that decision and then I overthinked it, not to not do it. But what I wanted people to know or feel. And I had to tell them before I go. So I tired with my girlfriend, I guess I was not subtle at all probably because I was honestly at the really emotional stage of my brain cycle at that point and so we both were breaking down and she was panicking and I felt bad I was doing that to her but I didn't wanna lie and reassure her but she wouldn't calm down and kept saying how much it'd hurt her and that she'd do it to. Eventually I realized I have to stay alive for her for now at least (till she dumps me) but deciding that doesn't make the thought stop. So if anyone knows how to do that I'd appreciate it. I can't keep dealing with this cycle of feelings of numbness then overwhelming emotions and derelization, and depersonalization, the thought of how I really want it all to end, is there constantly. But I made a promise and I'm trying to keep it.

Does anyone else feel like they have to video/have constant surveillance on what they're doing every second of every day so they can review it later if they need to? Ever since December, whenever I'm not in my room, I feel like I have to video everything to review later just so that I have proof for myself that I didn't do anything bad/touch something contaminated/miss a step in one of my routines. I almost never look at the videos again afterwards but I feel like I can't delete them so now I have thousands of videos on my phone of whenever I'm not in my room and I'm running out of space and concerned about what to do next :(

it got bad once again.. im so tired

I have had so many different types of unpleasant and unwanted thoughts and I believe the worst of them all started in 2019, I'm only 16 and I know a lot of people on here are adults, but I was around 10 or 11 when I started getting my first fears in my brain or like the worst of them, because even when I was around 5-8 and and maybe even beyond that I used to question if bad things were going ti happen to me because I saw bad things happening to other people on the TV. Anyways, 2019 I remember coming home from a place and it was fine when I was there but when I came home I had the thought of "what if I was still there" I shouldn't really bring it up because if I've feared it before I feel I'll trigger myself to fear it again 😭 but yeah, I'm not fully sure how long it lasted but I believe it was months and had the thought about different places I had been, basiy my mind was trying to make me think and feel these unpleasant thoughts, and even thinking of them as of right now isn't the best lol, but I just wanted to talk about all the different intrusive thoughts I have had are. After that one went, I believe I was okay, at the end of 2020, literally on the new year, I started spiralling so bad, I was 12 I believe, and I was putting on all my social media stories "happy new year" even like days after because I felt the need to keep doing it, or my brain would tell me "it's not 2021 if you don't do this" like blah blah blah, and it all started first because I was anxious and that "I had to" post "happy new year everywhere" unless it wasn't the new year, I basically went crazy with it, and it lasted a while, until the 21st because I was like yeah 21 is now a lucky number because of 2021, but I literally went to the extreme of messaging everybody it basically everywhere even days after, probably the worst one I've had but yeah 😭 After that I was fine for the whole year, 2021 was really good for me, and then maybe around the start of the next year I started a new obsession and anxiety literally based off of anxiety and I had no idea why it was sticking around, and I'm glad I know now. In 2022 some girl was rude to me or something and I probably cried 2 hours straight afterwards because of it and she wasn't aware, but teachers helped but yeah whatever, few days after or soon I was fine and didn't think about it much or at all, and then one day when I'm in the car coming home from somewhere aswell my brother starts talking to me about school and how somebody else said "they don't associate with me" like I honestly had no idea why they all turned 2 faced to me because I never did or said anything wrong but yeah 😭 but that brought up that other memory of what a different girl had said to me and I started worrying about that because I was like "oohhhh I just forgot about that" and then I'm not sure if it picked up slowly or fast, but regardless, that person's name was stuck in my mind and ruminating around my mind for months, I was anxious whenever I thought about it so it kept coming back, I genuinely think my brain got so tired and annoyed it just gave up in the end, but that's just proof that your mind can worrying about literally anything, like anything. After that was over, 2023, last year now I only had mild usual OCD unless I actually had an OCD that I never knew I had to do with relationships. I'll keep it brief because I know this has already been long, but I like my friend who was a boy and let's just say he didn't like me back, I would gaslight and convince myself that he did even when he was just being friendly, even tho sometimes I felt like his other friends wouldn't be doing certain things we do, but yeah, I used to worry about what he was doing with who and would get so jealous to the point where I was literally thinking or unaliving the other people who he would talk to or hang out with, and I had lost people who were my friends before because I got too jealous, I stopped talking to him tho because it was getting absolutely nowhere and he started acting weird and hanging out with people who don't like me because I wasn't speaking to the other people, so I basically just left, but I don't have to see him anymore anyways, we had good times tho, but yeah if someone has got this far and you know, tell me if you think or know that that's an OCD too, like relationship OCD or something. Now 2024, I would say it's kinda been everywhere, but the start of the year has been good and only recently it's been affecting me bad again, since June, after I had finished my exams, I thought to myself on the night of me finishing my exams "ahhh~ I don't have to worry about anything anymore" and it was like 3 and a half months break aswell, so I was like over the moon, and guess what, my brain starts to think and worry again. There has been so many topics this year but I'll express the main ones. It's basically been my brain to worry about anything I can, anything that is possible. So the first one that made me loose my mind and panic for days and also make me loose sleep was one about a person again, also a person that I have never associated myself with I had literally just seen them and thought that I didn't want to think about that and then I did basically and spiralled bad, anyways next one after that was about just being super or hyper aware like "think everytime to see a colour or a shape or focus on your breathing or blinking" stuff like that, stuff I couldn't avoid basically, they didn't get too bad but you get what I mean hopefully lol, and now this one that has been new, about numbers and rituals, they were more manageable and quick to "end" aswell, but the one I have of current is long because it's like worry that I keep doing more, like to be real, I simply do not care for any of the thoughts I have but I just feel I do, it's seriously just the anxiety tho, because earlier my mind cleared for a brief moment and I was looking and thinking about the situation with no judgement and being like, yup, kind of like thinking about it as it happened ages ago and that I wouldn't go back to it kind of feeling, but yeah I think it wants to stay maybe a little longer, but no panic attacks today, that's all I can say. Also anyone who has read the whole thing, my heart goes out to you, if you are panicking right now, I've been there, it sucks I know, but you will find peace eventually. If anyone relates or has anything similar to share that would be great to hear, and any advice too, even tho I'm fully aware of all techniques my brain isn't getting the hint 😭 But yes thank you for reading it all if you have gotten this far, here is a cookie ->🍪 Byyeeee I love youuu, remember you are capable of doing so much and I am here for you 🫶🏻🩷

Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for helping to relieve guilt from things I have done in my past that I don’t like that I did?

I genuinely feel like this is the worst my ocd has ever been. I logically have no reason I’d want to harm myself. Great family, friends, job, low expenses at the moment. Not going through a loss. Feels like all day my brain is kicking the shit out of me telling me I need to kill myself or I should. Intrusive feelings and urges galore. Also so wrapped up in it that I’m unsure if it’s ocd or my own thoughts / I want them or not. Normally I’m the guy terrified to get on a plane because I’m afraid of death so this simultaneously makes no sense but also feels so real?? It feels like this is my fate now or something Any insight welcome

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

Hi friends! I am someone who struggles with general OCD but have recently come to question if it is more specific to my relationship(s). In my heart, I feel that I am currently in the most loving, fulfilling and safe relationship that I have ever been in but lately things have been rocky. I find myself questioning a lot. Examples being: Is he really the one for me? What if I am missing out on something even better? Am I actually happy or am I lying to myself? Is this relationship doomed/am I doomed to be miserable in the future due to our age difference (met at 25 & 32, currently 27 & 35) I find myself trying to pick him apart more often than not lately, almost as though I am looking for something to fixate on in attempt to reassure myself of some of my already negative thoughts? I’m just curious if anyone out there that struggles with ROCD finds any similarities to the thoughts I am having? Sending love!

hi everyone I’ve been dealing with the loss of my sweet cat Oz and it’s really been weighing me down for the past two months since it happened. It was a very sudden death and it’s really made my whole world spin upside down and put me into a really bad place. Does anyone have similar experiences they’d like to share? I feel very alone right now and I know that this is apart of life so if you have anything you want to add I’d appreciate it. ♥️

ROCD has been present from the very start of my relationship, so I was very iffy even though I knew he was the type of person I wanted to marry ever since I met him. I knew he was a good and honest guy, but the lack of butterflies freaked me out and I went into panic. I know I am attracted to him and have moments of attraction but haven’t had an extended honeymoon phase. Can any of you relate?

I’m spiralling this week. My mind feels like a catalogue flicking through chapters of my life and finding bits to pick on. I’m doubting lots of different actions or events over the years and worrying if these mean I’m a terrible person. I know this is ocd but the fact they actually happened is making it really really hard to deal with. Can’t wait for this episode to pass but already scared for the next flare up as this is happening more often. Any advice welcome 🙏

how are people dealing with confessional ocd in relationships? hope everyone’s okay and slaying as much as they can ♥️

Hello everyone. So, basically every time I feel any kind of peace/pleasure (simple ones, like hmm today I’m enjoying a song, I felt good with my sleep, etc) my ocd tries to convince me something is wrong and then I get anxious because I was feeling good. It’s so messed up. Anyone been through this?

Im a father who loves my family and child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. I had to change the diaper and I saw an area that needed to be wiped on the leg but got anxious. I slightly moved my hand to wipe my hand was out away from my body and my child. I had the thought to grab the towel and wipe to be clean. But i got anxious so my hand moved and then i pulled my hand away. I didnt go toward the towel my hand moved near my child but was far away. Ocd says i was going to do something bad but i know thats not who I am. And i know my therapist said my mind can involuntarily send signals due to anxiety to make me move my hand as a false alarm and then i pull my hand away obviously because i have no intention of doing anything bad. Ocd just still makes me feel guilty and like i was going to do something. But i know thats not who I am.

I’ve completed 11 sessions so far and I can honestly see progress. I’m not back to my “normal” self but I’m gaining parts of my life and my personality back. I never knew I had OCD. I always attributed things to anxiety. Being diagnosed let me know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and that there’s help for me. I have a long list of OCD subtypes. As you can imagine, the thoughts and images in my head were extremely distressing and I was concerned for my quality of life and my sanity. 11 sessions in and I’m able to watch shows and movies without being scared I’ll see a trigger, I can practice exposures and navigate through my obsessions better, and I’m finding joy in the little moments in life. I used to avoid so many things and people because I was scared I’d have intrusive thoughts. I still struggle with intrusive thoughts every single day. Some days and even weeks are bad and I struggle more than usual. I have mood swings, extreme irritability, and even sometimes experiencing depersonalization. Sometimes I just plain out feel uncomfortable and weird. But like my therapist said, progress is not linear. I’m learning to count my wins instead of always counting my losses. I’m learning to enjoy the little bits of life that are ok, and I feel proud when I get through hard moments. I’m excited for the future. I’m excited to see how much I progress. Sometimes I’m still scared but I know that’s my OCD trying to get me to quit because we both know this ERP therapy is helping. If you’re struggling, please seek help. It does get better. I wanted to quit after doing my first exposure. I’m so happy I didn’t. And on hard days when I want to give up, I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself.